HarryPotter
Sirius/Remus
Boys Love
Harry Potter and Characters © by J.K. Rowling the owner of Harry Potter.
By: GozenMiddy

Carnation: Purple

'He's late... Again.' thought a disgruntled 5th year student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, 'I hope he shows this time... at least.'
Of course, when it came to Remus Lupin, another 5th year student, anything was possible.

Sirius Black, or Padfoot as he was called by his friends, impatiently waited at the Hogs Head Pub, that was located in the small village near the school. Last week, he was waiting the Shrieking Shack, and the week before that was Honey Dukes. His hair was getting long again, as it had gotten mostly burned off by an accidental spell, and his beautiful gray eyes were full of anger. It had a month since Sirius had confessed his feelings to Remus – and Remus accepted. . But each of their so called 'Dates' had failed.
Remus would either cancel or skip out. And it seemed this time was no different.

"Bloody Hell Mooney.. At least show up for once..." he hissed to himself, finally giving up after waiting for two hours.
He sighed, getting up from the stool and slowly walking out the front door, which creaked and groaned behind him.
Sirius, figuring that Remus was more responsible then this, was heavily disappointed.
'If I had known he was going to flake this much I wouldn't have bothered...' he thought coldly.
Remus Lupin, known as Mooney to his friends, wasn't normally a flake. He usually finished his homework on time, was almost never late, and always did things when he made plans. But this Remus was Different.
He wouldn't kiss Sirius when instigated; He'd turn away.
He would always cancel dates; Or never show up.
He seemed distant now; Rarely talking to him or Avoiding him..

Before the disgruntled teen realized it, he was approaching the school's courtyard. What was he going to do now...?
"Sirius!" called the familiar voice of James Potter, or 'Prongs', "What's up? Isn't Remus with you?" He asked curiously, panting a bit, his breath showing in the cool winter air. Sirius scowled and turned his head, huffing.
"... He didn't show up, again..." he said softly, pushing his hands further into his pockets, and putting his head down. James slightly recoiled back and sighed, putting his arm around the obviously hurt male.
"Come on. Some nice warm cauldron cake will make you feel better. And you can vent at me if you want too." He smiled, pulling Sirius forward towards the courtyard.

Soon they were inside the Gryffindor common room, eating the sweets and snacks they snaked from the dining tables.
It was nearly empty this winter season, as Christmas was fast approaching. James wasn't returning this Winter nor was Sirius, but he didn't go back until end of the Year. Peter Pettigrew Decided to return this year, not wanting to be mercilessly teased by the other three, and Remus was thinking about it.. But he wouldn't like every other time. Hopefully.

James, reclining back on a chair in front of the warm, fluttering fire sighed, turning to Sirius.
"..So, Padfoot." he started, making Sirius slouch backwards on the scarlet red and gold couch, "What's been going on? Remus... Hasn't really been himself."
"Tell me something I don't know.." he muttered, taking a small bite out of a pumpkin pastry, "Lately... No, even when we first started dating, he would turn away my attempts to kiss him.. and he was good about the dates at first... but then lately, he's just either stopped showing or cancels last minute with some stupid excuse.." he sighed, setting the pastry down. He wasn't really hungry right now.
"...Well.." James started, getting up to sit next to the miserable black haired boy, who turned to him a bit, " Just ask him what's wrong?"
"I would if I could get close to him.. no wait, if I could find him. I haven't seen him in the last three days.." he hissed, covering his face with his hands, "I think he's been avoiding me. And tomorrow... Tomorrow is..."
"Yes, I know.. and I feel almost like you, except worrying about dating him too." he tried to joke, getting a small smile out of the man.

"...Hey James, " Sirius started, scratching the back of his head, "You know.. when I think about it, me and Remus have been dating for a month... and we still haven't kissed."
"...Seriously?" He said amused and shocked, grinning widely.
"...Shut up, before you even say anything. Like I told you, when I go to kiss him, he pushes me away. Even for little kisses on the forehead or cheek!" he snapped, "I just.. I don't see how hard it is to.." he shook his head and leaned forward, suddenly pressing his lips to James', who blushed and sat there in shock. After a second though, he regained his senses and pushed Sirius off.
"What was that for?" He snapped, wiping his mouth.
"...I.. don't really know. I guess I just needed to do that to someone.. since Remus wont let me kiss him." he grumbled, turning around to glare at the few students that were watching.

"...Ah... Did I interrupt something between you two?" said the gentle, calm voice of Remus Lupin. His skin was very pale, and his hair was out of place. Even his deep, brown eyes were sunken in and surrounded by shadows. Sirius knew at that moment he had witnessed that.
"...Not really. I just wanted to know how kissing a guy felt." he said softly, shrugging. making Remus frown lightly.
".. Sirius I-"
" Care to explain? About, you know, blowing me off again?" he said coolly, though obviously he was very agitated. Remus turned his head and took a step back, not really knowing how to answer that.
"Or, maybe last week? And maybe the week before then? I can understand you might not feel well today, but at least tell me you can't make it!" he barked, standing up to watch Remus stare at him. The one thing he loved about Remus was he always stared at the person that was talking to him.
"...Sirius.. Lets... go talk about this elsewhere..." Remus said uncomfortably, glancing at the students who were pretending not to notice. Sirius, huffing, walked over and grabbed Remus' hand to quickly pull him upstairs. No-one would be sleeping at this time.

"Now talk." Sirius said softly, sitting on the edge of his four poster bed, which was net to Remus', "And I want to know why."
Remus sighed, scratching his arm a bit.
"... What do you want to know first?"
"How come you've been skipping out on our dates!"
"... Well.. today I couldn't find you, and I don't feel well... and last week... and the week before.. I lost my nerve to." Remus said softly, trying to look Sirius in the eye, but unable to.
"... Lost your nerve? We've supposed to have been dating for a month and you haven't even let me kiss you!" He said confused, " I.. I don't think you even wanted to be with me. That's what it feels like!"
"Well if you cared why did you go and kiss James!"
"Because maybe I've given up on you!" Sirius snapped, not even staying to witness what was most likely Remus breaking down. He had left, quickly too.
James, trying to stop Sirius as he saw him rushing towards the portrait, was shrugged off. More like forced off though.

'That's right.. I.. I can't take it anymore. He.. He never really cared, he only said he liked me so he wouldn't hurt me.' though Sirius, running down the stone steps to the secret passage that led into the shrieking shack. He wanted to get away from everyone and everything. James was going to be pissed.. But, Remus probably wasn't even hurt.
But he was though. He'd never felt so stupid in his life, and to say something so mean too. It was really how he felt though, he had mostly given up on the man. Even past girlfriends had been more productive then with Remus.
He stopped, leaning against the wall before the passage. A single tear steamed down his face and he sighed, smacking his head against the stone wall.
"...I'm such an idiot. Why would I even say that." he said to himself softly, sighing.
"Yeah, why would you say that?" James said in a displeased tone, frowning and crossing his arms.
"..How did you find me?" Sirius asked softly, wiping his face before turning to look at James.
"Its not too often you go running down the halls. Everyone pointed in this direction."

"..How's Remus?" He asked softly, looking down. James sighed, smiling just a little bit.
"...You're lucky Remus knows you're just very angry with him. And then you have me. He's a bit upset, but knows you feel bad right now too. Go talk to him, okay? And no arguing." James said softly, moving around to behind Sirius to push him down the halls, and back to the common room.
So Remus understood, and luckily James was there to explain some things too.

Making it back to the common room, he found himself nervously being pushed up the winding staircase to the bedrooms. Roughly, James pushed him in and shut the door, gaining the attention of Remus who was still sitting on his bed, hands laced in his lap. But he stood soon after seeing Sirius.
"...Sirius, I'm sorry. I really am.. I.. I know you've been hurt more then I have by my choices and..." Remus started, covering his face for a few moments before slowly walking towards Sirius, who was listening intently.
"..." Remus sighed and finally reached the black haired man, wrapping his arms around him gently, "...You really didn't mean it... right? When.. when you said you'd given up on me..." he asked hopefully, stepping back to look at him. It was awhile before Sirius answered, as he was really thinking about this. Did he really want to stay with someone that flaked so easily? He seemed sorry...
"...Why do you push me away when I try to kiss you..." Sirius whispered softly, stepping forward to grab Remus, pulling him close. Their lips nearly touching. Remus hesitated for a moment before swallowing whatever lump was in his throat.
"..Because I... I really... honestly like you... but you're my friend.. I don't want something that we do in a relationship... to effect that." He said softly, barely a whisper. Sirius pulled away a little bit, watching Remus' face.
"...Is that also why you skip our dates?" he asked, "Surely, I know you don't care what others think."

"I've also never dated a man. I'm not too sure about it. I just..." Remus stopped sighing. His mind was quickly filled though when his head was tilted back up, and warm lips met with his cold. Not this time, this time he would kiss him. He wasn't pushing him away.
And Sirius knew this. Now he understood why Remus was so uneasy. He was horrible at relationships anyway, and they were the best of friends too... But at that moment, it really didn't matter to either of them. It was wonderful, feeling their lips softly moving against each other, their arms around each other...

'...He's late... Again!' cursed Sirius in his head. A week after the full moon, a week after talking with him, and did he even change?
He waited in front of Hogsmade, holding a bouquet of purple carnations, tapping his foot impatiently. Just as he was about to leave though, He smiled, seeing a familiar brown haired teen running up to him, his Gryffindor coat billowing behind him.
"I – I'm so sorry. I bumped into the potions professor on my way here and she lectured me about running through the halls." Remus panted, smiling. His face, though scarred a bit, was much livelier, full of color. His eyes, through they still looked sleep deprived, weren't as dark. His hair was neatly placed as well, if not a bit shocked from the wind.
"Flowers?" Remus asked, looking down at what was in Sirius' hands.
"Ah.. yeah," he blushed lightly, "I know flowers aren't really my style, but I figured they suit you." He said, handing them to the lightly surprised.
"What do you mean?" he asked with a light smile, leaning up to kiss Sirius gently.
"Well, you'll have to figure it out." He smirked, grabbing his hand to drag him into the small village.

End.

*Note: A Purple Carnation means Unreliable, Changeable, Whimsical.