AN: Alright, guys....this is inspired by the Unofficial Rules of Being a Turk. XD I decided it would be entertaining, and so it was written. :3 Pairings: KakuHida, ZetsuSasori, TobiDei, KisaIta ************************************************************************************************************
Quite a few members of the Akatsuki knew that gel was never something that Kakuzu would allow in the budget. He would never permit Hidan to have something just for his hair, because it wasn't a life or death situation or any of that. So, then, there was an obvious problem and cause for curiosity; how did Hidan get his hair to stay smoothed back like that? He wasn't caught touching it very often.
One day, it finally got the best of Deidara, who went to his ex boyfriend's new lover for help.
"Zetsu...I want you to do me a favor, un." The blond bomber told the dual-skinned male.
"Sure, what is it?" The happier, higher pitched sound of the white half perking up and sounding happy.
"Shut it, idiot. What is it you want, Deidara?" The darker voice questioned, eye narrowing.
"Well...Kakuzu doesn't let Hidan get gel, right?"
"Right." Both halves spoke at once.
"I want to know how his hair stays back like that. For that, we need someone who is good at hiding." Zetsu seemed to mull that over in his head before giving a slow nod. Truth be told, he was kind of curious, himself.
"Alright, we will do it." He nodded slowly, heading off to wait for the zombie twins to wake up.
- * - * - * -
Kakuzu had been awake for quite some time, counting his money at the foot of the bed. His green eyes trailed each bill carefully, making sure to wash over it for serial numbers and make sure he didn't get any of his counterfeit bills mixed in with his real money. Each number seemed catalogued in his head, and he made sure to seperate his money into piles by the general value before going back and starting with the ones, moving on to the fives and so on and so forth. Each bundle was given a rubber band and a slip of paper depicting how much was in it, and there were never more than a fifty slips of paper per stack.
It was when Hidan awoke that the flytrap in the wall became interested, watching the pair. His hair was down and hanging around his face like he hadn't done anything to it, and he hadn't.
"Kuzu...it's too fuckin' early for money-counting. Come back here and lay with me." Said albino whined, wriggling a little, seeming upset already. His voice could grate one's nerves better than a cheese grater; even Zetsu felt a twitch come to his eye.
"It's never too early for money, Hidan." Came the simple reply, ignoring the nickname, for now, and the obnoxious noise of the other's simpering.
"Just come lay the fuck down with me! I want to fuckin' play, Jashin damn it, and I will play until I am happy and content with it." Came the order, making a growl leave the banker. He carefully sat his wad down on a trunk at the base of the bed and turned angry eyes on Hidan, narrowing them. He lacked a shirt and his mask and headgear, and, while Zetsu found it odd to see all those stitches and the masks in the other's back, he had likely seen weirder.
Kakuzu began to crawl forward on the bed, making his ascent slow and torturous up the other's legs and body to stop just a few inches from touching the masochist beneath him. In one quick movement, a hand gripped Hidan's hair hard and the other moved to the whiny man's neck, and while his air supply was threatened, as well as sharp threads greedily slicing slowly into his neck, Hidan let loose a nice, low moan. Even as it severed the man's vocal cords, he seemed still able to talk, purring and groaning his pleasure.
That hand tightened considerably harder, yanking a good deal of it back and holding Hidan's pale, slender neck out so that he could get to it easier. The Jashinist began to wriggle and writhe as two more sharp threads began to cut around his nipples, sensitizing the skin there before slashing straight through each nipple, forcing the albino to cry out loudly.
Zetsu sat through the entire set of foreplay, and even the sex, with Hidan on all fours and his neck still bared by the hand in his hair. Once it was all finished, Hidan collapsed and licked his lips, panting slightly before shivering a little more. He sat up, slowly, after Kakuzu had pulled back and realigned his pants on his hips. His hair was perfect, as per usual, and didn't seem to want to move.
"Deidara is going to have a hay-day with this." Zetsu muttered to himself as he removed himself from the room.
************************************************************************************************************ AN: Alright, guys. I liked how this came out. :3 I may write quite a few more of these today. :3 Look out for them.