A/N: Not episode related, just for fun.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make any money from my "borrowing" of these beloved characters.

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John strode into the control room. Elizabeth hadn't been waiting on the balcony when his team returned from their mission. That was never a good sign. Her office was dark and quiet and at this hour, that was never a good sign either. He turned his eyes towards Lorne who was still fully geared up although John knew his team had most likely returned hours before his own. Strangely, Lorne was wiping the perspiration dotting his forehead looking suspiciously like he was trying to hide behind Chuck and Zelenka.

Chuck cleared his throat daring to break the silence. "Colonel, we have been trying to reach you for hours."

John raised an eyebrow as he studied the nervous expression on all three men's faces. "What are you, the hall monitor Chuck? McKay told you there would be interference on that planet, but we were good little boys we came home right on time." He tapped at his wristwatch.

It had been a boy's only adventure. Teyla had stayed behind today, joining Carson who was holding a medical clinic on the mainland. They had lasted about five minutes before crude noises started erupting in the puddle jumper and even cruder jokes and stories emerged. John never realized how Teyla's serene presence had exerted such control over his teammates. He'd quickly decided not to make it a habit of planning missions when she could not be present.

"What are you doing Chuck, now is not the time to antagonize him. " Zelenka hissed. "And you, Lorne stop hiding behind me! This is all your fault, I'm not about to let Sheppard kill me because you let Elizabeth go off world with all those women."

John felt something brush his arm. He cocked his head sideways, smiling sinisterly when he saw Ronan crossing his arms and frowning upon the three.

"With what women?" Ronon growled.

Lorne smeared the moisture across his head again. "I tried to stop them Sheppard, but you weren't here and we couldn't reach you on radio. You don't know how stubborn she is, she listens to you. Elizabeth isn't persuaded so easily by the rest of us."

"Lorne?" John fingered his sidearm longingly. He wasn't above threatening them if it would make them talk faster. "What the hell is going on, you've got about thirty seconds until I throw you all in an interrogation room with Chewie here."

Ronon snarled in delight.

Zelenka broke away throwing his hands up in the air. "Major Lorne returned and extended the invitation from P356X for Elizabeth to return for a festival being held on their world tonight. Apparently, women are the dominant sex in their society and they were overjoyed to learn we had a female leader."

John turned his head, his eyes glaring accusingly at Lorne.

"Elizabeth thought with you offworld and out of contact, it would be a nice gesture if her escorts were also all female. She rounded up Teyla, Cadman and…" Zelenka looked behind John hesitating.

"And who? I suppose you are going to try to tell me Katie went along with them? Like she'd ever dare to touch a gun." McKay snorted.

John turned, not entirely surprised to find McKay had been hanging on every word.

"Not only touched it, but actually quite impressed the Marine's who were orienting her to it down in the shooting range. Her mark was more accurate than your own McKay." Lorne finally chipped in.

McKay's mouth opened and shut so furiously John was reminded of a carnival game. If only John had a water gun...He shook his head viciously, trying to knock the dust off his mind. Elizabeth had just done… what?

"What the hell are you clowns trying to tell me? You seriously let Elizabeth go off world with a team of women? It's not even that they're all women, but let's face it, that crew is nowhere near a complete team. Elizabeth doesn't count because she won't touch a gun. I can't argue about Teyla or Cadman's skills because, well frankly they scare the hell out of me sometimes. But Katie? Have you lost your damn mind Lorne?"

Lorne wiped his forehead again. "I told you, she doesn't listen to us! The rest of us don't have, well whatever it is in your eyes that entrances her into submission. You don't know what she's like when you're not around." He gulped loudly. "Sir."

"Let's go." John hissed.

"Sir?" Lorne gulped again.

"Don't think you're getting out of this so easily. I might buy that Elizabeth couldn't be persuaded, but do you honestly mean to tell me you couldn't stop Cadman? Hell, you could charm her by just by holding your P90 the right way."

Lorne shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "To be honest sir, she still scares the hell out of me sometimes."

John rolled his eyes. "Chuck, dial the gate. Ronan, McKay…Lorne, let's go."

John's team was still in full gear, a shower and hot meal would have been nice, but he doubted any of the men would dare complain. Their women, all their women, had known exactly what would happen the moment their little posse had been ousted. Hell, those women were probably surprised the cavalry hadn't already shown up and pissed on all the nearby trees before throwing them over their shoulders and carting them off. Oh, those girls were in for some serious trouble. John smiled as he thought of all the ways they could get even. As soon as they were safely back on Atlantis of course.

A/N: Who knows where these things come from, hope you enjoyed. More on the way…