Whisper
When I look back on my life I've found very few "perfect moments", the kind you're supposed to remember your entire life.
So far, all I've found are three:
When I first tool the train to Hogwarts. For three years I had watched my brother, Mathew, ride that train off to a place I feared I'd never know. Then, when I was ten I received my acceptance letter, and off I went. Oh, it was beautiful. I know I'll remember my first glimpse of the castle through the train window forever.
When I was fourteen and I kissed the boy I'd been in love with for three years. He was my first real boyfriend, and I was so happy. He was a year younger then me, with red hair and a full-and-brimming smile I could never get enough of. And he was my secret. A Ravenclaw, not unacceptable, but not a prime choice for a Slitheran pureblood either.
And finally, when I was seventeen and I lost my virginity to a handsome, black haired, blue-eyed boy that I loved. He was the perfect lover, handsome, secretive, and seductive. I've never been as happy as I was with him. He was the turning point of my life.
I guess that's the story I have to tell. It is the story that altered my life and never put it back. I'll always be haunted by that boy, James. Our love was the love that was never meant to be. It is one of the few mistakes in his blessed life that he'll have to live with forever. Just as I will have to live with all of mine
I first came into close contact with him on the second semester of my fourth year at Hogwarts. He was a Griffindor, and I a Slitherin. We were meant to hate each other, and at first we did.
I had never shared a class with him, king of the asshole lions, until the end of fourth year. I remember leaving a potions lesson and walking down the hall when he came along, laughing and jostling with his friends. That was the last thing I remembered. The next thing I knew, I was falling.
He had pushed me, by accident of course, and I had fallen head over heals down a flight of stairs because of it.
"Wingardium leviosa!" he quickly yelled, trying to stop my hopeless falling. As soon as I stopped and landed on my feet I snapped up and pulled out my wand.
"A lions grace you lack!" I hissed, pointing my wand at his heart, "Watch where you're setting you great stupid paws. I should curse you right back up to the potion master and let him deal with you."
"Maybe if you hadn't been slithering under my feet your tail wouldn't have been crushed!" he snapped back. By now we were poised at a landing, wands at the ready. He was surrounded by him cronies, I by mine.
I swear, we had just started cursing each other when Professor Dumbledore came swooping by and froze us in our places.
"Miss Noir, Mister Potter, please tell me this is not as it appears." The professor said quietly, and with, I do not think I imagined it, a bit of pain in his eyes. Patiently he continued, "Will either of you deny that this was the beginning of an unofficial duel?"
I said nothing, but stared into Dumbledore's great blue eyes without regret. I wanted him to know that I wasn't weak. I wouldn't back down. Potter, on the other hand, said nothing but stared at the floor like a chastised little boy.
Dumbledore sighed, and then said with regret, "Then I wish to see both of you in my office for detention at five o'clock. Don't be late." The crowd had dispersed after they realized the duel would not commence. Soon it was just Potter and I, but both with our cronies a safe distance away so that they could back us up if need be.
For a second we just stood, trying to stare each other down. Then he backed down.
"I'll see you in detention, Noir." He snapped, turning towards his friends and walking away.
But I didn't go. I couldn't. Something was holding me rooted to the spot.
"I'll get back at you for this, Potter." I called after him. He turned back towards me and gave me the slightest of nods, as if to acknowledge my threat, then continued on his way, joking with his friends.
And that was it. I was captivated by this strange boy and his even stranger attitude/ I wouldn't admit it, but I see now that it was true. Even then, when I had Reid, my redheaded Ravenclaw, something inside of Potter called out to me, and I called back. Now I didn't want Reid anymore, I wanted potter, and would stop at nothing to get him. I need something, anything, to satisfy this hunger.
I wanted James Potter. It was a strange, animal want, and I tried my best to ignore it. Still, as five o'clock rolled around I found it less and less easy to ignore.
I walked slowly to Dumbledore's office, despite his warning not to be late. I wasn't ready to face him yet, not Dumbledore, and particularly not Potter.
Despite my trepidation I wasn't dumb enough to skip out on detention. Just because I had a Slitherins reputation didn't mean I didn't give a crap about my grades. It's not like I wanted to be kicked out of Hogwarts. That kind of failure my parents would never forgive.
I took a calming breath, the reached up and rapped soundly against the oak door. After a moment the door swung open of its own accord. Inside stood the professor, and at his side a very handsome Potter.
"Good of you to join us Ms. Noir," said the professor, "Now if both of you would take a seat?"
We did, reluctantly and on opposite sides of the room. Apparently Potter was as enthused about sitting by me as I him, although I do not know if it was a fear of his own animal urges that caused him to back away or simply habit.
"Tonight you will be cleaning in the Care of Magical Creatures classroom. I am sorry to enforce manual labor as punishment, but I can find no other suitable detention assignments," Dumbledore explained as he walked towards the door, "I will stay with you to monitor your work, so don't try to skip out on me, understood?"
Potter and I said in unison, "Yes, professor." Then promptly turned and made faces at each other. Ah, the joys of being fourteen.
We had just reached the CoMC room when an owl swooped hastily into one of the old, dusty windows and landed in front of Dumbledore with a dignified crash.
Dumbledore began to untie that note as Potter and I both tried to appear occupied with our cage cleaning while in truth concealing laughter. The owl was obviously new on the job.
After reading the note quickly Dumbledore got up and said a swift goodbye.
"There is something serious that needs my attention." He said, "I trust that you two can behave yourselves until I return?"
We both nodded, and he left. I was alone. With Potter.
He turned to me and began to talk, "Noir, lets stop this bloody stupid argument. I don't have anything against you. I don't even know you."
"Do you want to?" Slipped out on my mouth before I could stop myself.
He looked surprised. He sounded surprised as well, "Know you?" he said, "Yeah, I guess. I mean, you seem cool enough. Smart, at least. You knew all about what Professor Wordsworth was saying and I was lost in the first five minutes."
I laughed at that and explained what our potions lesson had been about.
"Well why couldn't the professor have just said it like that?" Potter asked quizzically, "You make it all sound so easy."
"It is easy," I replied, "If you aren't too busy staring off into space to pay attention."
He laughed at that. I was beginning to love his laugh, so fun and full of life it made my friends' sound drab. How could he be a pureblood and still so exasperating?
We talked a lot more then we cleaned that night, and when an hour had passed and the professor had not returned we decided to call it a night.
"Goodbye, Potter." I said amiably, shaking his hand, "Let's never speak of this again."
He smiled, and I was sure he caught my drift. If our friends ever found out, we'd both be ostracized from our own clicks. I mean, we were consorting with the enemy.
I was ready to leave, but I guess Potter wasn't. I tried to pull my hand out of his grip, but he pulled me forward instead, until I stumbled into a kiss. Oh, I didn't put up much resistance.
He pulled away slowly, looking between my eyes as though trying to read into my soul.
"We probably should speak of that either," I said, pulling away. This time he didn't fight, "That didn't happen, Potter. Now go back up to your room." I said sternly.
He smiled, "I'll go, I'll go," he said jokingly, "But you and I both know that was real. Still, as you wish, Miss Noir. I'll see you in class." And he walked off, hands in his pockets and whistling, leaving a very confused me alone to try to decipher what this all meant.