By the way.J.K.R. owns everything and I own nothing but this crappy fan-
fic. Please review it anyway!
Special thanks goes to the lovely Princess Vicks who helped me with this story!
Professor Minerva McGonagall's ears were ringing and her head was throbbing. She was seated at a table with her Hogwarts colleagues in The Three Broomsticks. Most of her peers were heavily intoxicated and dancing like hooligans to the sound of the Weird Sisters, who were performing live. Minerva rested her head in her hands, wishing her pounding headache would disappear and the piles of student's work sitting on her desk back at Hogwarts would just mark themselves.
Before Minerva knew what was happening, a tipsy Sybill Trelawney had pulled her to her feet and was yelling in her ear, instructing Minerva to join the rest and have a dance. "Get off me!" barked Minerva who was not only cranky because she felt sick, but also her strong dislike for Sybill. Minerva fought and escaped from Trelawney's grip and staggered backwards, nearly falling onto the table. She straightened herself up and prepared to leave but was pushed by the crowd back to a group of people crowded around Severus Snape, who was preparing to scull two bottles of Ogden's Firewhisky. "SCULL! SCULL! SCULL! SCULL!" they chanted, over the booming sound of the Weird Sisters belting out another rocking tune. Encouraged by the cheering crowd, Snape lifted the two bottles to his lips. He tilted his head back as the whisky overflowed from his mouth, dribbling repulsively down his chin onto his chest. The crowd went berserk, clapping and hooting in a drunken euphoria, as Snape let go of his awkward hold on the glass bottles. Smash!
He staggered backwards as the full effect of the whiskey took hold. his eyes began to water while his face drained of colour... smoke wafted from his ears, giving the impression he was on fire. The Weird Sisters continued to compete with the commotion of the wasted crowd.. Minerva was ready to turn around and walk out, leaving her colleagues to continue their unprofessional bar-like antics without her presence. Snape swayed in her direction and doubled over, the contents of his booze soaked stomach spewing onto her. The crowd yelled wildly, apparently achieving some kind of sick pleasure, while a few people slapped Snape on the back in an encouraging way.
Minerva looked down at her soiled robes, overwhelmed with feelings of fury and disgust. She turned abruptly towards the exit and fought her way through the crowd to reach the door. She did not want to acknowledge her colleagues and friends who were calling after her, as tears welled in her eyes. Minerva wished she hadn't let Albus talk her into coming to The Three Broomsticks. She did not enjoy the Weird Sister's music much, particularly because they were the kind of group her students listened to. She felt generations too old. Besides, there were piles of student's work to mark on her desk. In spite of everything, Minerva had thought going out tonight might help avoid thinking about her problems. She was now beginning to realise how wrong she was.
Minerva gave an audible sigh of relief as she breathed fresh air, away from the smoky atmosphere of The Three Broomsticks. The stinging sensation of the cold night air against her skin felt comforting. She looked down at the wet brown patch of vomit that plagued her dress. With a flick of her wand it disappeared. But the deeper feelings of frustration and stress inside remained. Sigh... She impatiently brushed away the loose strands of hair that clung to her forehead. Minerva decided it was time to return to Hogwarts. The streets of Hogsmeade were deserted. Everyone was probably inside.. sitting beside warm, welcoming fires. sheltered from the chilled night. The clicking sound of her own footsteps on the cobblestones echoed desolately in her head.
"Minerva. WAIT!" Minerva stopped abruptly, and turned to see Albus Dumbledore running after her. She quickly dabbed at the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Minerva," he puffed, his breath misting in the cold, "Please come back, Snape wants to apologise. He really can't help himself you know." Albus was standing so close she could smell the heavy stench of alcohol on his breath. Minerva's gaze fell to the ground. "I must go," she replied stonily avoiding his eyes. "I have piles of marking to be getting on with." There was a pause. "Besides, if Snape is so sorry, why didn't he come after me?" she added coldly. Albus opened his mouth to reply but Minerva turned away. "Forget it," she muttered. "Minerva!" pleaded Albus. His hand reached out to grasp her. Minerva stopped and looked at him. She stared at his hand which was clutching her arm. Her eyes clouded over again and she uttered a soft cry. Albus looked taken aback. "What is it Minerva?" he asked in alarm. Minerva put a quivering hand to her mouth and shook her head. Albus was speechless. Tears were running down Minerva's face and she was sobbing. He didn't know whether to hold her or run away.
"Minerva.I.what on earth is wrong?" asked Albus, bewildered. Minerva pulled away as her sobs grew louder. "Minerva? I don't understand! You used to tell me everything," he said desperately. Minerva's face twisted with pain and her shoulders trembled as she sobbed. "What is it? Oh, please tell me! Don't do this to me again.." he begged helplessly. Minerva stared into his eyes sorrowfully, before her own eyes misted up again. She broke away from him and ran into the night, leaving Albus Dumbledore standing alone hurt and confused.
The surrounding shops seemed to blur together as Minerva ran past. Tears clouded her vision but she continued to run, hoping to make it back to the Hogwarts castle without being seen by anyone else. She struggled to remove the image of Albus's clear blue eyes from her mind. But the memories she had locked away in her mind came flooding back. She remembered staring into those clear blue eyes, 50 years ago and saying "I love you". She remembered his hand, which had grabbed her arm desperately moments before, had once settled in a possessive gesture on the bump of her stomach. How happy they had been. It was the happiest point of Minerva's life. Minerva and Albus were expecting their first child, and were soon to be married. But as fate would have it, nothing that good could possibly last.
Minerva's ankles began to ache as her feet continued to pound the pavement. As she ran, the hem of her dress caught on the pointed heel of her shoe. Minerva fell onto the hard ground... Rip! A stray lavender bush helped to break her fall. She lay curled on the ground, with her stockings torn and her knees grazed.
She remembered lying in the same position 50 years ago, curled up on the bathroom floor, her white nightdress soaked in blood. Minerva had spent the long night in agony, immobilized by pain. She had cried and cried because it hurt so much and because she was all alone. Albus had been away on business that night. the night she had lost her baby.
At present it was as if Minerva was reliving that torturous night all over again. But this time the pain was not deep in her abdomen, it was in her heart. Salty tears streaked her face and this time she did not try to muffle her sobs. She screamed to the night sky. Those many years of suffering and anguish which had been tightly bottled up, poured out with her tears. Minerva felt a liberating sensation as her memories were set free. It was as if her private river of tears had finally burst its banks. Minerva wept until she could cry no more and her sobs faded into quiet whimpers. She felt empty; everything she had bottled up was released.
That was how she had felt days after the miscarriage. Minerva remembered how she had sat alone in her chair, gazing out the window at the cloudy sky. She did not eat for weeks and her sleep was haunted by nightmares. Albus had returned home to find Minerva a shadow of her former self. She looked gaunt and sick. Mentally she was equally sick.. she suffered from depression. Minerva had been swallowed by misery; all happiness had been drained from her skeletal body.
"Don't do this to me all over again"
His words echoed in her mind. 50 years ago, Albus had tried to help her recover from her depression. He wanted to make things work out for the both of them. But she had refused. Minerva broke off their engagement and returned to Scotland to live with her family. It had taken a while but she finally managed to pull through all by herself. In December she had accepted the position as Transfiguration professor at Hogwarts where her relationship with Albus had remained nothing more than professional.
Minerva squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to rid her mind of the memories which had returned to trouble her. She sighed and dragged herself up off the ground. Minerva brushed the dirt and lavender buds from her dress and trudged back to the Hogwarts castle.
That night Minerva did not sleep at all. She lay awake in her bed, under piles of blankets and her favourite tartan rug tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. She made up her mind it was time to tell Albus the truth. "But it's in the past!" a voice in the back of her mind nagged her. "Leave it in the past Minerva!" She rolled over again as her bedsprings creaked. After hours of contemplation Minerva had plucked up enough courage to tell Dumbledore the truth, the whole story.
************
That morning, Minerva gave Albus a feeble good morning but did not speak to him for the rest of breakfast.
"I've got to tell him! I promised I would tell him!"
Millions of words were running through her mind but Minerva had no idea what to tell Albus. "Good morning headmaster, how are you today? By the way- did I mention I was pregnant with your kid 50 years ago?" Minerva almost smiled at the thought. How would Albus react to that statement? She wondered. Minerva decided to sit in the staffroom after breakfast, as she didn't have a class to teach first period and think over what she was going to say to him.
After breakfast, Minerva was relieved to be alone in the staffroom with peace and quiet to ponder about how she was going to break the news to Albus. She paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and then suddenly came to a stand still. "Why am I doing this?" Minerva asked herself. "Why do I feel I need to tell him anything? Why can't I just forget about it?" her heart skipped a beat as she realised the answer; she still loved him.
Minerva hurried down the busy hallway to her transfiguration classroom. Just as she was about to turn the corner Minerva bumped head on into Dumbledore who was carrying a pile of parchment. The papers scattered everywhere. Minerva began to apologise to Dumbledore who smiled and picked them up. "Listen Albus," said Minerva. "We need to talk." "Right now?" asked Dumbledore. "Yes!!! Yes right now!!!" she snapped. Dumbledore jumped. Minerva could feel tears welling in her eyes. She struggled to hold them back. "Alright, just give me a second; I will be right back after I put these papers in my office." He replied and rushed off. Minerva took a deep breath and calmed herself. As her gaze fell to the floor she noticed a folded up letter on the floor addressed to Dumbledore. "Albus, wait you dropped this." she called after him, but he was already out of sight. With her curious cat instincts taking over, Minerva bent down and picked up the envelope. "Hmm.this must be owl post" she thought to herself. The seal of the envelope was already torn so Minerva decided to open it and read the letter.
Dearest Albus,
Just thought I'd send you an owl to tell you how much I enjoyed last night. It was truly a magical evening. Everything felt so natural, and you knew exactly what to do. It's hard for me to identify what it is about you that attracts me so. I suppose it might be the combination of your great sense of humour, your charming personality and your good-looks. Whatever it is, I can sense its presence. It is very important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this every day in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes.
I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated for so long. That is why I cherish every single moment we share. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.
Albus, our love has been assaulted many times, and we have overcome many barriers. I appreciate that you love me for who I am, not my magical abilities. I am convinced that our love is true because the longer I am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again. I treasure any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when we will next meet.
Until that day arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss.
Until I hear from you, take care of yourself.
Love always,
Arabella Figg.
Minerva could not believe her eyes. She re-read the letter over and over, as the words sunk into her brain. Then she quickly stuffed the letter back into the envelope and shoved it into her pocket. "Of course." She thought. "Of course Albus would have moved on." Minerva cursed herself for thinking that there was even a chance they could rekindle their lost love. But the greatest wizard in the world and mere squib? Minerva didn't understand. She smiled wistfully and shook her head. At that moment Dumbledore returned. "Now Minerva, what was it that you urgently needed to speak to me about?" he asked. "I can't tell him now!" she thought. Minerva gave him a sad smile. "Ah, no it's nothing. Sorry to trouble you headmaster." She replied faintly, before turning away from him and walking off to her classroom. Dumbledore shrugged and walked off. Minerva stopped at the door of her classroom and turned around. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she watched the man she had once loved and now lost forever walk away.
Special thanks goes to the lovely Princess Vicks who helped me with this story!
Professor Minerva McGonagall's ears were ringing and her head was throbbing. She was seated at a table with her Hogwarts colleagues in The Three Broomsticks. Most of her peers were heavily intoxicated and dancing like hooligans to the sound of the Weird Sisters, who were performing live. Minerva rested her head in her hands, wishing her pounding headache would disappear and the piles of student's work sitting on her desk back at Hogwarts would just mark themselves.
Before Minerva knew what was happening, a tipsy Sybill Trelawney had pulled her to her feet and was yelling in her ear, instructing Minerva to join the rest and have a dance. "Get off me!" barked Minerva who was not only cranky because she felt sick, but also her strong dislike for Sybill. Minerva fought and escaped from Trelawney's grip and staggered backwards, nearly falling onto the table. She straightened herself up and prepared to leave but was pushed by the crowd back to a group of people crowded around Severus Snape, who was preparing to scull two bottles of Ogden's Firewhisky. "SCULL! SCULL! SCULL! SCULL!" they chanted, over the booming sound of the Weird Sisters belting out another rocking tune. Encouraged by the cheering crowd, Snape lifted the two bottles to his lips. He tilted his head back as the whisky overflowed from his mouth, dribbling repulsively down his chin onto his chest. The crowd went berserk, clapping and hooting in a drunken euphoria, as Snape let go of his awkward hold on the glass bottles. Smash!
He staggered backwards as the full effect of the whiskey took hold. his eyes began to water while his face drained of colour... smoke wafted from his ears, giving the impression he was on fire. The Weird Sisters continued to compete with the commotion of the wasted crowd.. Minerva was ready to turn around and walk out, leaving her colleagues to continue their unprofessional bar-like antics without her presence. Snape swayed in her direction and doubled over, the contents of his booze soaked stomach spewing onto her. The crowd yelled wildly, apparently achieving some kind of sick pleasure, while a few people slapped Snape on the back in an encouraging way.
Minerva looked down at her soiled robes, overwhelmed with feelings of fury and disgust. She turned abruptly towards the exit and fought her way through the crowd to reach the door. She did not want to acknowledge her colleagues and friends who were calling after her, as tears welled in her eyes. Minerva wished she hadn't let Albus talk her into coming to The Three Broomsticks. She did not enjoy the Weird Sister's music much, particularly because they were the kind of group her students listened to. She felt generations too old. Besides, there were piles of student's work to mark on her desk. In spite of everything, Minerva had thought going out tonight might help avoid thinking about her problems. She was now beginning to realise how wrong she was.
Minerva gave an audible sigh of relief as she breathed fresh air, away from the smoky atmosphere of The Three Broomsticks. The stinging sensation of the cold night air against her skin felt comforting. She looked down at the wet brown patch of vomit that plagued her dress. With a flick of her wand it disappeared. But the deeper feelings of frustration and stress inside remained. Sigh... She impatiently brushed away the loose strands of hair that clung to her forehead. Minerva decided it was time to return to Hogwarts. The streets of Hogsmeade were deserted. Everyone was probably inside.. sitting beside warm, welcoming fires. sheltered from the chilled night. The clicking sound of her own footsteps on the cobblestones echoed desolately in her head.
"Minerva. WAIT!" Minerva stopped abruptly, and turned to see Albus Dumbledore running after her. She quickly dabbed at the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Minerva," he puffed, his breath misting in the cold, "Please come back, Snape wants to apologise. He really can't help himself you know." Albus was standing so close she could smell the heavy stench of alcohol on his breath. Minerva's gaze fell to the ground. "I must go," she replied stonily avoiding his eyes. "I have piles of marking to be getting on with." There was a pause. "Besides, if Snape is so sorry, why didn't he come after me?" she added coldly. Albus opened his mouth to reply but Minerva turned away. "Forget it," she muttered. "Minerva!" pleaded Albus. His hand reached out to grasp her. Minerva stopped and looked at him. She stared at his hand which was clutching her arm. Her eyes clouded over again and she uttered a soft cry. Albus looked taken aback. "What is it Minerva?" he asked in alarm. Minerva put a quivering hand to her mouth and shook her head. Albus was speechless. Tears were running down Minerva's face and she was sobbing. He didn't know whether to hold her or run away.
"Minerva.I.what on earth is wrong?" asked Albus, bewildered. Minerva pulled away as her sobs grew louder. "Minerva? I don't understand! You used to tell me everything," he said desperately. Minerva's face twisted with pain and her shoulders trembled as she sobbed. "What is it? Oh, please tell me! Don't do this to me again.." he begged helplessly. Minerva stared into his eyes sorrowfully, before her own eyes misted up again. She broke away from him and ran into the night, leaving Albus Dumbledore standing alone hurt and confused.
The surrounding shops seemed to blur together as Minerva ran past. Tears clouded her vision but she continued to run, hoping to make it back to the Hogwarts castle without being seen by anyone else. She struggled to remove the image of Albus's clear blue eyes from her mind. But the memories she had locked away in her mind came flooding back. She remembered staring into those clear blue eyes, 50 years ago and saying "I love you". She remembered his hand, which had grabbed her arm desperately moments before, had once settled in a possessive gesture on the bump of her stomach. How happy they had been. It was the happiest point of Minerva's life. Minerva and Albus were expecting their first child, and were soon to be married. But as fate would have it, nothing that good could possibly last.
Minerva's ankles began to ache as her feet continued to pound the pavement. As she ran, the hem of her dress caught on the pointed heel of her shoe. Minerva fell onto the hard ground... Rip! A stray lavender bush helped to break her fall. She lay curled on the ground, with her stockings torn and her knees grazed.
She remembered lying in the same position 50 years ago, curled up on the bathroom floor, her white nightdress soaked in blood. Minerva had spent the long night in agony, immobilized by pain. She had cried and cried because it hurt so much and because she was all alone. Albus had been away on business that night. the night she had lost her baby.
At present it was as if Minerva was reliving that torturous night all over again. But this time the pain was not deep in her abdomen, it was in her heart. Salty tears streaked her face and this time she did not try to muffle her sobs. She screamed to the night sky. Those many years of suffering and anguish which had been tightly bottled up, poured out with her tears. Minerva felt a liberating sensation as her memories were set free. It was as if her private river of tears had finally burst its banks. Minerva wept until she could cry no more and her sobs faded into quiet whimpers. She felt empty; everything she had bottled up was released.
That was how she had felt days after the miscarriage. Minerva remembered how she had sat alone in her chair, gazing out the window at the cloudy sky. She did not eat for weeks and her sleep was haunted by nightmares. Albus had returned home to find Minerva a shadow of her former self. She looked gaunt and sick. Mentally she was equally sick.. she suffered from depression. Minerva had been swallowed by misery; all happiness had been drained from her skeletal body.
"Don't do this to me all over again"
His words echoed in her mind. 50 years ago, Albus had tried to help her recover from her depression. He wanted to make things work out for the both of them. But she had refused. Minerva broke off their engagement and returned to Scotland to live with her family. It had taken a while but she finally managed to pull through all by herself. In December she had accepted the position as Transfiguration professor at Hogwarts where her relationship with Albus had remained nothing more than professional.
Minerva squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head to rid her mind of the memories which had returned to trouble her. She sighed and dragged herself up off the ground. Minerva brushed the dirt and lavender buds from her dress and trudged back to the Hogwarts castle.
That night Minerva did not sleep at all. She lay awake in her bed, under piles of blankets and her favourite tartan rug tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. She made up her mind it was time to tell Albus the truth. "But it's in the past!" a voice in the back of her mind nagged her. "Leave it in the past Minerva!" She rolled over again as her bedsprings creaked. After hours of contemplation Minerva had plucked up enough courage to tell Dumbledore the truth, the whole story.
************
That morning, Minerva gave Albus a feeble good morning but did not speak to him for the rest of breakfast.
"I've got to tell him! I promised I would tell him!"
Millions of words were running through her mind but Minerva had no idea what to tell Albus. "Good morning headmaster, how are you today? By the way- did I mention I was pregnant with your kid 50 years ago?" Minerva almost smiled at the thought. How would Albus react to that statement? She wondered. Minerva decided to sit in the staffroom after breakfast, as she didn't have a class to teach first period and think over what she was going to say to him.
After breakfast, Minerva was relieved to be alone in the staffroom with peace and quiet to ponder about how she was going to break the news to Albus. She paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and then suddenly came to a stand still. "Why am I doing this?" Minerva asked herself. "Why do I feel I need to tell him anything? Why can't I just forget about it?" her heart skipped a beat as she realised the answer; she still loved him.
Minerva hurried down the busy hallway to her transfiguration classroom. Just as she was about to turn the corner Minerva bumped head on into Dumbledore who was carrying a pile of parchment. The papers scattered everywhere. Minerva began to apologise to Dumbledore who smiled and picked them up. "Listen Albus," said Minerva. "We need to talk." "Right now?" asked Dumbledore. "Yes!!! Yes right now!!!" she snapped. Dumbledore jumped. Minerva could feel tears welling in her eyes. She struggled to hold them back. "Alright, just give me a second; I will be right back after I put these papers in my office." He replied and rushed off. Minerva took a deep breath and calmed herself. As her gaze fell to the floor she noticed a folded up letter on the floor addressed to Dumbledore. "Albus, wait you dropped this." she called after him, but he was already out of sight. With her curious cat instincts taking over, Minerva bent down and picked up the envelope. "Hmm.this must be owl post" she thought to herself. The seal of the envelope was already torn so Minerva decided to open it and read the letter.
Dearest Albus,
Just thought I'd send you an owl to tell you how much I enjoyed last night. It was truly a magical evening. Everything felt so natural, and you knew exactly what to do. It's hard for me to identify what it is about you that attracts me so. I suppose it might be the combination of your great sense of humour, your charming personality and your good-looks. Whatever it is, I can sense its presence. It is very important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this every day in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes.
I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated for so long. That is why I cherish every single moment we share. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.
Albus, our love has been assaulted many times, and we have overcome many barriers. I appreciate that you love me for who I am, not my magical abilities. I am convinced that our love is true because the longer I am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again. I treasure any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when we will next meet.
Until that day arrives, I send to you across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss.
Until I hear from you, take care of yourself.
Love always,
Arabella Figg.
Minerva could not believe her eyes. She re-read the letter over and over, as the words sunk into her brain. Then she quickly stuffed the letter back into the envelope and shoved it into her pocket. "Of course." She thought. "Of course Albus would have moved on." Minerva cursed herself for thinking that there was even a chance they could rekindle their lost love. But the greatest wizard in the world and mere squib? Minerva didn't understand. She smiled wistfully and shook her head. At that moment Dumbledore returned. "Now Minerva, what was it that you urgently needed to speak to me about?" he asked. "I can't tell him now!" she thought. Minerva gave him a sad smile. "Ah, no it's nothing. Sorry to trouble you headmaster." She replied faintly, before turning away from him and walking off to her classroom. Dumbledore shrugged and walked off. Minerva stopped at the door of her classroom and turned around. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she watched the man she had once loved and now lost forever walk away.