&&&

Boulder: Final Thoughts

&&&

A/N: This is just a little drabble about what I imagine would be going through Boulder's mind at the end of his life. Much of the details are my own interpretation and supposition. I do not know if Boulder is still alive or not. The time of this story takes place not long after the events of the novel Long Shadows so there is a spoiler alert.

Boulder and the Warriors Series is (c) to Erin Hunter. This story is ｩ to me.

&&&

Boulder was dying.

An elder of ShadowClan for many seasons, this was hardly surprising. But the predictability of his imminent death hardly made it more bearable for the skinny old gray tom with blue eyes and a ragged ear.

Boulder shifted in the bedding of the virtually empty elder's den, thankful for the privacy, wincing slightly. His old bones weren't what they used to be. "But then," Boulder thought to himself. "What is?"

Littlecloud had done all he could...but there was no cure any medicine cat had for old age. Granted, Boulder's admitted to himself, he was lucky to have lived to a ripe old age...had he remained a loner in the Twolegplace he would've died long ago...be it from sickness, starvation, from fighting over scraps with other strays, rubbing Scourge's fur the wrong way...in any event, he certainly wouldn't have lived this long...and he would have died alone, with no one to care for him; forgotten and unremembered. "Just one more loner in the the StarClan forsaken Blood'Clan'."

Boulder's ear twitched. He lifted his front paw and scratched at an itch, hoping it wasn't a flea but grateful for the welcome distraction from his own thoughts. "When I die..." even thinking THAT half of the thought was nerve wracking enough, but it was what came next that he was even more concerned about "...will StarClan accept me?"

His fur stood on end at the very thought. He had to fight to get his fur to relax and for his fear scent not to go into overdrive. "I've tried to be a good clan cat, I have!" He meowed furiously to himself, trying not to cough. "I've given everything for ShadowClan and the warriors code!"

"Why don't you tell me all about it?" A female voice purred next to his ear. Boulder blinked. He hadn't heard or scent anyone coming in...his eyesight had been fading in and out as of late so that much didn't surprise him. Even his hearing had gotten so poor that he had a hard time recognizing cats by their voice.

The voice seemed so warm—so comforting that Boulder didn't even bother asking who it was. He was just glad to get someone to unburden himself to.

"I-I was a loner with BloodClan...everyone knows that by now." His tail flicked. "Eating Twoleg scraps barely better than crowfood, fighting for every bite...but I was strong, I could fend for myself. I was proud of that too." He hacked, coughing. "Now I'm grateful for every apprentice who remembers to bring me a piece of freshkill...but back when I was loner I didn't think about that. I was proud of being so independent...I didn't need twolegs or other cats; just my own strength."

"Sounds very lonely though." Boulder's visitor meowed, not so much a question as a statement.

Boulder didn't respond, not directly at least. "Well I didn't really think about it. I just lived from day to day. But when a newly named ShadowClan warrior, full of pride in himself and his clan showed up—I suppose he was looking to prove himself in a fight against some mangy kittypets or loners or some other such mousebrained idea—I almost clawed his ears off but then he started to make sense. Scourge forbade cats from caring for others, including their own littermates. I started thinking about what would happen to me when I couldn't hunt anymore...and took that warrior up on his invitation to visit their camp."

"Odd thing to do." The other cat purred. Boulder couldn't help but agree.

"It was...even more was that the leader of ShadowClan accepted me! Loners and kittypets are hardly the sort to be welcomed into the Clans...it wasn't until much later that I found out why." Boulder unsheathed his claws and started tearing at the bedding idly. "Brokentail—who was the leader at the time—needed more warriors since he was sending off kits to fight and die as apprentices before their time. And he personally could use followers who were devoted to him, like I was. After all, he personally had brought me into the clan...I owed Brokentail everything! That's why he made me one of his elite. I didn't know that it was all wrong...that kits were being made apprentices too soon, that he was violating the warriors code—I was only just learning it myself!"

"But what about what happened after Brokentail was overthrown and it was revealed that he had killed those kits and murdered Raggedstar?" She prodded.

Boulder flattened his ears against his head. "I still felt that I owed my loyalty to him...and I didn't think I'd be exactly welcomed in ShadowClan now that he was gone." Honesty compelled him to add, "...I guess that was my own fault. We of Brokentail's 'elite' didn't exactly endear ourselves to the rest of the clan." He scratched at the bedding some more. "Blackfoot, Jaggedtooth, Clawface, and me...." he mrowed in dry amusement. "It's weird now that I think about it."

He dimly saw the other cat tilt her head at him. "About what?"

"About the others of Brokentail's old elite." He growled. "That foxhearted traitor Jaggedtooth went over to BloodClan from ShadowClan. I did just the opposite...I wonder if that's some kind of rough justice from StarClan. Jaggedtooth, if he's still alive, is probably living in the Twolegplace I used to live, while I'm in the clan he was born into. It's almost like we traded lives...and I definitely came off the better for it." His purr was nothing if not full of satisfaction. He truly despised Jaggedtooth.

"And the others?" She meowed. "Clawface and Blackstar?"

Boulder made a face. "Clawface...now there was a piece of foxdung. Even if I knew nothing about the warrior code, I would know it was wrong that he murdered that ThunderClan medicine cat. I remember seeing her once or twice at gatherings. She was pretty." He shook his head. "If ThunderClan hadn't killed him, Clawface would've followed Jaggedtooth into BloodClan in a instant. Blackfoot...er, Blackstar. He was probably the best of our lot. But even Blackf—Blackstar," he corrected himself again, cursing his failing memory. "...even he let himself get tricked into abandoning StarClan by that loner Sol."

"No cat is perfect." The other cat answered as she cozied up next to Boulder.

He was grateful for her warmth, his own fur was getting a bit thin these days. "I didn't believe him." Boulder purred contently. "Sol, I mean. Not for a minute. Unlike the rest of the clan, I had lived life without StarClan and the clan way. I've lived both worlds and I know which way is better. I stayed faithful. That was one mistake I wasn't going to make."

"I'm sure StarClan would be happy to have inspired such loyalty from a cat not born of the clans." The she-cat purred.

"But will StarClan even accept me?!" Boulder yowled in dismay and immediately regretted it when he started coughing. When it finally subsided, he continued in a wheeze. "I'm not clan-born...I'm a loner! Will there even be a place for me in StarClan?"

"Firestar—"

Boulder shook his head before the female could even finish the thought. "It's not the same thing! StarClan brought him into the forest in the first place! Littlecloud told us about the prophecies; StarClan didn't bring me into the forest! Brokentail did! And I was one of his elite! And it was Tigerstar who brought me and the others back into ShadowClan after living as Rogues! Would StarClan accept what Brokentail and TigerStar did in welcoming me into ShadowClan? Will StarClan accept me as a real warrior? What will happen to me if they don't? And even if they would accept a cat who wasn't clan-born, would they accept me after everything I did with Brokentail? And then there was Tigerstar..." Boulder broke off in another fit of coughing, this time unable to continue.

It took a while, but the she-cat waited for Boulder's coughing to subside before she spoke. When his coughing finally halted, she said. "StarClan does not expect perfection from every cat, otherwise there would be no cats in StarClan. You made a mistake following Brokentail, due in part to ignorance and inexperience. And what happened with Tigerstar and BloodClan wasn't your fault. You warned Tigerstar and he wouldn't listen. And when the time came, you chose to stay loyal to your clan and battle against BloodClan. You have hunted to provide for your clan, defended your clan and the warriors code, and taught others to do the same. You've proved yourself worthy as a warrior and Clan cat." She purred and let her tail rest on his back. "You will have a welcome place in StarClan."

Boulder looked incredulous, rising to his paws. "And just how would you know?" His vision started to strengthen as he stared at the cat beside him.

"Because," Spotted Leaf meowed kindly. "You're already there."

In stunned silence, Boulder sat up and looked around. He found himself at Four Trees, in the old forest. Surrounding him were cats with stars in their fur...he recognized Raggedstar and Nightstar former leaders of ShadowClan, as well as Running Nose, the former medicine cat. He also saw cats from the other three clans, including Spotted Leaf herself. He turned back to the former ThunderClan medicine cat with an unspoken question.

"I was sent to ease your passing into StarClan." She answered. "And...because StarClan wanted me to help them decide on your fate. They had many of the same questions that you did Boulder." She smiled. "You were not found wanting."

"I—y-you mean if you—" Boulder stammered.

Spotted Leaf shook her head. "That you repudiated the deeds of Jaggedtooth and Clawface and turned your back on Scourge and BloodClan so long ago affirmed what we in StarClan already believed: that you are a clan cat. Now...and forever."

"I—thank you." Boulder bowed to his assembled warrior ancestors—if not ancestors in blood, then ancestors in spirit. "Thank you..."

"Welcome home Boulder." Spotted Leaf's tail drifted down onto his shoulder. "Welcome home."

THE END

&&&