A Promise of Forever.
Summary: Nick keeps one promise... but breaks another. Andy deals, oh and Chris is there. Major Feels Inside. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Notes: Somebody requested a fic of where we find out what was in Nicks letter. Truthfully, I am still reeling from last night's episode.
I am praying that this season's ending is absolutely NOTHING like this fic.
If you really want to cry, play Rose Cousins 'One way' while reading this. But don't say I didn't warn you.
"I break where you bend, I take what you send;
And we both pretend, that I start where you end."
-Rose Cousins 'One Way'
Seated in a quiet corner of the hospital waiting room Andy sat, unable to move as Frank's words repeated in her mind.
"4 officers were critically wounded today, but one hadn't made it..."
The shock of the day weighed heavily on her as she replayed the events; wishing, not for the last time, that she could somehow go back. Do it all over again, change something… change anything. Do it the right way. All of it.
Then maybe everything would be different, maybe Ni…
Letting out a muffled sob Andy clutched her mouth and stopped her train of thought. She just couldn't. Not now, not yet. They were supposed to have had time. He was supposed to have all the time in the world…
Involuntarily, a flash of the moment where Ford's gun went off echoed through her mind. Why? Why didn't she move? Why didn't she jump in front of him? Push him, shield him, anything...
A million other scenarios played through her head as she grasped her head. She didn't know how long she sat there in the hospital waiting room just agonizing over it until she heard someone call her name. Looking up she saw Chris standing in front of her, somewhat timidly as he took in her red rimmed eyes, running nose and wet cheeks. She did nothing to try to hide her agony.
There was nothing left to hide she mused sadly.
"I know you're still going through something, we all are..."
He started as he looked in the direction of rest of the officers in the waiting room. They all wore expressions similar to his own, but Andy couldn't tell if what she felt now could at all compare. Because right now she felt like the other half of her soul was missing. And there was nothing she could do to bring it back.
Turning back to her Chris fished something out of his pocket before continuing.
"But he left something for you, in his vest. I saw him writing it, I thought he might have wanted me to give it to Gail; I didn't know you two were … I didn't know."
He finished lamely before reaching out to hand her a white envelope with her name on it.
Shaking her head vehemently she looked away sobbing, unable to take it from him.
'I can't Chris…please I just-I can't-don't make m-"
Snatching the letter back he put his hands up in mock surrender.
"Hey, hey. Shh, it's okay. You don't have to. We can just put it away, and you can read it when you're ready. Alright… You can take all the time in the world."
At his words, Andy couldn't help look back at him as if she had been sucker punched as all of the wind was knocked out of her, before letting out a strangled sob that left her reeling. Pitching forward, she almost collapsed but luckily Chris caught her. Steadying her Chris took a seat on the bench next to her and held her. Slowly he rocked her back and forth as he brushed back her bangs. Letting her cry until there were no more tears left.
It was only then she whispered.
"Can you… I mean, could you read it to me? Please."
Looking down at her Chris carefully searched her eyes before nodding slowly. Unfolding the envelope Chris slowly took it out, and started reading.
Hey Andy,
"If you're reading this then it probably means I broke my first promise to you… And for that I- am so sorry, because that's not something I ever wanted to do to you. Break my promises..."
Pausing, Chris cleared his throat before continuing.
"I guess you could say in the past I was never sure where I was headed. I never stayed in one place for long. I never had a place to call home…My parents died young, and I never talked about it. I never really got past it. I just lived my life assuming that's what happens to people you love…"
Turning to look at her Chris watched her carefully as fresh tears sprung from her eyes before finishing.
"They die… and they're just gone, and there's nothing you can do about it."
"But I wanted you to know, I didn't know what I was doing before I met you. I do know I was lost, I was broken and in a lot of ways homeless. But the six months we spent living together. They were the most amazing, perfect, happy, months of my life, and I didn't think I would ever get to feel that way again until you told me 'that it was worth it', 'that we were worth it.'
Andy, I don't know if you realize this, but you changed my whole world with those five-little-words.
Suddenly, everything I had lost as I child, everything I ever wished for, I found in you. You became home. You were my home. You made my life worth living, and you brought me back to life."
Stopping, Chris took a deep breath, unsure if he could continue as tears blurred his own vision. Still, knowing that Andy was waiting on his every word. He forced himself to finish.
"So I want to say thank you for that. Thank you for sheltering me, thank you for being my friend, and thank you bringing me home and giving me everything I was missing. And I know I said we had all the time in the world and I wasn't going anywhere, and I tried to take my time… Really I did. But I just had to let you know at least once.
I love you Andy McNally. Always and forever. I promise."