Monday. Doctor McCoy woke up nice and bright and early. The Replicators all
worked, none of the doors jammed (the cardboard had been getting a little
chafed...), and all of the crew he passed in the hallways were nice and
cheerful.
Everything was nice.
And then he walked into Sick Bay.
Sitting on the bed was a phoenix. McCoy did a cartoon style double take, then blinked, rubbed his eyes, looked in his coffee cup, threw it over his shoulder, went to his 'medicine cabinet', had a long glug of whiskey, looked again, changed the whiskey to Romulan Ale, took a glug of that, looked again, then decided he wasn't insane and that the phoenix was real.
"Are you real?" He asked it anyway. It blinked at him.
"Bananas." It replied, "Mississippi. Chocolate and cheese."
McCoy sighed. He was sane, but the phoenix obviously wasn't. This wasn't good.
"Can you speak English."
"Hai. Watakushi wa igirijusin sukoshi hannashimasu."
"That would be Japanese."
"Nein! Das ist flasch! Ich liebe mein fuhrer!"
"And that would be German."
"Femme la bouche!"
"French." It suddenly occurred to the good doctor that he was talking with a multi-language-gifted bird. One that was on fire.
He went over to the comm.
"Spock. Spock?" He said a few times before realising he hadn't pushed the room-to-room.
"Spock? Spock? McCoy to bridge; Spock?"
"Doctor," Came the taciturn reply, "either state your business or drive someone else to the point of an emotional outburst."
"Spock. There. Is. A. Phoenix. In. Sick. Bay."
"Are you feeling alright, doctor?"
"Are. You. LISTENING TO ME?"
"I was not aware that you could imitate the Captain. Congratulations."
If McCoy hadn't been so wound up he would have congratulated Spock himself for a good use of sarcasm. But, like I said, he was too wound up.
"SPOCK YOU GREEN BLOODED HEARTLESS VULCAN WHO I'M GOING TO SHOOT IF YOU DON'T EXPLETIVE WELL LISTEN TO ME! THERE IS A PHOENIX IN SICK BAY AND IT CAN SPEAK GERMAN AND JAPANESE AND FRENCH AND ENGLISH BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE IN ANY OF THEM AND IT'S SITTING HERE ON A BIO-BED WILL YOU PLEASE COME DOWN HERE AT ONCE!"
"Why me? Why not the Captain?"
"I need the one with brains, not charm!"
"I am honoured. I will come immediately."
~~
"It appears to be a rather large Eagle that you have set on fire."
"No, it's a phoenix. Don't you read Earth mythology?"
"I am a science officer. Of course I do not. It would be illogical."
"Well, phoenix's are firebirds. They can resurrect themselves from their ashes when they die. But they are supposed to be fictitious, not real!"
"Doctor."
"Yes, Spock?"
"There appears to be a young girl observing us."
"What?" McCoy looked around. Sitting across Sick Bay from them was a little girl of about ten or eleven years of age, with long blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin and pointed ears. She grinned devilishly.
"Hi! I'm a U! What are you?"
Everything was nice.
And then he walked into Sick Bay.
Sitting on the bed was a phoenix. McCoy did a cartoon style double take, then blinked, rubbed his eyes, looked in his coffee cup, threw it over his shoulder, went to his 'medicine cabinet', had a long glug of whiskey, looked again, changed the whiskey to Romulan Ale, took a glug of that, looked again, then decided he wasn't insane and that the phoenix was real.
"Are you real?" He asked it anyway. It blinked at him.
"Bananas." It replied, "Mississippi. Chocolate and cheese."
McCoy sighed. He was sane, but the phoenix obviously wasn't. This wasn't good.
"Can you speak English."
"Hai. Watakushi wa igirijusin sukoshi hannashimasu."
"That would be Japanese."
"Nein! Das ist flasch! Ich liebe mein fuhrer!"
"And that would be German."
"Femme la bouche!"
"French." It suddenly occurred to the good doctor that he was talking with a multi-language-gifted bird. One that was on fire.
He went over to the comm.
"Spock. Spock?" He said a few times before realising he hadn't pushed the room-to-room.
"Spock? Spock? McCoy to bridge; Spock?"
"Doctor," Came the taciturn reply, "either state your business or drive someone else to the point of an emotional outburst."
"Spock. There. Is. A. Phoenix. In. Sick. Bay."
"Are you feeling alright, doctor?"
"Are. You. LISTENING TO ME?"
"I was not aware that you could imitate the Captain. Congratulations."
If McCoy hadn't been so wound up he would have congratulated Spock himself for a good use of sarcasm. But, like I said, he was too wound up.
"SPOCK YOU GREEN BLOODED HEARTLESS VULCAN WHO I'M GOING TO SHOOT IF YOU DON'T EXPLETIVE WELL LISTEN TO ME! THERE IS A PHOENIX IN SICK BAY AND IT CAN SPEAK GERMAN AND JAPANESE AND FRENCH AND ENGLISH BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE IN ANY OF THEM AND IT'S SITTING HERE ON A BIO-BED WILL YOU PLEASE COME DOWN HERE AT ONCE!"
"Why me? Why not the Captain?"
"I need the one with brains, not charm!"
"I am honoured. I will come immediately."
~~
"It appears to be a rather large Eagle that you have set on fire."
"No, it's a phoenix. Don't you read Earth mythology?"
"I am a science officer. Of course I do not. It would be illogical."
"Well, phoenix's are firebirds. They can resurrect themselves from their ashes when they die. But they are supposed to be fictitious, not real!"
"Doctor."
"Yes, Spock?"
"There appears to be a young girl observing us."
"What?" McCoy looked around. Sitting across Sick Bay from them was a little girl of about ten or eleven years of age, with long blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin and pointed ears. She grinned devilishly.
"Hi! I'm a U! What are you?"