DISASTER
By: UsagiRyu
Summary: What happens when the Space Academy runs out of one very important thing?
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing and this version of Voltron belongs to WEP! I make no money off this. Just some humour.
"SHIT!" yelled the mess hall manager at the Galaxy Alliance's Space Academy. "The coffee shipment is screwed up!"
"What happened to it?" another Official Mess Orderly demanded.
"They sent us decaf instead. All of our coffee is holed up on a freighter to the Ninth Kingdom," the manager answered.
Aaron, the newest OMO, looked around. "What's the big deal? We can use the decaf. Those space cadets can live without coffee for a while."
Sean, the manager, shook his head. "No way, Aaron. Do not feed these guys decaf anything!"
Aaron rolled his eyes and went off to start powdered eggs for breakfast. As soon as he finished them, he dashed to the back room and retrieved the decaf coffee.
Cadets Keith Kogane, Lance McClain and Sven Holgersson rolled out of bed at 0430 and shambled down to take brief showers. "Coffee…" Lance moaned. His two friends groaned in agreement. They lurched down to the mess hall and grabbed the urn, pouring their first cup of the day. Lance downed his then spat it out. "Decaf…" He dropped the pot, shattering it on the floor. "Coffee…" He pushed against the door leading into the kitchens. It clearly was marked "Pull".
"Coffee…" Keith slammed his fists against the door, the caffeine level in his blood dropping to dangerous lows.
"Kaffe…" Sven mumbled, his English forgotten.
More cadets, instructors and soldiers stumbled into the mess hall, pressing against the empty coffee urns. One instructor lifted one up and held it upside down, hoping that some coffee condensation would drip into his mouth.
"It's happening again!" Terry, a veteran OMO, yelled to Sean. "And one of them, maybe more had DECAF this time!"
Sean turned to Aaron. "Dammit, newbie! I told you, no decaf!" He raced to a red box on the wall and broke it with his fist. He pulled out the com there and said "Sir, we have a Situation 2 in the mess hall!" Red Alert klaxons blared over head as orderlies scrambled to get to safety. Cadet Hunk Garrett broke through the door.
"RUN, AARON!" One of the orderlies yelled.
Aaron stared wide-eyed at the large cadet. He unable to run and was trampled underneath the mob. The caffeine-deprived cadets smashed the kitchen looking for coffee, when Cadet Pidge Stoker turned his head and sniffed. "Starbucks…" He pulled the door to the shelter open.
"Throw it out, Collins!" Sean yelled.
Collins nodded and tossed out the latte he picked up just before arriving. The hot drink spilled over the cadets and they turned away from the shelter and lumbered out of the mess hall and off Academy grounds.
The orderlies heaved a sigh of relief. The only causality was Aaron. "Someone alert Starbucks. They'll need back up!" Sean ordered. "And clean up this mess!" He kicked at the mashed remains of Aaron.
Following the tantalizing aroma of brewing coffee, the cadets and their instructors surrounded the Starbucks beside the Space Academy. Alerted to the coming horde, the crew brewed coffee as fast as they could. "Get the Mountain Dew out and the Jolt Cola. It will tide them over until the coffee is ready!" The manager, Tom, said to crew members.
The crew members nodded, yanked open the cooler and started throwing 20 ounce bottles of soda into the crowd. The cadets ripped open the bottles and gulped down the icy soda. "More…" they wailed. The crew kept up the barrage of soda until they threw the last bottle out the door.
"We're on empty, boss!" someone yelled. The cadets pounded on the glass, gnashing their teeth.
"First batch is ready!" Someone yelled and started pouring out cups.
"Let them in!" their boss ordered.
The doors flew open and the cadets stumbled towards the rows of grande cups of black coffee. They snagged the cups and chugged down the hot liquid. As their caffeine levels started to normalize, they fixed second cups with extra sugar and cream, except for the vegan Keith. He used soy milk in his cup. More cups followed the first and soon Keith blinked his eyes. "Hey, what happened? How did we end up here?" He asked his best friends, Lance and Sven.
"No clue man. All I remember is going to bed." Lance shrugged his shoulders. "I need more joe before I can think." He downed two more cups.
"Ja, Keit, all I remember is lights out. Lance vas snorin' again," Sven agreed, drinking his coffee.
"I don't snore, Viking!" Lance protested.
"You do, Lance," Keith pointed out.
"Well maybe if someone wouldn't keep our room on cryogenic suspension levels, then maybe I wouldn't snore." Lance crossed his arms over his leather jacket.
"I don't keep it cold, you're just thin-skinned," Sven teased.
Keith snorted and walked off to fetch a muffin to go with his third cup of coffee. He bumped into Space Marshal Michael Graham at the counter. "Hello, sir." Keith saluted.
"Good day, Cadet Kogane." Graham looked over the mess of the Starbucks. "I hope no one was hurt this time," he muttered and turned back to drinking more coffee.
THE END