Kagome sighed as she ran a hand through her thick black hair. She looked sadly down at the envelope she had just sealed, a handwritten letter and a few pictures inside, knowing that she would probably never receive a response. She stood up from the small desk in her living room and walked out of the front door into the cool morning air outside. She eyed the mailbox across the street apprehensively. She hated mailing these letters, but still, she knew he deserved to know what happened in their daughter's life.
Even so, after nearly six years she had never once received a response from Inuyasha.
Her fingers gently ran over the smooth envelope clutched lightly in her hands as she wondered if she should even bother sending it. Inuyasha and her… They had been so good together. But, then he had become distant and on one tear filled night he had finally admitted what she had long feared, that he was curious about another woman. He hadn't done anything, but he wanted to.
That realization had hit her like a freight truck.
She had released him, right then and there. She wasn't going to stick around and wait for him to sort out his confused feelings, she wasn't going to demote their relationship to only dating so he could see other people, she simply wasn't going to deal with it. She had more self-respect than that. He had left her apartment, ears down, eyes sad, and she had never seen or heard from him since.
It was about a month after he had left that she had found out she was pregnant. When she was six months along she finally worked up the nerve to tell him. She had sent him a letter explaining that he didn't need to be in her or the baby's life, but that door was open if he wanted it. She had included two ultrasound pictures.
She had waited nervously for weeks after that, expecting to at least get some kind of reaction from him, but one never came.
So, she sent him another letter after their daughter, Haruna, was born. She included a couple pictures and she had really, really, hoped that she would get a response. She would hold their silver-haired baby girl every night and wait for a letter to come.
She could never explain to herself why she didn't just call, or even email, him. But, she could never work up the nerve. She knew it was weak, but at least she was doing something, right?
She sent him a letter on each of Haruna's birthdays. Haruna was five now. That was five years worth of pictures of their little girl growing up. When they moved, and they had a few times, she would always send him their new address… Just in case he decided to show up.
She sucked in a deep breath and made herself push the envelope into the mail box. Today's letters had pictures of Haruna's first day of school. Kagome had been so nervous to let her little girl go to kindergarten, but Haruna just wanted to dive in. She was smart. Very smart. She already knew her ABC's, her color's, and could count to twenty all by herself. Kagome had just started her on some basic learning and Haruna really loved reading Dr. Seuss. The images and funny words always made her laugh as Kagome made voices for each of the unique-looking characters.
Kagome walked slowly back into the house and went to wake up her sleepy little girl. Haruna's hair was exactly like her father's, but she didn't have the doggy ears to go along with it. After all, she was only quarter-demon. Haruna rolled over sleepily and opened her bright golden eyes.
Kagome couldn't help but smile.
Those eyes reminded her so much of Inuyasha… Of the good times… She loved that Haruna had inherited that from her father.
"Time to get up, we are going to visit some special people today, remember?"
Haruna's bright smile lit up the room as her little body suddenly jumped up in excitement. She had run across the room to start pulling on close faster than Kagome could see. She had inherited Inuyasha's speed…
Kagome's eyes trailed over to the nightstand beside Haruna's bed. A picture in an old frame sat there and greeted her with unwanted memories. Inuyasha was smirking up at the camera, his doggy ears at full attention. She remembered taking that picture…
She had never wanted Haruna to grow up without a father, so she had told her little girl all about Inuyasha. She had shown her pictures, she had told her stories, she had let him be in her life as best as she could without him actually being present. Still, when Haruna would ask where her daddy was it broke Kagome's heart every time she had to answer with the brutal, honest, truth, "I don't know".
A little hand tugged at her shirt breaking her from her reverie. She looked back at the little girl beside her, now nicely dressed in a long brown dress and white tights. It had amazed Kagome the first time Haruna had dressed herself without needing any assistance. But, now, it was something she had come to expect. Haruna was so smart, so talented, and still so young… It took her breath away.
"Come on Mommy! You're taking forever…" Haruna drew out the word 'forever' and finished it with a flourish of her hands in the air to demonstrate her frustration. "I wanna meet Auntie Sango!"
Kagome smiled at her and bent down to pick her up. "Ok, ok, here we go."
Haruna frowned at her. "I'm not a baby Mommy."
Kagome laughed lightly and sat her little girl down on the floor, taking her hand instead. "You'll always be my little girl."
Haruna huffed and Kagome heard a small "keh". She was so much like her father sometimes…
Sango had only recently learned about Haruna. Kagome had moved away and had only returned within the last month so that she could enroll Haruna in an advanced elementary school. The only people who had known about the pregnancy and Haruna from the start was her family. She simply hadn't been able to tell Sango… a part of her feared that if Sango knew, then Miroku would know, then they would force Inuyasha into doing something that he didn't want to do. She knew it was stupid of her. She knew it was irrational to block out her best friend for the last several years.
But, she was growing up now and was darn well going to fix her mistakes.
During the car ride Haruna happily chatted about what she had learned in her first week of school. She told her mom excitedly about her teacher, Ms. Kaede, and all the fun things they had done. Her liquid voice floated throughout the car and made the drive seem even shorter than it was.
Kagome pulled up in front of Sango and Miroku's house and had to steady her nerves. It had been over five years since she had seen them last. It had been so hard to be around them after her split with Inuyasha. They were his friends too, so there would have been no escaping him and his new girlfriend.
Kagome had loved him. She had loved him beyond what feeble words could express. She had given him everything, she had belonged to him heart, mind, body, and soul. Simply, he had been her entire world.
The fall from that high had been excruciating. The only thing that had gotten her through it was Haruna. It was a little piece of him that she still had, that she could cling to. Haruna was a gift that showed her what it was to love someone wholly and truly from the first moment you saw them. It can't be explained, the love a mother feels for their child. It's an insurmountable and unbeatable kind of love.
With newfound determination she opened her door before carefully letting Haruna out of the backseat. In a flash, Haruna was at the front door, ringing the door bell. Kagome had to run to catch up and had only just reached the door when a certain Monk opened it.
"Kagome…" He simply looked stunned. He stood there staring at her before his eyes trailed down to the little girl excitedly bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Are you Uncle Moku?"
"Miroku…" He corrected softly as he looked up at Kagome, a question floating unspoken in his eyes.
"Miroku who is that?" A brown haired woman appeared behind Miroku before an excited grin broke out on her face.
Kagome couldn't help herself, she took two giant steps forward and wrapped Sango in a tight hug. Sango's arms encircled her before she pulled back a moment later.
"So, you didn't tell Miroku we were coming?"
Sango leaned back and her lips turned up into a smirk as she looked at her husbands shocked face. "I thought it would be more fun as a surprise." Sango bent down and turned her attention to the extremely eager little girl next to Kagome. "And you must be Haruna." Sango's smile was an open invitation.
"Auntie Sango!" Haruna threw open her little arms and encased Sango in a sweet hug. She had heard stories about Sango and Miroku all her life, and now she was finally getting to meet them, Kagome assumed it probably felt like meeting a famous person.
"Well, come on in, the twins are in the backyard."
Kagome's eyebrows wrinkled up, confused, before Sango's amused laughter reached her.
"We have a lot to catch up on."
Three hours later and they had finally caught up on each other's lives. Sango and Miroku had two twin daughters, Amarante and Chiho, about a year younger than Haruna, plus a five month old son named Katsuro. Sango ran her own dojo and had become well respected within the area and MIroku had become a professor on the use of the Spiritual Arts at a local college. Eventually, the discussion floated back to a certain silver-haired little girl who was now excitedly running around the backyard with Amarante and Chiho.
Miroku was the first to speak. "Does Inuyasha know?"
The question confused and it took her a minute to reply. "What do you mean?"
Miroku's eyes hardened slightly. "Does Inuyasha know about Haruna?"
Kagome looked at them, flabbergasted, for a moment before she could manage a response. "What do you mean, 'does Inuyasha know'? I have been sending him letters and pictures constantly for over five years!" Her voice was raised and her anger seeped through. Her eyes instantly flickered out to the yard where she saw Haruna freeze for a moment. Golden eyes met hers and Kagome smiled sweetly, motioning for her to go back to playing. Haruna didn't smile back, but she did rejoin the twins.
"Kagome… I don't think he knows." Sango's voice was soft and patient.
"How could he not? I've sent so many letters, so many pictures… I wanted him in her life."
"I think if he knew he would have told me." Miroku's voice was firm. His arms crossed against his chest as he leaned back in his chair and closed her eyes. "He would do something, I know he would, he wouldn't just ignore you."
It was silent for a few minutes, an unspoken tension lingering in the air.
"But, he didn't, did he?" Kagome huffed. "He didn't do anything. He forgot about me the minute he could finally be with whoever that woman was that he wanted to 'know'". Kagome put air quotes sarcastically around the word 'know', clearly implying that he wanted more than to just get to know her personality.
Miroku flinched.
"But, if you have been sending him letters, would the Inuyasha you knew have never replied?" Sango's question rang out in the space between them and Kagome allowed herself to be painfully honest with her long-time best friend.
"No, the Inuyasha I knew would have replied." She sighed deeply. "But, I clearly didn't know him that well, did I?"
Everything was quiet for a moment, the sound of the girls laughter floating back to them, easing the sudden discomfort in the room. Kagome was about to speak again when the doorbell rang making her jump slightly.
"Who's that?"
Miroku's suddenly guilty face spoke volumes. "I… I didn't know Kagome was coming over."
"So?" Sango looked at him accusingly. "Who is that Miroku? You didn't tell me we had guests coming over."
"And neither did you…" The couple stared at each other for a minute before there was a loud pounding on the door.
"Hey, monk, let me in already!"
Kagome froze.
She knew that voice.
She may not have heard it in nearly six years, but that voice was engraved upon her soul .
"It's Inuyasha…" She muttered, her voice faint, as her heart sped erratically out of control.
"Monk!" Inuyasha's voice rang out, it was so loud that even the girls outside stopped to listen to the new visitor.
"I'm coming!" Miroku shouted as he scurried to the door. Sango gave her a sympathetic look.
"Maybe, maybe its for the best? Maybe he really doesn't know?"
Kagome could only manage to nod, numbly, in response.
"Took ya long enough monk." Inuyasha's voice was filled with its usual playful frustration. Her back was facing where he would be entering and she was thankful for that. She could feel it as soon as he entered the room. She could feel his presence and it felt weird to have his aura surround her again. She gasped slightly as she felt him walk closer. She had temporarily tuned out so she quickly focused back on what she could hear the two men behind her saying.
"We have another visitor today, I didn't know, Sango here surprised me."
Sango laughed nervously as Miroku and Inuyasha walked through the open planned living room and were about to step through the screen door onto the porch where they were siting.
"Who?"
Nobody answered him.
Kagome heard the squeak of the screen door opening and she forcibly plastered a smile onto her face, hoping that it didn't look too fake, she somehow found the nerve to turn her head around.
The look of shock on his face was priceless.
"Ka… Kagome?" He sounded unsure, like the woman in front of him was somehow a mirage and not actually real.
"Long time no see, Inuyasha." Her voice held a bit more venom in it than she had wished so she quickly shut her mouth and turned back around to face Sango again. Sango's eyes were flashing between Inuyasha and herself and Kagome couldn't help but wonder what Inuyasha's face looked like in that moment. Miroku walked back around the table to sit down nervously beside his wife while Inuyasha hesitantly took the only seat left open, the one to Kagome's right.
She couldn't help but let her eyes flicker over to him. She loved his doggy-ears and a sudden need to touch them swarmed up through her, but she squashed it as best as she could. Their eyes connected for a minute and a ball of confusion began to sprout inside of her. His eyes… There was something in them that she couldn't quite pin down. Confusion, hurt, surprise… Longing?
She shook her head of the thought.
With an overly chipper voice she turned back to her friends across from her. "So, Miroku and Sango here have just been updating me on their lives. What about you Inuyasha, how are you?"
She found herself desperately wanting to know, yet dreading learning, about his life and relationships.
"Go-od." Was all she got in response. It had come out stuttered, as if his brain still hadn't caught up with what his eyes could see.
"Okay then…" She trailed off before her eyes reflexively looked for her daughter.
When she saw her time froze. The little golden eyed girl was staring at Inuyasha, small mouth agape in wonder.
Kagome could feel a small bit of panic well up inside her.
She tried to smile reassuringly at Haruna, hoping that she would just go back to playing with the twins, but that was not the case. The little girl started walking slowly up to her, the slowest Kagome had ever seen her walk. It was as if she was hesitant, evaluating her Mom and the silver-haired man next to her that she knew was her father.
Kagome sucked in a deep breath and steadied her nerves. This was going to happen whether she was ready for it or not. She could feel Inuyasha's eyes boring into the side of her head, but she couldn't remove her own stare from her ever-approaching daughter. Inuyasha hadn't even noticed the small girl yet.
Quicker than Kagome had hoped, faster than she could mentally prepare herself, Haruna was walking faster her and tugging on Inuyasha's sleeve. That broke him from his frozen state as gold eyes lowered to meet an identical pair.
Kagome thought that she might die of nerves right then and there.
Yet, she didn't know why she felt so nervous. She had sent him letters after all…
But, what if what Miroku and Sango had said was true? What if he had never gotten then? Then, this would be the moment he learned he had a daughter.
Oh, how she wished she could just go back in time, pick up the phone, and tell him it straight.
Haruna smiled nervously up at the man in front of her. "Inuyasha?" Her voice was full of curiosity.
Inuyasha's mouth turned up into his trademarked smirk. "Yea? What of it? Who are you?" His eyes flashed over to Miroku's, but Miroku only sat there frozen watching the scene in front of him.
Haruna's bright eyes turned back to Kagome. "Is it really him, Mommy?"
Inuyasha's nose wrinkled up in confusion. "Mommy? Wha… Kagome you had a kid?"
She couldn't help but feel slightly offended by the shocked tone he had said that in, as if she had somehow betrayed him by having a family. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she glared at him before she turned to look back at her daughter, her look softening at Haruna's excited expression.
"Yes, Haruna…" Kagome's eyes trailed up to meet Inuyasha's once more before she returned her sole attention to the small girl in front of her. "That's your Daddy."
She heard a gasp from the man beside her, but she kept her focus on Haruna's growing smile. With a soft smile of her own she gently grabbed her daughter's shoulders and spun her around to face her father again. "Meet your Daddy, Haruna. It's ok, say hi."
She could sense Haruna's sudden, and out of character, nerves so she nudged her little girl a bit towards the wide eyed half-demon.
"Hi, Daddy."
Inuyasha's eyes were glued on the little girl before him, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Hi…" He sputtered out.
Haruna's big smile was back on her face, all nerves gone, as she turned back to flash the smile at her mother.
"Why don't you go back and play with Amarante and Chiho?"
Haruna's smile slipped slightly, but she smiled and obediently listened to her mother. She knew not to mess around when Kagome gave her that, 'do as your told' look.
As soon as Haruna left the table went silent.
A cry suddenly echoed through the baby monitor and Sango stood up, glanced back at Kagome once, and then was off to take care of Katsuro.
"I have a kid…" Inuyasha's voice was so soft she barely even heard it. Miroku flashed her a, 'I told ya he didn't know' look and she winced slightly. Inuyasha's eyes trailed after the girl running around the yard before he stiffened and turned an accusatory look at her. "Why didn't you tell me, Kagome?"
Kagome sat frozen and terrified. She had tried to tell him… Could he have really never received a single one of her letters? She gulped and steadied herself before continuing, her own defiant and stubborn look meeting his.
"I did."
"No, you didn't."
They glared at each other, a confusing tension settling between them before Kagome broke the silence.
"Check your mail. I sent you letters, Inuyasha." His eyes widened slightly. "I have sent you letters and pictures ever since I found out I was pregnant."
Her words hung in the air around them as an apparent realization molded across Inuyasha's voice. Miroku sat very still across the table from them, anxiously awaiting to see how this debacle would turn out.
"Kikyo…" Inuyasha said the name with so much anger and pain that Kagome winced before her own pain rushed up inside of her.
"Who's Kikyo?"
His angry look immediately turned into one of guilt and he looked away, one ear glued on her while the other twisted to follow Haruna's erratic path. When he didn't reply she repeated the question.
"Inuyasha, who is Kikyo?"
He turned to look back at her and she noticed the way his ears bent back and laid flat against his head, as if he felt ashamed and guilty about what he was about to tell her.
"Spit it out already." The venom was back in her voice, but she didn't try to suppress it this time.
"My fiancé." His eyes couldn't meet hers. She turned her body away from him and tried not to let any tears that were now pricking her eyes fall.
How could that hurt so much?
Why? Why after all these years did it still hurt so much to hear that he was with someone else?
She knew why… She had always known why… Even though she had try to muffle it, tired to strangled it, she still loved him. She loved him, and she always would.
With a deep breath she swallowed her pain and looked back at him, his eyes meeting hers uncertainly. "Congratulations." It came out stiff, forced, and all of a sudden she just wanted to be gone from that place.
She abruptly stood up and walked towards the screen door, Inuyasha's eyes were fixed on her, following her every move, as his brain tried to adjust to the new reality that surrounded him. Kagome looked out into the yard and felt a sudden pang of guilt at having to drag Haruna away. She could tell her daughter was having fun. Haruna didn't have a lot of friends here, not since they had just moved and she had started school. Kagome winced slightly before she steadied herself, she knew she couldn't be here a moment longer or else she might just burst out into tears.
"Haruna, we need to leave sweetie."
The little girl bounded over to her with her slightly demonic speed and stopped before looking up at her mother confused. "Do we have to Mommy? I'm having fun! And…" Her eyes trailed over to the dog-eared man. "I finally got to meet Daddy!" Her little hands clapped together excitedly before and her eyes glowed with happiness.
Kagome forced a smile. "I know, but Mommy needs to leave now. We will come back soon, ok?"
Haruna's excited smile fell and a suddenly somber look spread across her face. Kagome didn't like it. "Ok, Mommy." Haruna looked toward Inuyasha again and the sight of him made her smile. "Buh-bye Daddy!" She waved at him and quirked her head, her silver hair falling slightly to expose her human ears. Kagome took her small hand and walked through the screen door, into the open plan living room and kitchen.
Sango was inside bouncing little Katsuro in her arms. She smiled warmly at her friend and walked over to her. Kagome reached out to the baby who quickly grabbed hold of her index finger, squeezing tightly.
"Nice to meet you, Katsuro." He had Miroku's eyes and Sango's hair. In short, he was simply adorable. Sango frowned slightly as she looked at her.
"You know, you don't have to leave Kagome."
Kagome's pained eyes rose to meet hers. "He has a fiancé."
Sango stared back at her before a resigned sigh left her. "I know…"
"We will visit again, soon, I promise. I just…" Kagome trailed off, mentally begging Sango to understand.
"Ok, Kagome. Just as long as you really do visit again, and soon… Remember, you can always call me."
Kagome smiled thankfully at her before turning and leaving the house, Inuyasha, and her sadness behind.
That night as she tucked a tired Haruna into bed she asked the question that Kagome had been dreading hearing.
"Mommy… will I see Daddy again?" Her little face scrunched up in worry and Kagome felt a deep pang within her heart. She knelt next to the bed and carefully tucked the covers around Haruna.
"I hope so… but, that's his choice Haruna. You know he is not with Mommy right?"
Haruna's little head bobbed 'yes'.
"Daddy is with another woman. He is happy."
At this, Haruna looked confused. "Does Daddy want me?"
Kagome's heart shattered. What could she tell her? How could she tell her that Inuyasha didn't even know she existed before today? How could tell her that after her daughter had seen the letters being mailed, she had even included some of her own drawings… Haruna was always so excited to include a picture she made in the letter that Mommy sent to Daddy… How could she tell her that she didn't know if Inuyasha wanted to be a part of their life? After all, he was about to start a life with someone else.
Still, she forced on a smile and hoped Haruna's keen nose wouldn't be able to detect the lie. "Of course he does. I hope we will see him again."
Haruna's little eyes flickered closed as her hand reached out to grab Kagome's. A small smile spread across her face as she continued to talk in a half-asleep voice. "Daddy really does have doggy-ears…" She trailed off and for a moment she thought Haruna had fallen asleep, until she felt Haruna squeeze her hand slightly and mumble, "I love you, Mommy."
Kagome sat down fully and leaned against the bed. She fell asleep like that, with Haruna holding her hand and her head resting awkwardly against the side of the bed, ensuring her a sore neck the next day. She fell asleep to dreams of the past, to dreams about Inuyasha, the happy times before she had ever felt the excruciating pain of knowing the man you loved more than anything wanted to be with someone else. She fell asleep to dreams of what could have been… Of Inuyasha, Haruna, and her… One big happy, non-messed up, family.
~ Author's Note ~
So, I just had the sudden urge to write this. I was originally thinking of doing it in three parts, but now I'm not so sure. Should it be longer? Shorter? What do you think? Should I continue it?
Please, review and let me know your thoughts. It's always extremely appreciated.
~ FeudalAi