I own nothing but the mistakes...
"I ha-…hate you."
Her voice caught as the word, "hate," forced itself over her tongue, crashing into her teeth. She didn't want to say it. The uncontrollable stumble whispered to you that she was lying; however, it didn't hurt any less. Your eyes softened at her wavering confidence and your subtle heartbreak, and she tore her eyes away from the intense gaze. You risked a step forward while her eyes were trained on the floor. The movement alerted her of your closeness, and she looked up once again. Her pleading eyes were begging you stop pushing because she was losing resolve with every second. You pushed anyway.
"No, you don't. You're lying, and you're terrified that I know that."
Then the words she plead with her eyes a moment ago, flooded from her lips, "Why can't you just accept that I hate you? I hate everything thing about you…"
She hesitated, and your interest peaked. The girl was going to explain herself. You saw her tongue's restlessness as it geared up for the reveal. Her eyes steeled themselves in your direction, determination set in them. The words that were going to come out would once and for all change your relationship's whole dynamic. You knew it.
"I hate how you always get what you want. I hate how you're going to get out of this town. I hate your talent. I hate how amazing your voice is…"
She was still talking, but you didn't miss the indirect complements. This was a new turn of events. She was still looking in your eyes and you couldn't help but notice how the hazel smoldered like embers from a fire that had been burning for a very long time. "Perhaps this has been going on longer than I imagined," you thought to yourself. At that point, you turned your attention back to the now seemingly flustered girl. Her neck was flush and she wrung her hands in front of her. She was nervous?
"…I hate the way you smile and laugh. I hate your eyes, and the way you look at me. I hate the way you're looking at me now. God, why can't you just stop?"
"I'm sorry. I was unaware that I was making you… nervous."
You knew she would hate that you called her out on her insecurities once again, but you had to try. She was the type of girl that needed a push to jump off that cliff. A leap of faith, and you were her guardian angel giving the nudge. She opened her mouth.
"Nervous? God, you're not making me nervous! You just… you make me want—"
She stopped suddenly, knowing she said too much. Curious about how she would finish that statement, you stilled all movement and held your breath while keeping eye contact. She was being stubborn on the edge of that cliff, so in true-to-self fashion, you decided to push again.
"I make you want… What do you want?"
"Nothing… I don't know. Can you please just leave it alone? Please?"
Her last words were soft and weary, heavy with an emotion you couldn't place. You, in turn, responded with a tender confession.
"I can't."
Her shoulders slumped at this and any fight the girl had in her threw in the proverbial towel. You watched as she surrendered, and she continued her rant, barely over a whisper this time.
"I hate how you can't take 'no' for an answer. I hate that you know how to push me. I hate how emotional I am when it comes to you." She bit the corner of her lip and hesitated, never taking her eyes from yours. "I hate that you don't hate me. I hate that you always offered to be there for me when I was pregnant. I hate that you sang to me, not about me. I hate that you could tell the truth when I was a coward."
She turned her eyes upward as if she were praying for strength, then dropped her gaze to yours once again.
"I hate that you picked out a perfect corsage to match my eyes. God, I hate that you knew what would match my eyes."
You blushed at this and contemplated looking away, but her stare held you in place.
"I hate that I slapped you that night. I hate that it was you who wiped away my tears and made me believe there was—" her breath hitched and I watched the first tear fall, rolling down her cheek as she continued, "more to me than being pretty. I hate how your voice sounds when you're comforting me and how, in that moment, I feel safer with you than I have with anyone else. I hate how seeing you everyday makes me feel and how I think about you all the time."
You gasped gently at this admission, not wanting to make too much noise for fear that she would spook and shut herself off.
Her voice turned a bit colder, "I hate how he strings you along and always gets what he wants. I hate that you aren't being treated the way you should be treated. I hate the fact that your settling for him."
At this point, tears were streaming down her porcelain cheek and you couldn't shake the idea that this was the most beautiful that you'd ever seen her. She bored into your eyes and tried to muster as much venom as she could, "But what I hate the most?"
Your eyes widened at this, knowing she tried to say it with malice, but you knew it lacked the bite your previous encounters held. As you attempted to control your rapidly heaving chest, you urged with a gentle nod for her to continue and say the words you knew she was holding back. When she didn't, you refused to accept her silence. You were going to make her say it.
"What? What do you hate the most? Tell me."
You put as much vulnerability and want behind those words as you could possibly conjure, hoping that she would take pity on you and put an end to both your miseries.
She shook her head, standing still now, all traces of anxiety vanished. And when she looked at you again, you began to tremble, knowing the truth would soon be spoken. Her eyes questioned you, "Are you sure you want me to say this? Everything will change and I can't take it back." Without a moment's thought, you made your choice. Pushing one last time, you knew she had you by the heart, which meant that if she leapt, you inevitably were going over the edge with her.
"Please. Say it..."
She tilted her head slightly, softened her eyes, and swallowed visibly as she opened her mouth, "I hate that you know I don't hate you at all."
The edge of the cliff, in that moment, ripped away from you both and left you far behind. She took that leap, and with the weight of those words wrapped tightly around your heart, you followed.