For the best experience, listen to a music box version of "Circus Monster" (preferably my own...my YouTube name is Kuraiku).

*This story is set in the AU, EquationTale. For more information on EquationTale, feel free to look at the fanfic on my profile. You don't need to know the AU entirely to understand this fanfic, only that it's a role change, not a theme change. The Underground looks mostly the same.

They patted their feet softly against the cold ground, their black boots scraping against inches of white snow packed tightly on the floor beneath them. Their brown eyes fluttered among every nook and cranny that happened to peep into sight of the pure substance blanketing the rocks that served as a floor, but not a single branch was out of place. The human knew this path all too well.

They had always been worried since they realized how similar the situation was to their previous runs. That last reset really gave them a scare, but it melted away when life overtook them. Everything was so different and...new. Something terrifying to even the most cold-hearted being, but it also intrigued them. Why had this run been different? Why were they the only one to remember? They would probably never know. The thoughts had been silenced, questions and memories suppressed, however, as the changes grew more intense and life became too busy to worry over.

It wasn't until the shock set in of how eerily similar their life had become compared to their father's on previous runs. Worry came crawling back, once more rearing its ugly head. It wasn't just a few similarities, though; no, Frisk's life had within but a mere six years grew to parallel their skeletal father's own exactly, even down to the knock-knock jokes against a door out in the forest around Snowdin.

Which was exactly where they were headed now.

With a deep breath in, Frisk gave their purple scarf a small tug to adjust its hold on their throat. They couldn't even so much as open their mouth without getting a lick of fuzzies, which was something you'd think they'd grown accustomed to by now, but the noise of spitting out a giant purple wad of fabric said otherwise. They stuffed their hands back into their light blue winter coat and continued on.

Upon reaching the door, Frisk felt a smile tug at their lips. This was one of the things they had to enjoy about being in their father's position, at the very least. Even if their dad spent most of his day in Waterfall and they rarely got to spend time with him anymore, they still had their roommate (who, in fact, was living with them solely because their father was captain of the Royal Guard), and they still had Chara to look forward to every morning. Sure, the two had been closer before Chara was stationed in the Ruins...or, more specifically, before Chara shut themself off from the rest of the Underground, but the fact that Frisk still got to speak with them at all was a privilege that not many monsters could claim.

Removing one hand from their coat pocket, Frisk let out a gentle rap against the firm material of the door.

"knock knock."

The human waited for a moment, lightly tapping their foot against the cold snow. When no response followed through, however, they gave another soft thwack before pressing their ear against the cold material.

What they heard coming from the other side caused their smile to fade quite swiftly. Their shoulders drooped, eyes honing in on the small crack that split the door in two. Oh, how they ached to give the person on the other side a hug. It wasn't an uncommon feeling for such an affectionate kid in the slightest, but those yearnings were only amplified at the sound of their best friend puling on the other side of the door.

"chara?" Frisk called meekly. They could practically picture their friend curled up on the floor, back pressing against the door, misty-eyed to the point where tears actually began to flow. It was quiet, of course, as they couldn't imagine Chara being so noisy with sorrow, but even so, they could still make out rustling fabric and boots stomping against the solid rock flooring that lined the Ruins. Frisk knew too well that even around them, the more sadistic human didn't enjoy exposing their weaknesses. The way they hid themself from even Asriel and Frisk made the latter feel completely useless in helping their friend, but that wouldn't stop them from trying. As long as they were still breathing...they could try.

"Who's there?" came a shaky voice from the other side of the door. Frisk graced their hand against the cold stone that separated them. An image flashed in their head of their friend putting on a wide, welcoming smile, the ends extending just up to their rosey cheeks and eyes glistening with overly-dramatic happiness. Fake happiness, of course. No matter how well Chara pulled off a bluff, Frisk knew them better than that.

With a small sigh, the human let their arm slide down the door. "boo."

"Boo who?" the voice replied, a slight dip in their voice on the second word.

The human took a deep breath in, raising their head from their feet and staring into the door's crack. "why are you crying?"

There was a brief moment of silence that raped the air before the voice cut through, edge sharp enough to sever the more loving human's heartstrings.

"Nothing."

Frisk removed their hand in favor of drawing it to their other arm. They clasped the crook of their elbow and gazed at the snow to their left forlornly, mind blank for words. They were never one for talking- their ten-year-old self was proof enough of that. Now, though…now they were sixteen, and a hug of comfort wasn't an option. Think, Frisk...think like your father.

They rapped on the door again.

Sniffling, they heard more sounds of rustling clothes, followed by a hasty, "Who's there?"

"iva."

Another pause ensued, though this one rather small before the voice answered, in a somewhat confused tone, "Iva who?"

"iva sore hand from knocking." They shifted their feet, taking a moment to breath in and collect their thoughts before exhaling and once more facing the door. "chara... we've done this before."

"No, Frisk. I'm not letting you in."

The human clenched their jaw as their muscles tensed. Something in them (they swear they don't know what) pushed their voice box, and Frisk jutted forward, face practically pressing against its cold surface.

"Why not? We've been friends forever! I'm only trying to help you!"

They bit their lip when they heard their friend sniffle. Yelling...yelling was bad. Why did they yell? They never yelled!

frisk...you need to calm yourself.

Frisk's shoulders fell. They forced the tension to melt away in further guilt. Why can't they help their friend? What was wrong with them that Chara felt the need to shut themself away from?

"why are you pushing me away?"

A gasp could be heard from the other side, and Frisk pictured their best friend becoming wide-eyed. They could practically see it- Chara's head that shot up at the sound of those words and then they'd slam their palms against the door, which was confirmed when the shorter human heard a loud thump from the other side.

"What? No!"

"knock knock."

They didn't even bother to raise their fists this time. Frisk was afraid that removing them from their coat pockets might result in slamming them down, and the last thing they wanted Chara to think was that they were upset with them.

Chara's response seemed hesitant, though. Uncertain. They always did like knowing what was next, Frisk supposed...that was one thing that became pretty obvious after knowing them for so long.

"...Who's there?"

"chara."

Unlike the older human, Frisk's sentence was quick. Chara barely had time to finish their question before the younger cut in, and it caused them to lean back slightly.

"Chara...who?"

"chara-bout you." They rolled onto the tips of their feet, arms still in their pockets but frown returning to a neutral expression. "i chara-bout you...a lot. you know that?"

"Frisk, please-"

"No! I won't stand here. I won't watch you tear yourself apart. It...hurts."

They couldn't help it. Hearing Chara's matter-of-fact tone, as if just because they're three years older they knew everything...Frisk didn't care what they had to say. Chara could make up all the excuses they wanted to. It didn't matter. Deep down, Frisk knew they were hurting. They'd sensed it in the last run, and they figured out why after getting a chance to actually talk to them while they're still alive. Only now, it was worse. So much worse.

"Frisk…"

"Knock knock."

It wasn't hesitation anymore that plagued Chara's voice, but caution. Caution laced their mind. To anyone that knew the older teen, it was so blatantly obvious that Frisk didn't even bat an eye.

"Who's...there?"

"I am."

"I am who…?"

"I don't know anymore."

That was a lie. Frisk knew exactly who the person on the other side of the door was. It was Chara. The person that had been with them through all of those runs, resets… The one that saw the good times, the bad times, over and over. The one that saw them destroy the barrier, then destroy everyone in it. The one that took their SOUL for one final reset...then had no recollection of it after. No one did, and Frisk was almost tempted to consider themself lucky for it, but then there was this… Was it better to deal your SOUL to the devil, or have the devil be your best friend and watch him suffer?

They shouldn't use that word. "Devil." It was one of the reasons that Chara had chosen to fall in the first place, something they would've never learned if the reset went as planned. There was so much to the "demon child" that Frisk would've missed if they'd just went on another regular run.

But was it really worth the second chance to see Chara in such agony?

"Knock knock."

They blinked. No, it wasn't unusual for Chara to be the one telling the jokes, but it also wasn't something they'd expect from the older when they were in this state. Maybe they should. After all, Chara was never one to expose their sadness so readily. Acting as their usual self...Frisk knew they were a great actor.

"who's there?"

"Why?"

"why who?"

"Why me?"

"chara…"

Frisk removed their hands from their jacket pockets once more, placing their palms against the door's stone for the second time that day. Oh how they wished they could pry it open…

"I don't understand. How could you ever care for a demon like me?"

"you're not a demon, chara."

"Yes I am! Yes I am and you know it!"

Hearing the screams that rarely ever emitted from the nineteen-year-old's mouth, Frisk took a large step back, reflexively bringing their hands up to their chest and allowed their face to fall into its natural state of blankness.

When they didn't reply, Chara continued. "Maybe the monsters don't see it, but you're human! You have to! I'm nothing but a useless wretch!"

"char-"

"DON'T TALK TO ME!"

There was no hiding it anymore. The sobs that came from the other side of the door were no longer even trying to be kept quiet, nor did Frisk want them to. The emotionally-dominant teen would much rather have their ears blown out than Chara bottle up their emotions any longer. There was so much Chara kept hidden, seeing this side of them just…

"The monsters are sweet and kind. I...I don't understand. Why? It should be simple. I should be happy! She was human. She was tainted!"

Frisk, despite wanting to protest, held their mouth shut. Talking might not be their strong suit, but they knew when to be quiet. Chara couldn't keep screaming forever. When they let their voice go...that's when Frisk would get a chance. For now, though…

"But I loved her. I loved her more than anything. She was the one person I missed. But she was so easy to replace! She was a human! You heard what Dad said. We were children when we fell. We're okay. She was tainted!"

Knowing that Chara couldn't see them, Frisk shook their head. They didn't agree with Asgore's declaration of war, and they certainly didn't agree to Asriel upholding it. If anything, they wished they knew where Toriel had went. Maybe, together, there was a way to convince them otherwise. But unlike Chara, Frisk wasn't adopted by royalty. They didn't get much of a say in those matters, even if something like this could be brought to Asriel at the chance of revoking the vow of murder…

The voice on the other side grew louder, causing Frisk to focus more on their ears than the tears beginning to roll down their own cheeks.

"Why was I so happy when she fell?! She was tainted! TAINTED! She was a HUMAN! I should've HATED HER!"

"You loved her…" Frisk muttered in a voice that, honestly, they weren't sure was even loud enough for the other human to hear, and they weren't entirely certain they wanted them to.

"I DON'T CARE IF SHE WAS MY MOTHER! SHE WAS-!"

They couldn't say it. Frisk knew Chara couldn't curse out the woman they loved most in the world. It didn't matter how far Chara fell into a screaming rage; this was their mother, and deep down, they loved her. There was nothing that could've been done.

The younger reached their hand out to grace the stone again but jumped when a loud banging ruptured against it, presumably from Chara's fist.

After a moment of nothing but the sound of hopeless tears surrounding them, Frisk frozen in place with their hands now up at their shoulders, the older muttered through a shaky voice, "Why did she leave?"

Frisk opened their mouth to speak, but then closed it. Now wasn't the time. There was just the sound of sobs again, but now wasn't the time. Chara wanted to say more. They were sure of it. If they didn't… Then Frisk would get a chance, but their thoughts were only confirmed at the quiet voice barely making its way through the stone that separated them.

"I told her. I told her what they'd do. I told her she'd die. Why did she…" They paused to suck up a drop of snot that began making its way out of their nose. "...Why did she have to leave me all alone?"

Unsure of what to do, Frisk simply pressed their back against the cold stone and slid down until their bottom reached the snow. This wasn't how they wanted it. This was never how they wanted it. When they learned how Chara had died and stopped it… When they'd all played together- Frisk, Chara, and Asriel, the BFT (Best Friends Trio)- Frisk thought it'd be better. They thought they were given a second chance. They never realized what being trapped underground really meant for the humans that needed sunlight to stave off depression.

"You're not alone," Frisk wanted to say, but they couldn't muster the courage to do so.