NEON GENESIS ASSHOLE
(To the tune of "Asshole" by Denis Leary)
Lyrics written by Nemesys-sama and Happy Cabbit Konai

GENDO: "Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the Japanese dream. About me; about you. About the way our Japanese hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get when the city's in shambles...and maybe below the city. Maybe in the Geofront area. Maybe in Central Dogma. Maybe in Headquarters. Maybe even in the orange goo. We don't know."

I'm just a regular Joe
With a top-secret job
I'm your average white
Tokyo-3ite slob

I like Bibles, and smart chicks
And mechas of war
I don't even know if I have
My country house anymore

My wife is dead
And my kid is a fag
I have casual sex
With a disposable old hag

But sometimes that just
Ain't enough to keep
A jerk like me
Interested
(Oh no, no way, uh uh)

No, I've gotta kick back and have fun
At my dumb kid's expense
(Oh yeah, yeah yeah)
(Yeah yeah yeah)

I date several women
Then drive them insane
Then take a computer and
Stick it in their brains

I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (What an asshole)
I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (Such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I
Piss on the seat
I sit around in the summertime
With a bucket on my feet

I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (What an asshole)
I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I "park"
In lesbian spaces
While Lieutenant Maya
Makes lesbian faces

I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (What an asshole)
I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be
Leading them on
Using my kid as a
Small, mindless pawn

Maybe they're right
When they tell me I'm wrong
......
...NAH!

I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (What an asshole)
I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's the world's biggest asshole)

GENDO: "Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a giant, biomechanical weapon of mass destruction. DARK PURPLE! With the imprisoned soul of my dead wife and LCL filling the interior, and big, green, scary demonic eyes for when it starts eating. YEAH! And I'm gonna shove my pussy son in that thing with little or no instructions, and make him fight the Angels, suckin' down the city's power like cheeseburgers from McDonald's, with only a tiny, battery-powered vibrating knife to defend himself. And when he's done getting his ass kicked by those Angels, I'm gonna laugh my ass off and go hit on some woman with a 5,000 IQ that types really fast on the computer, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it, and y'know why? Because we got the Evas, that's why. Two words: Enormous fucking biomechs, o-KAY? China, Germany, USA, they can have all the Gundams they want. They can have a big fucking Gundam walk right through the middle of Tokyo-3 and it won't make a lick of difference, because WE GOT THE EVAS, o-KAY? My wife's not dead, she's in 01, and as soon as we finish off all the Angels we're gonna start the Third Impact and it'll be on MY terms, and y'know why? Have you ever had a power trip? Multiply that by 50,000,000 times, and THAT's how good I'm gonna feel. I'm gonna merge with Adam, and grab Rei's liquified chest, and I'm gonna get some, and I'm gonna let everybody that works for me die in futility, and then I'm gonna..."

SHINJI: "Y'know, you really ARE an asshole."

GENDO: "Just shut up and clean the septic tanks, pal."

I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's an asshole) (What an asshole)
I'm an ASSHOLE
(He's the world's biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E
GENDO: "Everybody!!"
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

(make weird noises until the music quiets down)

GENDO: "I'm an asshole...and I'm proud of it."






Ye godz, we MUST'VE been bored.