I was meaning to have this up by Christmas, but work and school got in the way. So consider this a late Christmas present or early New Year's present, your pick.
Sorry for those who are waiting for me to update Getting Over Kubo Shiori, epically Slyfox00. I'll try to get it up as soon as I can, but know that it will take a while.
A/N: I guess the standard disclaimer is in order. I do not own Maria-sama ga Miteru nor any of its characters. Reviews are more than welcomed, seeing as they became sort of a an addiction. So if you want to be an enabler and support my addiction, drop a review and tell me what you think about it.
P.S.- Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas Sei
Sei contemplated briefly if she should go play outside in the snow, but when the idea of cleaning up afterward entered her mind, she quickly decided against it. It would be less of a hassle to just stay indoors.
Indulging herself with a long sip of hot chocolate, Sei watched, from the comforts of her heated room, the small puffs of snow prance outside her window. It seemed that even Mother Nature was getting into the holiday spirit seeing as it was granting Tokyo its first white Christmas in years.
Ah, Christmas. A time spent with loves, where the inescapable feeling of love and peace makes itself known to each person as they witness the tranquility of home life, when surrounded by lighted-hearted banter between loved ones and the fuzzy warm feeling resides in their chest when they realize that giving is way better than receiving.
To bad for Sei; she hadn't experienced any of that today. Aside from the brief conversation she had with her parents that morning before they left for Spain, Sei had experienced no palatable human contact and if she were being truthful with herself, she would admit that even she was starting to get lonely.
It was partly her fault that she was in that predicament. Youko had invited the blonde to spend the holiday with her and her family when she learned that Sei's parents were going to be out of town on that day, but Sei refused, giving some lame excuse that she wanted to sleep in and not be bothered by Youko's consent hovering. In truth, Sei didn't want to burden Youko with her presence, seeing that Youko would most likely spend her more time worrying about Sei than enjoying quality time with her family.
It took awhile, but Youko, begrudgingly, accepted the excuse, knowing how stubborn Sei could be at times, and told her that if she changed her mind to call her. Then she left, but not before wishing Sei both a Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday.
It's my birthday isn't it?
Sei was turning eighteen, and rather than spending it surrounded by friends and family, she was spending it isolated in her mansion all by herself. Even though Sei would have enjoyed spending her birthday with all the Yamayurikai members, she understood whole heartily that they needed to spend time with their families It was Christmas afterall...
Sei chuckled into the silent night as she recalled the various phone calls she received throughout the day ranging from Sachiko's ever cordial wish that Sei would have a Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday to Eriko's rather rambunctious promise that when she returned from her family vacation, she would take Sei out on the town to drink saki. Even her Onee-sama had called her from Australia, where she was doing a studying abroad program, telling Sei to not get too drunk on eggnog and then chastising her petite soeur for not writing to her more often.
A smile graced her lips as she felt a warmness in her chest, knowing that everyone had remembered her, even though they were busy with family. Everyone had called. Everyone had called except for her petite soeur.
Shimako
To say it didn't hurt would be the same as saying that drinking five shots of vodka had the same effects as drinking a glass of water. She had expected it from others like her aunts who only visited when her parents threw some outlandish party or her grandparents who were still disappointed over the fact that she wasn't born a boy, but she hadn't expected this from her petite soeur.
Sure, their soeur relationship wasn't the closest thing in the world, but Sei had wanted at least some sort of recognition that her petite soeur had remembered her birthday or at least have gotten a Merry Christmas from her.
Wait, there was that Christmas card.
Sei rolled her eyes. She had gotten a Christmas Card from Shimako in the mail, wishing her a Merry Christmas in such a rudimentary format that only the impersonality of Hallmark could match it. But wasn't that what she wanted?
The blonde sighed as she swirled the remaining hot chocolate in her mug. It was true that it was Sei who had initiated the whole 'we'll be close enough to understand each other but far enough to not get involved' element into their relationship, but Shimako agreed to it without hesitation, leaving Sei with little guilt about her detachment. If this was true, then why was she getting so worked up over the fact that her petite soeur had not called?
Because as much as she tried to deny it, Sei desperately wanted to hear her voice, with such an intensity because she firmly believed that Shimako's soft voice could somehow alleviate all loneliness she was feeling and replace it with comfort, knowing that someone out there understood exactly what she was feeling.
The grandfather clock chimed eight o'clock outside Sei's bedroom, extinguishing the last bit of hope that her petite soeur might call. Sei knew her well enough to know that Shimako wouldn't diddle dawdle with important matters concerning those she cared about; she usually put those matters at the top of her agenda. Maybe the Christmas card was the only thing she was getting afterall...
No Shimako wouldn't do that, Sei thought as the snow continued its onslaught against Tokyo, covering everything in an erasing white. She'll call.
Even though Sei firmly believed that, it didn't stop the niggle in the back of her mind from telling her that maybe, for once, she had misread Shimako.
Feeling a bit silly for being to engaged in her depressing thoughts, Sei drowned the rest of her hot chocolate as if it were a glass of gin and she, an experienced drinker, and then headed towards the kitchen, hopefully to find something to do other than mope.
Passing various hallways filled extensively with Christmas decorations, Sei wondered why her parents attempted to put up a farce that they were a close, loving family during the holidays, when they would always take trip somewhere else.
"Because you never know who is going to stop by." Sei recited to herself with a sigh as she pushed opened the wooden door and entered the kitchen. Seriously, she hated the fact that her parents always felt the need to pretend that they were a perfectly happy to a bunch of people that they didn't even like. If she wasn't their child, she wouldn't of cared about their self-destructiveness, but she was and therefore, worried that one day these effects were going to take its toll on them.
Okay, enough with the depressing thoughts, I'm starting to feel like a Lifetime movie.
Switching gears to keep her mind occupied, Sei made herself some more hot chocolate, even though she was beginning to think that she was drinking too much of the stuff. Once a another fresh mug was in her hands, Sei realized she had nothing to do, causing a pout to form on her face that if Youko or Eriko had been there, the screeching of 'kawaii' would have been heard.
This was the first Christmas she had ever spent by herself afterall. Usually, she would go with her parents to where ever they went to escape that chill that descended upon Japan, but something in her didn't want her to go this year. Had Sei thought about it a little longer she would have come to the conclusion that it was a someone rather than a something...
In an attempt to alleviate her boredom, Sei's eyes moved about the room, searching for any possible activity that could help her pass the time. Her gray eyes lingered on the phone a bit as Sei thought about calling Youko, but thinking herself as only a burden, she decided against it. Maybe she could go out somewhere, but where?
Sachiko's would have been okay, seeing as Sachiko's mother adored Sei and wouldn't mind her barging in too much, but Sei knew that, during Christmas, the Ogasawara men were at home, and she felt no need to intrude into that bundle of awkwardness. As Sei racked her brain for any possible places, the one place that always came to mind was Shimako's shrine, but feeling irritation for her petite soeur, Sei quickly ignored the idea.
Sei let out a long sigh when she found that there was nowhere to go, which wouldn't make much difference if there was, seeing that the streets were covered in snow. Deciding she would have to make due with what she had at home, she left the kitchen and entered her living room, scanning the area to see if there was anything to do there.
There were the unwrapped presents her parents left her under the tree most likely filled with clothing that she would never use and perfumes that she loathed, but at the moment, Sei didn't want to feel any materialistic love. There was always the Plasma TV that most likely held a Christmas special on one of its various channels, but Sei shook that idea away, feeling that she couldn't stomach the onslaught of sweetness that she would have to endure if she did.
Was there anything that Sei could do?
Right when she was about to give up and go to sleep early, her father's grand piano caught her eye. It had been ages since she last played, but once the cool surface of the ivory keys touched her fingertips, it seemed like it was only yesterday that she had played Brahms to a room filled of her mother's friends.
"What a talented little girl you have, Satou-san." A snooty voice called out once Sei brought the song to a conclusion. Seriously, she didn't see her mother's need to parade her front of friends as if she were some piece of jewelry and everyone else eager new money. It wouldn't of been that bad if her mother didn't force her to wear that itchy white dress her aunt had sent her from Kyoto.
"Oh yes, she is turning into quite the little lady isn't she." Sei's mother responded without the loving adoration Sei expected to hear, but with an arrogance that said: 'But of course. She is a Satou after all'. This was the first time Sei's six-year old self had heard her mother used that tone when referring to the little blonde, and for the first, but not last, time Sei had felt the need to runaway from the world.
Pushing the memory from her head, Sei forced her attention onto the piano, and played whatever came naturally out of her fingers. Anyone listening to her could tell that she was rusty, but the way Sei got so engrossed into what she was playing would have caused those listening to quickly forgive the few missed notes here and there. When Sei played for her own enjoyment, she would always put her whole soul into because she found a comforting feeling when she merged herself with the music she played.
The piano had always been her solace, that is until she met Shiori that faithful day in the church.
Today's the one year anniversary isn't it?
The thought caused a loud pounding of the keys as Sei let out a frustrated groan and thudded her head against the piano.
Yes, today was the one year anniversary of Shiori's leaving her, and even though Shiori was her first love, she had come to accept the fact that their romance was sweet while it lasted and with fondness, always be in her memory. Though there was a small hole in heart due to how it ended that she doubted would ever go away, Sei finally felt she could move on with her life.
She remembered the first night she spent after Shiori left, where even though she was suppose to be celebrating her birthday with her Onee-sama and Youko, she had spent the whole time crying into her Onee-sama's shoulder. The pain was unbearable, but as time went by, the pain dimmed and dimmed until, it was only a dull ache whenever Shiori's name was brought up instead of the suffocating feeling she had in her chest that first night.
Her Onee-sama was right when she said that with time, the pain would go away along with the guilt she felt by believing she had ruined Shiori's life, and would be replaced by with bittersweet gratitude towards faith that it had allowed them to met. But with Shiori gone, who was her solace now?
Sei refused to answer the question, even though she already knew who it was.
Stepping away from the piano, Sei grabbed a book from the bookshelf, deciding to read before she put her horrible birthday out of its misery. After getting herself comfy on the couch which included draping herself with a blanket and making sure her mug of hot chocolate was within arms reach, Sei was about to read the first line when the doorbell rang.
"Seriously?" Sei asked in annoyance as she raised her eyes upward, hoping that either faith or irony received her death glare. She let out a irritated groan and begrudgingly got up, heading towards the door to let whoever was ruining her reading time in.
Opening the door, it was revealed that insincerity wasn't a trait of the future Rosa Gigantea. There, in a white over coat and a blue scarf that did nothing to keep the small blush from gracing her cheeks, was Shimako Toudou.
"Merry Christmas Onee-sama." Shimako said a bit self consciously, not knowing how Sei would react to her showing up on her doorstep without any invitation. "I'm sorry if I'm intruding but I wanted to surprise you. Here." Shimako pulled out a wrapped present from her coat pocket, which Sei absent-mindedly retrieved once once Shimako offered it to her.
Dammit, why do I always underestimate her?
Without warning, Sei pulled Shimako into a tight hug, causing Shimako to make an 'oof' sound as tears of joy spilled from Sei's eyes. Her Onee-sama wasn't one who got emotional like this, causing Shimako to chastise herself for not coming earlier. She knew that Sei would be lonely today, but she wouldn't think it would be to this degree. If she had, Shimako would have come a lot sooner. The chores she had to do at the shrine be damned!
Shimako wasn't someone who instinctively knew how to deal with other people's emotions: that was a trait of Yumi's. But when it came to Sei, she knew exactly what to do. Shimako returned the hug in force as she rubbed Sei's back, not saying anything as her Onee-sama silently cried, not caring if she was freezing from the snow that was still falling outside. Sei needed her; that was all that mattered.
Sei on her part felt a sudden burst of joy inside her chest as she held onto Shimako that caused her to wonder briefly how her petite soeur could unleash such a potent emotion from her. So, she was wrong about her petite soeur's forgetting about her and couldn't care in the least. For the first time in a long time Sei felt at peace with the world as held Shimako.
After a few minutes, Sei pulled away from the embrace, even though her conscious was screaming at her not to. Shimako knew Sei wouldn't appreciate the sentiment, but she couldn't help the fact that Sei, with tears falling from her gray eyes and a rather whimsical look on her face, looked beautiful.
Acting on an impulse, Shimako reached forward and wiped away the tears, causing a small blush to grace her Onee-sama's cheek. Who knew Sei was capably of blushing? Sei, on her part, chose to ignore the blush and the lump that welled up in her throat and, instead, opting to relinquish in the warmth of Shimako's hand that had found its niche on Sei's cheek, after wiping away Sei's tears.
"No tears, okay? I'm here, and as long as you don't decide to get me drunk on eggnog, I'll stay until you
want me to leave." Shimako said the last part in her subtle teasing way that it caused Sei to throw her head back in laughter.
"So putting the moves on you is okay?" Sei teased, completely forgetting that she had just had an emotional break down moments ago. Instead of responding, Shimako covered her mouth as she giggled, pushing herself past Sei to get into the house.
"Have you eaten yet?" Shimako asked as she made her way to the kitchen, surprising Sei who figure that Shimako would have some trouble seeing as she had only been at Sei's house once.
"Um, no." Sei said as the emptiness in her stomach decided to make itself known in the form of a low growl.
"Good because I brought over some food." Shimako said with a smile as she proudly lifted the grocery bag that was in her hand and which Sei barely noticed for the first time. "Let me just get it ready!"
Sei sat on the kitchen stool as she marveled how Shimako seemed to fit nicely with the whole domestic image, causing Sei to think that Shimako would make a great wife to any lucky man. Shimako had long ago taken off her coat and scarf to reveal a snug dark green blouse that she was momentarily covered with one of the aprons in Sei's kitchen, and the way Shimako tied her hair back in a low ponytail, brought forth fantasies Sei had of a her science teacher in middle school and which were, quickly, shaken away.
"All done. Now all you have to do is set the table." Shimako said, breaking Sei away from her current thoughts.
"Why didn't you tell me while you were cooking?" Sei whined as she gathered the plates, ignoring Shimako's giggles and the comparison that was made of her to a child.
Dinner went by smoothly as laughter and menial talk filled the room, producing a a certain warmth to spread across each girl's chest. After putting away the dishes that Shimako had washed and Sei had dried, both girls ended up lying comfortably on the living room couch until Shimako pronounced "Let's sing some Christmas carols."
Sei stared at the girl in disbelief, never did she figure Shimako to be the type to get so wrapped up in the Christmas spirit. Not seeing her Onee-sama moving an inch, Shimako decided to pull out the big guns and bombarded Sei with the repetition of the words pretty please. Sei couldn't help but laugh at her petite soeur's childish antics, and after succumbing to Shimako's wishes, Sei made her way to the grand piano with Shimako sitting to her right on the piano bench.
"Anything on particular you want to sing?" Sei asked. Shimako's eyebrows hunched together in concentration, until a brilliant smile spread across her face, obviously due to the light bull that had lit up above her head. Sei had found the whole scene adorable.
"Stille Nacht" Shimako announced.
"You're going to sing it in German?" Sei asked in disbelief. She never knew her petite soeur knew German, but then again, there were a lot of things about Shimako she hadn't tried learn, but maybe there was still time to rectify that mistake.
"Yes. Now hush up, and start playing." Shimako huffed, causing Sei to chuckle as she played the first note. They played various tunes as each girl marveled at the discovery of the other girl's hidden talent. Shimako overheard Sachiko once comment that she believed that Sei could surpass her on the piano if she actually tried, but she never thought she was this good. Sure, there was a few missed noted that caused Shimako to silently giggle, but the way Sei became one with the piano made Shimako see her Onee-sama in a whole different light.
Sei, on her part, found Shimako's voice to cause a relaxing feeling to overcome her. She had heard better singers to be sure, but Sei doubted she would ever choose to hear one of them over Shimako.
The private festive concert lasted about thirty minutes, ending when both girls exploded into laughter after Sei deiced to join Shimako in a rendition of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Who knew Sei could could do such a good impersonation of Santa Clause? Had anyone else been watching the duo, they would have surly noticed the amount of chemistry the pianist and singer had together, which neither the former of latter had realized.
"Well that was more fun than I expected." Sei chuckled as she turned to Shimako, only to feel a dull ache in her chest as she witnessed how lovely Shimako was when she was free from the stress that comes with being in the Yamayurikai. It was only the second time Sei had witnessed such a scene, the first being when she found Shimako by the Ginkgo trees weeks ago. There was just something about Shimako's unhooded eyes and the slight curve to her lips that if Sei would lean in just a bit she could capture...
"What would you like to do now?" Shimako asked, unaware of the thoughts her Onee-sama was currently thinking. Keeping that fact she had been spacing out a secret, Sei gave Shimako a mischievous smirk as she headed towards the kitchen. Confused about what the older girl was up to, Shimako followed Sei into the kitchen, trying to keep her anxiousness out of her steps.
In the kitchen, Shimako found Sei sitting on a stool with an excited grin on her face as she fiddled with Shimako's gift in her hands, causing Shimako to smile fondly at the sight. Really, her Onee-sama was such a child at times.
"Can I open it?" Sei asked with childlike exuberance.
Shimako rolled her eyes. "Would you listen to me if I said no?"
Sei chuckled and replied that she would not as she ripped open the present, not caring to save the wrapping paper from her wrath. Shimako watched the scene with anxious eyes, praying that Sei would like her present.
"A pocket watch." Sei whispered, worrying Shimako who couldn't quite place the tone her Onee-sama was using. It had taken her awhile to find it, but while searching in a little shop in downtown Tokyo, Shimako had found the perfect one for Sei.
"Yes. I remember when you were talking to Rosa Foetida once, you mentioned that you wanted one." Shimako replied nervously. Sei just continued staring at the watch as tears started to well up in her eyes. The conversation that Shimako had overheard was about Sei's grandfather, who had past away when she was ten. Of all the relatives she had, he was her favorite, and her fondest memory of him was that he always carried a pocket watch with him, causing Sei to want one too. Time passed, and Sei had forgotten about wanting the watch, but apparently her petite soeur didn't.
Why was she so blessed to have such a wonderful petite soeur when she had been such a horrible Onee-sama? Sei stared at the golden pocket watch as it gleamed at her, making Sei think that it was mocking her.
Shimako deserved better.
Way better.
"You didn't have to get me anything Shimako. Your being here is present enough." Shimako smiled softly as she walked behind Sei, wrapping her arms around her waist and laying her head on her shoulder.
"I wanted to Sei." Shimako whispered into Sei's ear in a gentle voice that threatened the tears in Sei's eyes to fall. If she so wasn't focused on not letting her tears fall, she would have realized that Shimako had called her by her real name and that her subconscious had enjoyed it. "Besides, I would be a crappy petite soeur if I didn't." Shimako teased playfully as she pulled away from Sei, who automatically missed the warmth Shimako provided.
Why did her petite soeur have such an effect on her?
Again, Sei knew the answer, but ignored it, knowing that it would only cause her trouble in the long run. Sei studied the watch instead, noticing the great craftsmanship of the watch and hoping Shimako didn't waste too much money for her sake. When her grey eyes wondered onto the ticking hands of the watch, Sei was surprised to find that it was already eleven o'clock.
"I'm assuming you invited yourself to stay the night also, Miss Toudou?" Sei teased, and even though there was a slight blush to her cheeks, Shimako replied with an air of superiority: "Why of course."
"Well then what does her highness want to do now?"
"I want to go outside. It looks so lovely from inside; I bet it's looks even prettier from outside." Shimako said in a whimsical tone as she unconsciously fiddled with her hair. Sei raised an eyebrow; she wasn't use to seeing the younger girl space out so badly.
"You do realize it's freezing outside." Sei said rationally. Shimako, in what would have caused some of the nuns at Lillian to faint, stuck her tongue out at Sei, and ran off to the direction of the back door after grabbing her coat and scarf, giggling wildly as she did so.
Taking a moment to replay what had just happened and making sure she hadn't imagined it, Sei followed after her troublesome petite soeur, chuckling over the fact that she had just referred to her goody two shoe petite soeur as troublesome.
It was easy to find the brunette, seeing as she somehow had gotten herself stuck on the sliding door that led outside. As she walked closer, Sei noted that it was because a loose nail had hooked Shimako's jacket, and try as she might, she couldn't reach it. Sei let out an embellished roar of laughter as she witnessed Shimako's unladylike struggling, hoping to embarrass the girl just a bit.
"I would help you out," Sei teased, "but I think I'm still offended that you stuck your tongue out at me." Sei wasn't absolutely sure, but she would place a bet on that Shimako had just let out a very unladylike groan.
"Stop teasing and help me, Onee-sama!" Shimako pleaded. Even tough it was her own house, Sei had the feeling that is she didn't oblige to Shimako's plea, she was going to sleep outside. Ignoring all the lecherous things she could say to Shimako that popped into her head, Sei made her way to Shimako and easily unhooked the jacket.
Once finished, Sei expected to receive a thank-you, but when she heard none, Sei turned a quizzical eye to the younger girl only to find that something above them had Shimako's attention. Curious as to what it was, Sei also lifted her eyes up, only for the object to grab her attention as well.
It was a mistletoe.
Now both Sei and Shimako knew of the tradition of standing with someone under the mistletoe, but the question running through both their minds was 'do they dare?'
Sei looked down to garner the younger girl's reaction only to find Shimako's eyes glassy like two glimmering sapphires and a slight pout to her lips. Sei wasn't that surprise that Shimako wanted to; she had always believed Shimako had a small crush on her, but what did surprise her was the intensity of her wanting to claim those lips.
Those perfect rosy lips...
Sei was leaning in as the alarms in her head kept blaring for her to stop, that she couldn't possibly be doing this with Shimako. Think of the repercussions! But as she looked at Shimako before letting her eyes close shut, Sei thought 'fuck it', and let her lips capture Shimako's.
It was a kiss that would be ingrained into both their memories for years to come. What stared with tentative lips familiarizing themselves with each other soon gave way to the wave of need and desire as both lips crashed into each other as if afraid that each carcass might be their last. Shimako had wanted this for a long time, and even though she had imagined it once or twice, she didn't think that Sei could be this passionate. Her knees were starting to feel weak.
Sei, sensing that Shimako was losing the ability to stand, held her upright with the grip she had around Shimako's waist as she continued her assault on Shimako's lips. Had she known the feeling Shimako's lips could unleash from her, she would have kissed her ages ago. Whether it had been when they first met, when Sei gave Shimako her rosary, or even during a Yamayurikai meeting, Sei would have captured those had she known. She wanted this, and a little voice in the back of her mind told her she would always want this.
But it could only last so long as the need for oxygen made itself known to both girls.
Sei was the first to pull away and after keeping a tight grip on Shimako's arms to make sure she didn't runaway or fall to the floor, rested her forehead against the panting brunette's. For what seemed like hours they stayed like that, the only sounds breaking the silence was their labored breathing.
Shimako kept her eyes shut, afraid of looking at Sei's reaction. The one thing she hoped was that Sei wouldn't tell her to leave her house and that she never wanted to see her again and ask for the rosary back because Shimako wouldn't know what to do if she did. Shimako tried to concentrate on Sei's firm yet gentle grip on her shoulders, telling herself that if Sei really was mad at her she wouldn't be touching her. If she was wrong, no, she wouldn't think about it.
It would hurt way too much.
"We need to talk." Sei finally said as she disentangled herself from Shimako. "But not here. Let's talk in the living room." Shimako nodded her agreement, and the two were off in the direction of the living room in an awkward silence and a tension so palpable that their minds seemed to trip on every coherent thought they had, forcing them to go back to the thought they tried to ignore: 'that kiss was amazing'.
Sei knew that she had just opened Pandora's box with that kiss. There was no way that they could ever have the same type of relationship they had before. It was definitively going to change, and Sei wasn't so sure if she liked the idea. If Sei were being honest with herself, she would admit that she had always had a thing for the brunette, but could attraction alone make a relationship work?
Only attraction? Please...
Okay, maybe Sei had feelings for the younger girl and if her companion's blush was anything to go by (which it was), the younger girl obliviously had feelings for her too. Was Sei ready to start a relationship? She remembered thinking earlier that she had moved on, but was she really over Shiori? Why was she looking for a way out? Shimako wouldn't hurt like Shiori had done, and she understood her so well...
Dammit!!!
It was all too confusing for Sei.
When they reached the living room, Sei told Shimako to sit on the couch while she started the fireplace, giving some lame excuse about how she felt a chill that neither of them believed. Sei was too wrapped up in her thoughts to noticed that Shimako's eyes never left her. After a few minutes, the fireplace blazed with a new alighted flame, burning up Sei's stalling time in the process.
Getting up from her crouched position by the fireplace, Sei made her way to the now jacket-less younger girl, and sat down to her left. Taking a deep breath to prepare the muddled speech she had thought of, Sei was about to start speaking when Shimako frenetically cut her off.
"Sei, if you want me to leave, then I'll leave." She didn't even wait to hear Sei's answer before getting up with every intention of running away like she did the day they first met under the sakura tress, but a hand on her forearm stopped her. Already forgetting the words she had planned, Sei stared at Shimako, realizing that Shimako's leaving was the last thing she wanted.
Would having relationship with this girl really be that bad?
"Sit" Sei demanded. The voice sounded so foreign to Sei's ears that she wondered briefly if she was the one who actually said it. Shimako did as she was told, and blushed when Sei interlocked their hands together in what she hopped to be a reassuring gesture.
"When Shiori left, it hurt like hell, but it was bearable, but if you leave I have no idea what I would do. Because as much as I loved Shiori and as much as she understood me, she could never give me what I wanted, and though I have no idea what that thing is, I know the only way I'll find it is with you." Sei said with a sincerity that caused tears to well up in Shimako's sapphire eyes.
"Sei-"
"Let me finish." Sei cut-off gentle, giving the younger girl a small smile for her rudeness, but she needed to say this. "As much as I want to be with you, I can't help but think that I'm no good for you. You deserve someone better than me Shimako, epically after I've been such a crappy Onee-sama to you."
Shimako shook her head no."Sei, you've been a wonderful Onee-sama. As much as you pride yourself in giving me my own space, I know that you are always looking out for me without expecting anything in return. Sure you can be detached at times, but then again, so can I." Shimako squeezed Sei's hand, as she gave her a nervous smile.
"You know why I'm detached right?" Sei said as she locked eyes with Shimako's, holding a seriousness that Shimako had never seen, and quite frankly, it scared her bit.
"It has to do with her doesn't it?" Shimako asked timidly. Shimako had learned about Shiori from Rosa Chinensis once after everyone had left a Yamayurikai meeting. She had told Shimako not to get too angry at Sei for her detachment since it was the only way she could cope with Shiori's leaving her.
"Yes" Sei paused as she rubbed her unoccupied hand against her face. Why was she getting into this on Christmas, on her birthday, on the one year anniversary?
Because it needs to be said.
"Youko once told me that you remind her of me. I was so sure that she was going to compare you to Shiori that I almost slapped her. I won't lie to you and say that I have never compared you to Shiori because I have. Both you unleash this protective side of me and both of you know me so well and there's just something about the way both of you can activate such potent feelings from me that both frustrates and excites me at the same time. I guess the reason why I was always detached from you was because I was scared of getting hurt like that again."
Shimako stayed quiet as silence descended upon the room. She wasn't that surprised that Sei had compared her Shiori, but she was surprise to find that she was feeling jealous about Shiori's relationship with Sei, even though she had known about it for awhile now.
"It would be naïve of me to say that I will never hurt you because I will, and you'll hurt me." Shimako said carefully, breaking the silence in the room. "But that's the way relationships work. They give and take in hopes that the other is happy. We might not go about it the right way, and hurt the people we love in the process, but that's life." Shimako paused to lock eyes with Sei, hoping to mirror the same seriousness Sei had projected earlier. "Sei, you can guarantee that I'll never leave you like she did."
"Shimako..."
"Let me finish this time. I can understand if you don't want to be with me because of her, but don't throw away happiness because you're insecure. Shiori wouldn't of wanted that."
How could she pass up the this opportunity? Sei stared at the girl with fondness, thinking that she doubted she would ever find someone who was this understanding or this beautiful or this kind for her sake. She might have loved Shiori once, but when one solace leaves another replaces it. Shimako was her solace now.
Who else would put up with Sei's various moods and come over to her house when the roads were covered in snow just to make sure some lonely spoiled brat wouldn't have to spend Christmas and her birthday all by herself?
Only Shimako Toudou.
Sei smiled a genuine smile as she wrapped her arms around Shimako. It was funny to think that she was the Onee-sama in the relationship and Shimako was the petite soeur because judging from what Shimako just said, she surpassed Sei on the maturity level. Having her eyes focused on anywhere but Sei, Shimako was at first surprised by the hug, but it wasn't long before she shook it away and indulged herself in Sei's embrace.
She had waited a long time for this moment, and even though she had wished for it so many different times, she never expected to actually have it. The thought was enough to let some of tears fall from her eyes in a joyous plunge.
"You know that I like to sleep in, am a horrible driver, and I think drunk dialing people is the greatest thing the world right?" Sei stated matter-of-factly after a few moments.
"Have you always been this way?" Shimako asked, fringing ignorance as she wiped away the tears with the back of her hand and lifted her head to look into Sei's eyes.
"Yes, I think I have." Sei said as she cupped the younger girl's cheek, wondering why she had been so worried about getting involved with the younger girl. They had always fit nicely together.
"Good because I don't want any other Sei Satou than the one I have right now." Shimako said sincerely as she leaned in and gave Sei a small kiss on the lips. They had stayed in the embrace for awhile, kissing every now and then as they filled the air with comfortable small talk like they had during dinner.
During a pause in the conversation where both fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the other's company, Sei asked: "You know I never got you anything for Christmas. Would you like anything?"
Shimako looked up at Sei and smiled wickedly as she pushed Sei down on the couch so that the older girl was laying down on her back and crawled over her until her head landed on the crook of Sei's neck.
"This" Shimako whispered as she draped Sei's blanket over both of them, but not before giving Sei a kiss on the lips and saying Happy Birthday.
"You remembered?" Sei asked. She honestly thought that Shimako had forgotten.
"Yes, now go to sleep. I think it's already pass midnight." Shimako said as she snuggled closer to Sei, causing the blonde for the first time in what seemed like a long time, to understand why people always cared so much about Christmas and the holiday spirit.
It wasn't long before both girls fell asleep, but not before wishing the other a Merry Christmas and sweet dreams.
Youko had always believed that roses should either be given in singles or dozens. Singles so that the unique beauty of each rose could be admired. Dozens so that the beauty a group bring would cause awe in the receiver. But as she let herself into Sei's house (with the key Sei had given her awhile back), she decided she needed to rethink that whole theory. She could think of no greater present faith could have given her that morning then witnessing two white roses intertwined at the stem sleeping peacefully in each other's arms.
