"Victory."
The Reliable Excavation Demolition team cheered as they enjoyed another victory against their long-time rivals, the Builders League United team. Their efforts at Gorge had paid off, and now they had traveled to BLU spawn for a time of relaxation, as well as adding insult to injury.
"Nothin' like a wee bit of scrumpy to celebrate beatin' those BLU buffoons for the hundredth time!" exclaimed Tavish DeGroot, better known as the Demoman of the group. He smiled as he took another swig of cider.
"I gotta admit, pal," said the Scout as gave the Demo a quick pat on the back, "if you hadn't blown up that sentry that Engineer built on the last point, we would've been toast." The pat was poorly timed as it caused the Demo to spit out some of his drink, to his dismay.
"A real Texan would've dodged those stickies. Like me." Dell Conagher, the Engineer of RED, walked in. "He's no professional, that's for sure." The Engie demonstrated his skills by using his Wrangler to aim at the Demo's bottle of cider; the sentry Dell was controlling shot a single bullet and smashed the bottle into shards, allowing the rest of the liquid to pour onto the ground. The Demoman simply sighed.
Meanwhile, just outside spawn, the Heavy Weapons Guy laid down as the Medic did all he could to heal his broken bones from the recent skirmish. "Doktor! I need my Sandvich, NOW!"
"Stop whining, Heavy," replied the Medic. "Zat Sandvich von't save you from injuries like zhese." He unplugged his Medigun from his medical backpack. "No...zis von't do at all…I need something to get zee job done quickly…I shall return." With that, the Doctor went back inside to get the needed item. He ran past the Engie, Demo, and Scout in the process.
"Hey Doc, whatcha up-" Scout tried to ask, but the Medic ignored his words as he ran past him and headed toward the resupply area. He mumbled to himself while looking for the gun.
"No…not zee Kritzkrieg…don't need zee Vaccinator…aha!" The Medic found his Quick-Fix, attached it to his backpack, and headed back to where the Heavy lay.
"Thank you Doktor! I thought I could feel my spine cracking a second ago."
"Now now, hold still." The Medic took aim at the Heavy with his prototype Medigun and released particles of healing energy into his body. Almost instantaneously, the Heavy could feel his strength return to him. He jumped up and gave the Medic a bear hug. "You are definitely a credit to this team, Medic."
"Thank you, Heavy, but… if you don't release me…I'll be the von needing zee healing next…" the Doctor replied with short breath. Heavy let him go. "Now, I'm going to eat lunch with zee others. Care to join?"
"Of course! Heavy has enough Sandviches for everyone!" He and the Medic returned to spawn to eat.
It was just after most of the mercenaries had enjoyed their lunch when a voice came from outside. "Oi! Doctor!"
"Sniper! Back already, are ya?" The Scout replied after sipping his Bonk.
"Yea. Just been doing some practicin' with the Huntsman here…"
"Wha? Dontcha hate using that thing?"
"Course I do. I can't aim for anyone I want to kill with it, yet somehow when I let go of the arrow, someone dies. It's a bloody mystery. But hey, if I could get good with THIS, then snipin' those BLU cowards with a real rifle should be a breeze, right mate?"
"I guess. But to me it ain't no different as long as we kill people and protect what we're told to protect."
"Well, that's just one of the things that separates a professional assassin like me from a…er…fast Yankee like yourself."
"Yankee?" The Scout sneered. "Look here, pally; I was born in BOSTON, and that place ain't no picnic. What, just cause you come from the terrifying Land Down Under you think you're ready to handle anything life throws at ya?"
"Well, the snakes and spiders ARE enormous…" muttered the Sniper. He suddenly remembered something. "Bloody hell…I should be talking to the Doctor right now!" He went to find the Medic, who was only a short distance away. He was tweaking with his medical gear. "Doctor! Bout time I found ya."
The Medic just realized he was standing there and turned around. "Ah, Sniper. Did you do what I asked?"
"Er, yea…about that. You see, I was takin' him out for a stretch, but he just…flew away. I couldn't see where he went."
The Doctor's eyes widened. "Archimedes? No no no, he never simply 'flies away'; he knows not to leave the range of where any of us can see him. Something must be wrong." The Doctor rushed past the Sniper to go and locate his dove companion.
"Oi, the doc needs to calm down. I'm sure that bird is fine…" the Sniper assured himself.
The Medic searched all over the area for Archimedes. He checked under the first control point, all over the main RED building, around the final point, and even in RED spawn, but he couldn't find him anywhere. He was about to head back when he heard the distinct sounds of gunfire up on the top ledges near the last control point. He looked up to find the Soldier firing his Shotgun. He noticed he wasn't wearing his Viking Helm; instead it was on the ground a few feet away, which he was using as target practice. Several dents could be seen in the Helm.
"Soldier! Vat are you doing?" The Soldier didn't hear him and reloaded his gun. The Medic used his Syringe Gun and fired a shot of his own to get the Soldier's attention, which nearly missed his head and instead hit the wall. This sent the Soldier into a panic, as he began to randomly fire his Shotgun in all directions and yell:
"ALERT, TEAM! THERE IS A BLU SPY STILL ALIVE IN THE BASE! HE MUST BE KILLED. I REPEAT-" The Soldier then dropped his gun, took his Helm in one hand, and pulled out his Shovel and began to bang it on the Helm, making obnoxiously loud clanging noises.
"Agh, dummkopf!" The Medic said, annoyed by the racquet. He went to climb up the stairs and reach the Soldier."
"EVERYONE TO THEIR BATTLE STATIONS! THOSE BLU BASTARDS WILL NOT INFILTRATE THIS BASE. THEY WILL BE STOPPED. AND WHEN I RUN INTO THAT BLU HIPPIE SOLDIER, I WILL PERSONALLY PUNCTURE HIS-" The Medic tapped him on the back. "Oh, hey there, Doc! You're just in time to reclaim what's rightfully ours! ACTIVATE THE CHARGE!"
"Enough of your war fantasies, Soldier. BLU isn't here. Have you seen Archimedes?"
"Wha? That bird you always have with you? No, Doc, haven't seen him. Why don't you go ask the Pyro? That freak is always just staring at the sky when he's not fighting, so he probably saw him somewhere."
"But Soldier, I've looked everywhere and I haven't seen the Pyro at all!"
"Go and check the high spots. God knows how much he overuses those jumps with that stupid flare gun of his."
The Medic certainly knew what he was talking about. He'd often have to heal the Pyro repeatedly simply because he was too lazy to take the long way in a route and would just Detonator jump everywhere and get himself hurt. The Pyro was an enigma to the rest of the mercenaries. "I guess I'll go check again."
"Good. Now let me finish practicing my aim. Oh boy, when those BLU scum show up again, I'll be ready."
The Doctor simply rolled his eyes and left as the Soldier threw his Viking Helm back on the ground and returned to shooting at it.
The Medic searched the high areas of the building and soon after proceeded to make his way back to BLU spawn. He was at the first control point and was about to go ask the others for help in his search when by chance he looked up. He had almost forgotten about BLU's second spawn on the rooftop of the building nearest to their spawn. Lo and behold, he found the Pyro sitting cross-legged up there, as well as, surprisingly, Archimedes. He had perched on the Pyro's finger, which he had stuck out for the bird to rest on. "Pyro!" The Medic called out to him. He merely looked at him. "Can you come down?"
The Pyro responded with the usual "Mmph" sound he was known for, likely attempting to respond affirmatively. The Medic was used to this, and by now he could usually figure out what he was trying to say based on the tone on his voice. The Pyro jumped down while Archimedes took a new resting spot: atop the Pyro's head.
"Archimedes! You had me worried. I thought something had happened to you." The dove flew onto Medic's shoulder, where he usually was. "Hmm, how peculiar indeed…Archimedes usually doesn't get too comfortable with anyone else, yet he seems to take a liking to you, Pyro…" As if to validate the Medic's statement, Archimedes happily flew around the Pyro a few times before returning to the Doctor's shoulder. "Vell, let's head back to spawn, shall we?"
Just then a cry was heard. "MEDIC!" It was the voice of the Heavy, coming from the building nearest the BLU spawn. Not expecting the Heavy to be in perfect condition, the Doctor rapidly headed towards the sound of his voice, with Archimedes still on his shoulder and the Pyro following right after.
Upon finding the source of the noise, the Medic gasped in shock. The Heavy was lying on his side, coughing up blood. He turned to face the Medic. "Oh, Doctor…I came to see what was taking everyone so long…did not expect to still be in this much pain."
Footsteps were heard as the Scout joined the others. "Hey guys, what's goin' on? First almost half the team's gone, then the Heavy goes and-whoa." He took a step back as he nearly stepped in the pool of blood that surrounded the Heavy. The Medic was about to head to spawn to get more medical supplies, but the Scout stopped him. "Yo, Doc…I'm pretty sure he ain't livin' no more." He kneeled down and rested his ear on the Heavy's chest. "Yup. Not breathing."
The Doctor stared at the Heavy's corpse. He fell onto his knees. "Why did I leave him alone…I should have known he vouldn't stay in one spot if I vasn't watching him…" He knew Heavy wasn't stupid, but he was often overconfident and would try to keep walking when he was badly injured. After all, even with the Medic's healing skills, his patients still needed time to rest.
"Doc, don't worry about it," said the Scout. "I mean, he'll just respawn and come back here, right?" The Medic continued to stare at the Heavy. "…he WILL respawn, won't he?" restated the Scout, this time with an inkling of worry in his voice.
The Medic had known that the Heavy wasn't coming back. He had remembered something that he had been told since the beginning of his career as a mercenary. A representative from the company he worked for… "Team Fortress Industries" he recalled. While it was very likely the Scout had not been paying attention for the speech the man gave, the Medic certainly took care to heed every word the man had said. One of the things the man warned of stayed as a dormant thought in his head during this whole time.
"If you do manage to get yourselves killed during your battles with the enemy, we do have…methods…of reviving you to continue fighting. But remember this: don't be stupid and think you can do whatever you want and be invincible. Once you're done fighting, we turn off this revival system. So if you die on your own time, don't expect to come back."
Every time his teammates had fallen, the Medic had noticed their bodies would disappear before being respawned. But this time, however, the Heavy's body was still there, and after that much time had passed, he realized he was truly gone. He was about to start crying for his dead pal, when the Scout spoke.
"Alright, I think he's had enough. You can come on out, Spy."
The Medic was astonished to see the Heavy's body finally disappear, along with hearing the distinct sound of the Spy's cloaking device. He heard the sound again, as well as a voice from behind. "Peekaboo." The Medic got off his feet and turned around to see that it truly was the Spy, who had been playing a trick on him the entire time. He was laughing as well as mocking him. "Medic, Medic, Medic!" He also turned around to see that the Scout was also laughing.
"You know," Scout said, "for a cheap dirty scumbag like you, you're hilarious."
"I appreciate the sentiment," the Spy responded. "Oh Doctor, your face the entire time was the best part." The Medic's rage had been building the entire time from this cruel joke. "To think that you were about to go into tears after you thought the fatman was dead-urk!" At this point, the Medic had grabbed the Spy in a choke hold.
"You…thought that vas funny? One of our comrades…dead? Schweinhund! I could kill you right now! And you…" the Medic turned to face the Scout. "Why would you work with him on this?"
"Uh…cause I was bored? I dunno." The Scout said, showing little empathy for the Doctor. "Geeze, Doc, calm down. The big lug's back at spawn. He's fine." The Medic finally let go of the Spy, causing him to fall on the ground gasping for air. He pushed the Scout out of his way and went back to BLU spawn. The entire time this was going on, the Pyro had been watching from above the stairs. "What's his problem? One prank and he goes nuts." He looked at the Pyro hoping for an answer, but instead got a shrug and a mutter that sounded like "I don't know."
The Spy, done panting from the Medic's grasp, got up. "Remind me never to play jokes on the Medic again." He dusted off his suit. "Let's meet with the others. I'm done with this goose chase." The others nodded in agreement and followed in the Doctor's direction.
Once the others reached spawn, everyone greeted them except of course, for the Medic, who was still angry at the Scout and Spy. The team, now reunited once more, was just about to start enjoying each other's company, when an alarm began going off. From the nearest speakers, they could hear the voice of the mysterious person who updated them on information during their battles with BLU: The Administrator.
"Attention, all mercenaries. Report to Mann Co. Headquarters immediately."
"Eh? What's she want us there for?" the Sniper said.
"Must be something real important if we're going to HQ." the Engie interjected. "Maybe I'll finally be gettin' that new Rescue Ranger I've been wantin'."
"In your dreams. Wait a minute, how are we all supposed to be getting there anyway? My van's definitely not gonna hold 9 people."
"I believe I can provide some assistance to you all…bwahahaha!" A voice without a known source began speaking, almost telepathically, to the entire RED team. While most of them were confused, the Soldier instantly knew who it was.
"Hey, I know who that is! It's-"
"Transportis Mannworksis!"
But before he could finish his sentence, the mercenaries were enveloped in a puff of smoke and whisked away magically to Mannworks.
The team was now in front of the Mann Co. building, still disoriented from their transportation.
"Heavy thinks that world should stop spinning so fast…" the Heavy said.
"Hold up a sec," the Scout said, "this ain't no headquarters." Everyone took in their surroundings. "This is that factory where we kicked the crap outta all those robots!"
"You're right. It's not." The team turned to look at the Mannworks building's entrance. "But HE wanted to make it sound more exciting, and 'headquarters' sounds better than 'the old quicklime factory where you fought robots', wouldn't you agree?" The gate doors opened, and out came the one who commanded unmatched authority in her profession, the Administrator herself. She had a cigarette in her right hand and a smirk on her face.
"That voice…so it be you that tells us to fight the BLU team!" the Demo exclaimed.
"I do much more than that…but for what you want to know, yes, I'm the woman in charge of announcing what goes on during your brawls."
"Ahem." The Spy interjected. "May we get to the point of why you brought us here? I'd like to return to my job of killing people for a paycheck, if that is satisfactory."
"Hmph. Well then, how about instead of being paid to kill more people, you get paid to kill more robots? While you have been getting paid again to kill those devious BLU, I do seem to recall your job descriptions being altered when Saxton put you at war against the robot hoard."
"And what exactly is the point of doing this? We've beaten the robots once before, and they've stopped attacking the areas we've protected."
"I can explain that!" Another voice out of nowhere, this time coming from the very rooftops of the Mannworks building. "But let's make it as ACTION PACKED an explanation as possible, shall we?" Saxton Hale, the manliest Australian to ever exist, with his chest hair in the very shape of the Land Down Under as well as a mustache that commanded attention by all, landed on ground level with a loud thud. "Here's the simple truth for you mercs: you do what I tell you to do as long as you work for me. We've been making some deals with one certain…individual, and as long as we have a little competition between you all and the robots, he agreed to stop targeting our facilities. So that's what we're going to do. You against the bots again; it's as simple as that. Well, save for some added wackiness courtesy of yours truly. Which reminds me…you can come on out, Merasmus!"
"FINALLY!" A puff of smoke and flash of light appeared next to the startled mercenaries, and suddenly the entirety of the giant mystical wizard was visible. "After transporting you all here, I was hoping I'd get at least a SHRED of recognition…"
"MERASMUS!" The Soldier yelled out in excitement. "How's it going, roommate? I haven't seen you since the last time you tried to kill us all!"
"Oh god." Merasmus leaned over to Saxton and whispered in his ear. "You told me if I agreed to help out I wouldn't have to talk to him…"
"Don't worry; I'm sure he'll just end up killing himself with his own explosives. Bound to happen eventually," Hale whispered back. "Now, why don't you tell them what your role is in all this?"
"Oh…right." The wizard turned to faced the RED team. "Well since the Soldier seems to remember my battles with you mortals, I'm sure you all remember my mystical Wheel of Fate that was used a multitude of times. Changed the gravity, gave you big heads, made you immortal…"
"Speakin' of which, why DID you put that on the wheel?" Dell the Engie asked.
"Not relevant. But what IS is that I made some adjustments to the Wheel, and it now will choose a location for each of your matches against the robots. Don't you just love chance?"
"Indeed I do…for the enemy." The mercs turned around to find someone had just joined the conversation. This man dressed in an all gray suit and wore a wicked smile on his face. "I however believe that sheer numbers can easily take down anything that stands in one's way, with sufficient money and intellect. And what better to represent that than the very robots that I built to take down Mann Co.?"
"Ah, Gray Mann is here." Hale stated. "Here you have him, fellas; the man behind all the madness that's been going on with these robot battles."
"I'm sure you all are feeling a variety of emotions right now; anger, disdain, confusion…but rest assured, I swear to give up my strikes on your facilities so long as this little game plays out. Oh, and before you ask why I want this competition to occur, I'll be as honest as possible: I hate every single one of you. You simpletons have been the only thing standing in my way of conquest, and yet countless times you manage to defeat the entirety of my robotic onslaught. So I wish to analyze your moves and tactics, simply out of sheer interest as to how 9 humans could survive and win such an impossible fight. I'll be alongside Hale watching all the events unfold."
Hale was more focused on his previous words than Gray's. "Hmm, now that I think about it, that exposition I gave earlier wasn't nearly as exciting as I had expected…Helen, make sure my speech gets edited so I sound much less boring." The Administrator sighed and rolled her eyes. "Now, who's ready for a HIPPIE A-er, sorry about that. It's a force of habit. Who's ready for a ROBOT ASS-KICKING?"
At first, no one replied. Then the Spy spoke. "So, you expect us to fight another hoard of robots simply for the enjoyment of a man who's been trying to kill us this entire time, all the while having to follow along with this stupid charade you call a game? I believe I speak for everyone when I say that the idea you propose is preposterous! We could kill this man right now for all he has made us endure! Why would we ever go along with this?"
"Damn mercs," Hale sighed, "you give them another opportunity to fight amazing robot battles and it's still not enough. Alright then, Frenchy," he said to the Spy, "I do have a reward to give you guys. All of you will receive one of these. Helen?" No one else had realized the Administrator had left. Now she came back, and everyone, including the Spy, gasped in amazement at what she held in her hands. It was a Team Captain hat...but not just any Team Captain. This one was on fire. Yet it did not burn up in the flames. "A very peculiar hat, wouldn't you say? Might even call it...Unusual."
"Zat hat, it is amazing." the Medic said. "How does such an object even exist?"
"Our people at Mann Co. have their ways...but it gets better. I'll give each of you any hat you want, with effects like this here Burning Flames, plus there are many others effects to pick."
"Heavy needs burning hat to strike fear into enemies..." stated the Heavy.
"I admit, this is quite the spectacle...perhaps fighting some robots would be worth my time..." said the Spy.
"Now that's what I like to hear! Oh, there's just one more little hitch...Gray has told me he wants you to all start with your stock items, except for your hats...for that, he wants you to wear these." Again, the Administator had left and this time came with 9 hats stacked on top of each other, each the same; they were black with some damage as well as a tear near the top. Saxton took them and distributed them out to the mercenaries.
"Aw hell," the Engie said, "out of all the hats in the world, why does it have to be THIS one?" He took the hat and wore it shamefully upon his head. "My victory hat better be in an inferno of flames."
"Don't forget about your weapons. Hand them all over except for your stock." Dell forfeited his Jag and his Wrangler. Hale lifted one eyebrow. "Aren't you forgetting something?" The Engineer responded with a look of confusion. "Your Gunslinger. My men keep tabs on your weapons, and I know you have one."
Dell suddenly remembered. "Ah!" He took out his Gunslinger from his pocket and handed it to Hale. "Sorry 'bout that. This thing looks so ridiculous I never used it. Forgot I ever had it." The rest of RED gave up their other weapons and hats as well in exchange for the old raggedy hats Hale gave them.
"Now that that's all settled, let's get started, fellas. Merasmus?"
"It's about time. Come on out, Wheel of Fate!" The ground shook as a small ripple opened up. Merasmus cackled as the Wheel appeared from the Earth. "Let's spin!" This time, instead of cards, there were a variety of locations being rotated."
Please be 2Fort, the Sniper hoped to himself, PLEASE be 2Fort...
Please don't be 2Fort, the Scout wished, ANYTHING but 2Fort...
The Wheel slowed to a stop as it finally landed on a location. "Aha," Merasmus said, "the Wheel has chosen Upward for your first battle!"
"New territory for me, it appears." Gray said. "It'll be interesting to see how well this plays out for everyone. Well then, I'd better prepare the robots for a fight. Best of luck to all of you...hmph." Gray walked away from the others and disappeared into the shadows.
"Shall I lead the crew to their destination, Saxton?" Merasmus inquired.
"Of course. Now everyone, under Gray's rules, he wants you on offense whenever possible. So that means get that cart to their base to win the match. Helen will be guiding you as usual through the match, and Gray and I will be spectating as well. So make Mann Co. proud and show him how our mercs can take down anything that gets in their way!" The entire team cheered and was ready for combat. "With that said, let the Gibus Games begin!" With Hale's words finished, Merasmus transported the team to Upward with a flash of light and smoke.
So that was Chapter 1. I don't know how long the other Chapters will be compared to this, but probably very similar in length. Tell me what you think! Comments and criticism is appreciated. I tried to make it so people who don't really read TF2 canon could still understand, but I recommend reading the comics to get a better grasp on the awesome universe that is TF2. Also, what do you all think about the accents? Is it annoying making the Medic say "vat" instead of "what"? Or should I leave it in there? Tell me in a review. Thanks for reading so far.