I originally wrote this for a friend and I never thought I'd post this monstrosity but I felt the need to. Take none of this seriously because dear god this was written with the intent to make people cringe and possibly laugh.
Once upon a time in some fucked up version of Bleach, Grimmjow was walking home from some unspecified job because who the fuck cares about that shit when there's borderline cat porn ahead.
Grimmjow was vaping because sometimes he has to be a loser to make up for the fact that he's flawless most of the time. The vape juice he was using was strawberry flavored because oh shit, Ichigo's name means strawberry hahahahahhahahHAHAHAHHA GET IT?
There was a cat noise from an alley because why the hell not. Grimmjow looked and was like 'holy shit what the fuck'. He wanted to look because he loves cats and has a cat named Pantera (a/n I'm original okay I came up with that on my own, do not steal). He thought that having another cat would be ultra cool like totally zedis lapedis.
Grimmjow made his way to the alley, a bag that contained a limited edition copy of Cheetah Girls was dangling in his hand. He stopped by the movie store after work to buy it because Cheetah Girls is his jam and the dvd had the sing along version and he couldn't resist.
When he looked in the alley there was a guy with orange hair beating up some other guy who was unconscious. Grimmjow thought it was hella cool but then he looked closer and saw cat ears and a tail. He gasped so loud it made the orange haired guy look at him.
For no apparent reason, Grimmjow wanted to fuck him. Seriously like he wanted to go to the bone zone with this cat guy like damn.
Grimmjow walked over to the guy and smirked at him to try and make himself look hotter than he already was. Bitches love smirks.
The cat guy's name was Ichigo and he glared at Grimmjow because he didn't know who he was and yet this motherfucker was walking right up to him. When Grimmjow put his arm around Ichigo, he pushed him away.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Ichigo hissed. He hissed just like a cat because he has cat ears and a tail or did you forget? I wish I could forget.
Grimmjow was kind of pissed that the cat guy wasn't into him instantly, but he wasn't ready to give up! He was going to get some tail tonight, pun totally intended.
"Why don't you come home with me, kitten?" Grimmjow asked in a husky voice. He thought that would totally get the other guy to sleep with him.
Ichigo exaggerated a gag. "If you're this confident, then you must be compensating for something. If you wanna have sex with a random stranger then you must have daddy issues and I'm not into pity sex. Swerve."
Grimmjow was completely baffled. Who the hell was this guy to deny him? He was Grimmjow, cheetah girl fan, league of legends champion, and he was really good at making mac and cheese. What else could someone want from him?
"C'mon man, I ain't never seen a dude with cat ears and a tail before and that's some freaky shit I could get into."
Ichigo sneered at the man's words. "Go away you fucking furry."
Before Grimmjow could say anything, he was punched in the face so hard he fell onto the ground. He watched Ichigo walk away and wanted to cry because that ass was beautiful.
The end.