Dreams, Deadliest Catch and My Fisherman

by Celtic Whispers

This is my first ever writing of a fan fiction based story. I have written in the first person, so that everyone that reads it can put themselves into the proper character, whether it is the main character or the best friend!

**A/N – ANY PRODUCTS, PERSONS, SHOWS, WEBSITES OR WHAT HAVE YOU THAT IS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY THAT ARE COPYRIGHTED ARE JUST THAT COPYRIGHTED! I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF THEM, I AM JUST USING THEM TO ADD DETAIL OR TO FURTHER THE STORYLINE** BEWARE AT SOME POINT IN THIS STORY THERE WILL BE ADULT CONTENT!

DREAMS, DEADLIEST CATCH & MY FISHERMAN

DREAMS – PART ONE

I stood at the kitchen sink looking out the window while washing dishes and wishing he was here to wrap his arms around me. Today had been one of those days where you just need to be held, comforted and reminded that everything has a purpose. My day had started like any other, more stuff to do than hours in the day. It seemed for every item I got done and crossed off the list two more appeared. For every step forward I took, I felt like I took five backwards. I had thought my life was somewhat on track or at least that it was until the damn economy decided to take a severe nosedive. My phone was ringing several times a day, with people demanding money I didn't have or threatening to take my home, car or shutting off my utilities. No matter how much I explained my circumstances to any of them, none of them cared, they just wanted their money! I had applied for countless jobs with no response from most of them. Those that had responded basically told me I was over-qualified, qualified but not enough experience or my personal favorite - you were one out of so many but we hired someone with better qualifications or experience, try again at a later date!

I kept wishing for this mysterious him but had no idea who he was! I had no boyfriend or significant other in my life at this time! Hell to be honest with myself, I hadn't even thought about dating in years! I had been too busy with school, work and my friend's problems. Okay, my job hadn't exactly flattering or fun but it had paid the bills mostly. My goal of obtaining my degree had been my main focus but even that was up in the air now. My friends and their problems are more like soap operas than anything else. No matter, how many times I listened to them always bitching and complaining about the same things over and over, they never really listened to me. I had gotten to the point that I only listened with half an ear any more. I knew it was wrong but you can only listen to the same problems that you have been hearing for the last few years. To me it seemed as though they were too wrapped up in their own problems to see that I needed their help right now. I didn't know who I could talk to or trust with my own problems. The last time I had opened up to anyone, they had used it against me. With all these thoughts racing through my head, I finished the dishes and moved on to the next thing on the list. At least, while doing laundry I could work on homework for my current class. Hopefully, the homework would take my mind off what was going on in my life for the next hour or so. I finished my laundry and half of an assignment but in the back of my mind one thought never really disappeared "Who is he?"

It started about two months ago; he would show up in my dreams. It was like he knew when I needed to be held and comforted. He would wrap his arms around me and whisper "I'm here. It's okay. Let it go!" Then I would wake up alone, missing his arms wrapped around me but feel ready to conquer whatever I needed to do that day. Okay, I'm not going to say all of the dreams were like this some were downright x-rated and left me frustrated when I woke up. The dreams had bugged me at first because I could never recall what he looked like just that his eyes had pierced my soul. Those eyes drew me in, the roughness of his hands as he rubbed my back and the strength in his arms as they wrapped around me haunted my days and nights. I had promised myself the next he showed that I would remember more details about him so I could try to figure out who he was. I had been making this promise to myself for at least the last month. Yet, I still hadn't learned much more. Those eyes always drew me in and I was lost again in the warmth and strength of his arms. How could you feel something so strongly but not know who it was?

Looking at the clock and realizing I hadn't eaten all day, no wonder I was light-headed, dizzy and my tummy was upset. Running through my dinner options in my head, my choices were limited to soup, salad, a sandwich or cereal. I settled on a salad drenched in my favorite dressing, now if I could actually eat my meal without my cat, Jayde stealing any of the veggies or trying to lick off all the dressing would be a miracle. Filling a glass with iced tea, I added a lemon slice and touch of sugar before heading over to the counter to grab my salad and the current book I was reading before moving to the table. I picked at the salad, while trying to read but my thoughts kept turning back to him. I was starting to get frustrated with myself, shaking my head; I slammed the book shut and pushed it away from me. Just as I finished eating, my phone rang, muttering under my breath "Grand Central Station, how much money are you requesting at this time?" Okay, okay I knew that wasn't the right metaphor to put together but that is how I felt every time my phone rang lately! Glancing at the caller I.D., I saw it was my best friend calling, I hadn't heard from for a couple of weeks, it would be nice to chat with her!

"Hey girl, what's up?" I said when I answered and hit the talk button.

"Today is his birthday!" my best friend said, tearfully in response.

"Huh? Who's birthday?" I asked, wondering what my friend was talking about.

"Captain Phil from the show Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel! Today he would have been 54. He passed away in February this year and we are celebrating his birthday on the Deadliest Catch fan website." my best friend replied. "I know that you think I am nuts to mourn somebody I never really knew but the reason I called is I have a request. Will you light a candle in remembrance?"

"Yeah, I think you are nuts but that's not why! I've known you for how long, done what with you and stuck by you no matter how wacky you have gotten in your old age! You know that I love to burn candles, I'll light one in remembrance for him!" I said, even though I didn't know the guy my friend was talking about. I believed in lightning a candle to help guide loves ones that had passed on to the next plane or in remembrance of them on a special day!

"Thank you so much! I know you don't watch much TV, know the show or even who Captain Phil was, but it really means a lot to me." my friend told me, "We really need to get together and go out for coffee or have a movie night! What do you think? I think we both need it, we need a night of de-stressing and pampering!"

"Yeah, you're probably right. I would rather a movie night, where neither of us has to spend any money. We could watch movies that we haven't seen in a long time or some of our favorites." I voiced to my friend, acutely aware that my finances couldn't afford much in the way of luxuries. We chatted about this and that, made plans to get together the next week before saying our goodbyes for the night. I put my phone back on the charger, took my dirty dishes into the kitchen, rinsed them off and glanced out the window to see the snow starting to slowly drift down signaling the start of the storm that had been predicted earlier in the day. I sighed heavily as I headed out of the kitchen towards the living room and fireplace. I knew that a good fire would be called for to help warm my small home, besides there was something that was calming and relaxing as the flames danced across the logs. I started the kindling that was already set up in the fireplace, waiting for them to take hold before adding a couple of bigger logs. After my fire was burning well, I put the screen in place while I decided what I should do next. After a few minutes, I decided I had better make sure that everything was in order just case the power went out if the storm was going to be as bad as they said. I went around my home readying it for what might be a very long night or few days depending on how bad this storm was. Checking off things in my mind as I went; oil lamps, candles, laptop and batteries, extra blankets and in the most extreme circumstances the generator and fuel. Glancing at the clock as I finished my preparations, I realized it was still too early for bed and I didn't want to do anymore homework or read, like I could focus on either right now! I couldn't sit still long enough to focus on anything that I tried in the last hour or so anyway! I finally gave up and was considering maybe taking a long, hot bubble bath or drinking a hot toddy while watching the fire until I drifted off to sleep. Screw it; I decided I'm going do all of it! I don't treat myself all that often besides I really need to relax!

I went into the bathroom, started a bath with my favorite bubble bath. As the tub filled, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and wasn't sure if I liked what I saw looking back at me! I could see the stress that had been plaguing me for the last eight months etched on my face. Sighing heavily as I slid into the tub totally prepared to just soak and relax for a little while, letting the heating penetrate into my joints and warming my body. Just as I was starting to really enjoy my bath, fifteen or twenty minutes in to it, my phone starting ringing again, the power flickered once or twice and then completely went out all together! I was glad that I had prepared for it in advance, sitting up slowly so that the water wouldn't slosh over the sides of my tub; I reached out towards the shelving unit next to the tub for the candle and lighter. Lighting the candle, placing it back on the shelf, I leaned back and slid back down into the still hot water. I voiced out to no one or anything in particular "Peace and quiet, at last!" My other cat, Mikael, looked at me funny, meowed in response and placed her head back on her front paws. I watched the flame of the candle dance in her eyes, as we both sat there in the warm, slightly foggy bathroom. I wasn't going to let the power going out disturb or interrupt my much needed relaxing bath. As for the phone ringing, oh well, it's not my fault that cordless phones don't work when the power goes out! Besides, if it was really important my friends and family knew to call the cell phone that I kept for emergencies only!

I watched the steam rise off the hot water, focusing on the flame of the candle and whispering a small prayer in remembrance for Captain Phil,

"May you see how this flame dances for you from up above. May all the candles lit for you on this night bring the warmth to you of their love, caring and memories they share with family and friends. May it help light a path to where you will find rest, peace and happiness amongst the stars that shine so brightly."

I knew this would be the only candle I would light tonight; you could feel how special this man had been in the air, whether you knew him or not. Maybe I should talk more with my friend about how special he was. She might be able to explain to me why I felt that he had been taken so early in his life. Hmm, maybe at our movie night, she could introduce me to the series he was on and I could see for myself. She would probably love that instead of me picking on her about her obsession, I giggled to myself. Either this bath was relaxing me really well or I was starting to go nuts. The bubbles were starting to disappear, the water temp was starting to drop at a steady pace which told me that it was starting to cool down in the rooms and pretty soon the best place to be was going to be in the living room by the fire. Not wanting to leave my little piece of heaven but knowing I had before it got any cooler, I stood, stepped out and quickly wrapped myself up in a big, fluffy towel. Walking quickly to my bedroom, I dressed in a tank top, sweatshirt, warmest jammie pants and socks; returning to the bathroom to hang my towel and grab the candle off the shelf, I turned and headed to the living room and warm fire. Once in the living room, I placed the candle in the safest place for it to be, out of reach of the cats but still useful enough for me to see the closest oil lamp, so that I could light it. I lit the oil lamp before adding another log to the fire. After adding the log, I turned to glance out the picture window to check on the storm. It had gone from the slowly, drifting snow to a full on blizzard in an hour or so! I shivered as I heard the wind howling outside, moving closer to the window, I saw my neighbor's lawn furniture that they hadn't put up yet blow across their yard! I looked towards the highway that was a little further away and could see the taillights of the cars that were on the road, slipping and sliding as they tried to reach where ever they were going. Being thankful that my home and neighborhood sat far enough away from the main highway that if any of them were to slid off, it would be into a yard but nobody's home; which was bound to happen at some point, it did every year! There was something different in this storm, I could feel it in the air, it was almost as this storm was grieving for an important loss. Could this storm be grieving for those that we all lost this year? An interesting question to ponder, indeed! Were rain storms tears? Were hurricanes and tornadoes mother nature's ways of expressing her anger? What about volcanoes, earthquakes or tsunamis? What about illnesses and diseases? What about things that brought us joy - flowers, sunny skies, beautiful sunsets or rainbows? Were these all ways that Mother Nature expressed and shared her feelings with us? Shaking my head as if to clear my thoughts, why did I always get so philological at strange times? Shivering, I ran my hands up my arms before clasping them shut on my elbows and pulling my arms in to clasp my waist. Anyone that would have looked in at that time, would have seen someone standing in front of a picture window with a curious look on their face. Turning slowly from the window and the memorizing frenzy of the snow blowing this way and that, a yawn escaped signaling that sleep wasn't far away. Realizing I had forgotten my pillows and favorite blankets in my bedroom, I sprinted my way quickly from the living room to retrieve them. Thankfully, I knew my way around my house and hadn't re-arranged it like I had thought about doing a couple of days ago.

As I settled down for the night, the candle burned brightly, the fire continued to warm the house, the oil lamp added a soft glow to the room and their flames danced as if to hypnotize one's spirit. The more I watched them, the more relaxed I was beginning to feel and the closer I was to drifting off for the night. I had just about drifted off to sleep when Jayde and Mikael decided to jump up and starting fighting over where they would sleep on me. I growled low in my throat and was somewhat thankful that they had awakened me enough to snuff out the candle, extinguish the flame in the oil lamp and add another log to the fire before completely falling to sleep all together. I returned to my makeshift bed for the night to watch the flames of the fire dance, hoping that they would return me to that relaxed state quickly, I was really tired. While Jayde and Mikael decided to play nice with each other and cuddled up together just behind my knees, I closed my eyes and listened to the popping of the log in the fire and absorbed its warmth. The warmth of the fire penetrating my bones, two cats cuddled up and purring behind my knees should have been enough to put me to sleep but there was something missing to complete this blissful state – him! Will I ever figure out who he is or is he just a figment of my imagination? Am I that screwed up that my mind has chosen to trick me? Sighing heavily, snuggling deeper into my blankets, I didn't think so because those eyes were too piercing, the skin of his hands to rough from hard work and the strength of his arms too real. Also, his voice was too real, the roughness to it even though he never spoke above a whisper in my dreams, you could still hear it just below the surface. Oh, how I missed him, I hadn't had a dream of him in almost two weeks. If he was a figment of my imagination then my mind was playing a very cruel trick on me! Finally, my mind settled down enough that I drifted off into a restless slumber.

I felt a chill on my back as if someone or something had lifted the blankets up and slipped under it; feeling the cushions dipping down as if someone had joined me under the blankets I heard his voice whisper "Nice and warm." Rolling over slowly, I wiggled my way into his arms, as he was getting comfortable, he chuckled at my response of his joining me under my blankets, "Miss me?" he whispered as he wrapped one arm around me and placed the other under his head. As he closed his eyes to enjoy the peace, quiet and warmth of the fire, neither one wanting to break the spell completely, I gave him a small quick punch to his side to let him know that I wasn't completely happy with how long he had been gone from my dreams. We lay there for a few more minutes, enjoying the comfort of each other's bodies and the warmth of the fire, before he whispered "I'm sorry for not returning sooner. Things have been insane lately, we've been running this way and that. Trying to fix one problem or another before we get ready to go out again. I should have atleast tried to come back and tell you instead of letting you think I had abandoned you completely!" I continued to lie in his arms, wishing it was all real but knowing it was just another dream to torment me when I woke up. I knew it was my mind playing tricks with me, hadn't I just wished for his return. A tear escaped from the corner of my eye that was resting against his shoulder, it was time to end this fantasy and quit torturing myself! I threw back the blankets, sat up and spun away from him knowing that I would wake up soon and he would be gone, a figment of my imagination. I stood up and walked away from him to stand in front of the fire, waiting to wake up, holding back the tears with each and every step I took farther away from him, the warmth of his arms, the strength of his body, his eyes and the smell of his cologne. I kept telling myself, he wasn't real, never had been just wishful thinking on my part, someone to be my soul mate, someone to love, someone to comfort me and someone to share my life with.

As if sensing my thoughts, he whispered roughly, through tears he held back, "I am not a figment of your imagination. I am real! I felt your presence today, all day, I was never far from your thoughts! Your presence was a comfort to me today when I needed it most! You lit a candle in remembrance of one of my closest friends. Thank you for acknowledging how special he was! I miss him, fuck we all do!" He stood and crossed my living room in just a few strides to re-light the candle that I had lit earlier that night. He watched as the wick caught fire, replaced the candle before turning to me slowly, he looked down at the floor and pushed his hands deep into his pockets, before continuing what he needed to say. " I never took the time to say goodbye to him, I didn't want to admit to myself that he was truly gone. We used to go to the closest bar and start celebrating his birthday with the traditional duck fart. I went by his place today out of habit, it was so empty, that was when I knew he was really gone." His voice was starting to tremble as he was telling me what on his mind. I had never heard his voice, he had always whispered in my dreams, I could hear the roughness in its rawest form, he was holding back tears and pain at the loss of his friend. He looked up at me when I asked "What the hell is a duck fart?"

He chuckled and answered, "It's a shot that was his favorite! It has Kahlua, Crown Royal and Irish cream layered one on top of the other. Some of the guys didn't mind it but some of us weren't too fond of it on the other hand! We all have our favorite shots and depending who is buying the next round depends on what shot is on the table." I could see the un-shed tears in his eyes, I gingerly took a step towards him, wanting to wrap my arms around him and offer him the comfort he always offered me without me asking for it. I wanted to give him the comfort as he remembered and talked about his friend. When I came to stand in front of him, I reached out my shaking hand to place it against his cheek, scared that my hand would just go through him, and whispered, "Tell me more about your friend! But first can we return to the fire and sit down, I'm starting to get cold?" He tilted his face slightly into my hand, looked into my eyes and nodded. Before he followed me back to the fire, he swung by the couch to grab my pillows and blankets. As I sat down to make myself comfortable in front of the fire, he motioned for me to lean forward, he arranged my pillow behind me and covered me with my blankets. I shifted this way and that trying to find that comfortable position, he sat down on the hearth, removed the screen off the fireplace to add another log to the fire. After he added the log and replaced the screen, his gaze returned to me and asked "Comfortable?" Me, being the smartass I am naturally answered him "No! I would be more comfortable if you would join me, instead of sitting so far away!" He smiled a half-smile and chuckled quietly before he said, "My pleasure, little one." As he moved to join me on the floor in front of the fire, he reached out to grab a couple of big throw pillows I had sitting on the window seat. He added these to mine, then moved to sit next to me. As I watched him move and arrange the pillows, a brief thought crossed my mind, he was graceful like a cat, his muscles flowing so smoothly under his shirt, his body shifting fluidly as if he was stalking his prey, ready to strike at a moment's notice. My mouth went dry, my heart quickened, my body awakened, my face flamed at where my thoughts had taken me so quickly. I averted my eyes elsewhere before he could see the hunger in them that I was sure that was there, right now was not time! He needed to be comforted, to release his pain and to talk about his friend, to say goodbye and a good night's sleep.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, putting my hands on my knees and resting my chin on top of my hands, I turned my gaze back to him. He was watching me, as my eyes moved from his chest up to his face to meet his eyes. I could see the pain from the loss of his friend just below the surface but there was something else hidden in them too. If I was going to get him to open up, I had better ask a question, otherwise we were bound just to sit there, staring at each other with wild thoughts going through my head and I was not sure what would be going through his head. Rather than asking a question, I simply said, "Tell me more about him." He agreed but on one condition, I had to share my blankets with him and lean back to keep the cool air out and the warmth in. I agreed to that condition, besides I know that was where I truly wanted to be was next to him, with his arms around me, my head on his chest listening to his voice rumbling from deep within his chest!

"Phil was the type of guy that lit up a room any time he walked in. You knew the party was about to start. His laughter was contagious. A rough exterior but a big, teddy bear inside. He loved his Harley, his boys, fast cars especially corvettes and nature. He built some awesome birdhouses! Loved to watch Animal Planet, Meerkat Manor was one of his favorite shows. He lived his motto – Work hard, play harder! He was one of those guys that what you saw is what you got. He believed in living everyday to the fullest, because it could be your last. His loves of the sea, life as a fisherman are things that Phil would never be able to give up completely. Even if he retired, he would find a way to be a part of it – just like the rest of us, I guess! There is so much to say about it him, it would be hard to tell you everything in just one night. " He sighed heavily, as he remember his friend fondly, you could hear and feel the love, respect, the loss and the bond he had with him. It would be difficult for him to say goodbye to him for a long time to come, he would always remember him in the little things he saw around him. "You okay?" I jumped at the sudden change in from the topic, I had not realized that I had grown so still or that tears had started to fall as he had talked about his friend. I had wiggled my way back into his arms, my head resting against his chest as he had talked, listening so deeply that my own thoughts were centered around a man that I have never known, but could now understand how so many people could mourn his loss, his friendship, the brotherhood of the fishermen and a father to some. I had been right, he was a special man that would be missed by many for a long time to come. I nodded, as I whispered, "I'm sorry. He sounds like a friend that was a one of a kind. The kind that will be missed greatly, leaving behind a big hole in the hearts of everyone that knew him or was touched by his passion for life." He reached out to cup my jaw with his hand, gently brushing a tear from my eye with his thumb as he said, "Don't be sorry to cry for someone you didn't know. It shows how big your heart is to share in my pain and others as well. It shows how much you care about those around you and life in general." It took everything I had to focus on his chest and what he had just said because all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and grieve the loss of his friend.

He gently placed a kiss on my forehead, my eyes before moving to my lips. What had started out as a simple, gentle comforting kiss for both of us had suddenly taken a drastic turn, becoming almost animalistic in nature, raw hunger bordering on over consuming passion. I don't know which one of us had deepened the kiss but it was like we had taken the hunger that had just been below the surface and let it free. Our lips locked together, our bodies dancing against one another, and our hands free to roam. He was the first one to come back to his senses, he broke the kiss before it went any further, he rested his forehead against mine, breathing heavily and roughly; I moaned from somewhere deep in my throat at the breaking of the kiss, breathing as heavily and roughly as he was. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened exactly!" he said with a hint of hunger still in his voice. "It's okay.", was all I could say as my own senses were on their way back to a semi-normal state themselves. That was when I realized that at some point during that kiss, that I came to be straddling his lap, his shirt was gone and my sweatshirt was missing and they were laying across the room from being thrown away, that my hands were still on his belt and his hands were tangled up in my hair. I flushed a deep, crimson at my behavior as I removed myself from his lap, he smiled broadly and chuckled deeply from within himself, before standing up to retrieve his shirt and mine. He held out my sweatshirt to me but before I could retrieve it, he pulled it away and said, "I like the tank top better, little one!" Meeting his gaze, I could still feel the hunger that hung in the air around us, I slowly stood up so that I could retrieve my shirt from him. But before I knew it, he dropped my shirt and his arms snaked around me, pulling me close dropping his head to kiss that tender spot on my neck. That damn spot that makes my legs turn to jelly, he caught me as started to collapse and carried me back to the fire. He knelt down slowly, laid me down on the pillows before joining me himself. He slowly pulled up the blankets, covered us up and whispered "No matter, how much I would love to continue what we started, I made you a promise long ago that I will not break. Only when you are truly ready, we will cross that bridge together and not a moment sooner. You have much to heal from before you are ready to go there again. I am not a figment of your imagination, when we cross each other's path, we will know! I will not let so much time pass again, I will return soon! Now sleep, little one, I am here to keep the bad dreams at bay." As I snuggled deeper into his arms, my eyes started to drift shut, I felt the rise and fall of his chest as sleep started to claim him as well. Before sleep completely took hold, I knew I was going to watch the series "Deadliest Catch" and learn more about my fisherman!

DEADLIEST CATCH & MY FISHERMAN

PART TWO

I woke with a start, shivering under my blankets because I had learned so much from my dream and remembered it all. I was on the floor with the extra pillows, glancing at the fire there was a fresh log on it, looking up at the candle, I was shaken to the core! The candle had burned until it had extinguished itself! I know I had snuffed it out the night before, I remembered him putting a log on the fire just before we started talking about his friend and I had fallen asleep in my favorite spot not on the damn floor! I slowly sat up taking all this in when my gaze landed on my sweatshirt that was still where he had dropped it in the entryway between my kitchen and living room! Oh shit, was I sleepwalking now! Hearing his chuckle in my ear "No, little one, you aren't sleepwalking. I am here but I have to go for awhile. I will be back as soon as I can, I promise." I felt his lips brush against my cheek and a slight squeeze before the emptiness set in. He had just barely left and I missed him already!

Trying to figure out if I was actually awake or half-asleep, my brain was working overtime! How much of this was actually real, dream, fantasy or imagination? Well, we could see what was real but how much of him was? I guess I knew what I was going to do today – a lot of research – as much as I could anyway, it would depend on if the power was back on or not. Since the sun hadn't risen yet, this was as good as time any to find out. Slowly standing up, I crossed the room to the lamp that sat on the table next to the couch, reaching out to flip the switch, I closed my eyes just in case it came on, I didn't want to blind myself! Flipping the switch, nothing happened, the power was still out! Stomping my foot in frustration against the floor and muttering "Well, damn that just put my research in limited status! Going to make it that much harder to complete with no power and limited resources!" Turning around, I walked back to where my oil lamp was, I re-lit the wick and headed towards the kitchen. Once I had reached the kitchen, I put water on to boil since using the electric coffee pot was not going to help with heating up the water. Luckily the last time I had been to the store I had picked up some of those coffee single bags, since I never know if I'm going to want a cup of coffee, hot cocoa or tea from day to day. While waiting for the water to boil, lost in thought I attempted to chew on my bottom lip and that is when I first discovered that my lips were slightly tender from the kisses we had exchanged the night before or was it earlier this morning? Wincing slightly, I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and could taste him there. I didn't remember my lips ever leaving his during our kisses but I guess they had at some point. I could taste a hint of his cologne mixed with salt, but not the normal body salt, this had a whole different flavor to it. He had said he was a fisherman, where the hell did he fish at? Another question to research. Concentrating on this new development and assault of my senses, I had forgotten the water I had set to boil; the kettle soon reminded me with a loud whistle causing me to jump. I quickly reached up into the cupboard to grab whatever happened to be the easiest to get to. I poured its contents into my cup, added a dash of sugar and stirred it; guess I would be drinking a surprise this morning. Still in shock at the discovery, I wandered my way into my living room and sat down in the window seat to watch the sun rise. As I watched the sun rise, my brain processed everything that I had learned in the last few hours – he was a fisherman, one of his closest friends was Captain Phil and he wasn't a figment of my imagination! Watching the sun slowly rise over the mountains to brighten the morning sky, first a very light lavender into an orange-yellowish, I could finally admit to myself that he was real, and that we were linked somehow through dreams. Although, I am not sure how this damn dream worked, guess that was something else I was going to have to research! Realizing that until my power was back on that I was going to have to organize my schedule and make the most of my limited resources as not to waste any of them. I needed a notebook, something to write with and a plan! Putting my cup of steaming surprise down in the windowsill, I went in search of what I needed. After finding it all, I headed back to my seat, drink and started to write down everything that I would need to do. Picking up my cup, I blew across the top of it so that I would not burn myself when trying to take a sip. Taking a sip, I instantly realized that oh my day was going to be a very unusual one to say the least – hot apple cider! I had this in my cupboard but rarely ever drank it; it was more for my friends or family when they came to visit! Making a face, I figured I might as well drink it instead of wasting it, although it sure what not what I had expected, I was hoping it had been the hot cocoa instead! Oh well, anyway back to my list to help organize my limited resources with the need to research! I started to write down what all I needed to do from calling the power company to see if they had an estimated time that the power would be back on, checking how battery life was in my laptop batteries, checking the weather station on the radio, to possibly calling my best friend to see how bad it was in her area. The only way I was going to find out more about my fisherman was to watch the DVD's with my friend so I could identify him and then I could go from there on learning more about him and his life! Without his name, I couldn't find out much more about him, what kind of fisherman he was or where he even worked at. Glancing back out my window for a quick moment while thinking about what else I would need to write down to organize my day and research, I noticed that it had started to snow again! "NO! I need to be able to do my research, I need to learn more. I can't do that if it's snowing again, as it is I can't even get my car out of my garage let alone down my driveway!" I said out loud, as if there was someone for me to voice this all too other than two cats.

I walked over to where my radio was and flipped it on to catch the latest weather report, as to look for my cell phone and check the first battery for my laptop. The weather station said that the storm that had hit our area was bound to stick around a few more days, with as much as another 2 feet or more of snow to fall before heading out. Two more feet of snow, there was already at least 3 feet out there, I was never going to get my car out of the garage, better add shoveling to my list of things to get done. I finally found my cell phone, in the kitchen drawer beside the back door, of all the places I don't put it, I must have been totally annoyed with all the phones to hide it in there! While I waited for it turn on all the way, I watched the snow fall, slowly drifting downward towards the ground. I normally like to watch the snow fall, but not today, I had too much stuff I wanted to get done and couldn't quite do because of the power being off. After my phone went through its start up menu and what not, it started chiming that I had voice mail and a couple of reminder messages. Deciding I had better see what the reminder messages consisted off, I checked them to see that some of them were reminders of friends or family's birthdays, from over a month ago. I had forgotten to acknowledge them when they had gone off back then. I acknowledged them, turning them off for another year. I called my voice mail to see if any of them were important enough that I needed to call anybody before calling the power company. The first message was from some telemarketer that was looking for somebody; I couldn't even pronounce the name of. The second message was from my younger sister, telling me to make sure that I was ready for the blizzard! The last message was for someone looking for their lost dog – think that was a way wrong number since I didn't even know the person! Why do they always call and leave a message when you know for damn sure they don't know you and misdialed the number? Hell, if I get a voice mail and don't recognize the person's name, I apologize and tell them I must have dialed the wrong number! Anyway, I had better call the electric company to find out how long my power was going to be off! I called the electric company and waited on hold only to be told, that they were unsure as to how long my power was going to be out due to the weather and to prepare myself for at least 3 days or longer of no power! THREE DAYS OR MORE…you have to be kidding me, boy that was going to put a big damper into my research plans! Not to mention, my best friend and I weren't going to be able to get together as soon as we thought, because the radio just said that all the plows were busy trying to keep up with the snowfall on the main roads and that less traveled roads were going to have to wait unless there was a problem that made it impossible for emergency crews to get to areas they needed to get too! Oh great, another step backwards! Just when I can finally find out more about who my mystery man was, the weather had to be mean! I was getting more frustrated with each call I made or weather forecast I heard, just when I thought I was making progress to finding out more about him! Totally frustrated, I looked at my laptop and thought might as well see how much battery life I was going to have with the three batteries I had, so that I could figure out how often I was going to need to recharge them via the generator. Taking my laptop to the dining room table, I turned it on and let it go through its start up. While it was doing that, I knew that I was going to need that notebook again, re-work the schedule. I left the dining room to retrieve the notebook and my forgotten drink that needed some serious re-warming after being left in the windowsill of the window seat. After logging into my laptop, I checked this battery that was in it, it was fully charged for now, if I remembered correctly the battery had a standby time of four hours with an hour and a half to two hours of actual usage time…okay so if that is the case, with my three batteries, I had twelve hours of standby time and four and half to six hours of actual time that I could use my laptop before needing to recharge my batteries for the laptop. Very limited time, considering that I wouldn't want to use the generator too much or often because of the limited fuel supply and it could be three days or more before my power was back on! Where to start was the question now? I would only use the generator when I absolutely had to which meant, that I would need to make sure to keep an eye on the temperature of my fridge, don't want any food to go bad because of the damn power outage, although I could always put stuff in an ice chest, I guess and put it in the garage! That should keep things cold enough with this damn blizzard continuing and it being below zero outside! Turning off my laptop, first things first, I needed to get dressed, add some more wood to the fire and make something to eat. Heading out to the living room, I removed the screen to add a couple of more logs to the fire. After doing that, I headed to my bedroom to find some really warm clothes on if I was going to try and shovel some of this snow out of my driveway and away from my garage! Dressing in two pairs of socks, thermal underwear, a t-shirt, sweater and a pair of jeans, I headed back out to the kitchen to figure out what I was going to have for breakfast. I had to think about what was in my fridge, I would have to make more of my meals out of the fridge than canned or dry goods, I didn't want my food to go bad. Hmm, what did I have to eat in the fridge that I could make breakfast with? I think there were a couple of eggs and half a package of bacon in my fridge, if remembered correctly. But then it hit me, how the hell was I going to cook the stuff in my fridge if the power was out...damn electric stoves! I had used the grill portion to boil the water in my teapot instead of a burner because that was where I stored my teapot when not in use! That was one thing that my mother had put in before she passed away and left me the house. She thought it would be easier for her to clean since it was one of those flat top things! That woman had gone on a rampage of remodeling or replacing things after Dad's death, luckily she hadn't gotten around to replacing the fire place or knowing my luck it would have been one of those gas burning ones! Wow, what had brought that to the forefront of my thoughts, I hadn't thought about Mom or Dad's deaths in a couple of years, they died six months apart from each other! It was like Mom couldn't live without Dad, a part of her had been lost when he passed, thankfully they had both had long fulfilling lives and had passed away of natural causes nothing to traumatic for me anyway, don't think I could of handled that. It was hard to believe they both had been gone for over six years now, the only family I had left was a younger sister that lived out of state and was too busy with her boys and husband that we didn't talk to each other except a couple of times a month! Guess I would either have to use the gas grill part of the stove to cook on or use the fireplace, those were the only options left open to me to cook. Hmm, a cross between home cooking and camping, cooking over an open fire! Oh well, I would make do with what I had and be damn proud that I could cook either way! Heading from the bedroom, shutting the door to keep as much warm air in the most used rooms rather than trying to heat the whole house, I headed towards the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, I broke out the cast iron skillet, if I was going to be cooking over open flame might as well use the right skillets! Flipped the grill on to let the pan warm a bit while I went to the fridge to grab the eggs and bacon for my breakfast! Adding a couple slices of bacon to the skillet, listening to it hiss as it fried, I glanced at the clock on the wall, thank goodness it ran on batteries and wasn't electric! It was already hitting eight am, I would need to call my best friend soon before she headed out to work! Flipping the bacon over, I quickly went to retrieve my phone from the dining room table. By the time I got back to the kitchen my bacon was done, removing the bacon from the skillet I placed it down on the paper towel I had on a plate to let some of the grease drain off of it. I cracked one egg into the skillet, to fry it up and then add it to my plate. As soon as I got my breakfast put together and the rest of it back in the fridge, I headed out to the dining room table to eat and call my friend, hopefully I would catch her before she left for work. Sitting down at the table, with my breakfast I hurriedly called my best friend. Waiting for her to answer her phone, I salt and peppered my egg, and cut it up into bite size pieces. She didn't answer her phone instead I got her voice mail, so I left a message that basically consisted of get back to me as soon as you can. I have a few questions for ya! I ate my breakfast rather quickly, thinking I had better get out there and get some of that snow shoveled before too much more fell!

Grabbing a hoodie, a beanie, gloves and my warmest coat, I piled it all on before heading out the door to do some shoveling. I was really thankful that Mom had thought to have a better porch with an overhang put on the house before she passed away. Thankfully the shovel was still on the porch where I had left it the last time I had needed to shovel. Grabbing the shovel I proceeded to get started by shoveling off the steps and working my way down the sidewalk towards the driveway. When I got to the driveway, I was amazed how much snow had fallen since last night; there was at least two feet of snow with an inch or two of freshly fallen snow in just the last hour or so. It may not seem like to much to have an inch or so fall so quickly in an hour but at this rate, the snow was going to be over my head before the storm was over with! How long was this storm suppose to last anyway? I hadn't paid that close attention to the report, guess I should have! Enough procrastinating about this damn shoveling, it would be better if I just get started and get it over with so that I could go back in by the fire. Buckling down to work, I started shoveling in a steady pace, while running through things I needed to get done on my research to find out more about my fisherman! I was really starting to like the sound of that – my fisherman – but then I got scared too, because if he was associated with the show Deadliest Catch, that meant he had a lot of women that would be after him. Why would he ever want anything to do with me when he could have his choice of any woman that took an interest in him? I know that you have to trust someone completely but in all honesty, my first marriage had ended badly because I couldn't trust him on so many different fronts that I had a hard time trusting any man. My second marriage had been a good one but ended traumatically, I wonder if this is why he had said what he said last night and the promise he had made. Thinking about what he had said about how we would cross that bridge only when I was ready to, made me wonder if he was talking about a promise that I had to myself three and half years ago. My thoughts started to drift back to when I had made that promise to myself; it was right after the car accident that had taken the lives of my second husband and my two children. A drunk driver had run a red light, t-boned our car as we were pulling out of our driveway to go to out to dinner. Someone had called 911 to report the accident, I don't know who it was because I was unconscious and I can't remember much of what had happened, I had to read the police reports and be told by many different people what had happened. According to the reports, the drunk driver had hit our car at approximately 45 miles per hour, on the passenger side, that the only way they could remove me from the vehicle was with the use of the Jaws of Life and then I was transported via emergency helicopter to the hospital. My oldest, who had been sitting behind me, was pronounced dead at the scene. My youngest, who was sitting behind his father, was pronounced dead a few hours later at the hospital they had to tried to save him but his internal injuries were too bad there was nothing they could do. My husband had lived for a few days, but was pronounced brain dead due to the severe blunt trauma; they had basically said that the force of the accident had given him what could be compared to as adult shaken baby syndrome. My injuries left me in the hospital for almost eighteen months, I had suffered from a brain injury, broken jaw and cheekbone, busted up right arm, a crushed pelvis and a busted up leg. I was in a coma for almost two months, when I woke up it was my sister sitting beside my bed, who told me how bad of condition I was in. There were so many tests that were ran to see if I had any brain damage, or any other possible problems that they might need to fix before I could start any type of rehabilitation. When I was finally able to ask my sister about the rest of my family, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told nobody else had made it, I was the only survivor. It took me another sixteen months to get back to where I am now; I still have certain exercises that I have to do to help strengthen muscles or tendons with regular check-ups with my doctor to make sure that everything is on track. There was only one thing that still scares me to this day what my obstetrician said at the first appointment after the accident, that I had miscarried the baby that I didn't know that I was pregnant with and that if and when I decided to have sex again, I would feel like a virgin all over because of my crushed pelvis. When I looked up, to see how much I had left to shovel that was when I noticed the tears that started to fall while had been lost in my thoughts had started to freeze on my chin and that I was finished shoveling my driveway. Shaking off the memories of that day, that had changed my life so quickly and left me in even a more disheveled state because I had finally gotten over my parents death two and half years before and was moving forward with my life, finished school, found a good job and was looking forward to our special dinner that was a celebration for my small family. Could this of been what he meant when he said I had a lot that I needed to heal from? The last six years of my life had been so messed up by everything that I don't think I ever really took the time to really let go of any of it yet! Maybe it was time to and move onto the next chapter in my life.

Still in a daze, I moved towards my house, carrying the shovel or rather dragging it kind of behind me because I didn't have the strength in my arms to pick it up. I dropped the shovel a few feet from the door, stomped my boots off before heading into the house to warm up and see what the radio had to say. I shook the excess snow off my coat before hanging it up to dry, put my gloves and beanie on the shelf by the door and took my boots off at the door as to not track snow across my whole house! Moving from the doorway into my living room, I went and stood in front of the fire for a few minutes to warm up my hands some before trying to reach down and remove the screen to add some more wood to the fire. I had forgotten to turn off the radio so it was still reporting how bad this storm was suppose to be, I listened to what it said as I warmed my hands in front in the fire. They were forecasting this storm was suppose to stick around for the next seventy-two hours with wind gusts up to thirty miles an hour, temperatures that could fall well into the negative and up to another 4 feet of snow in some areas. They were saying that if you didn't need to be out on the roads to stay in your homes, only to travel outside of your home on a necessary basis. Road closures were imminent, federal and state government offices were going to be closed within the next twelve hours and asking that all employers that did not need their employees to close their businesses. Standing in shock at what I just heard made me wonder, just how bad was this storm going to get! I think the last time I had ever heard of all these types of closures had been close to twenty some years ago, when the weather had gone wacky that year. I glanced up at the clock and was shocked to see that it damn near eleven, my day seemed to be speeding by, was it because I was keeping busy or was it thinking about what he had said and all the memories that were bombarding me today? I was starting to shiver while standing in front of my fire, the last six years was not something I had actually dealt with on a deeper level like I should have. I sat down on the hearth, removed the screen and added a couple of more logs to the fire, maybe I really needed to deal with my pent-up emotions before tackling the research of my fisherman so that I could be ready to move on to whatever step that I needed to do move forward in my life than being stuck where I was now! I replaced the screen and realized part of the reason I was shivering was that I hadn't removed any extra layers of clothes and my pants were wet from shoveling. Thinking it might be a good idea to take a quick hot shower would me warm up along with some dry clothes, then make me something to eat that would warm me up and if that didn't work curl up in a nice, warm blanket in front of the fire. With the power being out, limited research opportunities and no return call from my best friend yet, there wasn't much I could do! Deciding that maybe I could eat some of that left stew I made from the other night, I could use the fireplace to warm it up if I set it just outside the screen on the hearth, it would be ready to eat after a quick shower. Walking to the kitchen, I pulled out the pot from the fridge, glanced into the pot there was enough left for me for lunch. I quickly went and placed it just close enough to the fire that it should warm it up and not cause a mess…then thought I had better do something to make sure the "girls" didn't get into while I took my quick shower, how do you attach a lid to a pot without damaging the pot or keep them from knocking it off the hearth without making a mess? As I was pondering this dilemma, my bum started vibrating; I had forgotten that I had stuck my cell phone in my back pocket when I had gone out to shovel. Jumping up, I quickly pulled out my phone but didn't recognize the number that was displaying on the screen! Halfway scared to answer my phone, I thought about letting it go to voice mail but something was just saying to answer it! As I answered my cell very cautiously, I heard a voice that all but froze me in place…

"Hello, little one, how are you today?" he asked. Not quite sure what to think, or feel all I could do was sit there with big, wide, shocked eyes, wondering WTF?

"Umm, ahh, err, what?" was all that I could seem to reply.

"Don't be scared, little one! You aren't the only one that wanted to do research today, I memorized your face. Your best friend sent a friend's request to my Facebook page a while ago. I happened to go on there earlier today to update my status and saw that one of my friends had left a message for you a few days ago, to call her! I hope you called her or she called you within the last few days!" he said calmly, like this was a normal thing for him.

"Umm, yeah she called last night as a matter of fact. She is the one that asked me to light the candle for your friend." I said, still in shock at actually hearing HIS voice on the other end of my cell phone, that only people close to me had the number too. Guess he isn't a figment of my imagination, he is completely real…what do I do now?

"I just wanted to check up on you, I felt that you were having kind of a bad day! That something was upsetting you, do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Umm, not really. I think you are right though, I do have a lot of things that I need to heal from that I never really faced. I don't remember ever telling you about any of it though, but then again before last night I didn't remember much of my dreams with you. I just know that I woke up missing you. Care to explain that?" my stubbornness streak coming out in my tone as I spoke. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that! I just don't understand what is happening or what is going on? This is all too new for me and you have taken me by surprise today!" I was starting to feel ashamed of my behavior and they way I was talking to him; he didn't deserve that kind of attack coming from me.

"Little one, do not feel like you have to apologize for something that is new to both of us! I have never had an experience like what I've been experiencing with you either! I don't blame you for feeling like your world has just taken a sudden tilt and left you barely hanging on by the tips of your fingers. If I were in your place, I'm pretty much sure I would feel the same way! I just wanted to actually hear your voice for real, verify that you were real and know that you weren't a figment of my imagination either! I hope you can understand that, I was just as confused as you. Keep this number in your cell phone, so if you ever need me, you can call and leave a message! I may not be able to call you back right away, it will depend on if I have cell service or not. I will miss you, little one! We are getting ready to leave the docks and I don't know when I will be able to get back into port, until then we will have our dreams to keep each other company, when I get the chance to sleep that is!" he said, hurriedly and apologetically.

"Hey wait, how did you get this number?" I said to dead air, standing there confused and mystified. I guess I would have to wait and ask the next time I saw him in my dreams or heard from him again. I sure as hell didn't know what to do now, how do you explain this? Standing and looking around dumbfounded, I had forgotten the stew on the hearth, my wet clothes and my wanting a quick shower to warm up; I collapsed to my knees and started to cry. I sure as hell didn't know to do, think or say, so I just curled up in my blanket that I had never put up from the night before, laid my head on my pillow and continued to cry! Somewhere in the midst of my crying, I smelled something that didn't quite smell right, and then I remembered…my stew! I quickly sat up, which caused my head to spin dangerously, grabbed the handles that were farthest from the fire and moved it to the side. Letting my head catch up to the rest of my body, I sat for a few minutes before standing up to go retrieve a spoon, bread and butter. Even though my tummy was upset, I knew I had to eat before my tummy decided to revolt completely against me. Although, I was still somewhat I shaky, I made it to the kitchen safe enough to get what I wanted including a big glass of water. I'm not sure how long I had been curled up in my blanket and cried but apparently it was long enough that my clothes were pretty much dry. When I finally made it back to the living room, I opened the lid to my stew and was not happy with what I found inside, there was a reason for that off-smell, it had started to kind of burn to the bottom of the pot on the one side, luckily it wasn't too bad as to ruin what was left in there. Sitting down numbly, I started to eat the stew out of the pot, dipping in the bread and butter now and then to soak up some of the juices, making sure to drink my water to replenish what I had cried out. After finishing my lunch, I took my dishes into the kitchen, rinsed them, placed them in the dishwasher and returned to sit in front of the fire. I felt like I was on auto-pilot, numb and worn out emotionally. Hearing the radio announcer say the time, 1:45pm, temperature, - 2 degrees with a wind chill factor of negative 17, and listening to the updated weather report – more snow on the way, temperature continuing to drop and stay indoors unless you absolutely needed to go outside. I shook my head, added another log on the fire and called for my cats to come join me by the fire. I had pretty much decided that as emotionally drained as I was, bone – tired from shoveling, pushing my body almost past its limits, that I could take the rest of the day off and sit curled up in front of my fire and watch the flames dance across the logs. Today had been one of those days where sometimes you just need to take it off and relax! As I watched the flames dance across the logs, I dozed off and on few hours only getting up when I needed to put another log on the fire when it was necessary. I think my brain had gone into shut down mode and was slowly starting its rebooting process when my cell phone vibrated again. I watch it move across my floor towards me, I hadn't remembered dropping it to the floor. I reached out and picked it up, looking at the caller id, it was my best friend finally calling me back.

Answering my phone, "Hey, what's up?"

"Not much just got home. They sent us all home, I knew I should have stayed home and just worked from my home office." She said, "You called, what's up?"

"Umm, yeah I was going to confirm when you wanted to get together but since this storm hit, we might have to postpone it. But, I had a few questions about that show you like to watch, the one that guy you had me light the candle for, I wanted to know more about it. I think it's about time that I start to take an interest in more than sitting in front of the fire and hiding away." I said, trying to act innocently.

She giggled, "Oh, finally peaked your interest, did I?"

"No, I just decided to get a life and maybe finally see what it is that you find so damn interesting about this show! Geez, you know me better than that, besides I've got nothing better to do, might as find something decent to watch on TV other than most of that drama shit, they play! I'm just so not into soaps or anything along those fronts!" I said defiantly.

"I know, I know. You don't like most of the shit they play on TV, not that I say I blame ya much. I wish I could just lend you the first season, then maybe you might get hooked but with this weather I'm staying put!" she said.

"Oh don't I know it, I went out and shoveled the two feet or more out of my driveway and sidewalk. Bad idea btw, think I might have overworked my muscles a bit; they are starting to hurt some. Not only that my power is out so I wouldn't be able to watch the DVD's even if we could get together, I would have to come to your house." I bemoaned to her.

"Hmm, I would say sure come on over, bring your favorite blanket, the girls, and pillow with you and we could make a weekend of it but not with this damn weather, but I don't want you out in this weather, the roads are downright nasty, the plows are having a hard time keeping up with the snowfall as it is!" she said vehemently.

"I know, guess we will not only have to postpone our movie night but each of stick close to our homes for the next few days and hope this storm blows out soon! Keep in touch okay; all I have is my cell phone at the moment, so texting might be a good idea at this point. I also have my laptop but you know tricky those batteries can be, thank goodness I do have the generator and the fireplace. We had better let each other go, so we can take stock of what we have for emergencies and what not. Take care and love ya!" I told my best friend before we ended our calls to reserve what battery I had left in my phone before I needed to swap out the battery or charge the one in it and save my minutes, too!

Looking up at the fire, to check if I needed to put another log on there but seeing that it was okay. I glanced at the clock, it was still too early to go to bed but I sure didn't want to get out from underneath my blanket let alone think about how bad the weather was. I decided the best thing to do would to just sit back relax, enjoy my fire, watch the flames dance and let my mind drift to where ever it felt it needed to go. Instead of pushing myself to any extremes, it was time to do some healing, even if that meant screaming my bloody head off, crying until I couldn't cry no more, sitting here like a sack of potatoes or whatever it was that I needed to do before I could move on with my life I needed to address any emotions that I hadn't in the few years!

*A/N – There is a section in this portion that happened to a dear friend of mine over 20 years ago, with her permission I borrowed this piece of her life to write into this story for a dramatic scene, with promises that when I was finished with this story that she would receive a printed and signed copy. Although in her case, it was her boyfriend, his 2 younger siblings and a baby that she didn't know that she was expecting that were lost in the accident.*

The longer I sat there and reflected on all the things I hadn't addressed from the loss of both of my parents within six months of each other, my own tragedy, the loss of my job, school, collection agencies and everything else that I had kept locked away, the more realized I was really messed up emotionally, mentally and physically. It was amazing that I had survived everything that had happened to me in the last six years, how had I kept going? What was keeping me here? Why hadn't I given up? What, why, how, when and every other way to start questions were flowing through my brain and there never seemed to be an answer to these questions. The only thing that I finally figure out was the powers that be, whether it is God, Buddha or whatever gods or goddesses that everyone seemed to pray to must have a reason for keeping me here but what was it? I wish they would let me in on what was they wanted from me or why they wanted me here. Because I sure couldn't figure it out or even try to reason out why. I continued to sit there in front of my fireplace, replacing the logs as I needed to, watching the flames dance across the logs, considering my life and its purpose. Would I ever know the answers to these questions or would I be left wondering for the rest of my life? I let the tears fall, kicked and screamed, questioned certain aspects of my life, rocked back and forth, and doing whatever it was that I needed to do to make myself feel better and heal.

I am not sure how long I had actually sat there in a daze, facing everything that I had locked away but I was pretty sure by the time my stomach growled that I was on the road to recovery and healing. When I went to get up, I found that I was so stiff from sitting for so long that my body didn't want to work right. My joints were either locked up or popping, my muscles were screaming in pain, my legs were numb and my feet were asleep that when I went to stand up because I needed to get something to eat, drink and take care of a few other things that it took me more than once to actually get up. I stumbled my way towards the bathroom, so that I could wash my face and see just how swollen eyes were from all the crying that I had done. I grabbed a washcloth from the linen shelf, started the water so that it could warm up before throwing it in the sink, I really didn't want to see my swollen eyes or blotchy face but have to look in the mirror to see just how bad I looked and be thankful that no one else lived with me. Then another thought ran through my head, sometimes it is a good thing to be living alone, that way when you do things like I did today, you don't have to answer to anybody or worry about anybody worry about you. Looking into the mirror, my eyes grew wide at what I saw…I hadn't seen my face look this bad in a long time! Thank goodness, I didn't have to go anywhere anytime soon! I quickly washed my face before throwing the washcloth in the sink and turned off the water!

Wandering my way to the kitchen through slowly darkening rooms, my mind still drifted here and there never focusing long on any certain thought. I don't think I was out of shock of everything that I had faced, heard or thought about while sitting in front of the fire. I shook my head as if to clear it so that I could try and focus on what to eat that wouldn't be too difficult to make and definitely not burn. Deciding that cereal would be the best option because there was no cooking involved and it would almost kill off the milk in the fridge, one less thing to worry about going bad. I quickly opened the fridge door, grabbed the milk, and crossed the room to grab a bowl, spoon and the box of cereal in the cupboards by the sink. I dumped the cereal into the bowl, added the milk and returned it to the fridge. I stood by the sink, to look out the window and watch the snow continue to fall in its whirlwind way. I ate my cereal, rinsed my dishes all in auto-pilot mode. Turning slowly around so that I could re-trace my steps back to the living room and fire, I wasn't sure what to do next, how to feel or anything at the moment. I sat down on the floor, wrapped myself in my blanket, rearranged my pillows behind my back until I was comfortable, watching the fire and listening to the news playing on the radio. The radio DJ announced the time, 6:45 pm and gave an update about the weather. The snow would continue to fall off and on throughout the night, lows could possibly reach down into the negative double digits area with a wind chill factor that would make for a very chilly night, stay indoors where it's warm, keep pets indoors or make sure that they have adequate protection from the cold. That was when it hit me; it should be darker than it was. Looking out the window, I realized that the snow not only was falling at a steady pace but between it and the full moon, that it was not going to be really dark night, it was going to be one of those nights when there was an eerie glow to the night. I was really glad that I was safe and snug in my house; I would not want to be out in the cold with such an eerie glow that I could see through my window. Although, there was nothing to fear from the glow it was just one of those nights that either set your teeth on edge or you loved. I guess with the stress of everything I had experienced today, that it seemed to be a perfect ending to my day. Everything had taken its toll on me on all fronts and I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to be able to stay awake. They say that time heals all wounds, that your body would let you know what was needed when, as long as you listened to it. From what my body was telling me, I really needed to sleep so that it could help my subconscious deal with everything just as my conscious mind had. Since, there was no one that I had to worry about other than my girls and me, if I happened to fall asleep earlier than normal it was no big deal. I made sure that the fire was burning good, placed a few good sized logs on it and replaced the screen. Getting a little too warm, I realized that I was still fully dressed and I needed to go change into my pajamas for the night. After changing, I settled back down into my nice, comfy position my girls joined me in front of the fireplace as if sensing that Mom needed a little more comforting than normal. That was the last thing I remembered before dozing off for the night.

Not sure how long I had been asleep before he appeared in my dreams again, he looked at me before asking "Mind if I join you under that blanket?" I had never known him to ask permission before, he always seemed to know that he was welcome. Maybe he was just as scared as I was as to what was going on.

"Sure, but you have to take off your shoes first. I don't want any snow in here." Was all I could think of to say, because I wasn't quite thinking right, I guess, I don't know if it was snowing where ever he was at.

He sat down on the hearth and removed his shoes, then with a devilish grin, he looked at me and asked "Anything else that you would like for me to take off?"

I couldn't help but laugh and told him " I plead the 5th!"

A broad smile crossed his face, joined me under the blanket and took me into his arms. We sat cuddled up, watching the flames dance across the logs, and just enjoyed being with each other for the moment. He sighed deeply, leaned his head to rest on top of mine, turning it slightly to give me a kiss on my hair before asking, "Are you okay? I could feel your unrest today, did you finally decided to give up locking things away and face them?"

Knowing that I couldn't hide it from him, I told him everything that I had done that day from shoveling, shock at his call, talking with my best friend and finally dealing with everything that had happened in my life that I had locked away. I even told him about the kicking and screaming, throwing things across the room, asking questions ranging from why, when, how, where and whatever else I had felt I needed to question. He sat there patiently, stroking my hair or rubbing my arm, doing everything to comfort me. After I finished telling him everything, he asked, "Do you feel better about facing it all instead of locking it all away?"

Worming my way out of his arms, I sat up and turned my back to him and faced the fire before saying, "In a way but I'm not sure. I know that you are right and that I needed to face it all before the healing process could begin. I never realized how much I had locked away or never dealt with until today. I'm so drained on every level, that I'm not sure where to turn." I was scared that I was going to start crying again and I really don't like to cry in front of anyone. I could hear the wobbling in my voice as I told him this, I wasn't sure if I could the tears hold them back if they had decided to fall.

He sat forward, slowly wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "Don't hold the tears back, and cry if you need to. I am here to hold you, comfort you and be here for you. You shared my tears with me the other night when I needed the comforting. Please don't hide from me, little one!" He placed a light kiss at the base of my neck, causing my breath to catch in my throat. Turning my head slowly to face him, and looking into his eyes, I was once again got lost. I could see the emotion he felt, the sincerity of his words, the hunger just under the surface and his wonder at what was happening between us.

Leaning forward so that my lips could meet his, everything that I had experienced that day vanished into thin air. All I wanted was to be with him in every way that I could be - held, comforted, and loved. As our lips met, my body turned towards his, and my arms draped themselves around his neck. I shivered and he pulled me even closer to him but it didn't seem like it was close enough. I was almost laying across his lap, when our kiss ended. Our eyes gazed into each other's with wonderment and unsure as to what was happening, we both seemed to sense that tonight was going to be one that neither one of us would forget. A bridge had been built and we had met somewhere in the middle, was all that we knew at this point. We had shared in each other's pain, shared tears and comforted each other but where did we go now?

I was the first one to break eye contact, shifting my eyes downward and not being sure of what to say or do. He cradled me with one arm, lifted his other hand to cradle my face and brushed his thumb across my lips before drawing my lips back to his. His kiss was gentle, not demanding anything more than contact. His armed tightened some as if he wanted to be closer to me than he already was, my body responded to him by trying to almost to climb inside his skin. Our bodies, our lips met but it didn't seem to be enough for either of us, we wanted more but how much more would be the question. During the kiss, my body had shifted from being almost across his lap to sitting in it. His hands had both found their way to cradle my face, my arms had drifted down so that my hands were resting against the sides of his neck. His lips left mine, but began to drift down towards my neck, I moaned in protest at first then in pure pleasure as he found that spot, as my back arched causing my rest of my body to bend inwards closer to his one of his hands had moved from my face to brace my back. His body responded bending as if to try to make our bodies' one. His lips continued to leave a trail of small kisses on my neck before his mouth found my ear, he slowly sucked my earlobe into his mouth, he nibbled on just a bit, not enough to hurt just enough to make me whimper and squirm against him. His mouth left my ear to continue his assault on my neck to my jaw line and back to my lips. He reclaimed my lips gently as not to bruise them or to demand more than I was willing to give. One hand on my back and the other cradling my face, my hands resting gently against his neck just below his jaw, our kiss deepened as if we were trying to crawl into each other's skin. We moved together, as if one and rolled so that I was laying with my back on the floor and keeping most of his weight off me as to not crush me into the floor, our kiss and lips never leaving each others. His arm had cushioned me as we had rolled but he moved it out of the way right before so that I would not be uncomfortable laying on his arm. My hands drifted down his chest towards his waist, I gently tugged at his shirt to un-tuck it from his jeans, so that my hands could rest against the warmth of his skin. Dragging my hands upwards, with the hem of his shirt in them, I felt him lift his body slightly, our kiss broke for just a moment so that I could remove his shirt. As I tossed his shirt away, our kiss resumed and my hands drifted up his arms towards his shoulders. Feeling the warmth of his skin made my body crave more, my hands drifted lightly across his shoulders and down his chest, my body arching to be closer to his. One of his hands was on its own journey down my body to find the hem of my tank top, his body craved the skin to skin contact as bad as my own. As his hand drifted down to find the hem of my tank top, his fingers were brushing gently across my rib cage and other areas that had been neglected for the last few years. Moaning softly and arching my back, craving the need of skin to skin contact, breaking our kiss for just a moment he removed my tank top.

Neither one of us wanted to break the moment, but he had to know "Are you really ready to cross this bridge? Because if you aren't we need to stop now, I don't want to push you into anything that you aren't ready for yet! Also, I know I can stop here, control the hunger and craving where as if we take it much farther, it will that much more difficult." Knowing that he was right, I couldn't make myself say no because that was not what I wanted. I wanted him, all of him no matter how much it might hurt later. Looking into his eyes, I shook my head and whispered, "Please, don't stop! My body is craving yours as much as yours craves mine, hungers for your touch and warmth. The only thing that I ask to be gentle but quick when completing the union." With that bridge clarified by both of us, he lowered his body back to mine as our bodies met, we both breathed in sharply feeling an electric like sensation, looking into each other's eyes with wonderment, excitement and hunger we were drawn back into what seemed like a black hole of pleasure.

Exhausted, drenched in sweat, both of us breathing heavily, our hunger quenched for the moment, he carefully rolled off of me and pulled me closer to him. Before we had drifted off into well deserved slumber, gentle kisses were exchanged here and there to ease any places that might have bruised during our tryst. I don't think either of us moved or shifted because when I woke up a little while later, we were in the same position. He was still asleep as far as I could tell, I slowly raised myself up on to my elbow to gaze down into his face, amazed at how handsome he looked while sleeping. Caught completely off guard he surprised me by opening his eyes, and reaching up with his hand to draw me down for a kiss. The kiss reawakened our hunger and craving for each other with a vengeance that I don't think either of us expected. Breaking the kiss, he whispered and filled with emotion, "If this is truly a dream, I don't want to wake up. It will be one that I will always remember and cherish until our paths cross in real life. You have given me a part of you that will always be special and forever in my heart."

Looking deeply into his eyes I could see what he said was truly how he felt. I slowly shifted so that my body was now on top of his, where I could watch the light from the fire dance across his face, and lowered my head to kiss his lips. His hands slid up my back and twisted into my hair, with a moan from deep within his throat, he shivered in pleasure and rolled us over. Our lips and hands danced over each other's bodies, exploring every sensitive area that we could reach without breaking contact from each other for too long of a period. Our bodies craved to be closer to one again, without a word said we looked into each other's eyes and completed the union of our bodies to find pleasure once again. With moans, whispered endearments, arched bodies that danced in perfect unison we reached new levels than before falling over the precipice of completion. We both lay there, trying to catch our breath, our bodies shivering as the pleasure enveloped us into a warming after glow. Realizing that he might be squishing me, he rolled off of me, pulling me closer to him, tucking my body next his and reached out to grab the blanket to cover us up. Neither one of said a word, just laid in each other's arms and drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, I was surprised to find that even though I was still lying in front of the fire, still dressed in my pajamas and tangled up in my blanket! It had all been a dream but so real at the same time. Feeling somewhat shocked at where my dreams had taken me, this is when I definitely knew that I was on the road to healing. If I could have such a dream, was I ready to take the next step in my life? I sure hope so, because I really need to find out more about him, and find him soon. I don't think my body or mind could take many more dreams like that! Hoping that the storm was done and power was on, my thoughts were definitely focused today. I stretched and tried to untangle the blanket so that I could get up for the day. I don't think my body or mind had ever been so ready to move and get going for a very long time. I had been in auto-pilot mode for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to feel so alive. Finally, I got untangled from my blanket and was able to get up. I padded my way to the kitchen and filled up my kettle with water, so that I could place it by the fireplace to start the warming of it. I was going to need my caffeine today. I had a very long day ahead of me if everything worked out right. Bringing the kettle out to set it on the hearth, I heard the radio DJ say that the snow was still going, the temperature was still quite chilly and confirming the stay indoors policy! Heading my way to the bathroom, to wash my face and take care of a few other things, I noticed as I looked in the mirror there was a new light in my eyes, one that I hadn't seen in a very long time. That's when I remembered I needed to check if the power was back on yet, I hadn't realized that with almost every room having windows in them; it was no wonder that my electric bills were always so low. I reached out to try the light switch…flipping the switch on…nothing happened! Okay, so the snow was still coming down, still no power but I might be firing up that generator because my research was going to start today! No matter if I went through all the laptop batteries, had to charge them or my phone, things were going to happen today! Nothing was going to stop me, that I was my goal for the day, find out as much as I could! Leaving the bathroom, I headed towards the kitchen to grab a quick bite to eat, a cup and several bags of the coffee and favorite tea so that when I sat down to start my research, I wouldn't have to get up except to get something to eat or visit the bathroom. I headed out to the living room with my hands full of stuff from the kitchen, before heading towards the back bedroom that I used as an office to grab my laptop and batteries. When I came back out to the living room, I glanced around to try and figure out where the best place would be to setup my temporary research office, deciding to set my laptop on the coffee table where I would have plenty of room to spread out if necessary. I setup the temporary office, organized everything nearby including the box of Pop Tarts and cereal, cup and bags, the laptop, notebooks and several pens and pencils. Checking the fire, I saw that the logs were pretty much gone but the embers were still glowing, I quickly moved to it to rekindle the flames by adding a few starter pieces of wood. While waiting for them to catch, I looked out my window the snow was drifting almost sleepily towards the ground but at a pace that wouldn't be considered to leisurely or to briskly. I turned back to the fire, seeing that the flames would be good enough to put some bigger logs on without smothering the returning flames, I heard a god-awful noise just outside causing me to nearly jump out of my skin! Quickly, I crossed the room to look out the window, what I saw was nearly as shocking as being slapped in the face by a fish! My neighbor's tree had decided that the weight of the snow was too much for it to bear one of its branches had broken off and was now laying on his newly, rebuilt and restored classic 1967 GT500 Mustang. He had just gotten it back from the shop where he had a custom paint job and custom interior done right before the storm had hit. He hadn't had time to put it in the garage yet considering his wife was not willing to let her car be parked in the driveway, not her baby. His side of the garage had been taken over by her over abundance of antiques that she wanted him to restore before allowing them to come into the house! Sometimes, I didn't understand why the man was still married to her but I guess after being married for over thirty years, there has to be something there to have kept them together for so long. Besides, you never know what goes on behind closed doors! I rarely saw her outdoors unless it was really a nice day, when she came out to work on her rose bushes, otherwise you never saw her! Maybe she was one of those women who were raised to take care of the house and kids and everything else was taken care of by her husband. But then again, I'm going off of what I had only noticed in the last few months since losing my job; otherwise I was like everybody else, too busy to pay attention to what was really going in my neighborhood. All I knew, was what my mom had taught me, don't ever judge a book by its cover because you never know what could be in between! I just knew that my neighbor was going to be crying when he saw his car, because I knew that if it had been my dream car, I would be! Shivering a bit, I looked from his car to my own driveway and wasn't surprised to find that you really couldn't tell that I had shoveled it yesterday except that the sides were higher than those who hadn't shoveled at all! Shaking my head at what I saw as I looked around my neighborhood, glad that I was indoors, I could picture what this area might have looked like before it was modernized and was just being settled. Could you imagine, living back in an era that when it snowed like this, you were snowed in for days and your closest neighbor was at least a couple hours ride from you? That was when being a family meant more than it does now, simpler times in one sense but harder in others. Amazed at where my thoughts had taken me, I wondered why I was thinking in those terms, was I hoping that we were still in those times or just wishing for things to be simpler than they really were. I didn't know but I knew that if I was going to get anything done, I had better move from this damn window! Moving from the window back to the fireplace to check on the kettle, the water wasn't super hot but just the right temperature to do what it needed to do and not burn my tongue. Moving from the fireplace with my kettle, I poured some into my cup, placed a bag of the coffee in it to start its brewing and returned the kettle back and off to the side of the fire.

I had figured that since I was basically homebound, there was no real reason for me to get dressed. I would stay in my jammies and start my research! Flipping the laptop open and hitting the power button, I waited for it to power up. Wondering where would be the best place to start…grabbing my notebook and a pen, I started to make notes. Okay, I knew he was a fisherman, that he was somehow associated with the show Deadliest Catch on the Discovery channel, one of his good friends had died sometime within last year and people had celebrated his birthday in December. Where to start was the biggest question, did I look for information about the show via a search engine or go to the channel's website?

After my laptop finished loading up, I clicked on the internet icon and waited for it to connect up to the internet. Finally it loads up only to display, a 404 error page not found…WTF? Then it dawns on me, if the power is out, that means that my dsl modem isn't on…duh! Well, how the hell am I suppose to do my research now, if I don't have my internet then I can't go to the damn websites and find out more about my fisherman. Between this weather, the power going out and everything else, my frustration is going to get the better part of me. Getting more frustrated by the minute, I stood up and threw the radio across the room because I didn't want to hear anymore about the damn snow, then went over to the table and picked up a box of Pop tarts and threw them across the room too. Okay, so I was acting like a 3 year old child that wasn't getting their way but damn how was I suppose to find anything out if I can't do the research!

Pacing back and forth across my living room, trying to figure out how can I find out more…then an idea hits me, my laptop has a wireless modem so no matter whether my dsl is working or not, I might be able to tap into somebody else's. Would that work, because I really didn't want to have to fire up the generator until I had to because it's so noisy and had a limited fuel supply. Spinning around a little too quickly, I about fell over onto my face, as this thought took root! I quickly sat down in front of my laptop and looked for the little connection box to see if there was a wireless connection that I could hook up to. Double clicking on the icon, I quickly scanned through the list to see what the connections would be and trying to figure out which one would be the best to connect up to if possible, some people lock their wireless connections to keep people from doing what I was trying to do at the moment, feed off of somebody's internet service without having to pay for the time. Normally, I would not do this but in this case, I was desperate to start my research! Hmm… there's a couple I may be able to try and see if I can connect up to, double clicking on one under the name of "crazy box", I jumped up and yelled at the top of my lungs, "SUCCESS!", and then was glad that I lived alone otherwise who ever live with me would have thought I had lost my mind! I quickly sat back down and refreshed my internet window to start my research. Opening 3 different tabs, I started by typing in the first window the web address for the Discovery website, in the second window I started a search about the television show Deadliest Catch and in the last window, Captain Phil Harris. Waiting for each of them to load or finish their searches, I reached over for my cup of coffee and a Pop Tart, figured I might as well grab something to nibble on and drink while I waited.

Starting with the first tab, I put my coffee down and grabbed a notebook. Picking up a pencil, looked under the TV shows tab on the website and brought up the show. Reading everything that I could on the main page, I started going through the different sections from learning more about each crew, boat and everything it had to share on there about the show. I watched the video clips that were there, I have come to a conclusion…these guys are NUTS! But to actually hear his voice in the videos was enough to make me melt all over again, his voice in my dreams had always had an angelic quality to them but you could hear the roughness, smoothness and the love that he really has for his profession, his boat, brothers, and crewmates…all of it! The more I learned from the Discovery website about the show the more I wanted to know. I had taken notes on everything I could from the different boats, crews and Captains. Before I knew it, I had filled up several pages with information and my first battery was just about to croak. I still had two more tabs to go! How could I have already used up almost two hours worth of battery time, had it already been that long? Thinking quickly because it had given me the two minute warning before shutting down, I flipped over to the other two tabs and bookmarked them so that when I switched out my batteries, then I wouldn't have to start over again! Just as the last tab finished saving, the one minute warning went off, double checking to make sure that they were saved, I shut down my laptop so that I could swap out the batteries. That was when I noticed that I had drank a full cup of coffee, munched on I don't know how much cereal and eaten what had been left in my Pop Tarts box! I was definitely time to take a break and make a fresh cup of coffee, find something else to eat other than cereal and take care of a few other things. Pouring some more hot water from the kettle into my cup so that it could start steeping, returning the kettle back to its spot by the fireplace, and adding another log to the fire before I went to visit the little girls room. After washing my hands with some really cold water, I started to shiver which reminded me of some of the video clips I had watched on the website, I shook my head in wonder at what these men do for a living and the danger they were while working on the sea. I went into the kitchen to see what else I could scavenge that I wouldn't have to cook. I found a box of crackers, half a bag of M & M's, and a bag of tortilla chips. Hmm, maybe I could slice up some cheese to eat with the crackers and grab a jar of that salsa that I had canned up from last summer. That should be some quick munchies and filling too; guess today was going to be a day of not watching my calorie intake as I normally do or eating exactly healthy either. Moving to the pantry, I grabbed a jar of my salsa and put it next to the chips before I pulled out a plate for the cheese from the cupboard. Picking everything up, I moved out of the kitchen and deposited my new pile of food on the table before I put the next battery in my laptop.

After putting in the fresh battery, flipping on the laptop and waited for it to load up, I looked up and out the window. That was a bad idea, in the last two hours the snow had gone from drifting lazily toward the ground to blowing this way and that. I could just imagine how it must be like for those that were out there in this weather because they had no choice, those poor snowplow drivers. This time instead opening more than one tab, I decided it might be better if I go one tab at a time because if I killed one battery just by learning what I could about him it might be a good idea need take it a little slower. Pulling up the bookmarks, I clicked the link I had saved that showed all the other links about the television show itself and was immediately overwhelmed at what I saw, over one million different links! Oh my goodness, where the hell was I going to start? No wonder, people hated to search for things on the internet…I needed to narrow this down…but how? Then something caught my eye…each of the boats had their own individual website… Now there was a place to start! Right clicking on the first of the boats websites, I pulled out my notebook once again, flipped to a fresh page and starting taking notes! For the next two hours, I flipped from this to that website, reading everything I could find out about the television show, what my fisherman did when he was working during crab season, what he did during the off season, what his favorite things were to do and finding out that he was indeed single. My fear had been that he was married and that we would never get to actually get express our true feelings to each other. Just as my battery was getting ready to die again, my mind wandered back to the night before… shaking my head to clear it, I needed to shut down my laptop before the battery died! Shutting it down again, I took the time to go over what I had found out about him. There was a wealth of information that someone could access about him on the internet but how much of it was reliable was the real question.

I replaced the battery with my last battery that I had before I would need to charge them. I turned on my laptop once again and brought up the last bookmark I had saved from my original search with my first battery – Captain Phil Harris. One of the first things I learned about him was that he was born on December 19, 1956 and passed away on February 9, 2011. He was on the road to recovery from a stroke; everything had been going positive direction when there was a sudden negative downturn in his health. No wonder his death was taken so hard by those that had he had been a brother, friend, father, and mentor too! I had already learned some about him while researching the other websites but it was amazing to see how many different links those were for just him. This man was special; he had touched many different lives in many different ways and was loved by many. There were a few sites that had not been too kind to him but in my case, I think I was becoming a little biased because of my best friend, my fisherman and what I had seen so far, who the hell were these people to judge someone because of his lifestyle without really knowing him or what he did! It always amazed me that just because someone thought that someone did something they considered harmful like smoking or drinking that they deserve the health problems or an early death! It was like they had never heard of free will or freedom of choice, who the fuck were they to judge? Had they never made a fucking mistake in their life? Sorry but no one is that fucking perfect and nobody would be! It really bugged me when people choose to judge someone because of what they choose to do, hello...it's their life, their choice and they are the ones that have to live with the consequences of those actions, not you or me! It doesn't matter what your religion is the fact of the matter is "Judge not lest ye be judged", there is only one true Judge and you meet that Judge when you pass onto the next plane of life or heaven or whatever it is you believe in, okay in some cases it may be more than one judge depending on what your religion is but that is the gist of the saying. I guess that is why my best friend and I got along so well, is because we left out the religion aspect of life because to us it didn't matter what religion each of us were, we looked beyond that, we looked at the person inside. It didn't matter what color we were, what religion we practiced or what political group we belonged to, we liked and loved who each other for who we are not for what we were raised to be. It was during this mental tirade that I stumbled across a website that seemed to accept people for who they were, for their mutual love of the television show and Captain Phil Harris – ! I froze for a few minutes, was this the website that my best friend belonged to, she had always referred to as DCF? As I was pondering this new question, my laptop alerted me to the fact that the battery was about to die, had it already been another two hours? No, it couldn't have been, if that was the case I had already been researching for six hours and still had questions that I wanted to answer and more that I wanted to learn about Captain Phil and my fisherman! Turning off my laptop, deciding that I would need to start up the generator a little bit later, and charge up the batteries for the laptop.

Deciding that definitely after six hours of research, I really needed to try and organize all the notes I had taken and see what all the commonalties' were, if I could do that then I would know what was reliable and what to question. Taking a short break from what I was getting ready to do, I took all the food, dishes except my cup into the kitchen, put everything up that was left, rinsing off the plate that had held the cheese and let my mind just wander. As my thoughts wandered, so did I from room to room, picking things up here and there putting where they needed to go or looking at them intensely without really seeing them. With everything that I had learned in the last six hours, my brain was trying to focus on what I had been thinking about before the wandering had began. Sometimes, I really disliked how so sidetracked I could become, if I didn't keep my focus! I wondered out loud, "Is this how people who suffer from ADD feel like? Their brains not staying focused in one spot for very long or was it another problem all together?" Finally, my wandering mind had led me back to the living room and the notebooks on the table. I sat down on the couch, ran my hands through my hair before pulling it up into my favorite ball-cap, so that it was out of my face and got down to work. Pulling over another two notebooks, I opened them both marked one page on each with "Confirmed" and "Questions", that way I could compare what I had written down on to the right page. I was able to confirm all the notes I had taken about the boats, who the Captains and crew were, what they all looked like, what they did during the season and off-seasons, fishing industry, how dangerous their jobs were and a few more details here and there. That filled up several pages worth of the fresh notebook. When I looked over at my questions page, I could see most of the questions I had were more on the personal aspects of their lives. Was it really right for me to wonder how their wives or significant others felt about their jobs, risking their lives for a job they loved so much, how they dealt with them being gone so much or so often? How did the guys feel about their "celebrity" status, if they actually enjoyed being filmed all the time during the crab season? What they really wished for their futures? How much time did they actually spend on and off the boat? Did they really smoke and drink that much? How did they keep their clothes dry or wash them when they were on the boat? What about seasickness? How the hell could they walk on those rough waters? How could they do their jobs in such bad weather? Thinking to myself, my hell, what right did I have to ask these questions about them or their jobs? I really needed to do more research, maybe that would help ease my mind about some of these questions and fears about my fisherman or would it make it worse to know the answers? What would he say if he knew about all these questions, would he answer them or just laugh? The more I looked over the page, the fear I felt, scared to ask and scared to find out.

As I sat there debating with myself about how much of this did I really want to know, the more questions popped into my head. The biggest one of them all was "How am I going to find out more without seeming like some freak stalker type with an overwhelming interest in one certain member of Deadliest Catch?" From what I had seen already during my research some of these people scared me. The extremes some of them were doing was downright insane, Hello do you really think sending your undies in the mail was going to win their hearts? I don't know about anybody else but for me personally someone sending me something like that would send me running in the opposite direction! So far, out of all the so called fan sites that I had checked out had seemed biased in one extreme or another. I couldn't wait to check out that last one I had found right before my battery had started to bee its two minute warning. It had seemed like the most knowledgeable, friendly and "normal" of them all! I yawned and stretched because the research had actually been the most active I had been in actually using my brain for something other than doing homework. It was amazing to how easily somebody could go into that robot mode and stay there for that long of a period of time. I laughed out loud causing myself to jump at the sound of my own laughter, it reminded me of what was said in that one video about wanting a boat full of robots. Damn electricity needed to come back on, it would make it easier to research some more, watch videos on the websites for Discovery, the different boats, YouTube and every other place I had found them. Who knows how much more information I could have learned. I had watched a few that I was pretty sure they were full of bullshit but made me wonder too. Do crabs really fart? I'm pretty sure they don't but that Captain Phil had made it sound so true. I did like the video that had some of the phrases he said, he sounded like he had hell of a one sense of humor, the kind that could make your worst day flip in a heartbeat or some of the faces he made. Sighing, now I knew why my friend had cried so hard when he passed away, why he was missed by so many and my fisherman had a hole in his heart. It was then that I realized that I had developed a fondness for this Captain Phil with just what I had seen and learned in the six hours of research, my best friend and my fisherman had shared with me.

My tummy growled loudly, I looked at the clock and figured even with all the snacking I had done while researching was nothing that was really substantial. I guess I had better figure out something a little more substantial to eat. Settling on a can of soup and a tube of crackers should be enough to settle my tummy for now, and then at least I could take something for the headache that I was starting to develop. But what can of soup could I eat that I didn't have to heat up? Damn electric stove, forget the fucking soup! Damn electricity, when will it come back on? This snow storm was causing more problems than I wanted to deal with at the moment. There went my loss of focus again; I had gone from trying to figure out what I wanted to eat to the electricity being out! Normally, it wouldn't have bothered me, I like the quiet but apparently I was going stir-crazy! Winter and all its snow needed to be gone, I was tired of being locked up in my house, and cabin fever was setting in now that I had finally "woken up" out of my robot like zone. When it was my choice on what I did or didn't do apparently was starting to bug me when I didn't have a choice in the matter! It was amazing how much of my life had changed in the last couple of days. I had gone from barely being here doing only what I had to do to survive to being stir-crazy and ready to go live my life again. I know that when the power came back on there were going to be certain aspects of my life that were going to suck – the bill collectors calling again, looking for a job and school but at least it would be easier to tackle each obstacle as they came at me.

Shaking my head and trying to re-focus on getting something to eat, that's when I really wanted something that I don't treat myself too all that often because it not a meal that is normally made for one person but damn I wanted it and I could use the fireplace to make it! Moving off into the kitchen, I moved quickly to my pantry where I kept my foil, onions, mushrooms and potatoes. I quickly reached into my freezer and pulled out a steak. From my fridge, I pulled out the butter and a few spears of asparagus from the fridge. Pulling out enough foil, I placed it on the countertop put the steak in it, opened up the can of mushrooms, sliced the potatoes and onions, added the asparagus and then put butter on top of the steak. Wrapping it all up tightly and then adding another layer of foil to it, I returned to the fireplace, removed the screen and rearranged the coals and logs so that I could place my dinner into the hot coals and let it slowly cook over the next little bit until it was done. A true camper's delight was going to be my big meal for the day! Okay, it wasn't the normal steak and baked potato that I would have preferred but like I said I don't treat myself all that often. Checking on the water in the kettle, seeing that it was almost gone, I took it to the kitchen and refilled it, so that it could start heating up some fresh water for me to have a cup of tea while I was waiting for my meal to cook. I picked up my radio and looked to see how badly I had damaged it and to see if it would still work or if I would have to buy a new one. Taking it with me to the couch, I sat down and started putting it all back together, but some of the pieces weren't going back where they were supposed to. I think I may have killed my radio all together, oh well it was almost twenty years old anyway, I should have bought a new one a few years back. Luckily I had already picked up the Pop Tarts that I had thrown across the room earlier, so that was less mess I needed to clean up. I had straightened up the table, with all the notebooks and everything else that was strewn across it. I was running out of things to do when I could start to smell my dinner cooking in the fireplace, it made my tummy growl even more. Knowing that it wouldn't be done for at least another thirty minutes to an hour, I had to find something to do to keep my hands busy or I was going to drive myself nuts. Deciding that I could afford to kill some minutes on my phone, I called my house phone to pick up any voice messages. There were about fifteen messages on my voice mail, most of them from bill collectors, trying to get money again, a few telemarketers trying to sell me things I didn't need or want but other than that, nothing too exciting. Oh wow, that killed like a whole whopping five minutes! I was going to go nuts before long! Wish I could take a nice hot bath, but that would probably be unlikely since it was only like three in the afternoon but then again who was say I couldn't take a bath at this time of day! Maybe I will take one later after my dinner was done, so what could I do until my dinner was done that would keep me busy? My house was clean and dusted, my cats were brushed, de-matted and hiding because I had threatened to give them a bath the other day, dishes were done and waiting in the dishwasher and I couldn't vacuum because of the no power thing. Gnawing on my bottom lip trying to figure out what to do because sure as hell wasn't going to go out in the all the snow that was falling to shovel my driveway again, when it was just going to get filled up again, not to mention I was still kind of sore from the first time. I thought about texting my best friend but I really wasn't in the mood to really talk either. After all the research I had done, I was drained of energy but wasn't at the same time. I just wanted to eat something, take a hot bath and possibly turn in early. My day had started off on a very positive note, after six hours of research I had more questions that I wanted answered but was exhausted all the same and now I was sitting here on my couch waiting for my dinner to cook in my fireplace, fuming about the power being out, breaking my radio so that I didn't really have any connection to the outside world unless I used my phone for the internet but that would break into my minutes and kill my battery. It was hard to believe that my day had started around eight or nine this morning and it felt like should be later than it actually was, it was only five pm. Hopefully my dinner would be ready soon; I guess I should check on it. Standing and walking over to my fireplace, I used the ash shovel and wedged it gently under the foil as not to tear it … oh the smell from my dinner was a glorious one, my tummy growled loudly. I was careful in opening the foil because I sure as hell didn't want to burn myself, the asparagus was tender-crisp, the onions and mushrooms were just on the glazed side of being done, the potatoes had that nice glazing with just a hint of crispness to them and the steak was almost done to my liking…about fifteen or twenty minutes more and my dinner would be done. Sliding my dinner back into the hot coals of the fire, I banked the fire with some fresh logs just on the other side of the coals as not to catch my dinner on fire because then I would have to cry. Okay not really cry but I didn't want burn my dinner. Reaching for my phone I set the timer for fifteen minutes, while trying to figure out what to do to keep me busy. I glanced at my notebooks on the table again, wondering how much more information I could learn just by going over them again. Getting up and resuming my seat on the couch, I picked up the first one from the Discovery website and started to go back through all my notes. You know when you look at everything that these guys do, from how dangerous their jobs really are, you gain more appreciation for them. You really have to admire the courage these men put themselves through to bring to our markets fresh crab. Not only that have you realized how many different crab species there are out there… I never really knew but now that I have an idea and know more about how to tell them apart from one another, I might be a little bit more experienced the next time I decided to buy some crab other than that fake stuff! Did you know that these guys don't only risk their lives to bring in crab, but they do other types of fishing for the industry that we didn't even realize? Like cod, halibut, herring, tanner crabs, and goodness knows what else they fish for…not sure I really want to know considering that these guys spend anywhere from six to eleven months of the year doing this kind of stuff. I wonder how the wives or significant others deal with that type of separation, year after year? It would take a very special person to be willing to live that way. Honestly for me, it would be difficult but as long as I could have some type of communication with them on a semi-normal basis, I think I would be okay because I would know that my man was out there supporting me and our family the best way he can. I wouldn't want to ever take him from something that means so much to him, his heritage or legacy or whatever it was that made him happy doing this kind of work. Okay, granted I would be worried about him all the time but I couldn't destroy him for my own selfishness. But on the other hand, I could see how a significant other could feel like they were in constant competition with their jobs too. I guess it would have to be something that each of us would have to come face to face with and decide for ourselves if we could live that way. It didn't really surprise that they had such a high divorce rate or were mainly single either because of their jobs but I guess it happens just like with any other job. By the time my timer had gone off on my phone I was already looking over my notes from the last search that I had done, and was still amazed at how much I had learned in a six hour period of time. I stood up and went to check on my dinner again, it was done! I went to my kitchen and grabbed a plate, knife and fork to put it on so that I could eat and finish going through the last part of my notes. Returning to the couch, placing my plate on the table and wiggling down on to the floor, I was ready to eat and relieve that tummy grumble. As I ate, I finished going through my notes, adding more information to the confirmed or question pages for later research. When I was done, I took my dirty dishes to the kitchen, threw the foil away, rinsed the dishes off and placed them in the dishwasher.

As I was about ready to step out of the kitchen, I heard a window break in another room. I instantly froze on the spot, not quite sure of what to believe what I heard. Trying to determine exactly what room the window had been broken and as to what it could possibly be that had broken the window. Listening intensely, I could barely make out a muffled sound … what was that sound? It didn't sound like footsteps of a person but it didn't sound right either! I decided it was time to go grab that baseball bat out of the coat closet and go investigate to see if I could find out what the hell it was. Okay, well I know it wasn't the living room, considering the living room window was harder than hell to even try to climb into not to mention I had just come from there a few minutes before. The first room, I checked was my bedroom…nothing there! That left the office and the bathroom, well considering the bathroom had only a couple of small windows that I don't think anything bigger than a cat could fit through, so that left only one other room to really check. Heading towards my office, I stepped quietly down the hallway, when I got closer you could feel the cold air coming out through the crack at the bottom of the door. Stopping just off to the side of the doorway, I could hear a muffled sound, trying to determine exactly what the sound was. It wasn't footsteps; it sounded more a snuffing noise, almost like when a dog is sniffing at the air. Deciding that I really didn't want to open the door if there was a dog in my office, I slowly slid down the wall and bent over to peer under the door to see if I could determine if that was truly the case. I peered under the door and sure enough I saw dog paws and nose sniffing at the doorway! Unsure, if this was a friendly dog or unfriendly, I wasn't quite sure what to do. Standing up, I crept back down my hallway and into the living room to grab my cell phone! I decided called my best friend to ask her how best to go about dealing with a strange dog that had just broken my office window and was locked in my office, after all she was an animal control officer for the city. As I waited for her to answer her phone, I was wondering how much snow was now coming into my office. She answered her phone after the third ring, "Hey girl, what's up?"

"Umm, I have a strange and out there question for ya." I said. "I just had a dog break my office window, and it's locked up in my office. What do I do?"

"What? A dog just broke your office window and is locked in there?" was her response.

"Yep, that is what I just said. I was in my kitchen when I heard a window break. I got my baseball bat out of the front closet and went to investigate. I could hear a weird snuffing sound, so I got down on my knees to peer under the door and saw dog paws and nose! I had shut all the doors to rooms that didn't need to be heated when the power had gone out because I am using the fireplace to keep the house warm that is why it's locked in my office."

"Good thing you had shut the doors, otherwise you would have a strange dog running around your house that could be aggressive towards you. Let me get dressed and I will be over there as soon as I can in my work truck, after I call in to the office and let them know that I need to go out on a call."

"Thank you, I am sorry for calling you but I didn't know what to do and you are the only animal control officer I know! Hey, when you come over do you think you can bring over the Deadliest Catch DVD's so that I can watch them on my laptop or even that portable DVD player, I kind of broke my radio and don't feel like reading?"

She laughed, "Yeah, I can! I have to go back to work anyway, even in the bad weather. The office called just before you, I guess there have been quite few complaints coming into the office about people leaving their animals out in this storm and we need to investigate. I was just about to get dressed and head in when you called. Why and how did you break your radio anyway?"

I could tell by the way her voice was going in and out during our conversation that she was getting dressed while we talked, "Well, I got really frustrated hearing about the snow continuing to fall and how much longer they were forecasting. Just knowing that it's possibly going to last that much longer, I knew that my power was going to be out that much longer! So, I kind of threw it across the room!"

"I knew you had a temper and I haven't seen you throw anything against the wall or across a room in a long time. You must really either be bored out of your mind or have decided not to be a walking doll anymore. Sorry, I really hate that I haven't told you before, but you had me really worried. I don't know why or how come you have changed in the last few days, but I am really glad to hear it, too! See you as soon as I can, let me finish getting dressed!" she said.

As I sat waiting for my best friend to get there, I cleaned up my table in the living room and hid my "research" because she had no idea about the dreams I had been having in the last few months. I hadn't told her about them because it had never come up in a conversation; we normally talked about some of the cases she was working on or how my job search was going, safe topics. Besides, before a few days ago, I had never remembered much so there wasn't anything worth really sharing. I couldn't wait for her to get there with the DVD's, I think that portable player was battery operated…but was it like a laptop battery or regular batteries, guess I had better go find it and check!

Getting up to start my search for the portable DVD player because I couldn't remember the last time I had used the damn thing. I went from room to room looking for it and wouldn't you guess I couldn't find it anywhere. Of course, it would be my luck that it's in my office with the locked up dog. Racking my brain, I tried to remember what kind of battery it had, if I remembered correctly it was similar to one that comes with a laptop with the option to plug it in to an outlet. If that was the case, how long did the battery actually last, don't think I ever really knew the answer to that because I didn't use it all that often. I had been given the portable DVD player as a gift from a co-worker for a "Secret Santa" thing a few years ago. I think I had only actually used it a couple of times and it was usually in my office, when reviewing a presentation for a client before sending it out and it was usually plugged in at the time. Leaning on the wall outside my office, I rub my face with my hands in frustration and was trying to focus on what should I do until my friend gets there with all her gear. Unsure of what to do since I can't do much without power, laptops or anything else to keep me occupied because of the damn snow storm that had decided to make my life that much more miserable at this point. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, looking at my office door and wondering what would cause a dog to break through my window and take up residence. Could the dog be a stray? Hungry? Cold? Was it really a dog? How much snow was swirling around in my office? How much damage is there? How the fuck was I going to get a window fixed or replaced in this damn weather? How much longer was it going to take my friend to get there? How long ago had I called her? Shaking my head to stop these questions going through my head and looking up from the door towards my roof, I heard a creaking sound and a whimpering coming from my office! What the hell is that damn dog doing in my office? Finally, resigning myself to the fact that there wasn't much I could do sitting outside my office door, I got up and decided to get a cup of coffee. Walking away, I heard a whimper followed by an odd barking noise as if the dog was in some kind of pain. Knowing that there was something wrong with the dog, unsettled me and I knew that I wouldn't not be able to stay away from the door for long. My friend had better get here quickly or I was going to open that door myself. I walked even quicker from the office door to go grab that cup of coffee so that I could return as quickly as I could back to the door. I knew deep down there was something wrong with the dog but wasn't sure what. Being the animal lover that I am, knowing that the animal was suffering was bringing tears to my eyes and I needed to know as soon as possible what was wrong. Moving as quickly as possible, I made a cup of coffee from the water that I had heating by my fireplace, wrote out a quick note to my friend and taped it to the door, advising her to come in and that I was back by my office door. Okay, it may not be a good idea to leave a note on the door and leave my door unlocked but I had to because I felt that even though the dog was in my office behind a closed door that maybe just maybe it could feel my presence and be comforted by it. Returning to my position right across from my office door, sitting on the floor not knowing what quite to do, I started talking to the dog just on the other side of the door. I heard a whimper from the dog as if acknowledging my presence and letting me know that it heard me.

"You know, pup, I don't know if you are a male or female but either way, why the hell did you decided to break my window? Are you okay in there? What's going on, you sound like you are in pain? Are you hurt?" I questioned the dog like it could actually answer me like a person. "I have a friend coming that will be able to help us both out. Either by helping you go back to your home or help finding a new one. Hopefully, she will be here soon and we will get you out of there." Listening intently to the sounds coming from my office, the dog continued to whimper every now and then. I couldn't tell if the whimper was due to pain, hunger or just to acknowledge that the dog knew someone was there. I continued to talk to the dog as if it was another person because I didn't know what else to do besides I knew that the dog wouldn't judge me like an actual person might do if they had heard about what had been happening in the last few days. "Hey pup, the more I find out about my fisherman the more I want to know but I'm scared to find out more too. It's too funny that it all started out as an unusual dream and now it has become even stranger now that I know what I do. I am not quite sure what to think, in some ways I think I'm losing my sanity and will end up in some shrink's office trying to find out what is real and what is not. I have been having all sorts of odd questions coming into my head, wondering if I was to actually meet him, would I know him. What would he think about me if he met me in real life? Would he still actually care? What if he had a girlfriend or a significant other, what would I do? What would he do? What about the fans that seem to constantly swarm around him every time he goes out somewhere? Would I be able to handle that? I don't know, pup, I think I'm really starting to wonder how much of this is real. The dreams seem so real, yet when I wake up I find myself alone. Do you think is my body's way of telling me that just because I may be going through a lot right now, that I need to get over it and look forward?" The dog picked that point in time to let out a loud yelp, whimpered and sniffed at the bottom of the door. My worry increased because that sure didn't sound good from my point of view, I had no idea of what was going on the other side of the door. Worming my way closer to the door, hoping that the dog had moved away from the door so that I could see under the door through the crack, I glanced to see what I could see view from where I was. I didn't see anything of the dog too close to the door so I slowly lowered myself down to lay on the floor and glanced under the door. Looking under the door, I could see that the dog had laid down close to the door but was still far enough that the only way to actually touch the dog would be to have to open the door. From what I could see from where I was, the dog looked whitish-gray in color and seemed to be breathing kind of heavily. "Hang in there pup, my friend should be here soon, I hope for both of us." I told the dog from my position on the floor in front of my office door. The dog whimpered in return but hadn't changed position. If someone had walked in at that point in time, they would have definitely thought I had lost it, I was talking to some strange dog through a door. Sitting up, I slid back to my previous position and not sure what else to do, I started to hum one of my favorite songs as way to soothe the dog and myself at least until my friend got there. I had to drift off to sleep, still humming as I went under.

I was looking at his back as he was working on the deck of his boat; he was working on securing the pots that they used to catch crab or fish depending on what the season was. I wasn't actually on his boat; I was sitting in a truck with the heater running because it was considered bad luck for a woman to be on the boats. He turned as if sensing me watching him; he waved to me and smiled in welcoming. He said something to somebody else that was standing beside him and then jumped off the boat like it second nature. Hell what was I thinking, it is second nature to him, this is what he does for a living. He jogged over to the truck that I was sitting in, quickly opened the door and jumped in. I was shivering with cold, the heater was on but damn Alaska is too damn cold for my blood. I prefer much warmer weather but it always seems that I end up in the colder climates. He looked at me and smiled, which warmed me up some. He looked around checking for any other vehicles that might be around possibly blocking him from flipping the truck around. He didn't say a word as he flipped the truck around and took off, driving us somewhere. He drove for a short distance up a dirt road and parked the truck up on top of a hill. The view from the hilltop was amazing, it looked over Dutch Harbor, and you could see the boats as they sat at the dock getting ready for crab season. The sea was calm, the sun was shining and the harbor looked so peaceful, I could see why so many people had fallen in love with the view and the sea. I sat there just soaking in the view, I hadn't realized he had flipped off the truck and was watching me look out across the view. I jumped when he asked me if I wanted to come a tad bit closer so that he could help warm me up. He had leaned back and had his arm lying on the back of the seat; he looked so comfortable how a girl can resist the invitation to move closer. I scooted closer to him, snuggling in next to his warm body for a few seconds before the smell finally caused me to wrinkle my nose and sneeze. He laughed as he wrapped his arm around me before pulling me just a bit closer. His other hand reached out and cupped my jaw, pulling me in closer for a kiss. His eyes never left mine as he drew closer, his thumb gently caressing my bottom lip before his lips claimed mine. A small moan escaped from both of us as our lips met, our bodies couldn't seem to get close enough to each other! He broke the kiss, engaged the emergency brake on the truck and pushed gently against me to make me scoot over so that he could get from behind the steering wheel. I scooted over to almost the passenger door before he stopped me from moving too far away from him. He moved over just enough so that he wasn't behind the steering wheel and the stick shift wasn't in the way either. He slowly pulled me back towards him, wrapped his hands in my hair and pulled me back towards him to resume the kiss he had broken way too soon! Before I knew I, I was straddling his lap, his hands had unzipped my coat and were working their way under my shirt. If you had happened to come up to the truck at that point in time, you would have thought you had come across two teens, parking and making out in the truck – only we weren't teenagers! Neither one of seemed to care at the moment, we were too lost in each other to pay attention to where we were! His mouth had moved from my mouth to my neck and was on a mission of its own, almost! My hands were on a journey of their own, trying to find something to grab on to while his mouth and hands were all over my semi-exposed body. Moans escaping from both of us, neither one of willing to stop and looking for more! His mouth on my neck, one arm wrapped around me supporting my back as I arched and his other hand slowly kneading my breast as my nipple hardened under his touch, I was rudely awakened by a painful yelp from my office and my best friend asking, "Have a nice nap?"

Slowly shaking my head to push off the frustration and re-assess where I was exactly, "Ummm, I guess so. I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep." Glancing around, I remembered I was in the hallway, sitting next to my office door because of the dog that was locked in my office when it had broken out the window. I told my best friend that I thought the dog was in some kind of pain, asked her how we were going to get the dog out of my office and what would happen to the dog if there was no owner.

She laughed but answered each question, "First of all, I have to figure out how to get her out of your office, and then assess what type of dog it is, if it is hurt, and figure out the temperament. If the dog is injured, she will be looked at by the vet and scanned to see if it has a microchip. If the dog has no owner, then we will do a full examination to determine if it is suitable for adoption. If the dog is able to be adopted, then we will try to find it a good home. It all depends on how things go but I have to get it out of your office first. Oh yeah, by the way I brought the first six seasons of Deadliest Catch with me, since season seven hasn't started yet! Now, let me see if I can get an idea of what type of dog we are dealing with." I replied, "Thanks for bringing the DVD's! I can tell you all I have been able to see of the dog is the paws and that was from looking under the door through the crack. But, it has been whimpering and just yelped like it is really hurt. I am not sure if it is hurt because it broke through the window or what but I haven't seen any blood. I sat out here in the hallway and kind of sat here and talked to the dog because I figured it might make it feel better. It didn't seem to whimper as much when I was talking to it, it was like the dog knew I was trying to comfort it."

My best friend shook her head, "You always seem to mother anything maybe that is why we all love you so much and have missed you! You may be just a bit older or younger than us all but you have always been the one we have turned to when we needed a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or information from a different point of view." I watched her as she knelt down to glance under the door through the crack to see if she could see anything. "You're right; you can't see much of the dog, other than the color. Let me run out to my truck, I'll grab the DVD's and a small camera that I can slide under the door to see if I can get a better look at the dog." As she got up off the floor, she radioed the dispatcher at her office and was advising them of the situation at my home, letting them know what she was doing, so if she needed backup they could send out another person. Upon her return, she handed me the DVD's and knelt down by the door, slowly guiding the camera under the door. Slowly moving the camera around so that she could get a better view of my office and the dog she told me "Well, you have a really big hole in the window and some snow on your floor. The dog isn't a dog; it's a wolf or part wolf anyway. That kind of explains the unusual markings and apparently it is a female! The whimpering you have been hearing is her giving birth to a litter of pups! I guess that would be why she broke into your office; she was looking for a place to give birth out of the weather! So far, I can see three or four pups but I don't think she is done yet!" She radioed into her office and explained the situation to the dispatcher. The dispatcher radioed back that another person was on the way to help out and should arrive within the next thirty minutes. We passed the time chit chatting about this and that while we waited, catching up on some things that had been going on with mutual friends and family members. It was kind of nice but we both knew that our minds were more focused on the animal in my office and wondering what was going to happen next! That was when I remembered, the voicemail about a lost dog. I told my best friend, "When I had called my voicemail there was a message from some person I didn't even know that was calling to see if I had seen their lost dog. Do you think this could be their dog?"

She looked at me, raised an eyebrow and said, "That's a possibility, but why would the dog break into your office if they have an owner?" I had to admit that she did have a point, but it was driving me nuts to think that this animal might have a home and that the person had left her out in the open knowing that she was expecting pups! "Maybe they didn't know that she had gotten out of the yard or whatever until they had gotten home from work. I'm trying to remember what day and the time the message was left. I think the message was left right before the power was knocked out; it was left on my house phone! The person could have just been calling numbers in the surrounding area! I don't know, just hoping for the best that this animal belongs to someone and it's not a stray!" I said.

My best friend's co-worker got there and were discussing how best to proceed on how to handle the situation in my office. Since the animal was laying just a few feet to the side of the door, they thought it would be best to barely crack the door to see how the animal would respond. Slowly cracking my office door, looking in, and her co-worker got a good look at her! Turning to my best friend, she said "I think we have a part wolf here. Looks like she has five pups that she is nursing, looks like she's a tad skinny. I don't know if she has an owner or not but so far she's not showing any aggression but let's try sliding in some food to her and see how she reacts." They shut the door quietly and her co-worker went out to one of the trucks to grab a can of food. While her co-worker went out to the truck, my best friend went to my kitchen to grab a plate to put the food on. I was just standing in the hallway like a bump on a log not sure what I was supposed to do, other than watch. Her co-worker returned with a can of dog food, a kennel and catch pole. After emptying the dog food on the plate, my best friend cracked the door just far enough open that they could slide the plate in with the catch pole and shut the door. Sliding the camera back under the door they observe the dog wolf cross to see how the animal will react to the food. As they observed the animal, she nibbled on the food a little bit but continued to whimper a bit as well. Neither one of them were sure if she was getting ready to have another pup or if there was something more that could be causing the pain. So far, what they had witnessed was that the dog didn't seem aggressive, more like seeking help and too weak. They both seemed as worried about her as I was. Cracking the door open a bit, they spoke to the dog to let her know they were there. The dog didn't growl or anything as they entered the room, even though they were complete strangers, it was almost like she knew they were there to help her. My friend and her co-worker commented that the dog had look of pride on her face about her pups! My friend asked me to hand her the kennel, they wanted to see what the dog would do, when she saw it. I handed the kennel in to them, they opened the door to the kennel and backed away from it. I was standing outside my office door watching everything as it was happening and was surprised that this strange dog wolf cross was so mellow, when she was in a strange house, giving birth to a litter of pups and surrounded by strangers. The dog gave a quick yelp causing all three of us to jump and out came another pup. So far from what I could see, she had six pups! I hope she didn't have many more and was glad that we humans normally give birth to only one kid at a time. Can you imagine having to feed that many kids at a time? The dog did what she needed to do; we all just stood there and watched like it was something we had never seen before. Unsure of what was going to happen next, we all just stood there observing the dog with her pups for the next little while. We were all shocked when she stood up; finished eating what food was on the plate and looked towards the kennel. She went and investigated it before she went back to her pups. We all watched as she moved each pup very carefully to the kennel before she climbed into the kennel herself. She glanced out of the door of the kennel towards my friend and her co-worker with a look of relief! My friend's coworker, moved slowly towards the kennel and the dog watched her but didn't make any aggressive moves, no growling or nothing. When the co-worker got close enough to the kennel door, she shut the door and the dog looked at her but didn't move. My friend and coworker were able to pick up the kennel and carry it out to my friend's work truck. The dog didn't make a sound and looked like she was sound asleep, the only thing that gave her away was that her ears were up, listening for any possible harm that may come to her pups. I asked my friend, "Have you ever seen anything like that? For a dog to just get in a kennel on its own, and seem to know that you were there just to help it?"

My friend's responded, "On occasion, but not like she did. She even moved her own pups. I will let you know what we find out about the dog and her pups, as soon as I know, okay."

"Please do, because if no one claims her, I would be willing to possibly adopt her or foster her. It would depend on what your boss wants to do! She seems so mellow and from what I could tell, her pups are gorgeous!"

"I will let my boss know that you are interested in either option. We are always looking for people to foster animals; I just never knew you were interested! I need to get going, take her and the pups in for check-ups. Then my day gets to really get fun, checking in on all those calls we have been getting lately. Enjoy, those DVD's and don't forget to put some plastic up or something over your office window."

I watched her climb into her truck, waved at her as she left and headed back into my house to see what I could use to temporarily patch up my window until the weather broke long enough for me to get somebody out to repair and replace the window. Looking in my garage, I found a piece of plywood that was just big enough to cover the hole in my window, and thought about putting up a piece of plastic to give me a double barrier. Between the wood and plastic, it would help keep what heat was in the house there and keep the weather out! By the time, I was done putting up the temporary repair; it was starting to get dark. At least the snow had slowed down some, hopefully this damn storm would pass quickly and my power would be back on soon! Yawning deeply, my mind started to wander back to the dream that I had been having before my friend had gotten there. Blushing at what had happened during the dream, made me shake my head at my own disbelief that I would be acting like some teenager in a parked truck, overlooking the sea. I guess you are never too old to act like a couple of kids in a parked truck and hormones that are on a rampage!

Grabbing the portable DVD player and the DVD's, I headed towards the living room. I placed them on the coffee table before I went to check on the fire. Checking the fire, I rearranged a few of the partial pieces of wood that were still in there, I added a couple more logs to the fire. The room was starting to spin as I replaced the screen door on the fireplace, a nice little warning that I needed to eat dinner soon. Lighting a lantern, I headed out towards the generator so that I could start the charging of batteries for my laptop and make sure that my fridge stayed cold. Besides I might just plug in that portable DVD player while the generator was going to save it's batteries until later. After starting up the generator, I went and plugged in my laptop to get the batteries charging, while trying to figure out what I was actually going to make for dinner. Since I had the generator up and going, I could use the stove to make a quick meal, of what I wasn't sure but something. Hmm, maybe I should make some French toast. I don't know, I wasn't sure what I was in the mood to eat but I needed to eat something! My appetite really didn't want to focus on food but that is where it should be focused. Damn dreams! Looking in my fridge, nothing seemed to grab my interest, nothing in the pantry or cupboards did either! Knowing that I need to eat but not in the mood for anything, I was wishing that I could call out for dinner but even then I didn't know what I was in the mood for, nor did I have the money to just order out! Damn economy, no employment equals no pay which equals hell on wheels!

Wandering back out of the kitchen over to my stereo, since I had the generator going I figured I would catch some kind of news. Luckily, I caught the end of a broadcast of the latest weather report; the storm seemed to be weakening and would hopefully be moving out of the area within the next two days. Oh yeah, two more days of nasty weather and how many more days of no electricity would that equal too? Hopefully not many, because I really kind of missed my electricity at the moment! Okay, I didn't miss the phone ringing off the hook but I was starting to miss being able to turn on the television, listen to music or even being able to just switch on a light to read. I usually liked the quiet but this storm inducing peace and quiet was starting to get on my nerves. Ever since that night when he and I had talked, which had caused me to take a long look at the last six years of my life had really awakened a part of me that I had thought would never want to cherish life again or move forward. Now that I was ready to start moving forward, this damn storm was making my life a living hell! I flipped off the stereo and decided I had better figure something out for dinner because I was getting more frustrated, dizzy and sleepy! Moving back into the kitchen, I started to glance around to try and figure out what should I eat? Finally settling on a club sandwich, with cheddar and sour cream chips, a few miniature dill pickles on the side and a tall glass of soda that should tide me over! I didn't drink soda often but tonight I felt like I had enough coffee, tea and cider throughout the day that maybe a nice tall glass of soda would be a treat, too bad I didn't have any alcohol in the house other than wine because a shot of Crown Royal or Southern Comfort would have been welcome too. Hell, a tequila sunrise would have been nice too; anything alcoholic other than wine seemed to sound good! Taking my food out to the living room, breaking my own rules of not eating at the dining room table, I sat down on my couch and put my food on the table. Leaning back for a moment, I wondered where the hell did I put that damn remote, maybe a little watching of Deadliest Catch, while I ate would help calm my nerves some. Screw the damn remote, I got up with the first DVD, walked over to my television and surround sound system, flipped them on and popped in the DVD. As I waited for the DVD to load up, I looked up on the entertainment center and found the damn remote sitting on the shelf above the television. Grabbing the remote, I returned to the sofa and sat down, settling down to eat and start watching for my fisherman to show up on the television. Settling down into a comfortable position, I ate my dinner and watched the show intently! Oh my, I had thought they were nuts just in the few clips that I had watched on the internet, now I definitely knew they were! These guys took insane risks everyday they were out there fishing for the crab that everybody loves so much! The deckhands were out on the decks risking their lives with everything they do and the captains had to watch the men, for waves, listening to the radios about the weather, find the crab and so many different things that I began to wonder why they did what they did? Was it really worth the risk? Well, I guess they thought so otherwise they wouldn't be doing it because I don't care how much you paid me, I sure as hell wouldn't do what they do! I was so glued to the television that I hadn't realized that I had finished eating and was sitting on the edge of my sofa until I fell off the sofa! This by the way kind of hurts especially when you hit your knees on the table and almost knock over your glass of soda! Reaching for the remote, I hit the pause button so that I could run my dishes into the kitchen and refill my soda glass. Quickly rinsing off my dishes and popping them into the dishwasher, refilling my glass of soda and doing a quick look for something sweet to eat because this damn diet thing was done for now! That damn show, the damn dreams and my fisherman had made me realize that I was actually hungry for life and that being a "perfect" weight really didn't matter at the moment. Besides just what is considered the perfect weight, I guess it's more of what you think it is rather than what society deems as such! Hell, at my height and my body build, if I was comfortable with what I weighed in at did it really matter? If you can't accept me the way I am, don't let the doorknob hit where the powers that be split ya! I finally found some chocolate macadamia nut cookies and a small package of Oreos in the cupboard, which one should I grab? Oh screw it, I took some of both, grabbed my newly refilled glass of soda and returned to the living room to finish watching the first disc of the first season of the show! By the end of the first disc, I was completely hooked to the show! Yawning, I went over to the fire, removed the screen, stirred the coals around before adding a couple of logs to the fire and headed towards the kitchen with my dirty glass. After rinsing the glass, putting it in the dishwasher and turned towards where the generator sat to shut it down for the night after lighting the lantern in the kitchen. I turned off the generator and headed towards the bathroom, to do my nightly routine before heading off to bed. This had been one long day and sleep was beckoning! Fixing up my temporary bedding, straightening out the blankets and re-arranging my pillows, I settled down for the night. Watching the flames dance across the logs, snuggling deep into my blankets, I drifted off to sleep. Just as I was about to completely succumb to sleep, the cats decided to both pounce on me to remind me that I had forgotten to refill their food dish. Groaning, I got back up and groggily wandered into the laundry room to refill their food dish, so that hopefully they would leave me alone so that I could go to sleep in peace! Returning back to my bed, I climbed back in and started to move around until I found that comfortable position again. I don't think it took me took long before sleep claimed me and my fisherman appeared in front of my fire! His back was to me, he was knelt down in front of the screen, watching the flames dance on the logs. He removed the screen and readjusted the logs on the fire before adding one more. After he was done with the fire, he turned towards me and smiled when he noticed that I was awake and watching him. He stood up, turning around to find a spot to sit on the hearth so that he could remove his shoes and shirt before coming to lie down beside me. I rose up to look down at him, my eyes meeting his. Without saying a word, his hands reached up to cradle my face as he kissed me and sighed deeply. Neither one of said anything to each other, it was as though we both knew what each other craved at that moment, no words needed to be spoken. He moved his hands twisted into my hair as he deepened the kiss and my hands resting on his chest trapped slightly by my body being partially on his. He removed his hands from my hair and started to stroke their way down my back and arms, breaking the kiss only long enough to roll me onto to my back. Balancing on his elbows as to keep most of his weight off me, he ran two fingers down each side of my face before clasping my jaw and resumed kissing me. All I could do was seem to wrap my arms around him as his mouth left mine and went on a journey of its own. Before I knew it his mouth was on my neck and it seemed like his hands were all over at the same time. His hands were gently caressing this part or that part of my body, but my mind couldn't figure out which one was where, all I could do was just lay there, moan and squirm under his tortuous mouth and hands. I hadn't even realized that he removed my pajamas and I was laying naked underneath him, his mouth and hands had been overwhelming my system with such pleasure that I was not aware of anything but him! Unaware that my hands had been held loosely in one of his, so that he could torture me with his other hand and mouth, apparently he didn't want them wandering around to return the torture. As his mouth continued its journey downward, slowly sucking a hardened nipple, teasing it with his tongue, while his one hand continued its journey down my body to slowly leave flames where it had just been. Drawing little circles as it went, the flames seemed to be consuming me, I could hear my own moans and whimpers from a distance, I finally worked my hands free so that I could do some exploring of my own. As my hands danced across his back, massaging gently the overworked muscles in his back working their way downward and slowly back up again, I heard a moan escape from deep within his throat. His mouth let go of my nipple and his body arched into my own, we were both so consumed in what we were feeling that I don't think either one of were completely aware of our surroundings or did we care! Our lips met in a crushing kiss, our bodies becoming aware of the fire that was just under the surface that was threatening to consume both of us at any moment! He broke the kiss and his mouth resumed its journey downwards, first sucking in one nipple then the other before moving down even further to my tummy, his tongue flicked just for a quick second into my bellybutton before moving slowly farther down, leaving a trail of flames that threatened to consume me. His hands were stroking my legs working their way upwards from my calves, his hands stopped on my hips at the same time his mouth found my pleasure center. Between his mouth and wicked tongue torturing me, I couldn't seem to catch my breath, my hands didn't know where to go, where to grab, they seemed to be unattached! Moaning and arching, my body seemed to have a mind of its own, I could feel the pressure building up inside me, and if he didn't stop soon I was going to go over the precipice very soon. As if sensing that I was getting really close to going over, his wicked tongue and hands changed their cadence to slow things down, to draw out the torture. My breathing had become nothing more than panting because I couldn't seem to catch my breath, my body was extra sensitive and feeling the roughness of his jeans against my calves only seemed to heighten the torture! Between his mouth, wicked tongue, his hands and the roughness of his jeans was enough to send me over the edge; I let out a scream and arched my back. Collapsing in an exhausted heap to the floor, he slowly worked his way back up my body, enjoying the aftershocks of the all consuming orgasm that had just shaken me to the core. His kisses were leaving a trail of fire of where he had just been, his hands were stroking the flames as he moved upwards, before he reached my mouth, he had worked his way out of his jeans, throwing them next to his boots and shirt. He was on his knees between my legs; his manhood was standing at the ready looking deeply into my eyes, he smiled before plunging into my pleasure center, watching my eyes close in pleasure he let out a moan as the union was complete. He stayed still for a moment before withdrawing only to repeat the plunge, with each new plunge; the moans became more frequent until we both were both on the edge of going over. His hands on my hips, my hands holding to his arms, my nails digging in as we both went over. I screamed, he moaned loudly and his manhood buried deep within me, he collapsed on top of me. As we lay there, both of breathing unevenly, he lifted himself up enough as to not squish me. After a short time, he rolled off of me and gathered me up into his arms to hold me as we both drifted off to sleep. We slept deeply and neither one of moved until early the next morning. We woke up to an ember fire in the fireplace and neither one of us wanted to be awake. We knew that to acknowledge the morning would be the end of the dream until the next one! We wanted to stay where we were for a bit longer, laying in each other's arms, enjoying the warmth of each other, the closeness, the peace and quiet. Slowly looking up towards his face, my eyes met his before his mouth claimed mine, one hand twisted in my hair and my hand resting on his bare chest. Neither one of us had to say anything; our bodies said everything that needed to be said to each other. His mouth was gentle on mine; he rolled me gently on to my back, while his other hand slowly started stroking down my body until it found my breast, gently kneading my breast until my nipple hardened. His mouth left mine and began its journey downward towards my nipple; he slowly drew my nipple into his mouth as his hand moved down across my tummy to my pleasure center. His fingers worked their way across my pleasure button and entered into my pleasure center, working in and out until my pleasure center was moist and ready for his already wakened manhood. He raised himself above me and gently eased his manhood into my pleasure center once more. Moving ever so slowly, he worked his manhood in and out until we both again on that precipice, threatening to go over. Soft moans and groans escaping from both of us, exchanges of kisses between plunges. Just before we both were about to go over, he whispered in my ear, "I love you, little one." That was the last thing I heard before I was lost once again in the pleasure tide. I didn't even get a chance to respond to him because when I came too again, he was gone!