I pulled my cloak a little tighter, then pulled out my katana. I looked at my reflection in it and for a second, thought I saw a pair of leaf green eyes. I did a double take, but only saw my brown ones. I exhaled slowly and looked up at the night sky again.
We had stopped to rest for a night. I could see mountains, looming huge in front of us, but they were just so enormous that they looked closer than they really were. Everyone else appeared to be asleep.
I exhaled heavily, my visible breath steaming out in a cloud in front of me. The sky was starting to fill with puffy white clouds that were illuminated by the large full moon. But it was a deep blue color, covered with twinkling stars that were starting to disappear behind the white.
I looked down at my katana again and was for the second time illusioned by the green eyes I thought I saw.
"Haruhi," I whispered sadly, missing my friend. "Where are you? What are you doing now? I wonder if you're feeling happy. Are you crying? Are you smiling? Are you missing us as much as we're missing you?"
I didn't even realize that my tears were splattering on the katana blade until I could no longer see it in the blur caused by the water in my eyes. "Haruhi," I cried quietly, "it's not the same without you around. Dammit, Haruhi! Tamaki's a wreck, I'm sad, Hikaru and Kaouru's not the same, none of us are the same without you! Come back! Come back!"
Even though Tamaki had taken on the role of Haruhi's protector but all the same, I felt like I had let her down by not standing up for her, not doing anything when she most needed my help.
Like Starr.
I stared up at the moon and felt as though the world was going to swallow me in my sadness. Tears ran down my cheeks and I cried, my shoulders shaking. "Starr, Starr," I whispered miserably. "I'm sorry,Starr. I'm sorry, Haruhi."
That's okay, Honey-Sempai.. They both would say that. Both of them. They would both smile in their quiet, innocent way, and they would just forgive me with that smile.
How many times had Starr forgiven me with her smile? I couldn't even begin to count.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The first time I ever met Starr, I was a silent boy with a cold heart. My birth father had died before I was born, and the man who raised me was unfaithful to my mother. My mother was kind, gentle, quiet, demure. She was the shyest person I'd ever met and could hardly stand up for herself against such a person. Finally, he left her and I, her only child, decided to care for her as much as I could.
Starr was the daughter of a family friend. She was beautiful-- she had hair blacker than night and with the same velvety caress, eyes that were a pale green like bamboo, and a smile that looked happy and sad at the same time. But she had a soul made of diamonds-- she was the kindest, most loving, accepting person in the world. Something about that made me angry, because it reminded me of my mother, and I didn't want anyone to ever hurt this angel with her heart of crystal.
I had gone six years of my life not knowing Starr, but finally, two days before my seventh birthday, my mother introduced me to her.
Starr held on to the fabric of her mother's dress, and she too was wearing a dress-- a lilac colored one. I still remember that it was silk, silk that felt like warm water against the skin. I had grabbed the fabric, nearly ripping it, and rubbed it against my cheek, unsmiling. Starr's eyes were huge, her face red.
"Uh," she said in a squeaky voice, "what are you doing?"
"..." I didn't tell her. I glared at her, causing her to sqeak in surprise again, but continued to just touch the soft fabric.
Finally, after a moment of silence, she said, "It's soft, isn't it?"
I nodded, allowing a ghost of a smile to cross my face.
Starr hesitated, then tucked a strand of short, silky black hair behind her ear. "I've got more, in a few different colors and patterns. I'll wear them when I come over again, okay?"
I was just overjoyed that she was coming over again. She was nice-- she looked like sunshine and smelled like a meadow.
Starr slowly began to break the dark of night, piercing through the sheltering white wall I'd constructed around myself. It took a little while to warm up enough to talk to her, but when I did, I couldn't stop. I'd talk to her about anything and everything and while I chattered she would nod and smile, listening to me for hours on end. Sometimes she would never say one word the whole time.
There were no secrets between us, either. We were closer than brother and sister. I loved talking to her and just being around her. She had a warm, soft atmosphere that made me feel drawn toward her.
She loved the rain as much as she loved the sun. It was just the dark that she hated. When we were both seven, she admitted that she hated it-- even shadows terrified her.
"Honey," she said, looking out the window one day, her fingers drumming on the windowsill, "...I hate everything dark."
"Hmm? What does that mean?" I asked her.
Starr hesitated, then murmured, "Night. Dark. Shadows. I can't stand it. I don't know why, but it's a strange phobia of mine."
Being seven, I said innocently, "Okay-- when nighttime comes you can come and sleep with me and I'll take care of you,Starr-Chan."
Starr giggled. "Okay, Honey."
So every night until we were twelve years old, Starr and I slept side by side, limbs sprawled out. I'd often wake up, panting, because her leg had been smothering me, and she complained that I kicked her every night. Still, it was like we were two siblings, we were with each other so much.
Then, one week before her thirteenth birthday, I promised her I'd protect her forever.
She laughed when she heard that. "Don't kid around with me. Nobody can do that, Honey!"
"Hey! That hurt my pride!" I said, laughing a little jokingly, then sobering quickly. "But Starr, I'm serious."
Her light green eyes widened a little, and her cheeks colored. "Nobody's ever said that to me before. I have to admit I'm flattered, ha ha ha."
"Hey, now," I said, "what did you expect from me?"
She and I wove our hands together and our foreheads touched, brown and black hair pressed together, brown and green eyes locking.
"I promise," I said. "I promise I'll never let anything happen to you."
I never expected what came to us next. It was what made me break the promise I made to her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Starr," said her mother one day, as Starr and I were making dinner at her house, "...I've found you a husband."
Starr and I both dropped what we were holding-- me a bowl and her a spoon.
"B-But, she's thirteen years old!" I cried in shock, putting a hand on her shoulder. "She can't get married!"
Her mother looked guilty. "...It's an arrangement that is going to save our family..."
"Mother, that makes no difference! I wanted to at least be able to have a few choices!" Starr cried, tears filling her eyes.
"Starr can't--"
"She's officially engaged!" her mother said, sitting down at the table heavily. She started to cry. "I'm sorry,Starr...I only want what's best for you--"
"Best for me or best for you?!" shrieked Starr, and this was the first time I really saw her angry.
"Best for all of us," her mother whispered brokenly, but Starr wouldn't have any of it. She had suddenly noticed a package on the table, and with some shock, she said, "The ring. That's the ring, isn't it?"
I rushed over to the package and ripped it open. Flower petals and a golden ring tumbled from it, smelling like jasmine, Starr's favorite flower.
Starr stared furiously at the small gold band, her face turning red with hatred. "I don't want it. I DON'T WANT IT!"
"You have to," her mother whispered, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes. "He won't have any other bride."
Starr and I froze. "...Who is it?" Starr suddenly asked, her voice rising with fear, stepping closer to me. I put a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"It's me," said a voice that sent chills up my spine.
Starr's shoulders stiffened under my arm. I saw her eyes go so wide that they looked like they could not got any bigger, saw her face turn white, saw her jaw drop, saw her expression change to one of absolute horror.
We both turned our heads, looking over our shoulders, and I think my heart stopped.
He was tall. He had hair blacker than Starr's, somewhat sallow skin, and a smile that could kill someone.
But his eyes. I was expecting dark eyes, or even slitted ones like a snake's, but they were blue as forget-me-nots, and on any other person they would've been beautiful, but in his face they were the most eerie, haunting eyes. They looked like they could see anything.
Starr began to shake. "...Sasuke...Uchiha," she said quietly, and her voice made me jolt. I had never heard her sound so absoltely petrified before. It made me want to give up hope, it was so desolate.
"Starr," the man named Sasuke said, going over to her, but I pushed her behind me. She clung to my shirt, her hands quivering. Her pale green eyes were wide with terror. I thought she would have a breakdown.
Sasuke looked me up and down, his blue eyes sweeping over me. I felt my blood run cold. How could a person who had such beautiful eyes seem so evil?
"Who's this?" Sasuke said in a soft but menacing voice, and I wondered suddenly what me, a fourteen year old boy, could ever do against him.
Starr's mother looked terrified. "Ah, this is Mitsukuni! He's, ah, Starr's good friend..."
Sasuke pretended to look relieved. "Oh thank goodness. I don't know what I'd have to do if he was a boyfriend." The word "boyfriend" slid off his tongue like a snake. It made me back up a bit,Starr's hand clenching even tighter, her fingernails digging into my skin.
"...You're Starr-Chan's...you're gonna be her..." I choked out, unable to even say it.
"Husband?" he said in a voice that was obviously mocking me. This guy rubbed my fur the wrong way, and he knew he was. He knew how to push every button I had, and I hated it.
"Starr-Chan? What a cute nickname."
"It's mine," I snarled unthinkingly. Starr's whole body was shaking now.
"No, Honey, it's not worth it," she breathed in my ear, her short black hair falling into her eyes a little, and suddenly Sasuke reached out and brushed it away. Starr stiffened like a mouse caught under a snake's spell.
I slapped his hand away quickly, hating his familiarity with my best friend. "Don't," I said in a low voice, "ever do that again."
Sasuke smiled at me, but he was dangerously sly. "But I'm engaged to her. I can do whatever I please to little Starr."
It was my turn to freeze like a petrified mouse while I imagined every little thing he could mean by that. I felt my heart starting to pound. "No, no...!" I said, my eyes widening. "Don't...you can't...!"
"Oh, but I can," he whispered, his voice sickly sweet. Starr gave a small noise of fear behind me, something between a squeak and a sob.
No, this couldn't be happening. It couldn't be! I promised her-- I made a promise to protect her and then he showed up!
Starr!
I reached behind me blindly, catching one of her clammy, shaking hands, and I gripped it in my own. "S-Starr-Chan she...she and I...I made a promise..."
"What? What promise would that be?" Sasuke asked quietly. How I hated this man. I hated him. I wanted to kill him.
"I promised..." I swallowed uneasily. "I promised to protect her."
Sasuke's eyebrows shot up and he burst out laughing. It wasn't happy laughter-- it was mocking me and my feebleness. It made me feel so small.
"That's almost funny, little...what did you say your name was? Mitsukuni? Well,Mitsukuni, that would almost be funny-- only there is nothing funny about that. Just about you. How pathetic! A little boy...you're what, twelve? A little boy who isn't even a man yet making such big promises! You must be pretty confident! Poor little Starr, having all her trust placed in someone like you."
This man...he had a way of making me lose faith in myself. With those words, he tore me to pieces and left me for dead.
"NO!" Starr shrieked. "I love Honey like he's my own brother-- I won't ever let you say that to him!"
Sasuke pretended to be abashed. "Oh, of course, Starr," he said in his sickly sweet voice. "My adorable little wife-to-be. I won't tease him anymore, okay? Feel free to visit me any time at my house, Starr."
With that, he dropped a drawstring coin purse on the table in front of Starr's mother and he left.
We were all still for a very long time, and finally Starr looked at her mother, no longer angry, but very sad. "You sold me to that evil man," she whispered. "You will probably lose me forever, but there's enough in that purse there to make you the richest woman here for a lifetime. Mother-- I hope you're satisfied."
Starr's mother sobbed, and I did too. Just not on the outside.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The day before Starr's wedding was one of the last days I spent with her while she was free.
We lay on a grassy hill, watching puffy clouds roll lazily by. We lay so that our heads were next to each other, but our feet were facing north and south, just like we did when we were kids. Starr was strangely quiet that day. Finally, when she did speak, she said, "I wanted to be with you forever. Forever is where clouds will roll by like this for eternity and we never have to stop watching unless we wanted to. Forever is where we can seek out stars and cross valleys and mountains together and never get tired. Forever is we can believe that dreams are for weaving, not for waking up from. Forever is...where I wanted to be with you, Honey."
She talked like she was going to die, but I didn't tell her that. "Yeah," I whispered. "Yeah. I wanted to spend forever with you too, Starr-Chan."
She stared up at the clouds and didn't seem to notice that tears were running from the corners of her eyes. "I know, Honey, that after I get married, I'll never be able to see you again. So Honey...while I'm still here, I want to dream about the sun with you, okay?"
"Don't say that," I said, my voice thick. "Starr!"
She rolled over on her side and looked at me with watery eyes and a sad smile. "Honey, don't forget me."
"Never," I said, starting to cry. "I won't forget you. Never."
Starr stood up and I did too. She put her forehead against mine, her eyes closed, inhaling deeply. She grabbed both of my hands and held them level with her heart. "I'm going to miss you."
"Don't say that..." I sobbed, closing my eyes too. We stood there for a long time. Her hands were shaking in my grasp, or was it that mine were shaking in hers?
"Honey, please," she murmured. "Even when we're not together, we still will be, you hear? Hold on to the truth in your heart, and I'll always be by your side, I promise. Don't forget that dreams will take you to Forever-- and I'll always be waiting there. We can watch the clouds together, okay?"
I nodded, my hair rubbing against hers. I felt like laughing for some reason. "Oh, Starr-Chan," I cried, throwing my arms around my best friend, burying my face in her shoulder. She put one hand on my neck and another rubbed my back soothingly.
"I love you a lot, Honey," she whispered. "It was nice to have a brother like you. To have a friend like you. To have you."
I pulled away from her, tears running down my cheeks, and I told her, "Nothing...nothing's bigger than my love for you, okay? Even in all that dark, don't forget me-- I'll be your light."
Her eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed. "Thank you. Thank you, Honey," she sobbed. She leaned in and kissed my tear-stained cheek. "Thank you!"
There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the words for it. "...I love you," I told her finally.
She smiled at me, her eyes squinting a little like they did when she was really happy. She squeezed my hands and I knew that I had said it all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * I stared at the katana in my hands and I saw nothing but my own two brown eyes.
It had started snowing. It dusted my shoulders and hair, and I didn't bother to brush it off.
I looked up at the sky again, just like I had with Starr. Finally, I could do it no longer and I sank to my knees in the snow, my fists clenched, my shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
Someone threw their cloak over me, and I looked up. Through the blur in my watery eyes, I saw Tamaki standing there.
"Yeah," he whispered, "I'm missing someone too...but you're probably hurting a lot worse."
I bit my lip. "...It's all the same in the end."
Tamaki looked up at the sky and said quietly, "It's just a comfort to know we're looking at the same moon. But she's still with you, I'm sure-- she's still looking at the moon, right at your side. She probably wants you to love it as much as she does."
I had a sudden illusion that Starr, still thirteen years old, was tugging on my sleeve. She smiled and pointed up at the moon.
"Yeah," I agreed with him as she disappeared with the falling snow. "I know she is."
The end i hoped you liked it and please review! thank you! ^^
-Starr-Chan