And all the roads we have to walk are winding.
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how.
Wonderwall - Oasis.
Sometimes, Jotaro suspected that Star Platinum was messing with him.
It did not happen often but the fact that it happened at all annoyed him more than he liked to admit. At an early point of their journey, Abdul and Joseph had praised him for his seemingly flawless control over his stand, to which Jotaro had just replied with a disinterested shrug. As far as he was concerned, he did not have to wrestle Star Platinum into submission so their compliments were pointless. Sure, the stand had taken a few liberties before he was aware of it but once Abdul had revealed its existence to him in that dark prison cell it calmed down, like a furious spirit finally put to rest. From that moment on, controlling it came as naturally as breathing and he could feel their connection growing stronger every day. By the time Dio's broken body crumbled to dust under the desert sun, his invisible companion had become an integral part of his life.
It was a bond which brought along problems of its own.
The sharp fluorescent light of the hospital room was beginning to hurt his eyes. He stretched in his seat, his muscles stiff from the lack of movement and blinked wearily at the magazine in his hands. With a heavy yawn, he put it aside and looked towards the window, where Cairo's neon lights painted the streets in every color against the rapidly approaching night. He peered at them numbly, his mind struggling to catch up to his lost train of thought until his eyes focused on Kakyoin's sleeping form reflected in the windowpane.
It took him a while to take in the fact that he was actually sleeping this time, not hovering between life and death anymore. His friend had only recently come out of his half-month-long coma, which for Jotaro had blended into a very long day with occasional sleeping breaks in between. He was sure of having done things and gone to places in that time but it all felt like a dream now, the memory of it slowly dissolving, like a lump of sugar in a teacup. Back then he had visited a couple of times but just found himself staring at his classmate's deathly pale face, powerless to say or do anything while Star Platinum clenched its invisible fists at the back of his mind. The impotence and blind anger always ended up driving him insane so in the end he stopped coming, deciding instead to take long walks into the desert and come back late at night, with just enough strength to take a shower and collapse into bed. Sometimes, he caught his grandfather's worried eyes staring at him but he had never said a thing and Jotaro was not about to encourage him.
It was different with his mother; her voice practically radiated with concern through the telephone whenever it rang. Ever since she had recovered from Dio's curse, they had talked every morning or, rather, she had talked and he had listened, throwing in a monosyllabic response every once in a while. She had wanted to know when he was coming home but after a couple of days, that question disappeared and was never brought up again. Jotaro wondered if she knew what was going on, just like his grandmother had known that something was wrong despite their careful secrecy around his mother's illness. Whatever the story was, her voice was always soft and gentle whenever he picked up the hotel phone and even though he would never admit it, he had come to look forward to their one-sided chats.
And then February rolled around and the phone rang as usual but this time, the call did not come from Japan but from the Speedwagon Foundation.
He remembered walking to the hospital in a dazed state, unsure of whether he was truly awake or not. It was not until he stepped into the room and saw Kakyoin's eyes open that he allowed himself to breathe again. He remembered standing there, sweat glistening on his forehead, not sure of what to say or how to say it. He could feel Star Platinum tugging at him, compelling him to do what he would never consider doing in his right mind but thankfully, his friend took it upon himself to break the ice.
He threw him a weak smile from across the room and croaked out, "Please tell me we won."
Jotaro suppressed an ecstatic, mad laugh bubbling in this throat. For a second, he just stared at Kakyoin in silence before letting out a small chuckle and replying, "Yeah."
That had been five days ago and time as he knew it had resumed.
There had been a lot of explanations and catching up and sorrow at the fate of Abdul and Iggy. The tears had flown freely down Polnareff's face as he recounted the story and Jotaro had felt a sting of pity for him for having to go through the entire ordeal all over again. There was a telltale glisten in Kakyoin's eyes as well but he himself had no tears left to cry. They had all dried up in the sun during a particularly long excursion into the desert and there was no chance of them ever coming back. Instead, he just briefly squeezed the Frenchman's shoulder once they exited the hospital and walked away, letting the overwhelming relief flood every corner of his mind.
That was the first time when his stand broke free from him and soared into the night sky, its voice loud and triumphant like a victory bell.
Things had gotten a bit more complicated since then.
He sat in the quiet hospital room as darkness flooded the streets outside watching the multicolored hues dance across Kakyoin's face. Somewhere in the distance he heard shuffling of feet and light switches being flicked off one after another. A quick look at the mirror image of the clock on the wall told him it was almost nine and he wondered if he should leave. The Speedwagon Foundation's hospital wing never chased anyone out if they stayed past visiting hours but Jotaro could feel their disapproving gazes on him every time he lingered for too long.
He stretched again and looked down at a bunch of cards strewn over his knees. He and Kakyoin had been passing the time with an old deck he found stashed away in his grandfather's luggage until his friend had literally fallen asleep before his next move. Jotaro had just stayed there, waiting for a good two hours with only a tattered science magazine for company, his cards still in their original arrangement on his lap. He was about to do the only logical thing and go back to the hotel but when he turned away from the window, he found himself frozen in place.
It was no secret that Star Platinum had been acting odd. In a way Jotaro could not blame it, his stand was a faithful reflection of his own spiritual energy which had been more than messed up lately. However, he distinctly did not recall summoning it, nor did he recall asking it to sit on the edge of the bed and take his classmate's limp hand.
"What the…"
He could feel his own lips mouthing the words but sound never followed. For a few hopeful seconds, he thought something was wrong with the IV attached to Kakyoin's hand and Star Platinum had caught on before him. A quick glance at the thin plastic tube reassured him of the contrary, which, somehow, made things worse. He had come to associate his stand's presence with trouble and when summoned, it usually bore an enthusiastic grin or a mask of boisterous readiness followed by a loud battle cry. And yet, there it was, looking calm and peaceful, its eyes veiled as if lost in some distant memory. As Jotaro watched its thumb tracing circles on Kakyoin's wrist he recalled an ironic memory of his own.
"Your control of Star Platinum really is impressive, Jotaro. And in such a short time too."
"Abdul is right, it took me a while to get used to Hermit Purple and you just mastered your stand in mere hours."
"It's almost like you two have become one."
Jotaro shook his head furiously, trying to silence the voices in his head. Hearing Abdul's carefree laughter was particularly gut-wrenching and even if his friend had been right about him then, he absolutely could not understand his stand's erratic behavior now. There was no point to Star Platinum hovering over Kakyoin like that or to the tinge of concern in its usually cold eyes. Jotaro could admit that he had been worried about him, they all had been but according to the Speedwagon Foundation, he was finally out of the woods. It was going to take time and effort but he would be fine. Kakyoin had told him so himself, when Jotaro had dropped in this morning. He did not need anyone to hold his hand or protect him from whatever unnamed dangers awaited them in the future.
No matter how much Jotaro wanted to.
The realization hit him like a lightning bolt nearly achieving the same effect. He stood still for a while, then slowly sank back in the chair as his mind scrambled to assemble a puzzle it was never aware of. He thought back to the time the Sun had almost made his classmate into a pin cushion and the time Geb had come dangerously close to clawing his eyes out. Both events had happened in the blistering desert heat but in his mind, they felt cold and hollow. He remembered his stand screaming inside him back then and as he watched Star Platinum's hand rest protectively over Kakyoin's abdomen, where the dreaded wound had been, he felt like screaming himself.
It had always been like this. For some ridiculous, unfathomable reason, it had always been like this.
What the hell was wrong with him?
He rolled his eyes and rested his forehead on his open palm feeling sparks flying around the gears in his head. Of course his friend did not need his protection, Jotaro had seen him hold his own against the stand users they had come across for fifty days. The rational part of his mind knew it and yet every time Jotaro saw him bleed he felt a cold hand grab at his insides. It was same feeling he got when he saw his mother collapsed on the floor that cold November morning, the same one that tore through him when the light went out in his grandfather's eyes. But then again, how could it be otherwise? They were his family, the only people he would do anything in the world to shield from harm.
When did he start feeling the same for Noriaki Kakyoin as well?
The heavy machinery working overtime in his head whirred to a stop when he saw the figure on the bed stir, purple eyes slowly blinking open. As if on cue, Star Platinum reluctantly withdrew its hand and dissolved in the blue glow that bathed the room a split second before Jotaro ordered it gone.
Before he could curse his stand for doing as it pleased, Kakyoin yawned and clumsily gathered his cards spread over the hospital sheets. "Crap, is it my turn yet?"
Jotaro nodded and sat back down pushing the chair closer. "It has been for a while now."
Kakyoin sighed and ran a hand over his face, staring at the ticking clock through his fingers. His tone turned apologetic when he looked back at Jotaro. "Sorry, I can't keep my eyes open. You'd think eighteen days in a coma would fix that, huh?"
Jotaro shrugged, flicking through the cards absentmindedly. His friend did get tired easily these days but everyone around assured them that it was perfectly normal. "You were almost cut in half, remember? You should be glad your eyes are open at all."
"Fair enough." Kakyoin yawned again and leaned against the tower of pillows behind his back. His eyes caught Jotaro's as he looked up from the cards. "You should go back to Japan, you know? Your mother is waiting for you. Not to mention a mountain of schoolwork."
Jotaro thought back to the hotel phone that would undoubtedly ring the next morning. In those fifty days, he had come to forget what normal life was like, without killer stands, immortal vampires and ancient secrets buried under the desert sands. He wondered if he could ever leave it all behind and go back to that simple existence now that there was an invisible guardian hiding in his mind. He wondered how Kakyoin had done it through all these years.
"Mom has the old man and grandma Suzie to keep her company", he said after a while. "My dad should be back too. Maybe by the time I get there she'll be all talked out and leave me alone."
Kakyoin let out a short laugh and stole a card from a disheveled pile on the night table. "So you're hiding in Egypt to avoid talking to your parents. That's cold, Jotaro."
Jotaro scowled at him. "You're one to talk. Isn't that what you're doing too?"
"I was almost cut in half, remember? I have an excuse."
The answer just made Jotaro roll his eyes as he threw two cards on the sheets. "Give me a break, Kakyoin. You'll have to talk to them at some point. Do you even know what to tell them?"
His classmate gave him a half-hearted shrug and stole another card from the pile. He studied his new hand with a look of increasing dissapointment before signalling that he was skipping his turn. "The truth, I guess, there's no point in lying to them. Reality is always stranger than fiction, isn't it?"
He sank deeper into the pillows as a shadow crossed his face. Jotaro didn't reply, wondering if he had imagined his friend's voice wavering. Somehow, he doubted that Kakyoin's parents would buy his story, no matter how much proof he could offer. His own mother had been surprisingly easy to convince but then again, she believed in aliens, time travel and ESP so in a way, she was half-way there already. His father would probably be a challenge but he did not need to know the whole truth. They could always say his mother had falled gravely ill and not mention anything about stands or Dio's curse. People like him lived in a logical world where the supernatural was just silly entertainment for children and screenwriters and Jotaro had the feeling that Kakyoin's parents were like that too. How else could they have raised a son who, after witnessing one supernatural event after another, still questioned the existence of a mirror world when J. Geil attacked them? How else could he have grown up with such a clear-cut set of rules of how to behave and how to fit in?
How on earth was he supposed to come back after breaking all of them?
He slid a pair of cards in front of him and cleared his throat. "You don't have to do this alone."
Kakyoin just nodded quietly and looked away from the game. Jotaro waited for him to say something but instead, his friend remained silent, watching the night swallow the city behind the window. His eyes were beginning to glaze over again and Jotaro wondered if he had heard him at all. Maybe he really should have left and let him sleep until morning.
When his friend spoke again, however, the wavering in his voice was gone. "I made the decision to follow you alone. When I did, I knew I'd have to face the consequences." He looked over at a colorful get well soon card that Polnareff had bought before leaving for France and smiled at the long green and white paper ribbon streaming from its sides. "I should be glad I still can, right?"
Jotaro followed his gaze towards the ribbon and for a second, felt a cold hand seize at his heart again. He remembered seeing something very similar not long ago, stretched over the Egyptian night sky like a green spider web. He had seen it torn to pieces and falling over the fleeing crowd but at that time, he had not the slightest idea of what he was looking at. It was happening too far away and by the time he got closer, it was too late to do anything about it.
He would have been better off not remembering.
Something must have changed in his expression since Kakyoin frowned and turned to face him but Jotaro had no words left. There was nothing to say in the first place except that he would have never defeated Dio if it hadn't been for him. That whatever debt he felt he owed to the Joestar family had been paid in full. That he, Jotaro Kujo, would walk through fire stark naked if he knew that would help him.
None of that mattered, though. Even if he never said it, it would still be true.
Instead, he stood up and put away his cards, throwing a quick glance at the darkness outiside. "Rest then, we can finish this tomorrow."
Kakyoin nodded slowly and folded his own cards in a neat pile. Jotaro could still feel his sleep-veiled eyes on him while he threw on his jacket but eventually, they slipped closed. He stood still for a moment, listening to the footsteps of the night staff in the distance, then headed for the exit.
He made it to the door before stopping again, his fingers hovering over the light switch.
"Hey Kakyoin, have you ever been to New York?"
There was a long pause followed by the soft sound of covers being pulled up. "Once, but it was a very long time ago. What about it?"
"I wanted to go this summer, visit my grandparents. Will you be able to travel by then?"
This time the pause behind him was even longer. Jotaro turned around to find Kakyoin blinking in confusion, as if he had just told him that the sky was green. "You want me to come with you?"
Jotaro could see the "why" hovering on his lips and for a second, asked himself the same question. He had been going to New York every other August to spend time with the old man and listen to him loudly recount his glory days. Jotaro never knew how much of what he told him was true but even the most outlandish things began to seem more plausible after Star Platinum's awakening. Those visits were never dull but even then, he had always spent that month alone, wandering around the city that never slept. He was not sure whether he finally wanted company or whether it was Kakyoin's company that he wanted but the question had already been asked so there was no point in wondering.
Instead, he just pulled his jacket tighter around his body and replied, "Yeah."
The squirrels in Jotaro's head are doing the best they can but his Epiphany Engine remains hopelessly stuck. As always, save an author, leave a review.