When he wakes up, he remembers pain, Kylo Ren, Rey. And snow. A lot of snow. It had been dark. And cold…
Something at his side whirrs and beeps.
"BB-8?" he tries to ask, but the words don't come out. His throat feels too dry. Breathing is strangely hard.
He hears what he presumes to be the sound of BB-8 rolling away and blinks into the light above him. Maybe he's dead. Would there be a light? Would there be anything? And why would BB-8 be there? No offense, but still, it seems a little unlikely.
So he's probably not dead.
He keeps blinking until the light turns out to be a lamp. He's in a bright, sterile room. A hospital or something. He's lying on some sort of tray thing – what are they called? It's not very comfortable, but neither were the beds at Starkiller Base, so he doesn't expect much, really.
Starkiller Base. That's where it all had happened. He'd been there with Rey, fighting Kylo Ren. And Han Solo had helped – he'd died…
He tries to sit up, but it doesn't work.
He hears steps approach in the corridor, accompanied by BB-8's sounds. Rey is coming to see if he's alright.
However, when the door opens, it's Poe, not Rey, who hurries over to him and hands him a glass of water and asks if he's fine, if he needs anything at all.
"No," Finn croaks.
Poe smiles at him. "He got you pretty good, you had me worried."
"Sorry," Finn says.
Poe keeps smiling. That's nice.
"I'm not in pain," Finn says. Actually, it's more of a question, because shouldn't he be?
"Yeah, you're pretty drugged right now, they gave you a whole lot of medication that I've never even heard about."
"That makes sense," he says, even though he has no idea if it does. His head feels strangely light.
Poe laughs. Poe has a nice laugh.
"'m goin' back to sleep," Finn slurs. It seems like he should announce it in order not to seem rude.
"Go ahead," Poe says. "I'll be here."
Finn only realizes that that's a promise when he wakes up and Poe is there.
He's not sure what that means, except he has a suspicion.
He pushes it to the back of his mind.
He's waiting for Rey, after all.
The drugged-out bliss doesn't last long. Kalonia, his doctor, tells him his prognosis is good if he adheres to the treatment plan she has set up, whatever that plan is supposed to entail. She gradually reduces the amount of painkillers in his system, which is why he ends up lying in bed, gritting his teeth, trying to distract himself so he'll forget about the pain.
Poe sits by his side. "I can ask her to give you some more painkillers," he says. "She wants to ease you off them, not to torture you."
"I'm fine," Finn says.
"Right," Poe says, rolling his eyes. "You got lightsabered, Finn, or whatever they call it. You don't have to pretend not to feel any pain."
"How do you know I don't?" Finn asks, slightly aggressive. He feels bad about it right away, but being forced to stay in bed and move as little as possible isn't great for feeling peaceful and serene.
Poe just leans back in his chair with a smile and glances at Finn's hands that are balled into fists.
"Alright, can you please call her?" Finn says, giving up.
Poe does, then sits back at Finn's side. "Don't worry," he says with that nice smile. "I won't tell anyone."
Finn grumbles. Poe actually laughs.
"Stop laughing at me," Finn says as Kalonia comes bustling in.
BB-8, who's been waiting at Poe's side with uncharacteristic quietness, beeps something and both Poe and Kalonia try to suppress smiles.
"What?" Finn says. "Droid, stop it! I'm an invalid! Have some sympathy, okay?
"Aww," Poe says.
Finn glares.
"Sorry," Poe says. His smile turns apologetic. "I can bring you something, if you want. Like, uh, water. Or a drink?"
Kalonia clears her throat.
"A non-alcoholic drink," Poe says.
Finn shakes his head. He's starting to feel tired. Kalonia leaves.
"D'you mind staying?" he asks Poe, resolving to blame this on the drugs later.
Poe settles into his chair more comfortably. "No," he says, reaching out as if to touch Finn, but then he pulls his hand back instead.
Finn wishes he hadn't, but that's just the drugs, honest.
Things stay the same for a while. Finn's days consist of having something healthy for breakfast, Kalonia doing a check-up, eating a healthy lunch, a medical droid doing a check-up, eating a healthy dinner, and Kalonia doing a final check-up. After about two weeks, he's ready to jump out of a window, only he's not allowed to leave his bed yet. The sickbay is also on the ground floor, so it wouldn't do much good either way. Kalonia tells him it's going to take time until he's fully recovered, which is immensely frustrating.
Everything is a lot less frustrating whenever Poe stops by to distract him. Which is very often, so Finn's not complaining, especially since Poe usually steals some unhealthy but delicious food to bring him.
One time when Poe is there on one of his several daily visits, he's telling Finn about what his fellow pilots and friends Snap and Jess got up to on their last night off, and he's describing it so vividly that Finn almost feels like he was there. It's all kind of gross and hilarious at the same time, involving a lot of alcohol and the commandeering of various starfighter prototypes.
"And then C-3PO says, 'Excuse my interrupting you, but I don't believe this is the intended purpose of these blasters!'"
Finn roars with laughter, so much that the wounds on his back start hurting again, but this is worth it.
Anyway, Finn laughs, and Poe laughs, and they look at each other and they are so incredibly close that Finn notices how nice Poe's eyes are. Finn is leaning in before he knows what he's doing, but he manages to stop himself after a moment.
Rey. He's waiting for Rey to come back.
He can't go around kissing other people, especially Poe, because – well. He doesn't actually know just why. He's sure there are reasons, but he can't think of any right now.
Regardless, he's not going to do it.
He's waiting for Rey, he reminds himself again.
He's reluctant to come along for drinks with the pilots, but he doesn't have an excuse, not when Poe has specifically asked Kalonia if he could and she's allowed it so Finn wouldn't go completely insane. She'd phrased it a lot more tactfully, though. She's also forbidden Finn to drink anything alcoholic and to dance on tables. He isn't sure what Kalonia thinks the pilots' nights out are like.
"Because they're your squad people or something!" he says when Poe asks him why he doesn't want to join them. "That's, like, I don't know. You don't intrude on that. Not you, I mean. Me. I don't intrude on that. I shouldn't."
Poe laughs and pulls him along. "Don't worry," he says. "You won't be intruding, they'll love you."
After having talked to them for a while, however, Finn isn't sure if they do. They're friendly enough, but something in the way they look at him makes him unsure about what they think of him.
He forgets about that early on, though, because he and Poe are really sitting very close, their sides pressed together, and Poe is warm and smells of something nice, even though Finn can't tell what it is exactly, and he can feel Poe's body move slightly as he's breathing. Finn tries to think of anything else but Poe. It doesn't work very well.
When Poe goes to get the next round, the others turn to Finn.
"So," Snap says, snapping his fingers. He somehow makes it come off as threatening.
Jess just purses her lips.
Nien gives him a look.
"So," Snap says with another snap. "You and Poe." He crosses his arms.
Finn chokes on his drink.
Jess hits him on the back to stop his coughing, but he suspects she's putting a little more force into it than necessary.
"There's no – there's nothing. I'm just – Poe and I are friends."
"Hm, yes," Jess says.
Nien leans towards him and narrows his eyes.
"Really," Finn says, hurrying to emphasize his statement with a nod. He's slightly afraid now.
"You know, we're Poe's friends, and have been for a while, and we'd all die for him," Snap says.
Finn has the urge to tell them that so would he, but he's not sure whether that would strengthen his case the way he wants it to.
"And we'd all kill for him," Jess says, raising her eyebrows slightly.
Great. He's getting death threats now. So much for 'They'll love you!'
"So, go for it," Snap says. "Just don't mess him around or anything."
Finn's jaw drops. "There – there's nothing to go for!" His voice is almost embarrassingly high. Okay, definitely embarrassingly high.
Poe returns right then, which stops the others from continuing with their interrogation torture thing and Finn from convincing them that, really, there is nothing going on between him and Poe. They settle for giving him some more warning looks.
Oh yeah, Finn's totally sure they love him.
The first time Finn and Poe actually kiss mostly just happens because one day Finn is especially frustrated with stupid training exercises he has to do so he won't be comically cursing while hobbling around for the rest of his life, and Poe is there. He's the only reason Finn hasn't yet given up on all of this and beaten up something or someone.
"Finn," Poe says patiently. "You'll be fine soon, you just have to stick it out –"
"I don't want to," Finn says angrily.
"Come on." Poe's voice is surprisingly soft and the look he gives Finn is gentle. "I know it must be frustrating, okay?"
"It's not just that." Finn drops down on the floor next to Poe, less carefully than he should, making wincing as a result. "What do I do after?"
"What do you mean, after?"
"When I've recovered completely, what do I do? Where am I going to go?"
"You're going to stay, right? Aren't you?"
"Am I? What can I do here?"
"You can become a soldier for the Resistance, you're a good fighter," Poe says, nudging him.
"Will they want me? I am a deserter," Finn says. It's something that has been bothering him for a while, in fact. He would like to stay, if they'll let him.
"Of course they will," Poe says with a laugh. "Sure, you're a deserter, but you deserted the First Order and helped save the galaxy. You deserted evil! Of course they will want to keep you."
Poe makes it sound so awesome, as if Finn had done anything besides getting himself hit with a lightsaber and leaving Rey alone to fight Ren.
"If you say so," Finn says.
Poe grins. "If they don't, I'll make them, I promise."
Finn kisses him, and it's happened before he can think about whether it should have in the first place.
It feels good, though, and he doesn't want to stop, and he decides that he'll think later.
Poe is calm, and solid, and there, and that's exactly what Finn wants right now, because he doesn't know where his life is going, what the Resistance will actually want him to do when he's fully recovered, when Rey will be back.
So he kisses Poe, and doesn't think about anything else.
They don't talk about it.
"You're good to go outside the immediate area of the base as long as you stay on-planet and take it slow," Kalonia says with a smile after what seems like the one-thousandth inspection of his wounds. "And I know this should be obvious, but strictly no battles, no daring escapes from any risky situations, as little running as possible for the moment. Just stay around and don't do anything dangerous." She sighs, apparently not hopeful that her orders will be followed.
"Yes!" Finn shouts before he can stop himself. He whoops, he just has to. "I am good to go! Awesome!" He stops and looks at her. "Good to go do what?"
She smiles indulgently. "Whatever you want."
He gives her a hug and twirls her around, startling her, and starts to run outside.
"This does not mean you can go around disregarding the fact that you still need to be careful! And no running!" she calls after him.
He throws her a kiss and she smiles, even though he can tell she's trying not to.
He finds Poe with his X-wing, talking to BB-8.
Finn approaches him and leans against the side of the ship to watch Poe check something at the controls.
"Kalonia says I'm good to go," he says innocently.
Poe looks up at once. "Good to go where?" he asks.
Finn smiles. "Wherever I want." He stands up straight. "Fly me somewhere?"
"Pick a ship," Poe says.
It's beautiful. They've landed next to some sort of lake. They're still on D'Qar – he's not going to defy Kalonia's instructions on his first day of freedom – but they're in a different place where there's nothing but untouched space, water and woods everywhere.
Finn breathes the fresh air and it feels like the first time.
"Finally," he says. "I thought they were gonna keep me in that building forever."
Poe has sat down by the side of the lake, leaning against the trunk of a tree. Finn watches him briefly, the way Poe's hair is even messier in the breeze than it normally is, before sitting down next to him.
The ground is soft and cool. "Yeah, I'm never going into any sickbay ever again."
"Don't worry," Poe says seriously. "I'll make sure you don't have to."
Finn kisses him until the day starts to end, it gets darker and cooler and they have to return to the base.
When they get back, Rey is there. Finn hugs her. He can't think of anything to say, but he doesn't feel like he needs to.
It takes him a couple of seconds to remember Poe is there as well, still standing at his side.
"Right," he says quickly. "Rey, Poe. Poe, Rey."
"We've met," Rey says, smiling briefly at Poe. "Before I left."
Finn is a bit confused as to why Poe isn't returning Rey's smile, only giving her a nod. He's a nice guy, so why wouldn't he be friendly to Rey?
"Right," Finn says. "Good."
He isn't sure it's actually good. What if Rey and Poe hate each other or something?
Rey looks at him properly for the first time. "You look like you've been in a fight."
He hastily pulls his shirt and jacket – Poe's jacket – straight. He glances at Poe, whose hair is a complete mess and whose lips are a slightly redder than normally.
"Something like that," he says, not daring to look at her.
Rey gives him a little smile. "I'm going to speak to General Organa now and leave you two alone."
There's a strange look in her eyes as she gives Finn another hug and nods at Poe before striding off down the corridor.
It's great that Rey's around again. That's what he's been waiting for, after all, so Finn's ecstatic. No, seriously, he is, it's just hard to remember whenever Rey is not right there. Somehow, Poe keeps dominating his thoughts.
Rey's very busy anyway, training alone all the time and honestly, he'd expected to see her a bit more, so he still spends most of his time with Poe. Not that he minds, it's just not what he'd thought was going to happen. It's strange and difficult to figure out what to do now, what to expect.
"Finn?" Poe says, jolting him from his thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"You alright?"
"Yeah," Finn says again.
Poe doesn't look convinced. "Is this about Rey?" he says.
"No – what? No, of course it's not about – you know, I just thought – I…" He trails off.
Poe lightly kicks the leg of the table they're sitting at in his room.
"That now that she's back things will work out so you can get together with her?" Poe's voice is unusually sharp and he's not looking Finn in the eyes.
Finn's heart skips a beat. "No," he says. "I don't know."
And he doesn't, he doesn't know what he is thinking, what he wants, what Poe and Rey are to him now, and he doesn't want to think about it. People are way too complicated. Maybe he should only stay around droids from now on.
He imagines living on a deserted planet with no one but a droid as company. For a moment, the idea seems strangely appealing, until he realizes that Poe has BB-8 and Rey has R2-D2, which means he'll get C-3PO at best. Fantastic.
"I don't know," he says again.
"Yeah, I can tell," Poe says, and for the very first time it occurs to Finn that maybe this – thing, whatever it is – between them is more than temporary, that it could be full of possibilities and promises and futures.
Finn kisses Poe, partly to shut out those frankly terrifying thoughts, partly because he has no idea what to say and partly because he's never wanted to do anything so much.
He doesn't really know how they've ended up in Poe's bed, though he thinks he remembers walking Poe towards it while slipping his hands under his shirt, but it doesn't matter. Everything's warm, and unhurried, and Poe is gasping his name between heated kisses and for a second as he rakes his hands through Poe's sweat-damp hair he thinks that he'll never need anything else in his life but this. He pushes that thought aside as quickly as he can, but he doesn't quite manage to forget it.
He wakes up with Poe's arm slung over his waist, Poe's face pressed into the crook of his neck, Poe's heartbeat against his skin.
He curses quietly to himself because he can tell that unless he really does want to emigrate with only C-3PO as his companion, he will eventually have to think about what all this means and what he wants. He'll have to make a decision. He curses again, because he really feels like it.
Poe moves a little and Finn holds his breath. Maybe he should dress and get out of here to think.
He should.
Definitely.
He stays.
Poe is away on a completely normal recon a short time later, it's as routine as it gets. Until they receive a frantic message that there's been an attack by the First Order, that some of their pilots are down, and that they're not completely sure yet who's made it.
Finn paces through the corridors, Rey walking quietly at his side. Her steps are barely audible. He vaguely wonders whether that has something to do with her training, not that it's important right now.
"I'm sure Poe is fine," Rey says after they've walked up and down the same corridor several times. "He's the best pilot out there."
Finn looks at her. "He's – my friend," he says, hesitating.
A smile flickers across Rey's face. "I know."
"Well, when I say friend, what I mean is – I mean – I don't know. I guess we've been – I suppose – you could call it – I don't know."
"I know," Rey says again.
"Oh," he says.
Rey just smiles without saying anything.
"There's some stuff I should have probably told him before he left, but I didn't think – it wasn't supposed to be dangerous."
But it is, now, and he didn't say anything to Poe before he left, just 'Bye, see you later.' They've never talked properly about any of this.
He'd waited for Rey, and here she is standing right in front of him, and all that he can think is that he wishes it was Poe instead of her who was with him right now.
Looking at Rey, even though he can't read her expression at all, he's sort of sure that she can tell, or at least suspects, what he's thinking.
He sighs and runs a hand over his face. "I thought – I thought I was waiting for you."
"You were," Rey says. "Just in a different way than you believed."
"Is being cryptic part of the Jedi training course?" he mutters before he can help himself.
Rey smiles, opens her mouth to say something, then stops. "They're back," she says, taking off down the corridor.
Just as he starts running, Finn can hear the sound of X-wings arriving.
They run outside, past droids and mechanics, onto the open space where the ships are landing.
Finn looks around, searching, when Rey nudges his side, pointing at a ship. He first sees BB-8, and then Poe climbing out.
Finn runs to hug him before he even thinks about it.
"You're here," Finn breathes, cupping Poe's face in his hands. "I need to tell you something."
This is probably not the most elegant way to do this, but he doesn't care.
"Finn, what –" Poe says, hugging him back despite his obvious confusion.
"Nothing bad," Finn says, "But soon?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure, did something happen?"
"Nothing, just – wanna talk, you know? About stuff."
Us, is what he doesn't say, but he thinks Poe knows it all the same.
"Anything specific you want to say?" Poe asks quietly.
"I'll tell you later," Finn whispers. He's sure Poe knows what he's going to say, but out here, surrounded by people, is not the right place.
Poe nods and smiles that stupidly endearing smile of his, and Finn kisses him. It feels very familiar, now, in the best way.
He can hear people talking, and droids beeping, and somebody laughing, calling Poe's name and saying something pretty dirty. Finn is fairly sure it was Snap who said it.
Poe doesn't break away for even a second, which is good, because Finn sure isn't about to let him go.
BB-8 beeps something at their side and starts rolling around them in a circle. He suddenly shocks Finn, which makes him stop kissing Poe, although he keeps holding on to him. Poe's hands are clenched in the jacket that used to be his.
"Droid," Finn says as strictly as he can, and gives Poe, who is struggling not to laugh, a look.
"Come on, BB-8," Rey says. "Let's go. You can talk to Finn about his intentions later."
"Intentions?" Finn asks, slightly worried, but Poe chuckles and pulls him into another kiss before he can think about it too much.
BB-8 beeps something else as Finn runs his hands down Poe's sides, desperate to hold him, to feel his warmth, to convince himself that, yes, Poe is alive, it's alright, he's right there in Finn's arms.
"I agree," Rey says to BB-8 as they move away. "Very much about time."