A/N: I wrote this a long time ago as the opening chapter for a longish fic I had ideas for, but I never got very far past this part of the story. I'm very fond of it, though, and it's sad that it has to sit here on my computer, so, since it can very easily stand on its own, I decided to post it. I hope you like it!
It was the beginning of his seventh year when he finally decided to tell her how he felt.
They were sitting on the end of a jetty reaching out into the Black Lake, feet skimming the water's surface, Victoire's hair spilling down her back in a golden cascade. She'd gained another crop of freckles over the summer which she'd tried to mask with foundation, much to Teddy's dismay. He thought they were endearing. She disagreed, to say the least.
It was unseasonally warm for an autumn day, and Teddy was surprised that not more people were out in the sunshine. The warmth beat down against his head, and it hadn't taken long for his scalp to start stinging. If he closed his eyes, he could almost convince himself that he was back at home, revelling in the summer heat. Crickets were chirping noisily, the breeze was warm, and there was nary a cloud in sight.
Teddy squinted directly up at the wide, blue sky and sighed.
"Victoire," he began. "There's something I need to talk to you about."
There. He'd said it. There was no turning back now, much as he might want to. He had a sinking feeling he'd come to regret whatever came out of his mouth in the next few minutes.
"What is it?" she asked, watching him expectantly. She evidently had no idea what was coming; the contented look on her face told him so.
"I, uh..." he trailed off, his practiced words deserting him. It seemed that now he was facing his moment, all the rehearsing in his head was for nothing.
He glanced at Victoire again. She looked bemused at his hesitancy.
"Come on, spit it out. You know you can tell me anything," she said, bumping her shoulder against his in a way which he supposed she meant as a comforting gesture.
Not this, he thought sullenly. He was certain she wasn't going to thank him for dumping this on her. He wasn't sure how he was going to get through this, only that he had to. His feelings for her were killing him, and he had to get them out, had to relieve some of the pressure. If she knew, he might be able to rest easy for the first time in... oh, so long, it seemed.
He tucked a leg up onto the jetty, the other left dangling, his right arm resting on his knee.
"Are you okay, Teddy? What's wrong?"
He stole a glance at her before looking back out towards the far side of the lake. She looked worried, like she was aching for him. She was always easy to read; it was as if she wore her heart permanently on her sleeve. Perhaps that was why so many people liked her. She was so easy to get along with because her actions were predictable. You could tell what she was feeling with little study, with no interpretation required. It was all just... there.
"No, I'm fine, I just-" He rubbed a hand over his face. "Christ..." he muttered, barely audible.
Victoire didn't say anything, just sat there watching him struggle. Teddy sighed heavily.
"Right. Look, there's no real easy way to put this, so I'm just gonna say it." He took a deep breath before saying to his knees, "I fancy you, Vic."
The sound of the crickets was deafening in the silence between them. She was staring at him, he could feel it, and he'd be damned if he was going to meet her eyes.
"I have for a little while, now," he said, much more quietly. He didn't know what made him say it, but continuing on seemed far better than sitting in awkward silence. "It's kind of pathetic, really. I mean, I'm two years older than you, and we're practically cousins." Merlin, did he have to bring that up? What, was he trying to get her to reject him? "Anyway, I guess I realised before the summer holidays. I didn't think anything would come of it at the time, but here I am, telling you..." he trailed off. Teddy rarely rambled, and he thought that he was probably only doing it now because he was putting off having to hear her answer.
He looked at Victoire. She was staring at her knees, hands gripping the edge of the jetty beneath her thighs, and she looked like was mortified to be part of the conversation. This was more than discouraging.
"Anyway, I just thought I should... tell you," he finished.
When she didn't reply - didn't even move - he asked a tentative, "Vic?"
She reached a hand up to rub her eyes, and for a moment of dread he thought she might be crying. She looked up at him, and although her eyes were red, no tears fell.
"Teddy, I..." she began soon after. "I'm really flattered." She gave him a small smile, and Teddy felt his heart sink further still. He swallowed.
"But?" He knew there was a 'but'.
"But..." She looked back down at her knees. "I can't tell you how sorry I am, but I just don't see you that way. It wouldn't be fair to you to say that I do. I know we're not really cousins, but I have trouble thinking of you any other way. You mean a lot of things to me, Teddy, just not... this." Her expression was distraught, and Teddy was immediately sorry to have put her through this.
He plastered a smile across his face to keep her from seeing his disappointment and save her from the hurt she'd feel at his misery.
"No," he said, keeping all traces of hurt from his voice, "that's... I completely understand. I thought you'd say something like that. I just thought I should tell you anyway." He scrambled at words to make her feel better, to legitimise what she'd said, to make it the only sensible thing to say. "You're much smarter than I am," he said.
She looked at him then. "What?" she asked.
"Well, you weren't stupid enough to go and fancy your cousin, were you?" He struggled to keep the bitterness from his tone.
"We're not cousins, Teddy," she said in a monotone voice.
"Close enough, but thanks." He sighed. "Merlin, now I've made things awkward between us."
"No!" she exclaimed, shifting on the jetty so that she faced him. "I don't want that. Things will be just like they were, you'll see. You're my best friend, Teddy. I don't want to lose you over this."
She smiled at him, and he couldn't help smiling back. He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him briefly. When he released her, she checked her watch.
"We should probably head back up. It's almost time for dinner." She stood and offered her hand to help Teddy up. He shook his head.
"I'll be up in a minute. You go on ahead."
She looked like she wanted to argue, but nodded, slipped her feet into her shoes and started walking back. She paused just before the start of the jetty. "I really am sorry," she said sadly, and turned to go.
Teddy let his forced smile fall from his face and stared dismally out across the wind-whipped lake. He felt more disappointed than he thought he would. After all, had he really expected her to reciprocate? She was only fifteen, he told himself as he had many times before. It was weird for him to even be attracted to her in the first place. Weird and wrong. He was too old for her.
None of this made him feel better. If anything, it made him feel worse.
How was he going to face her again after making such a complete idiot of himself? And she wanted things to go back to normal, too. At this point he wasn't sure he could do that, but he'd try, if only for her sake.
He didn't much feel like eating, but if they were going to be fine again, he may as well start working towards it right away. He allowed himself a few more moments of scowling at the lake, but then schooled a more blasé expression on his face and wandered up to the Great Hall for what was probably going to be the most uncomfortable dinner he'd ever been through.