This is an updated version of Chapter 1. The major plot points are the same, just better written.

A/N: Okay, so, I'm Emma, I'm 13, and this is one of my first (published) fics, so no flames, please. And, I never liked Peter, so he just doesn't exist. I invented a new Marauder, Marcus Chambers. His Animagus will be a mountain lion, so if anyone has an idea for a nickname for him, let me know! Also, Sirius, to me, seems much too loyal to be a player, so he's not. That's how I am going to write MY story, so just deal. I hope you enjoy my story, and I love reviews, and constructive criticism is great!

I own nothing! (Except Marcus.)

Word count before A/N is 3,150.

Chapter 1: The Pain of Loss

"Oh, I'm so glad Exams are finally done. They were right, the O.W.L.s are miserable!" Lily Evans was talking to Marlene McKinnon – one of her best friends – as they made their way down to the Black Lake. Lily was listening for the response that Marlene had just opened her mouth to give, but instead she heard something very different.

"Need your 'friends' to protect you Snivellus? Well, they're not here now, are they?" James Potter's voice carried across the lawn, taunting her best friend, Severus Snape.

Potter – in her opinion – was an insufferable toe-rag, an arrogant idiot. He was just a bully, and in no way deserved to be a Gryffindor. He was terrible, and awful, and oh, did she mention he was completely obsessed with her? He'd asked her out at least twice a week since third year. He was a complete and utter git. He seemed to take pleasure in harassing her best friend, just because he was a Slytherin! It was ridiculous!

At this moment, though, that's exactly what he was doing. He was torturing Sev. Not physically, as in causing pain, but simply by embarrassing him, which Lily thought was almost worse. They were only shouting at each other now, but she saw Sirius Black and Marcus Chambers standing behind Potter. It was a shame, really, that Remus Lupin was busy. The four of them were joint at the hip, but Lily could tolerate the fourth Marauder. When he was around, Potter and Black weren't complete arses. Chambers, also, could manage his friends, but he detested Severus just as much as the other two. Sadly, Remus wasn't around, so they – namely Potter – were being complete arses. At this moment, Potter decided he would take it to the next level.

Right when Lily and Marlene reached them, Potter raised his wand, and muttered a spell Lily had never heard of. "Levicorpus!" Potter said. Suddenly, her best friend was hanging by his ankles from the tree branch he'd been standing under mere moments ago.

Lily couldn't help herself, she was so angry! She was so completely consumed by rage. Looking back on it now, she should've known no good would come of it. She knew she would hurt Potter, but she didn't really care if that happened. The problem really was Sev. His Slytherin friends were, after all, standing in the courtyard behind her… But she did it anyway.

"Potter! James Potter you let him down right now! What did he ever do to you?! No one – no matter WHAT they've done – no one deserves to be treated like this! You are an insufferably arrogant, toe-rag James Potter! You – you're nothing but an immature bully! You should leave him alone, and stop acting like a silly child!"

She had thought all of those things before, but she had never said them like that, so final, so harsh. He knew what she thought of him, but she'd never told him, at least all at the same time, and she was immediately sorry. The look on his face – she had hurt him before, she knew that. But, from his reaction, those were just pinpricks, and she'd just stabbed him in the chest, and twisted the knife. He let Sev down, though his eyes never left hers, searching, searching for anything to tell him she didn't really mean it… But there was nothing. His pretty coffee colored eyes met cold, unyielding emeralds. She almost wanted to apologize, which had never happened. Ever. Not when she was dealing with James freaking Potter, at least.

That was something she definitely should've been worried about. Potter and his ability to look like an adorable, innocent, kicked puppy that should only be loved and taken care of. Stupid perfect, brown-eyed, messy-haired, beautiful Potter. Before she was able to reprimand her thoughts, another problem interrupted them.

"Thank you, Lily," Severus hissed. He was being sarcastic, though. The look on his face was murderous. His rage directed at her. "I was completely fine! I don't need help! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! I especially don't need help from a filthy little mudblood!" His tone got more and more bitter with every word, but also louder and louder, the last coming out almost a snarl, the sounds garbled by rage, but still clear enough to grind Lily's heart into the ground. The word may not be the subject of a pending war, but it was still a terrible insult… She knew he'd been spending more time with some not-so-nice housemates of his. Knew he would start thinking like they did, knew it would come to this eventually, but did it have to be so public? Did it have to be so final? Did it have to hurt so much? She knew it would happen. She thought she was prepared. Obviously, though, she wasn't.

She didn't have a conscious recollection of falling on her knees, but there she was, tears brimming in her eyes, Marlene's comforting arm over her shoulder… For an entire second, the grounds were completely silent. No one moved, or spoke. Until the rage of a different, but equally angry, 16 year old boy washed over the unmoving audience.

"TAKE IT BACK! YOU ARE THE FILTHY ONE, NOT HER! YOU ARE A COWARD AND A LIAR SEVERUS SNAPE! YOU DO NOT IN ANY WAY DESERVE A FRIEND HALF AS KIND AS SHE IS! YOU APOLOGIZE TO HER RIGHT NOW!

It took Lily a moment to understand what just happened. Even though she had pretty much unleashed every insult on him that she possibly could, James Potter had just defended her against her best friend, who had called her the worst name you could possibly call someone like her. She heard a 'Sorry,' from behind her that was so fake it was obviously said just to hurt her more. Well, it worked. She didn't look at him, she wouldn't let him see the tears that had brimmed over, and were now running down her face.

She could hear Marlene talking to her, trying to calm her down, but she didn't know what she was saying. Her were, instead, locked with Potter's. she felt as if he were trying to tell her something, she just didn't know what. She did know, though, that she was trying to tell him something. She was trying to tell him she was sorry about what she'd said earlier, but she didn't know if he understood her. He looked away, and she focused back on Marlene.

"– be okay, I promise. You are so much better than him, you deserve so much better. Come on, now, lets get you back upstairs, okay? Then we can get you all cleaned up. Lily? Hey, lets get you up? Okay?"

She responded automatically, like a robot. "Yeah," she started to stand, but faltered, only staying up thanks to Marlene. Lily may not have been very big, but Mar wasn't that much bigger than she was. She really wasn't up to walking all the way up to the common room by herself. She would probably fall and then she and Mar would fall down a flight of stairs… that wouldn't be good. She would try though.

It turns out, that she didn't need to worry about it. Marlene's arm suddenly moved from her waist to her shoulder, not supporting her for only a moment. She faltered again, but this time it was a strong, muscular arm that caught her. She really didn't care, at this point, if Potter helped her up to the common room. She just wanted to lie down. She was so tired… So emotionally exhausted from today, mentally and physically from her exams… maybe she could just close her eyes a minute…

She stumbled again, tripping on the uneven steps. She knew Potter had picked her up, like a little kid, but it felt nice to be a little kid again. Unknowingly, once she fell asleep, she turned, curling perfectly into the arms of the boy she despised, her head lying on his chest…

But, that meant nothing. In no way did it mean a single thing.

Chapter 1: The Fire of Rage

"Aren't you glad exams are done? We can finally start summer! It will be my first real summer, ya know?" James Potter was sitting, cross-legged, listening bemusedly as his best friend Sirius Black chattered aimlessly. He wished Remus were here, because then they could actually start planning his summer visit to James's house. But, he wasn't here. James supposed he would just have to wait until dinner to see his friend. Remus was re-taking his Ancient Runes exam, he had probably passed the first time, but hey. It was Remus, after all.

"Yeah," he answered, but he was suddenly not paying any attention at all. He saw Lily Evans walking down toward the lake with her friend, Marlene. He had a feeling Sirius fancied Marlene, but he'd ask him later. Right now he was distracted by the way Lily's long, dark red curls swished back and forth across her waist when she walked, and fell over her shoulder when she turned her head toward Marlene… Lily, Lily, Lily. Lily Evans. She was all he'd been able to think about for the past two and a half years. She was the only girl he'd ever liked, and he asked her out in third year, but she'd turned him down. So, he'd kept on asking. He was nothing if not persistent. She didn't like him though. She had made that very clear over the last three years. He thought he might be making progress, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

James was broken out of his thoughts by a green clad git walking up to his tree. It was Severus Snape. He was Lily's best friend, and probably the reason she'd never liked him. James had a habit of taunting Snivellus, but it wasn't unprovoked, as Lily seemed to think. Snivellus was just such a complete git, and his sweet Lily-flower was just too naive to notice it. The way he looked at her, it set his teeth on edge. He looked at her like she was an item – a good grade or a new toy. Something to obtain, to possess. Argh. He was in a permanent state of wanting to strangle him. With magic, of course. No one in their right mind would ever want to touch that grease-bag. Gross.

But, he was headed this way, so James would have to speak to him, which he didn't enjoy. In fact, it was his least favorite pass-time, followed closely by being yelled at by Lily. That would be first, but at least she was talking to him. Even angry, her voice was like a wind-chime. A very loud wind-chime, but it was beautiful, all the same. Even when she screamed at him, he liked it better than the days when she just ignored him…

"Potter!" Ugh, James thought. Now is time for torture.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" He sounded tired, even to his own ears. He was, but that was beside the point.

"I want to know why you only mess with me when you're not alone." Ah… so he wanted to fight… yay! A few months ago, he really would've been excited, but he was starting to realize that messing with Snape really didn't get him anywhere, except in Lily's bad books.

"Because I have mess with you when you mess with me, and I have friends. When you have good ones, they tend to be around a lot." That was mean. He really didn't care, though. Snape was a git.

"So fight me now. Without them, they can't help you." Ooh! He just signed his own death warrant, almost, at least.

"Alright, but I hope you don't need your 'friends' to protect you, Snivellus? Well, they're not here now, are they?" He decided it was time to use one of those spells Snivellus made up. He'd seen Sivelly use it, but he wasn't quite sure it would work properly. And, he was conscious of Lily, she'd heard the commotion, and knew she would be angry if he cursed him. But Snivellus had given him the perfect opportunity! And he didn't even have his wand out! So, he took his chance, "Levicorpus!"

The only thing that stopped him from laughing out loud was Lily's murderous glare burning into him. He was prepared for her to be angry. He knew she would be, she always was. The git deserved it, though. He was prepared for anger, but not what he got. Perhaps she was having an off day, or she completely despised him, he didn't know. But he wasn't ready.

"Potter! James Potter you let him down right now! What did he ever do to you?!" Yup. There was the anger. She was probably done now.

"No one – no matter WHAT they've done – no one deserves to be treated like this!" Ooh. Ouch. That one hurt.

"You are an insufferably arrogant, toe-rag James Potter!" Wow. Now he could feel the knife in his chest.

"You – you're nothing but an immature bully!" And now she was twisting it. She was really going at it this time.

"You should leave him alone, stop acting like a six year old!" And she finally removed the knife, along with a good portion of his heart and dignity.

He supposed he should have know that wouldn't be the end, but he didn't. He looked at her, looking for any sign that she didn't mean it, or that she hadn't meant to be so harsh. To his disappointment, his eyes met a pair of cold, unrelenting emeralds, sparkling defiantly. It was at that moment, that James decided to grow up. He was done with her calling him an immature child. He would show her that he could still be 'Potter' – popular, pranking, Quidditch playing, Marauder supreme – but, he could also be 'James' – mature, studious, caring, and perfect for Lily. He wasn't changing himself for her, no, he was simply showing her a side of himself that he didn't show often, and she refused to believe existed. He would get his girl. If it didn't work out in the end, James would probably move on. But, he just knew that if she gave him a chance, it would work out.

On a normal day, that would've been the end. Lily would grab Snape's arm, turn on her heel – making sure to flip her hair over her shoulder dramatically – and saunter off. She moved to follow the usual routine, but Snape decided to make a scene. In a normal school, what just happened would be a scene, but Lily, James, and Severus had been at it since first year, and shows like this happened at least twice a week. If they went a week with no shouting match, then people would talk.

"Thank you, Lily," Snape snarled. He was being sarcastic, James could hear it. There was an cruel edge to his voice, James had heard it before. But never when he was talking to Lily. The look on his face was murderous rage – directed at her, which surprised him. Usually, with Snape – and him, but that wasn't the point – Lily could do no wrong. "I was completely fine! I don't need help! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! I especially don't need help from a filthy little mudblood!" His tone got more and more bitter with every word, but also louder and louder, the last coming out almost a snarl. All James could see was red. Everything was in clear focus, though. He saw Lily crumple, and all he wanted to do was kill that foul, evil, little cockroach; but he hesitated. James started counting, in his head, to calm himself down. It didn't work. There was two full second of complete and utter silence, before James lost it.

He didn't even remember, when he finished yelling, what he'd said. All he knew is that no matter what she said to him, Lily was a good person, and she deserved so much better than an insufferable arse who would call her a mudblood. So, he just yelled. He hadn't planned out what he would say, but he figured it would come out as words. To his relief, it did.

He'd heard the git spit out the word, and the harshness of it almost hurt him, so he couldn't imagine how Lily felt. He had to physically restrain himself from hexing Snivellus into next month. Sirius wasn't helping, with his want out, looking for a fight. Once James got over the bulk of his temper tantrum, he looked up, to find Lily's eyes boring into him. She was hurt, he saw. Well, he already knew that. What he wasn't expecting, though, was the remorse. She was sorry. For what? Oh. Oh. She was sorry for hurting him. She had seen his face, then. Maybe he hadn't turned away as fast as he thought he did…

He looked back at her, and he was trying to make sure she was okay, that she knew he was okay, but he wasn't sure he was understood. Lily didn't look quite up to walking upstairs, so he told Sirius he'd see him at dinner, and casually wandered toward where the girls were crouched on the ground.

Marlene was talking to Lily, trying to get her up, away from everyone. James finally got within hearing range, and tried not to look like he was eavesdropping. Which, of course, he was.

"– stairs, okay? Then we can get you all cleaned up. Lily? Hey, lets get you up? Okay?" Marlene was trying. Really, she was. But James didn't think she could manage Lily all by herself. Sure, Lily was small, only about 5'2, but Mar wasn't all that much bigger. So, he would just trail along behind. He wouldn't even listen. Only make sure neither of them fell down the stairs. Yeah. That's what he'd do.

Well, the first time Lily stumbled James did exactly what he told himself he wouldn't. He stepped up beside them and put his arm around Lily's waist. Mar moved her arm to Lily's shoulder, putting most of her weight on James – not that he minded. They made it halfway across the grounds before Lily stumbled again, and James knew that people would talk tomorrow, and Lily would be furious with him, but she looked so tired.

So, he caught her up in his arms, cradling her gently. When she was awake, she tried – not very hard – to put distance between them, but as soon as she fell asleep, she relaxed. She fit perfectly in his arms, and James couldn't help but think about just how right it felt. Maybe, one day, she'd feel it too. But, even if she didn't…

He would still love her.