Title: Adam and Steve
Disclaimer: I don't own the bible... (duh)
Rating: R for homosexuality and for parents who won't let their kids read
anything that 'disgraces the bible'. (gasp!)
A/N: Go sodomy! ((waves rainbow flag))
PS: Thanks to Azureluna for helping me when I was at a loss for synonyms
and lines.
PPS: If you flame me, me, the class lesbian will forever consider you a
flamer, (flamer FLAY-murr—one who flames). Tee hee hee... Pride Rocks! Don't
worry, though, I know that God still loves everyone!
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth... (ok, ok, you know the rest of that line, now let's skip a little bit)
...and God made a man. He placed him on earth in the garden of Eden, then, put his right pinky to his mouth and exclaimed, "I will call him...Mini-Me! Muahahahaha—"
"Um, excuse me for interrupting, your greatness" St. Peter said, tapping God on the shoulder, "but maybe you should call him 'Adam'. I've always liked that name... even if you did make him to resemble you..." All the angels nodded in agreement.
"Oh, all right!" God said, a bit annoyed, and rolled his eyes, "Have it your way!"
In the luscious garden of Eden, Adam took refuge. Adam gave names to all of the trees, plants, flowers, and beasts. God was pleased.
God started to help Adam by harvesting his food for him, cleaning up after him, and tending to his every need, but found himself too tired to continue being Adam's servant. Soon, after many grumbles and muttering under his breath, Adam reluctantly started to care for himself.
"Adam," God called out from the heavens, "to reward you for letting me save my strength to invent indoor plumbing later, I will make another man for your company and... um, entertainment. Of course, for a small fee..."
"Although I do not feel as I should be rewarded for a mere favor, I would greatly appreciate it and I thank you immensely." Adam replied, overjoyed. Now that he thought about it, lounging around in a garden eating all day did get a little old every now and then. "Oh, Great Father, what must I do for you to get this man?" Adam asked curiously.
"You must pay me ONE BILLION DOLLLLLLAAAARRRRSSSSSS!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"Well... that's a bit steep—is there another way?"
"Well... I have been in the mood for ribs lately..."
"Done."
Adam fell into a deep sleep after eating a mysterious seed pod "poppy seeds", as he called it. God took a rib from Adam and created another man.
Adam awoke to God standing before him with a 'new creation'.
"Adam," God started, pushing the new man forward, "this is Steve. Steve is a man who will tend to your needs in return for your everlasting affection and love." He smiled at the two men looking at each other. "Run along children!" poof he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"What is that thing?" Steve asked curiously.
"I call it a 'cucumber'," Adam replied suggestively.............
CHAPTER II COMING SOON!
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth... (ok, ok, you know the rest of that line, now let's skip a little bit)
...and God made a man. He placed him on earth in the garden of Eden, then, put his right pinky to his mouth and exclaimed, "I will call him...Mini-Me! Muahahahaha—"
"Um, excuse me for interrupting, your greatness" St. Peter said, tapping God on the shoulder, "but maybe you should call him 'Adam'. I've always liked that name... even if you did make him to resemble you..." All the angels nodded in agreement.
"Oh, all right!" God said, a bit annoyed, and rolled his eyes, "Have it your way!"
In the luscious garden of Eden, Adam took refuge. Adam gave names to all of the trees, plants, flowers, and beasts. God was pleased.
God started to help Adam by harvesting his food for him, cleaning up after him, and tending to his every need, but found himself too tired to continue being Adam's servant. Soon, after many grumbles and muttering under his breath, Adam reluctantly started to care for himself.
"Adam," God called out from the heavens, "to reward you for letting me save my strength to invent indoor plumbing later, I will make another man for your company and... um, entertainment. Of course, for a small fee..."
"Although I do not feel as I should be rewarded for a mere favor, I would greatly appreciate it and I thank you immensely." Adam replied, overjoyed. Now that he thought about it, lounging around in a garden eating all day did get a little old every now and then. "Oh, Great Father, what must I do for you to get this man?" Adam asked curiously.
"You must pay me ONE BILLION DOLLLLLLAAAARRRRSSSSSS!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
"Well... that's a bit steep—is there another way?"
"Well... I have been in the mood for ribs lately..."
"Done."
Adam fell into a deep sleep after eating a mysterious seed pod "poppy seeds", as he called it. God took a rib from Adam and created another man.
Adam awoke to God standing before him with a 'new creation'.
"Adam," God started, pushing the new man forward, "this is Steve. Steve is a man who will tend to your needs in return for your everlasting affection and love." He smiled at the two men looking at each other. "Run along children!" poof he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"What is that thing?" Steve asked curiously.
"I call it a 'cucumber'," Adam replied suggestively.............
CHAPTER II COMING SOON!