A.N. English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes and the characters might be a little ooc.
Italic is Karma's thoughts.
Warning: Language. Refernced child abuse and neglect.
They Don't Care
The phone rang as soon as he exited the classroom, seeing the unknown number Karma had to answer out of curiosity, if it was a mistake he could always have some fun scaring whoever was calling.
However as a serene feminine voice spoke he realized dreadfully that it wasn't a mistake.
The conversation was short, the woman on the other end of the line was direct and polite, her voice pleasant yet cold and detached. She was probably experienced with that kind of things. Telling someone they had just lost one of their loved ones couldn't be easy, regardless this woman didn't have any problems with it, she just said it.
They are dead.
It was as simple as that. No reassuring words, no beating around the bush just the raw truth.
She was still talking, giving him a fake apology in the name of the company. Karma didn't care, he clicked the button without a word and the call ended with a loud beep.
A plane crash, he thought bitterly. It wasn't strange nor surprising, yet it sounded wrong. Karma couldn't explain but it just didn't feel right. His parents so carefree and adventurous died like that. He wasn't going to say they deserved better, Karma didn't know them well enough to do that. All he knew was that they weren't good parents, truth be told they weren't parents at all but Karma always tried not to judge people he didn't know. And in the end his parents were just that, strangers.
Then why do I care ? Why does it hurt ?
At first he had felt nothing, as if his heart had been ripped out leaving a void in his chest. He expected to feel sad but he was only hollow. Then the whole world stopped moving, his classmates walking to the next class disappeared. Karma's mind was still trying to register what had happened. What it meant to never see them again. A foreign feeling started to settle in his mind, the emptiness he had felt at first was filled with something he could only describe as loss or pain. But why ?
Why do I care ? They certainly never did.
No matter how many fights he got himself into. No matter how many times he woke up in the hospital, they weren't there. They didn't care so why should he ?
The first time he got himself into a fight was in second grade. A failed attempt to get their attention. Getting hurt didn't work. Having perfect scores and being offered to skip grades didn't either. They didn't care if he was a genius or a criminal. They didn't care.
Karma remembered all the birthdays and Christmas they had missed, all os them spent alone or with that stupid nanny. Of course they always tried to make it up to him by giving him the most expensive gifts. Somehow it just made Karma angrier.
There was that one time in his seventh birthday when his parents took him to Argentina. Most kids would be excited, Karma knew better. He had to spend the whole day locked in a hotel room while his parents worked and when they returned he was already asleep. The next day, when they were at the airport he kicked one of the security guards in the balls for no reason at all. It got his parents in quite some trouble and it was also the last time Karma travelled with them. They scolded him but that was better than being ignored, right ?
After the incident with the security guard they left him in Tokyo with a nanny, a nanny with anger issues. Next year he started school and for a while life got a little better. The teachers saw the bruises and the nanny was fired. The next two weeks were the best of his childhood.
For the first time his parents gave him attention, but in the end it were only fourteen days, soon they realized he was quite capable of taking care of himself and left him alone. At first either his father or his mother stayed behind and their travels were always short, never longer than two or three days, however those days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Soon enough he was all alone again, having to take care of himself. They didn't care. They were terrible, selfish parents, anyone could see that.
They didn't care. Then why do I ?
He always pretended. Lied to himself and others. He said he enjoyed the freedom. He said he didn't care if he was left alone. He was Karma Akabane and he didn't need anybody else. Lies. All of it lies he told himself in pitiful attempts to make himself feel better. In reality he was lonely, so lonely it was painful. Karma blamed his parents but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't his fault too, because maybe he just wasn't good enough, maybe if he had been somebody else his parents wouldn't leave.
As much as he wanted to deny it, class E made it better. With them he wasn't so lonely and his world wasn't so meaningless. They were like family, they would be there if he needed them, unlike his parents.
The parents he would never see again.
Why does it matter ? They wouldn't be like this if you died, would they ?
Karma could feel the tears burning behind his eyes, begging for freedom but he refused to let them fall. Karma Akabane didn't cry, and certainly not for his parents.
He knew he couldn't stay still forever, his friends would notice something was wrong, Karma had to leave. As he walked into the forest he could hear Nagisa calling him, telling him they had PE next and Karasuma-sensei would be upset if he missed it again, yet Karma couldn't bring himself to care. He just kept walking without even answering Nagisa, he needed to be alone.
But why ? He asked himself.
Because they're dead.
And why should I care ? Why ?
All questions he couldn't answer. Karma just didn't know how. They had never been there for him. Only those fourteen days. Fourteen days spent with him out of guilt. Guilt, not love. That was the best he got. And how can fourteen fucking days compensate for a whole year with a psychotic bitch.
They didn't care. The words echoed in his mind over and over.
They didn't care about me. Their own son.
Suddenly he felt his fist collide with something hard. Karma didn't even remember stopping, much less punching a tree. Nevertheless he had done it and it had felt good. Really good. Even the throbbing pain in his hand wasn't enough to stop him from doing it again and again. He couldn't stop and he didn't want to. Not when he saw the crimson stains on the tree or the ground below. Not when he felt the tears run down his cheeks. It felt too good. The fury he had been holding in for years, finally free.
" WHY? " he screamed into nothingness as his fist made contact with the tree trunk again " Why did you leave me. Damn you. Why do I even care ? "
Karma punched the tree one last time before he felt something wrapping both his wrists tightly, stopping them from hitting the tree trunk again. Karma knew what it was even before he opened his eyes.
That damned octopus.
" Let go of me. "
" Only when you promise to stop this madness and tell me why you're doing this. "
Karma's vision was blurred with tears, he tried to clean it but couldn't move his hands thanks to Korosensei's tentacles. There was nothing he could do to hide his emotions, Karma hated to be seen like this but it was already too late. Kororsensei had seen him punching a tree like a madman. It was to late to pretend he was alright.
Korosensei looked at Karma with that creepy smile and unbelievably small eyes. His face was yellow, normal, but Karma could tell that there was something else there, Korosensei's voice wasn't cheery and happy as usual, it was serious and… worried, maybe ? Or just slightly angry ? Karma couldn't tell.
" Why, you ask ? " he laughed humorlessly " I don't fucking know why. "
Suddenly Karma became well aware of the pain in his knuckles, what before was only a dull throb it now felt like his hands had been set on fire. At least that pain dulled the one in his heart, the one he refused to acknowledge because to do so would be admitting he cared about them. Karma really needed to punch the tree again.
" Karma… " Korosensei started but was interrupted.
" They were strangers. " he yelled " They didn't care about me. Then why should I care if they're dead ? "
" Who's dead ? " Korosensei asked.
" My parents. " Karma whispered " They were never there when I needed them. Damn, I barely know them. They are fucking strangers to me. I hate them, so why does it hurt so much ? "
There was silence. For the first time Korosensei didn't know how to answer. He had dealt with loss, death and even betrayal before, but this was different. It wasn't just those emotions that troubled Karma, it was mainly the pain of being abandoned, to know that not even your own parents, the ones that should love and support you unconditionally, were there for you.
" You're the teacher. Answer me. " Karma yelled the last part.
" Because you still love them. " Korosensei said without thinking " No matter how many times a person hurts you, you can't just stop yourself from loving them. Even when we really hate someone, it was because, at some point we loved them. There's no love without hate. "
" That's just bullshit. " More tears started to run down Karma's face as he spoke. " How could I ever care about someone who abandoned me ? "
Finally Korosensei let go of his hands but as soon as that happened Karma felt something warm surround him and weirdly shaped hands patting his back. Korosensei was… hugging him. Strangely it felt nice. Karma didn't feel the urge to push him away, he just let the tears flow, Korosensei's chest drowning his sobs.
Karma wanted to stop crying but couldn't. The tears flowed out of him like a river and no matter what he couldn't stop it. It hurt, to know he would never be able to see them again because despite all the times they left him, there had been good moments and as much as he wanted to deny it he had always hoped they would be there for him one day. That somehow they would find a way to make it up to him.
Foolish dreams of his childhood that he had never been able to let go of until now that he had no choice but to do so.
Karma wasn't sure how long he and Korosensei stayed like that, it felt like an eternity, gladly no one saw them, it would've been embarrassing otherwise. It was already bad enough that Korosensei saw his break down, he didn't need anybody else seeing him like that.
But at the very least he could always try and make the best out of it.
" I'm sorry Karma-kun. I guess not even teachers know everything. " Korosensei whispered knowing Karma wouldn't be able to hear him.
And in that precise moment, as the octopus had expected, Karma's arm moved and Korosensei felt the tip of a small knife against his skin. Obviously Karma wasn't fast enough and the teacher was gone before the knife could even graze him.
Karma smirked sadly as he cleaned the tears in his cheeks.
" I was expecting that. " the octopus stated.
" I knew you were. "
Uncomfortable silence was set between them. Karma looked at the ground and then at the octopus.
" Thanks Korosensei. "
" Lets go. We need to put a bandage on your hands. "
" If you tell anyone about this, I'll never respect you as teacher again. Break my trust and you'll suffer. "
" I would never dream of it. "
True to his word, when the rest of the class asked why Korosensei's clothes were wet or why Karma's hands were bandaged and his eyes were slightly bloodshot, the octopus just made up a crazy story about Karma's latest assassination attempt. They doubted the others had believed the story but at least they didn't ask anymore questions.
That was enough for Karma.