Another Harry Potter fic. I thought I would focus on another Luna meets the Dursleys. Well, here goes nothing… (Takes place during summer between OOTP and HBP.) Don't own Harry Potter.
…
It was uncommon for 16-year old Harry Potter's aunt and uncle to bring him along for a Sunday trip to the mall. Normally they would have left him home, locked in his room. Yet after the events of last summer, (in which Uncle Vernon, who was already fuming about being tricked to a fake lawn show clear across town, discover that Harry had escaped his room and to Hogwarts), The Dursleys decided it was pointless and they might as well take him, (under a close eye, that is.)
They had journeyed to the nearest mall to purchase new clothes for Dudley, who had grown 2 sizes over the school year, (all-you-can-eat soft serve at Smeltings never helped the cause.) As Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley were looking at the directory, trying to find the nearest "Big-n-Tall" shop, Harry was looking at a peculiar shop that sold strange jewelry. It wasn't so much as the shop that caught his attention; it was a girl inside the store, who was observing an odd looking necklace. Something about her seemed familiar. The blond hair, dreamy looks in her eyes, the multi colored assortment of clothes, the…radish earrings? Luna Lovegood?! Here!?
Harry's surprise was cut short as the Dursleys approached him.
"Boy!" yelled Uncle Vernon, "We've been calling for you! "
"What are you looking at?!" pestered Aunt Petunia.
"N-nothing…"
"Liar!" cried Dudley, pointing an accusing finger at Harry, "he was trying to check out that girl!"
"No I wasn't-wait, 'checking out'?" Harry said, a little disturbed at the thought of "checking out" Luna.
Aunt Petunia snorted, "Like a girl that pretty would fancy you. Now my Dudley-dinks, on the other hand, would have that girl absolutely fall for him!"
Dudley grinned as Harry gagged. Well, some girls do tend to think pigs are cute, thought Harry.
Suddenly, the girl in question, Luna, saw Harry and drifted towards the group. Seeing Luna up close, (radish earrings and all), Aunt Petunia looked aghast. Dudley looked confused, as if he was internally choosing whether he should like the strange girl or be afraid of her. Harry didn't know what to do, Luna Lovegood, Harry thought, of all the people in the damn wizard world who runs into the Dursleys, why did it have to be Luna Lovegood?!
"Hello, Harry," said Luna, "Is this your family?"
"Wait," said Aunt Petunia, "you know her?!
"Uh, yeah," said Harry, still hoping the situation was a dream, "she goes to my, uh, school…
Uncle Vernon swelled up. He had hoped that he would never hear the words 'friend' and 'school' uttered by Harry in the same sentence.
"Luna," stuttered Harry, "what are you doing here?"
"Oh," said Luna, oblivious to the awkward conversation,"I was looking for protective jewelry."
"P-protective j-jewelry?" stuttered Dudley.
"Yes, it's Nargle season, you know."
Uncle Vernon, who had been looking over the odd girl, lost his temper and the mention of a strange animal he haven't ever heard of. "What the bloody hell is a Nargle?!"
"Vernon!" cried his wife, "people are staring!"
And so they were.
"Sorry!" said Uncle Vernon to a group of shoppers next to them, attempting to play off the embarrassment, "lovely day, isn't it?"
"It's raining," said the man in the group.
"I KNOW!" hollered Vernon. The group scurried away.
"To answer your question," said Luna, undisturbed by Vernon's yelling, "Nargles are feisty, yet glorious creatures that hide in mistletoe. They tend to make your brain all fuzzy.
The Dursleys stared at her as if she had lobsters crawling out of eyes.
"May I ask why you are here, Harry," said Luna.
"We're here to get my cousin Dudley some new clothes, considering he outgrew his old ones."
"I think I may have a theory why he appears 'bloated'," she said as she was staring at Dudley's large shape.
"Bloated!?" cried Aunt Petunia, as if Luna just blurted out an atrocious curse word, "Are you saying my beautiful Dudders is fat?"
"Not to be rude, but if did have to put it in such a way, then yes, he is 'fat'," Luna said, using air quotes on 'fat'.
Harry couldn't believe what he just heard. Did Luna Lovegood call my cousin Dudley fat inside a shopping mall? Harry didn't know whether he was dreaming or not. He pinched himself, and felt the pain in his arm. Okay, he thought, I'm not dreaming, this is just a really bizarre day.
"I'm not fat!" yelled Dudley, "r-right, mom?"
"Of course you aren't, Diddy-dunkins," said Aunt Petunia, comforting her 'not fat' son, "Don't let that nasty girl tell you otherwise."
"I'm not saying it's his fault, although I would have to know what his daily dietary schedule is to say otherwise, but a possible explanation is that he was infected with Jumbologus."
"Jumbo-what?" said all the Dursleys, including Harry.
"It's an internal disease that builds up gas, causing him to bloat. An extravagantly effective remedy I would suggest would be acupuncture."
Harry smirked. The thought of Dudley being stabbed by needles would be a joyous sight to him.
"My son has no gobbly-gook disease!" yelled Uncle Vernon, "He was just born with bones bigger than children his own age!"
"My dear Uncle, uh –"
"Vernon," said Harry, who thought this conversation was getting funnier and stranger by the moment.
"Thank you, Harry. My dear Uncle Vernon-"
"I AM NOT YOUR UNCLE!" Roared Uncle Vernon, who, inside his head, was replaying images of him strangling the girl.
"Ah, then my dear Vernon, Dudley could not possibly be big boned. Big-boniness, contrary to belief, is a disease caused by Remies, who are only attracted to left handed bus drivers."
Now Uncle Vernon had mentally snapped her neck.
"You listen here, you wretched girl," said Uncle Vernon, almost ready to kill, "I should probably feel sympathy for you since apparently you were born funny, but you walk away from us and go back to wherever you came from and you stay away from my family! And be sure to take your abnormalities with you!"
"I think I may have a theory on why you are so angry," said Luna, apparently missing the entirety of Uncle Vernon's rant.
"I've had enough of your damn theories!"
"You see," said Luna, ignoring Uncle Vernon, "If you had read issue #125 of The Quibbler, then you would know that it is a proven fact that Nargles are the source of the irritation that cause older people around their 70's to become noticeably more grouchy then the average human."
"I am not that old!"
"Well, you're not getting any younger…" mumbled Harry.
"Shut it, you!"
"Would you like me to explain a likely cause for abnormally shape vein on your forehead?" asked Luna.
"I-I-that's it!" cried a defeated Uncle Vernon, "Dudley, we'll buy you clothes another day. Let's just go!"
And so the Dursleys headed to the nearest exit, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia seething mad while Dudley was, of course, a little hungry.
Harry was left behind with Luna.
"They seemed like nice people", said Luna.
Y-yeah, I guess," said Harry, trying not to burst out laughing, "I'll see you at Hogwarts?"
"Of course", she said, "I'm afraid I have to go, those necklaces tend to sell out fast."
"Well, good-bye then."
"Good-bye."
Harry walked back to the Dursley's car as Luna went back to the jewelry shop. She sorted through several necklaces and held up one.
"Excuse me, miss," she said, motioning the shop keep.
"Yes, Ma'm?"
"Does this necklace repel all types of Nargles?"
…
Ah Luna. You weird little person you… Did you like it? Please read and REVIEW!