Disclaimer: I don't own them, I didn't create them, and I don't profit from them.
Author's Note: I've decided to jump into the fray of "Bones asks Booth to help her have a baby", so I hope you enjoy. They can't possibly get there without a few mishaps along the way. And just because, this story is for Ash.
"You've got to be kidding me." Angela Montenegro's jaw was slightly agape at the words that had just tumbled out of her best friend's mouth. She had delivered them so matter of factly that when they had finally registered in Angela's ears, her shock was palpable.
"I've given this a lot of thought and I've come to the conclusion that Booth is the superior choice. His features are very symmetrical, he has a great deal of experience in the area, and less rationally, I have a connection with him that I've not experienced with another man." She didn't understand why Angela found the idea so disturbing and she began to wonder if maybe she'd miscalculated the situation.
"Sweetie, this isn't the same as asking someone to water your plants when you're out of town for the weekend." Angela was trying to figure out how Brennan had even gone down the slippery path to get to this point in the first place. While there was a part of her that was beyond thrilled for her friend, there was another little voice in the back of her mind that was screaming at the top of its lungs that she was quite a few pieces short of the entire puzzle.
"I don't have plants that need to be watered - I travel too frequently for that to be practical." She glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that she needed to gather up the files she'd been reviewing before Angela had appeared in her office - she and Booth were due in court shortly.
"Just trust me on this - this is a big deal. This isn't just ponying up for casual sex." Angela curtailed her words as she noticed the man in question striding into Brennan's office, and judging from the expression on his face, he'd caught at least part of the conversation.
"So Bones, are you ready to go?" Booth looked a little off as he glanced from his partner to Angela and back again. "Caroline wanted to go over a few thing before we're on the docket." This was one of those times that he wished there was a warning label so when he came into this place he'd know when he was walking in on a conversation he was going to regret overhearing.
"She wants to have sex." There was a knowing smile plastered across Angela's face as she regarded Booth. She thought her role as best friend had better be useful for something and so she opted to start the opening of The Great Can of Worms to just get the whole painful thing over with.
"What?" Booth's voice croaked. "Who? Wait, no, I don't want to know." Oh, but he did want to know. He was going to have to track down another 'Loser2879' and do a background check - he would find out if the jerk had even a single unpaid parking ticket.
"Angela!" Brennan seemed to hiss out her words. She hadn't intended to broach the subject with Booth quite yet, but now it appeared inevitable. She had hoped to bring up the subject in a decidedly more personal setting.
Booth's jaw dropped. "You want to have sex with Angela?" That was something he'd never seen coming, although he'd never really seen the fact that Angela batted for both teams either until she'd dated Roxie. Bones would probably view it as some anthropological experiment, but he sure as hell did not need to know all of the gory details. No way, no how. Unless of course they needed a little male companionship in the mix. Get a grip Seeley! Just breathe.
"No!" Brennan's eyes were wide she swallowed hard before glancing over at Angela. "No offense, Ang, but I've never found a woman sexually appealing."
"None taken, Sweetie." Angela smirked. "I think I'll leave you two alone to sort this all out." Her job was done for now. She only hoped that they wouldn't manage to screw things up, well at least figuratively.
"Oh, no, I do not need to hear all about your sex life." Why did Bones insist on torturing him with it? Didn't she know that even he was only so strong?
"I merely mentioned to Angela that I thought you had suitable traits to assist in producing an offspring. I wasn't going to go into the details of my sexual technique." She slipped her files into her bag and then looked back at Booth. "I thought we could discuss the case on the way to the courthouse."
Booth just stood there dumbfounded, trying to process what he'd thought he'd just heard. Maybe his tie was too tight and it was affecting his hearing. "What did you just say?" Somehow this was huge - this wasn't the kind of conversation that they should be having before testifying at a very important trial, but here it was and he wasn't one hundred percent certain that he had really heard what he thought he'd heard.
"I said, I thought we could discuss the case on the way to the courthouse." Perhaps Booth had caught Parker's recent cold and had come down with an inner ear infection and now he was having difficulty hearing properly. She was going to have to consider an increase in hand washing if she had a child, as a means to cutting down on the spreading of germs.
"No, what you said before that." She wasn't going to throw him off the scent - he was after all an FBI Special Agent and even if he was paralyzed by fear at the words he thought he'd heard, he was not going to flinch - much.
Brennan let out a sigh and turned to face him. "I've given careful consideration to my view on children and in recent months have come to the conclusion that I would like to have a child of my own." In truth it had been longer coming than that, but it was her conclusion as to who she wanted to share that experience with which had been the more difficult decision to come to.
"And who?" Booth couldn't get a whole thought out, let alone an entire sentence. He knew who the 'who' was and, that was what had rendered him incapable of coherent speech. Her silky looking hair and skin certainly didn't help the situation either. And those blue eyes that she was staring at him with - eyes like that should be outlawed for their ability to turn his insides to mush.
"You are the most viable candidate. I would very much like if you would consider helping me produce an offspring." She suddenly felt nervous, and considering the odd expression on Booth's face she wondered if she had miscalculated. He was a traditionalist after all and there were the intangible things of the heart that she wasn't sure how to quantify or measure.
Booth blurted out the only thing that seemed to be able to string itself into an entire sentence. "We have court." Clearly they were going to have to discuss this further, but right now, he couldn't quite wrap his mind around the fact that his partner who was the object of way too many of his fantasies wanted to have his child.
"Yes, of course. I'm sure that Caroline won't be happy if we're late." She could compartmentalize - they had court - they needed to testify - and then maybe she could present her rational argument for why he was best suited to be the father of the child she wanted to have.
"Nope." And if Caroline caught wind of just why one Special Agent Seeley Booth was having difficulty remembering just which case they were testifying in and just why that was, he was sure that he was going to be in a world of hurt. He just needed to focus. Please God, help me focus.
TBC...