Disclaimer: I do NOT own any character that appears in this fic. It's a FANfiction, for goodness' sake! They all belong to J.K. Rowling. Although, if she'd ever wish to give or even sell me Padfoot and/or Moony I'd be more then pleased.

Warnings: Just three; first – this is SLASH! Don't like, don't read and don't flame for the slashiness since I'm warning you about it! Second – there's a bit of cursing inside. Third – English is not my L1 so please forgive me the mistakes and errors I've made. You know, writing in English guarantees bigger audience.

Notes: I set this between book 4 and 5, when Sirius and Remus are already living in the headquarters. I really like the idea of them getting together after Azkaban.

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Tiny droplets… Big fat drops…. They were all flowing down his cheeks, forehead, nose… his whole body, washing away the pain and the horror of the full moon…

Fool moon… Foul moon…

Cacophony of carousing wind and slashing and beating rain was so calming; it seemed the sky was weeping for him, in his stead. Remus raised his hands, as if to touch the leaden clouds. His clothes were wet; they clung to his flesh hampering his movements.

Soaked and blinded by raindrops, he rubbed the water off his eyes and headed towards the porch. He doubted his cigarettes were dry enough to be lit; drying charm was in order.

Stagnation, Remus thought, was an unbearable thing. In every aspect of his life stagnation reigned supreme, and the inability to change it was even more unbearable then the acknowledgement of the fact.

He hid under the narrow roof of the porch. After the drying charm, the cigarette lit without a problem. Remus inhaled the heavy smoke deeply.

--

Sirius rested his forehead against the cold windowpane. Watching Remus standing in the garden, obviously depressed, allowing himself to be soaked by the rain was almost as painful as Moony's own misery. He did not want his Moony to suffer.

He did not want to suffer as well. Inability to touch, to kiss, to embrace Remus… It was killing him.

Sirius did not know for how long he felt like this, maybe from the very beginning even. The signs were there, only he ignored them. He always craved for Remus' attention more than anyone else's; he always cared about him more than about anyone, maybe except Harry, now. He was always overprotective of him, even if in very reckless, childish, and stupid way. And Remus was always the only person who could ever tame him, and the only one that ever cared to do it. Sirius always thought about him as his voice of reason.

It struck him in the Shrieking Shack, over a year ago. When Remus burst into that room, a wave, no, a tsunami of poignant longing, relief, uncertainty and hope, all emotions mixed, almost knocked him unconscious. When they embraced, for a moment he forgot about the children, stupid Peter, twelve years of pain, loneliness and horrors. All he could think of was the warm body in his arms and the feeling he was home at last.

Sirius rested his hand on the pane, as if he was trying to reach through it and brush damp strands of hair off Remus' forehead. A sudden jolt of determination hit him at the same time as lighting tore the sky in two. Shaking his head, he went out of the kitchen and to the porch only to stop just a few inches behind the werewolf.

"Padfoot…" Remus whispered, grey wisp of cigarette smoke escaping his lips. Sirius put his hands on Moony's shoulders and he, in turn, rested his head in the nape of Sirius' neck, baring his throat in strangely canine gesture that indicated complete trust.

"Moony…" the Animagus breathed, inhaling Remus' scent: a mixture of moss, rain and tobacco. He could see his veins pulsing underneath the pale skin; he could feel wetness from light brown hair soaking through his t-shirt on the shoulder. He pursed his lips. It was now or never. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sirius" Remus replied, warm smile gracing his lips, which almost immediately closed around a half-smoked cigarette.

"No…" Sirius backed away a step. "I'm in love with you."

There was no reaction from Remus' side, except for a sudden tenseness of his muscles. Sirius was not sure how should he read it, but decided to explain things before his words would sink in, before Remus decided to do or say anything.

"Look… I'm not sure how long I've been feeling like this. I don't even really know how come I feel this way! You're the only man, and the only person too, for whom I had feelings like this. It's really a breath-taking, soul-sucking, blood-freezing love. A true love. I just had to tell you the truth, because I can no longer pretend that all I feel is friendship. I don't want to lose what we already have but I need to find out… if there's even a slightest shadow of a hope for… for you loving me as much as I love you. Or at least half as much…"

Remus still stood almost motionless, his stare glued to the large pine tree on the other side of the garden. His only reaction was throwing away his finished cigarette. The stub performed a graceful arch in the air before it sunk in the growing puddle in the middle of the lawn. Sirius twitched nervously. Remus' calmness was unnerving and frightening.

"I'm sorry, Moony! I know it's really egoistic, but I couldn't stand it any longer, I just had to tell you. I only hope that if the answer will be 'no', we could still be friends…"

Remus turned around in one swift, sudden movement and looked straight into Sirius' eyes. His gaze was piercing and angry and when he spoke, his voice was shaking from suppressed emotion.

"How can anything ever be as before again? With just a few words you ruined the only thing I believed to be constant in my life" he said quietly, turned on his heel and walked away in the direction of the pine tree.

Sirius ran to him and grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! Please, Moony, forgive me… I just…"

But he did not finish, because Remus turned to face him again, breaking free from his clutches.

"Sorry, my ass! This was so childish of you! You just took my world and threw it into the garbage! I can't change myself for you this much! I can't change who I am because you have a fucking crush on me!" he was fuming; his voice was low and sounded more like and angry growl and his hair seemed to raise a bit.

"It's… It's not a crush, Remus! It's the purest, deepest love I've ever known, that I'll ever know!" Sirius cried desperately trying to touch the werewolf's hand, but Remus walked away quickly and entered the house, door slamming behind him.

"Fuck…" Sirius muttered, resigned and hid his face in his hands.

It was his turn to stand alone in the rain. He tried to imagine that the falling water washes away all the misery he felt, but it did not work. Not only did he screw up the friendship he cherished so much, he also made Remus feel disgusted with him. Now, Sirius felt disgusted with himself at least as much as Remus did.

He did not know for how long he stood there, letting the rain and wind whip his shivering body. He just stared into the distance, trying to figure out some way to mend the bond he just broke.

In the meantime, daylight faded and the cloudy sky changed its color from leaden to indigo.

"Sirius!"

He turned around only to catch a glimpse of Remus running straight at him. Then he found himself lying on the damp grass. The force of the fall knocked the air out of his lungs. There was a warm, trembling body on top of him, clinging to him as if he was a lifebelt. There were soft lips pressed against his own, moist tongue exploring his mouth. Only after a few seconds Sirius comprehended what was going on and came to his senses for only enough time to remember to return the kiss. Remus tasted like cigarettes blended with metallic tinge of rainwater and something that was distinctly his own. To Sirius it was perfect.

"I'm sorry…. I'm such an idiot… I'm so sorry…" Remus whispered when they pulled apart for breath.

Sirius cupped his face in his hands and ran his thumb across his cheek. He looked questioningly into the werewolf's eyes.

"Sorry for what? Kissing me?" the Animagus asked teasingly, but a note of uncertainty could be heard in his voice.

"No, for my earlier behavior…" Remus tried to explain, but Sirius only shook his head and smiled.

"Then stop your whining and kiss me again."

Remus was more than happy to oblige.

--

Later that evening they were lying cuddled under a couple of blankets in Sirius' dimly lit bedroom. Snogging in the rain, as romantic as it might seem, turned out to be also quite unhealthy. Both men were sneezing from time to time. Thick covers were tangled around their legs and Remus used Sirius' chest as an ashtray stand.

Sirius watched the werewolf blowing out a cone of grey smoke. Remus smiled at him and rubbed his nose against the Animagus' chin, inhaling his scent.

"Ok, you can explain now." Sirius said.

"I needed to stop looking at you so your charm would take away my reason."

"Please, Moony… seriously…"

"Ok, ok… I wanted to tell you how I feel for some time now, but I couldn't make myself to do it. I had phases of denial and angst, and you picked just one of these times to tell me how you felt. So, I voiced my fears. It took me some time to actually comprehend that you were serious and that I really could stop pretending. So I did. Stopped pretending, I mean" Remus put down the cigarette and took the ashtray off Sirius' chest. The Animagus' hands snaked around his neck and he nuzzled up close. For some time they were too busy kissing to say anything.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered into the other man's ear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything…" came muffled reply, as the werewolf's teeth were currently pinching lightly the skin of Padfoot's neck.

"In case anyone would ask…. Could I tell them you just couldn't resist my charm..?"

They both burst out laughing. Soon the giggles changed into pleasurable sighs and then into deep, steady breathing, as they both fell asleep.

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A/N: I know it's really corny, just like all my stories, but hey, there's got to be the beginning of everything. This is one of my first steps as an author of fanfiction, so be understanding.

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