Bitter Cookies

"Wow…! Did you really make these, Ange?"

"Yes, of course! Why do you look so surprised?"

"I-I'm not, it's just… huh… That my little sister would be so amazingly proficient in the kitchen… even more so than I am… T-that's kind of depressing…"

Little Ushiromiya Ange smiled mischievously, planting both her hands on her hips. The young girl was wearing an apron over her favourite green dress (shouldn't that dress only have been worn for formal occasions…? Battler wondered idly), and her hair was tied up in two stubby pigtails, as per usual.

She looked very proud of herself – and, given she'd just made some really delicious cookies… she probably had every right to be…

Haaa… The jubilant, smiling face of his little sister, too young to realise it was considered more polite to act more humble about your accomplishments… It was a very refreshing expression, more delicious than herbal tea.

"Well," said Ange, one finger in the air as she exclaimed, "mom helped me a little. She put them in the oven, so I wouldn't burn my fingers. But everything else – I did it!"

"Whoa. Incredible." Defeated, Battler slumped over the kitchen table. "And, even though I'm an adult… I still set pots and pans on fire when I try to cook… To think, my little sister has beaten me so perfectly… Aaaaah… Useless, it's all useless…"

Ange giggled.

"Well~ If you still remain a useless man, and can't cook at all, I'll just have to feed you! Isn't that what little sisters are for?"

"Waaah…" Eyes sparkling, Battler lifted his head from the table, and gave Ange a sappy expression of thanks. "You're too good to me…"

"Mou… Well, I-I was trying to bake, just a little, because you're so bad at it… H-honestly!" Pouting, Ange folded her arms. "If you're going to be this much of a useless adult, then I'll be the adult for you!"

"E-even though you are only six years old… You already sound so mature… Aaaaah… My sister is so amazing… I don't know whether I should be happy or cry."

Caught somewhere between the two emotions, and feeling very strongly he was quite useless, Battler smiled instead; patting Ange on the head.

It was probably because she was Kyrie's daughter that she was so smart. Really, what an amazing little kid…

"You're a pretty awesome little sister. Even if you make me feel slightly inferior at times, ihihihi…~ Good job, Ange."

"Mm…"

Ange smiled a little, her face turning light pink.

"I love you, big brother…"

Battler grinned.

"I love you too, Ange~"

That had happened. She was sure it had. Ange could remember it clearly – and yet… And yet…

"Whoa?! Beato baked something like this?! The great and fearsome endless witch, who can summon goat butlers and make people spontaneously combust?! Isn't this a little out of character for you?"

"Y-yes, well… muu… I got a little tired of acting as the same character all the time. Variety makes everything more interesting, right? B-besides…" A faint blush on her face, Beato pressed her two index fingers together, and looked at the floor. "Since Ronove and the seven stakes were having so much fun in the kitchen… it looked a little bit fun… And…!" Raising her head, running a hand through her hair, Beato began to regain a bit of her 'witchly' aura, as a sharp smile captured her lips. "Well, those seven sisters are so inelegant – completely unfitting for a witch such as myself! They can't handle the simplest of things! They were getting the kitchen so messy with their foolhardy attempts to bake – so obviously, I had to step in and show them how to properly create some truly delicious cookies! I should really make them kiss my shoes as thanks, since I wasted my precious time intervening like that… *cackle*cackle*"

Battler looked at Beato with mild amusement; sat at the circular table in Purgatorio where he and Beato had had so many heated arguments in the past, head propped up on his hand.

"I never knew this great witch was also a great cook. Somehow, it doesn't fit your character…"

"I am a woman of many talents, Battleeeeer… Are you doubting the proficiency of my technique?"

"N-no, it's just… ihihi… That's a scary look on your face… I-it doesn't go well with these cookies you gave me, you see? It might make them taste a bit sour…"

"Kukuku… Sorry for my face – it's like this naturally…"

"Yeah… I guess this kind of expression does suit Beato best. But, why'd you give me cookies to begin with, anyway? Is this some kind of trap?"

"A trap? Of course not! I'm not so underhanded I would use such a cheap move."

"Ihihihihi… Sure…"

"A-at any rate, these cookies have nothing to do with our game! It is as I said. I merely made these cookies to show those noisy seven sisters how to properly and gracefully conduct themselves in the kitchen, but I made a few too many, so I decided to give them to you. There's no deeper meaning behind it."

"Couldn't you give them to Beelzebub…?"

Beato's face darkened. "That girl is always eating everything, everything… I don't want to encourage her gluttony. It's not befitting, as my furniture, to be so ill-mannered…"

"Ihihi~ On the contrary, I think 'ill-mannered' furniture fits you perfectly, Beato."

"Kuuu….."

"But, it would be a shame to let these cookies go to waste… and they do smell good, so…"

Relenting a little, a relaxed smile on his face, Battler picked up one of the cookies from the plate Beato had pushed towards him, and examined it.

…They smelled good.

They smelled exactly like Ronove's cookies, actually.

The texture and colour was the same, too.

Somehow, Battler was beginning to doubt whether Beato's story was actually true. He couldn't imagine that grandiose witch being good at domestic chores – surely she would get tired, or complain, or say she was too 'great' to do such menial jobs. Baking cookies could hardly be one of her fortes. So, it seemed more likely she had stolen the cookies Ronove had made, and was now giving them to Battler under the pretence she had made them – acting haughty the whole while – to show off, or some such thing…

It was so childish, the true origin behind these cookies so transparent, it was just a little bit cute. That being the case, Battler didn't mind humouring her – just a little bit.

These kinds of interactions were fun, after all.

"You're sure there's no poison in them, though?"

Beato snorted. "Of course not. That kind of victory would be too easy. Your demise wouldn't be exciting or heart-pounding at all. It would deserve nought of five stars."

"Ihihi, thank you, thank you… I can always count on Beato, to give me an over-the-top and painful death…"

"Yes, look forward to it~"

"Only a masochist would look forward to something like that…! B-but, if I may… Thanks for the food!"

And with that, Battler bit down on the cookie he was holding – whilst a strangely soft, happy smile spread across Beato's face.

Ange, meanwhile, was watching them from a distance; arms folded, eyes narrowed.

A few years ago, her big brother had been eating the cookies she gave him. And now, it seemed like he'd almost forgotten about her. Had she been replaced by this witch…?

And, why was it… that her big brother looked so much happier with this witch, than he had ever done with her…?

"Oi…! Gretel!"

Suddenly noticing her, skulking in the corner like a black cat, Battler turned about – cheeks dusted with cookie crumbs – and waved her over.

"Do you want to try any of these? Since our opponent so caringly prepared them for us? They're pretty good, ihihihihi~"

"Yes, yes," said Beato, cackling. "You'll need to eat, to gain enough energy to fight against me properly. This fourth game board is truly impressive, you know. I wouldn't want any of my opponents fainting from fatigue, all because they were too prideful to accept a little bit of my humble charity! Kukukuku~"

Ange could only glare at the two of them, a truly unpleasant look on her face.

"…No thank you. I could never accept the hospitality of an enemy. And when you say it like that, it doesn't sound 'humble' at all." Shooting a meaningful glance at Battler – the meaning going totally over his stupid head, because he didn't even know who she was – she scowled. "Besides… isn't having a cosy conversation like this betraying the expectations of the very people you're trying to save? You should keep that in mind, before you become too friendly with her. If I didn't know better, I'd say you cared for her more than your family."

And Ange desperately didn't want to believe that.

She didn't want to believe it at all.