You Don't Know Me.
Disclaimer: Just borrowing, both characters and song.
Spoilers: Nesting Dolls, Committed.
He hated these things, these formal gatherings where the political heavyweights of Las Vegas mixed and mingled, each person trying to get a leg up on the other. It had only been a few short, well long actually, months since he'd been to another one of these, the last one announcing Conrad Ecklie as the new director of the Crime Lab. Now, it was the Annual Policeman's Ball, and as one of the supervisors of the Lab, he was expected to attend. He'd really hoped that this year he might have been able to get out of it, having already promised Sara the night off, but Ecklie was insistent, letting him know that if he was so concerned about being short staffed, he could always take back Sara's request and have her work. He didn't of course. Sara never asked for a night off and after witnessing the year she'd been having, he was relieved she'd asked for one. Instead, he left Greg with Sofia and placed himself on call.
Grissom pulled at his bow tie, trying to loosen it just a little without messing it up and having Catherine scold him for undoing her handiwork. He was so uncomfortable, both with the formal wear and his surroundings. At least he had Catherine there to keep him company, she having left swing under the very capable hands of Nick and Warrick. Jim was around too…somewhere, but Grissom was having trouble finding him. It appeared that Jim was better at hiding than he was.
"Stop playing with your tie."
He dropped his hand guiltily and looked at Catherine. She looked lovely, as usual, in a deep blue dress and her hair styled. Catherine, unlike him, was in her element at these gatherings. She was cool and calm and she could control the room. She'd make him dance and he'd oblige and perhaps even enjoy himself a little, thankful to have a friend like her who he could be comfortable with.
"Sorry," he spoke, frowning when Catherine rolled her eyes. Catherine glanced at her watch. "You only have three more hours to go, Gil. Leave it until then. You can rip it off before you head over to the lab."
"What makes you think I'm going to the lab after?"
Catherine rolled her eyes again. "Come on, Gil."
He shrugged, a small smile on his lips. Glancing around the ballroom, he asked, "Have you found Jim's hiding place yet?"
"Why? You thinking of joining him?"
Grissom snorted. "If only it were that easy. Ecklie would sniff me out right away if I tried to hide there."
Catherine laughed. "You know, the best hiding place is out in the open. How about hiding out on the dance floor?"
He raised an eyebrow, and then took her elbow, leading her out onto the floor. His hand landed on her back just as Frank Sinatra's voice began to fill the room.
The song was about one verse in when something caught his eye. He stopped in his tracks. Sara, in a stylish black dress, was standing at the entrance of the ballroom. Catherine bumped into him. "Sorry," he spoke softly as his feet began to move again, thankful that Catherine had let the incident pass, continuing on with her small talk.
Whatever it was Catherine had said, he'd never know. The instant he spotted Sara, his attention had been diverted. A young man had joined Sara, his left hand behind her, presumably resting on the small of her back. He was guiding her into the room.
It was a date, had to be a date. She'd asked for the night off because she had a date. His pulse quickened. It was one thing to see her on a date, but to see Sara with a man at a formal ball, one which he was in attendance, was heartbreaking. Dancing on autopilot, Grissom studied the young man, trying to place him. He'd never seen the man before; he was sure of it. The man was not a member of the Las Vegas Law Enforcement, so unless the young man worked for the Mayor's office, Sara had invited him. His heart stopped. So did the music. Grissom dropped Catherine's hand as his other hand fell from her back. He followed Catherine from the floor, his eyes still on Sara and her young man.
Beside him, he was faintly aware of Catherine glancing around. Her words broke through. "Sara's here. What's she doing here?"
His reply was snarky. "Every member of the lab was invited, Catherine."
"That isn't what I meant, Gil. I just didn't expect to see her at one of these. Did you know she was coming?"
He shrugged because any verbal response, or even a shake of his head, would have given him away.
"She looks good. And who is her date?"
Grissom shrugged again, watching as Sara's head fell back with her laughter. Apparently the date was funny as well as handsome. He watched on, raising an eyebrow as he saw Jim approach the couple, emerging from his hiding place to meet the young man accompanying Sara.
"We should go greet them, Gil. It will give you someone else to talk to." Catherine was grinning and he rolled his eyes. He wanted to escape and disappear before Sara saw him, but he followed Catherine, knowing how well a disappearing act would be received. Sara would take it personally and even if she'd moved past those romantic feelings she once held for him, as she seemingly had, his disappearance would still hurt her. They were, after all, still friends, closer than they had been in a long while.
"It's definitely not a first date. Look how comfortable they are with each other."
Catherine's words were like a vice on his heart. For somebody who spoke of how clueless he could be, Catherine sure had her moments. With every word she spoke, the vice gripped tighter.
Sara smiled softly as they approached, her eyes holding his. "Hello Grissom," she spoke quietly, extending her hand in a formal greeting appropriate to their surroundings.
"Hello Sara," he replied even more quietly, taking her hand in his.
You give your hand to me
And then you say "hello,"
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
Well, you don't know me
Her hand lingered in his. She gently pulled it from his grasp and offered it to Catherine, her voice returning to its normal volume. "Hello, Cath."
"Hi Sara. You look great."
Grissom watched as Sara blushed slightly. "Grissom, Catherine, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Jonah Leary."
A friend, she introduced him as a friend. The vice on Grissom's heart relaxed only slightly. The word, friend, didn't mean anything, really. Sara was a private person and likely keeping her relationship private.
"Jonah, these are more colleagues of mine, Catherine Willows and Gil Grissom, my boss."
Jonah was a friend and he was her boss. The vice tightened once again.
"Hello, Catherine, Hello…" Jonah Leary paused and Grissom smirked slightly, sensing Jonah's confusion as to what to call him.
"Either Gil or Grissom is fine."
Jonah Leary smiled. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Gil."
"Join us," Catherine put in. "We can pull a couple more seats around our table. Jim's seat has been empty all night."
Grissom missed Jim's eye roll as he was so focused on Sara's chuckle. Catherine took both men by the elbow, leading them back to the table. Grissom glanced back to see Jonah Leary's hand still hidden behind her back, guiding her behind them.
"So, Jonah," Catherine started once they were seated, "How do you know Sara?"
"Sara and I are old friends. I knew her in San Francisco. I lost touch with her for awhile…"
"But now here you are."
"Here we are," Jonah repeated and Grissom found his breaths shortening.
Catherine continued on. "What do you do, Jonah?"
"I'm an elementary school teacher."
"Really? Here in Vegas?"
"San Francisco."
"And you're visiting Sara here."
"Well, Sara looked me up when she visited San Francisco a couple of months ago and we got reacquainted. I was really sorry when we lost touch, so first opportunity I had, I came down to visit." Catherine smiled, Jim grinned and Grissom had to stop himself from flying out of his seat and running outside for air. The conversation was torture on him.
The next hour was a blur. Catherine, Jim and Jonah talked while he and Sara sat silently. His focus was on Sara, watching as she sipped champagne, finishing one flute and starting another. When Jonah stood to get her a refill, his attention was brought back to the group.
"He's great, Sara, really great," Jim spoke and Catherine nodded, ""Really great, Sara."
Sara smiled a smile that to his imagination almost looked forced, crossing only half of her face. He said nothing. Sara shifted closer to him, her knees nearly touching his. Her hand fell to his thigh, reeking havoc on his senses. She shifted even closer, leaning forward as if to whisper something into his ear. He held his breath, waiting, but Jonah returned, handed her another glass of champagne and stole her away for a dance. He stared on mournfully as Jonah led her away, his leg tingling where her hand had been.
No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you each night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh, I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
Cos you don't know me
Normally when he was faced with an emotion he didn't know how to deal with, he buried it, but whatever it was he was feeling as he watched Sara dance with her date, laughing and smiling, would not be buried. Instead, that emotion found its way to his heart, clenching it painfully. For years he'd been afraid to let himself care for her, finding out now, it was not something he could stop himself from doing. He'd cared for her all along. Two years ago, she'd offered him something, a life with her, and he'd missed that chance. Now, he was a friend, a very good friend, hopefully, as he felt he'd been over the past couple of months, but still a friend none-the-less. There was another man taking the chance with Sara that he hadn't let himself take.
For I never knew
The Art of Making Love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
He didn't notice Jim slip away and disappear as Sara danced with Jonah. When the song finished and Sara and Jonah returned to the table, it was just the four of them, Catherine and Jonah talking and laughing, he and Sara sitting quietly. Then, there were two. Jonah stood, offering his hand to Catherine. "Catherine, would you like to dance?"
"I'd love to. Grissom is only good for a couple of dances throughout the evening," Catherine joked while wearing a smirk, but he could not find it in himself to smile.
He was left with Sara, making quiet conversation and letting it get bogged down by long, awkward silences. The song ended and he waited for Catherine and Jonah to return to the table, but they remained on the floor. Grissom wasn't sure he could endure another five minutes of few words and awkward silences, so he extended his hand to Sara. "Sara, would you like to dance?"
Sara looked up at him, her eyes staring at him in complete surprise. "Yeah, um, sure."
He smiled through pursed lips as he led her out onto the floor. He mentally prepared himself for one dance, a chance to hold her close, five minutes to last him five years, and then, the irony set in. The band began to play Ray Charles and his heart clenched when the very first lyrics to You Don't Know Me sounded.
*****
Sara glanced at the dance floor, watching as Jonah and Catherine stood in place, clapping for the band and making no move to come off the dance floor. She sighed, taking another sip of her champagne and feeling the effects. How did she let Jonah talk her into this thing? The original plan, when her former foster brother told her he was coming for a visit, was to take him to dinner and spend an evening talking. Visiting him in San Francisco during her suspension had gone a long way to helping her move beyond some of the things holding her life captive, so when he said he wanted to come for a visit, she pictured more of the same catching up. Of everybody she'd been fostered with, she'd been closest to him. He'd watched out for her, but now it seemed, he'd abandoned her to the cruelest of fates, being dressed up in formal, sitting alone with the one man she was in love with, but who would never let himself love her back. She'd been held captive by him all night, looking oh so handsome in his formal wear, the beauty of his eyes holding her gaze, she longing for him…
"Sara, would you like to dance?"
Her head flew up. Grissom could have asked her any other question and she would not have been more surprised. "Yeah…um…sure," she stammered.
He led her to the dance floor, taking her hand gently in his and placing his other hand on her back. 'Of course,' she thought when You Don't Know Me filled the room, Ray Charles's song of unrequited love striking at her heart. She closed her eyes as tears began to form and as Grissom pulled her close.
It was the saddest dance of her life. He held her close, gently pulling her in closer as the song wore on. She wept silently, tears falling onto his shoulder as she ached with yearning. He'd been so amazing recently, first by being there for her as she spilled the traumatic details of her childhood, then later, helping her work through the case at the asylum. If it was possible, she fell in love with him even more over the course of those two events, knowing how hopeless it was as he'd never offer her any more than friendship.
Ray Charles's poignant and powerful lyrics continued to resonate across the room, filtering into her soul, breaking her heart a little more with each verse.
You give your hand to me
And you say goodbye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Oh to never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me
For I never knew
The Art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy, I let the chance go by
A chance that you might love me too
Sara choked back a sob. She squeezed her eyes shut and her forehead fell to Grissom's shoulder. His palm was so warm on her back, pulling her in closer and holding her to his chest. She head him sigh, or imagined she heard him sigh and she felt herself tremble. This was too hard, dancing with him like this, being so close and loving him so completely, knowing at the same time that the love was one-sided, that she was only a friend. She couldn't breathe. All she could seem to do was to weep silently. She had to get away from the heartbreaking proximity of him. The song ended and she pulled away quickly, scrambling to find Jonah. She found Jonah and jerked him off to the side. "Joey, can we get out of here, now? Let's go somewhere, me and you."
"Sure, Sara, I'll get your coat."
She nodded, wiping her eyes. A hand landed on her arm and she tensed momentarily, relaxing quickly after realizing that it was not Grissom's touch. She turned to find Catherine. "Hey Cath, Jonah and I are going to head out."
"Sara?"
She forced a smile. "Yeah?"
"Is Jonah a widow?"
Sara furrowed her brow. "What? No, he's not."
"He's wearing a wedding ring." Catherine paused for a moment, studying her. "Sara, you know what you're doing, right?"
Sara rolled her eyes. Of course they wouldn't believe that she and Jonah were only friends. They'd never believed her before. "Cath, Jonah and I grew up together. We're really only just friends. I've met his wife, and his two beautiful children and they all know he's here."
"Okay, good," Catherine spoke slowly. "I just…didn't want to see you get hurt again."
It meant a lot, especially after the fight they'd had a couple months before. She smiled. "Thanks, Cath."
Catherine returned her smile. "It was great to see you out like this."
"Yeah." She turned to Jonah who had returned with her coat. He slipped it on her and she turned back to Catherine. "Goodnight, Catherine."
"Goodnight, Sara."
*****
Grissom stood in place after Sara had ripped herself from his arms and ran from him. He didn't have time to think about what had happened, Sara drifting into him while dancing, then fleeing from him once the song ended, as his pager had vibrated just as it happened. Mercifully, he had a scene to go to. He could leave this function before it killed him.
He moved to the exit, stopping to tell Catherine he was leaving as he made his way out. He stopped just outside the door, surprised to find Sara and Jonah by the exit.
"Griss, you're leaving too?"
"Yeah," he held up his pager. "I've got a scene."
"Oh…saved by the page." He waited for her to offer to help as she normally would have done, but Sara didn't say anything more.
"Are you ready, Sara?" Jonah spoke beside her and Grissom watched as she nodded.
"It was a pleasure to meet you, Gil."
He nodded, shaking Jonah's hand. He turned to Sara. "Goodnight, Sara."
"Goodnight."
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
Jonah smiled and turned Sara away from him. He watched silently as Jonah began to lead her away, turning when the sight became too painful.
You give your hand to me
And you say goodbye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you never, never know
The one who loved you so
Well you don't know me
You don't love me
You don't know me
*****
Sara glanced back over her shoulder to see Grissom turn away from them. Her eyes were cloudy with tears as she looked back in longing. Jonah dropped his hand from her back. "I'm sorry I made you take me here."
"It's alright."
"Was it a horrible break up?"
She turned and looked at Jonah, her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"You and your boss, was it hard?"
"We didn't break up. We were never together."
"Oh, I could have sworn. You two look like you ended a relationship, the way you looked at each other, the way you danced and clung to each other. Sar, I've never seen such mournful faces. And you're so intimate."
She turned her gaze away from Jonah, looking forward. She continued to walk. "We're not intimate.'
Jonah stopped her, turning her back to face him. "Sara, I saw the way you looked at him. And the way you acted…when you were seated, you shifted yourself so that your knees were in between his legs and when he widened his legs to accommodate you, you shifted closer again, placing a hand on his leg. That's intimate."
Sara bit her lip. She had shifted closer, with the purpose of telling Grissom who Jonah was. Still, shifting between his legs, the champagne must have lowered her inhibitions, letting her drift into him the way she'd always wanted to.
"I would have thought you two were together if it weren't for the look on his face. He looked so sad and so full of longing, and when you put your hand on his leg and leaned into him, he didn't know what to do. His hand flexed and hovered between your waist and your leg and your hand."
"What are you, a CSI?"
Jonah scoffed. "It was pretty clear, to me and probably to anyone who didn't know you well. That was why I asked you to dance when I did, more for him than for you. He looked ready to collapse and when I led you away to the dance floor and glanced back at him, he looked even worse."
She turned away again. "I had too much champagne and Grissom is uncomfortable with anyone touching him."
"That's not it. Sara, I know I can't claim to know you like I used to, but I know what love looks like and I know what longing looks like. You're in love with him."
She didn't say anything.
"And he's in love with you."
She shook her head. It wasn't true and she couldn't begin to hope now. Tears filled her eyes. "No, he's not."
"Sara, he was heartbroken all night and his eyes never left you."
"Jonah, stop. It's not true."
"It is, Sara," Jonah spoke gently. "He's in love with you; I know it."
"You don't know."
"I do. Trust me."
She turned to Jonah, tears stinging her eyes. "He won't take the chance."
"I think her will. He loves you. Ask him."
She stared into Jonah's eyes. They were so sincere and so hopeful. She nodded and glanced back, seeing Grissom's form take his keys from the valet. "Joey, wait for me?"
Jonah nodded and she took off running. Grissom was about to climb into his vehicle when she shouted, "Grissom!"
Grissom turned and faced her, his car door open at his side. She stopped right in front of him. "Is it true?" she asked, tearfully.
He cocked his head and furrowed his brow. "Is what true?"
"What Jonah said, is it true?" She wasn't making any sense, she knew it, but those words that so often spilled forth in his presence weren't coming.
"You're going to have to help me out here, Sara. What did Jonah say?"
She swallowed, staring into his blue eyes and speaking calmly, "He said that you're in love with me. Is it true?"
Grissom was silent. More tears fell from her eyes. "Grissom?"
"I don't know," he answered softly.
"What does that mean? You could be?"
"I…I care for you, Sara."
She gazed at him, her eyes still teary. He was watching her. She cupped his face, her thumbs on his cheeks, her index fingers running over his ears. Lifting herself onto her toes, she leaned forward and kissed him, closing her eyes when she felt his hands rest lightly on her back. When he pulled away, her eyes shot open. "Gil?"
"Sara, your date…"
Sara shook her head. "We're just friends, Grissom. Didn't you see his wedding ring?" At Grissom's dumb expression, she continued, "He was my foster brother. I promised you I've try to move past all that stuff that was consuming me, so I looked him up when I went to San Francisco during my suspension."
Grissom let out a small laugh and she could hear the relief. She leaned forward and kissed him again. All too soon, he pulled away again. "Sara, we can't do this here."
She nodded. "Will you come over after you finish with your scene?"
"You won't have company?"
Sara shook her head. "He's staying at the Luxor."
"I could be late."
"That's alright. I won't mind at all. Please, Gil?"
Grissom smiled, taking her hand in his. "I'll see you later."
"I'll be waiting," she whispered, letting her hand fall to her side as he released it. He climbed into the car and closed the door. She turned and walked back to Jonah, tears still in her eyes, but a smile on her face.