Its cold.
Brendan shivers as he lies there thinking about Steven. He didn't like the thought of Steven being alone in the flat drinking himself to sleep each night. He decided to think of their memories. The time in dublin and when they baked bread together and talked about their future together. Everything was so perfect. He knew deep down that they were never going to get a happy ending. He knew he didnt deserve one. He wanted Steven and Cheryl to be happy even if it meant never seeing them again. He couldn't let Cheryl go to prison. What kind of older brother would he be then? He knew it had to this way and he knows that Steven does too. As much as he wished he didnt. He wants to be with Steven and the kids right now. He wants to tell them that everything is going to be okay but he can't so instead he just lies there staring at the ceiling of his small cell.
He hasn't slept much, a few hours here and there but he hasn't had a proper good night sleep in ages. There's a knock at the cell door, an officer shouts "Do you want a shower or not?" Brendan sighs. He gets up, hits the cell door and says "Open up then" The officer opens the door and looks Brendan up and down, looks at him in disgust. Brendan pushes past him and makes his way to the shower room. Thoughts of Steven drown his ears as the shouts and cries of grown men begin. "I love you Steven" he hears himself repeating over and over again. Someone shoves him, he looks up "Alright princess" smirks Warren. "Foxy, what do you want?" "Nothing, yet." Brendan watches him walk away then continues to walk himself.
He gets to the shower room and begins to take of his clothes. He can see bruises all over his body. He thinks its his punishment for what he did to Steven. He tells himself time after time that he deserves it. But he knows he is weak in this place. He steps into the shower and lets the boiling water hit hard on his shoulders a run down his spine, flinching every now and then when the hard water hits a bruise or cut. He spends so long just standing there, thinking. This is the only time he gets to escape what now is reality.
He's now back in his cell, he knows what time it is. He sits there, reading the graffiti on the wall while he waits. The door swings open. He knows what is about to happen. It happens everyday. He stands up to the 2 large boys standing in front of him. He tries to look strong, he says 'Not like you too be late' the boys charge at him, grabs his arms and punch and punch and punch. Brendan doesn't cry out but the boys know it hurts, you can see it in his eyes. After many punches and kicks Brendan is on the floor. The boys spit on him and walk away. Brendan rolls over on the floor and lets out a heavy breath.