Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to The OC or Fox. This story is basically my wishful thinking.
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I'll take the blame
If I ever want to
For what my little brain
Has been through
I know I say
Things I never meant to
To seem a little more sane
Cause that's what it takes…
The Dandy Warhols
***
What makes me say those awful things to Seth? Summer wondered to herself. "Rage Blackouts?" For goodness sakes, Seth's…well Seth. I've got to stop going off on him like that.
Summer turned to Seth. Marissa and Ryan had already headed off to English Lit.
"Hey Cohen. I'm uh…sorry for what I said."
Seth sighed and hoisted his backpack over his shoulder. "That's okay Summer, rage blackouts, I get it." Seth turned to walk to class too, leaving her alone.
Damn, I'm really going to have to work on that.
***
Marissa was standing in front of her locker, admiring herself in the compact mirror hanging on the inside of the door.
"Summer, do you want to go to the mall after class?" Marissa asked, "Ryan has soccer practice, so I have nothing to do. I figured there must be a bunch of short mini skirts that I can try on which accentuate my bony legs."
"Yeah sure Coop, the mall – my own personal fashion show, what more could a girl ask for?"
"Well great, I'll meet you out front then." Marissa said, smiling at her reflection.
She doesn't even react to my sarcasm. She is so self-centered!
***
"So which do you think makes me look hotter? The ruffled knee-length rainbow sherbet skirt or the mint green mini with the faux fur belt?" Marissa asked, examining the latter in the clothing store mirror.
"Oh does it really matter Coop? They are both hideous and make your knobby knees look bowed." Summer sighed, examining her nails.
"You know what, you're right, it doesn't matter, I'll get them both. After all, I look terrific in pretty much anything I wear, right? Now let's get going back to Newport, Ryan ought to be done with soccer practice and I want to go over to the pool house and tease him a bit with a mini make out session."
"Yeah, whatever."
***
Summer pulled up in the Cohen driveway to drop Marissa off. Ryan came out to meet them.
"Hey Ryan, you've got to see the new clothes I just bought. I dunno what I would ever wear them to, but you can never have too many unworn clothes hanging around for just the right charity event, right?"
Ryan met Summer's exasperated look and rolled his eyes in sympathy.
Summer shot him a look back that said, Whatever, I'm dropping off the princess so you can deal with her now.
"Well Coop, you two probably have a lot to do, so I'll see you around okay?" Summer put the car in reverse and waited for Marissa to get out of the car.
Ryan looked at his girlfriend. He loved her, he didn't know why, but he loved her. Since he'd fallen for her he'd been in countless fist fights, burned Kirsten's model home down, and almost been arrested. Still, he looked at her, and her smile just melted him.
"Marissa, the Cohens' are making dinner and you're invited. Let's go inside."
"But wait, I thought we'd kiss repetitively without tongue until our lips are chapped and your balls are bluer than that fake ocean backdrop behind the pool house." Marissa pouted.
"I know honey," Ryan sighed, "maybe after dinner."
Together they headed for the house.
***
Seth saw Marissa through the sliding glass door. Oh goodie, here comes Princess Cooper. He was so sick of her. There was a reason he'd lived next door to her his whole life and had never made a play for her. She was so oblivious to anyone but herself, and besides that, she was a terrible actress.
"Hi Seth," Marissa gushed, "did you know that Ryan here used to be in musicals?"
"Uh yeah, you told us… at the Thanksgiving episode." Seth mumbled, turning around so he could resume setting the table.
Hearing Marissa, both Sandy and Kirsten entered the dining room. "Marissa, how nice to see you." Kirsten said. "Dinner is almost ready."
"Oh great, I am famished from all my shopping. I could eat an entire piece of lettuce right now!" Marissa said with a playful giggle.
Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other, each thinking the same thing, How could Ryan, a hunk, who scored a 98% on his pre- SAT, fall for such a brainless twit?
***
After dinner, Kirsten suggested that Marissa and Ryan go hang out in the pool house, as Seth and Sandy rushed to open the back door and usher them out. Ryan gave them a pleading look, but they seemed oblivious.
Once the happy couple left, the rest of the Cohens were able to breathe a sigh of relief.
"Can you believe she chewed each bite of the lettuce leaf 10 times to ensure she didn't fill up too fast and overeat?" Kirsten asked.
"Can you believe everything she said was in that flat, mono-toned voice showing no emotion or emphasis what so ever?" Sandy asked.
"Can you believe how short her skirt was, or that her makeup always makes her look like a whore?" Seth asked.
They collectively sighed, locked the back door, and retired for bed.
***
After 10 minutes of dry-humping Ryan's thigh and kissing his upper lip, Marissa feared that he wanted to take it to the next step. While she did give up the goods for Luke, she was going to hold out with Ryan until he was cheating on her. After all, she'd made Luke wait, what, 5 years?
"Ryan," She breathed heavily, "I should go. It's late."
"Late? It's only 7:30." Ryan replied, trying to get his hands up her shirt.
"No really, it's late and I should go." She replied. She got up and turned back to Ryan, who had rolled over face down to hide his massive hard on.
"I'll let myself out." She said slightly annoyed.
Ryan, with his face still smothered into his pillow, raised one hand, waiving her off. "Bye" came his muffled voice.
***
She was driving to Summer's house. Summer had said something about needing to cram for an exam, but she needed Summer's help. She needed someone to talk to about prom. Sure it was 6 months away, but the decision between Prada and Mary Janes should be planned out well in advance.
Summer answered the door. Unbelievable. It was Marissa. What part of "I am failing biology and have to study tonight." Did she not get?
"Summer," Marissa gushed as she invited herself in. "I need your help. It's about prom and shoes and I just don't know what to do!" She wailed.
She'd pushed her way into the living room. Catching her reflection in a mirror, she asked, "Do you think this halter top makes me look fat?" The shoes suddenly forgotten.
With that, Summer just snapped. She lunged over the coffee table for Marissa's throat. What she lacked in height, she made up for in gusto, passion, and a superior acting ability.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Summer screamed as she tackled Marissa to the floor. Marissa yelped and started to kick, but she was no match for Summer's rage blackouts.