Description
Very AU S9 E1, The Magician's Apprentice. Based on the trailer. When Missy turns out in the Doctor's TARDIS with his Last Will and Testament what is Clara to think? Unbeknownst to her, it's something he does quite often. The Doctor's gone off on one of his self-deprecating slumps again and no one can find him. Luckily Missy has a relic from Gallifrey that will help, the Gallifrey Tearheart but what will it need to work? Who is the only person that pull the Doctor from one of his slumps? Can a song help?
Missy
The silly old fool. Did he really believe I was dead? I was far too careful for that. I wasn't a madman like him. The last TARDIS in existence (in this universe) materialised before me. What the Rassilion was Theta's Type 40 TARDIS doing here? I clicked my fingers and strode in. The door opened for me as it would for any Time Lord or Lady unless specified by the designated pilot. I would've really thought he'd block me but then again he did think I was dead.
No, he didn't. He'd gone off in a huff again and left a Last Will and Testament to boot. I tried to get the TARDIS to lock onto him but she wasn't budging. He'd probably ordered her not to find him. I couldn't override the pilot's orders. I'd better get that snivelling companion, Clara instead. She may know his regular haunts. Regeneration did change a person and I wasn't that well acquainted with his 12th self yet.
At least the controls weren't locked to me. You think he would've learned from last time when I cannibalised it. Not that I would turn it into a paradox machine again. Oh no. The drums were gone now. My female regeneration locked my psychosis in and now I was permanently mad. What can I say? I revel in a little chaos. I wasn't totally mad per se but more mentally challenged. I still had the overwhelming urge to destroy but I could tone it down a little. The mind-shattered drums were no more and now I could be even lucid for a short period of time. I could control myself and my madness. A lot like River Song and her 3rd life. She gained the mental fortitude to stave off her psychopathy and I was just beginning to regain control. As I said before, regeneration changes a person.
"How on earth are you here? You died? What on earth have you done?" Clara asked.
Oh those incessant questions. Just why I hated humans. I never did get why Theta loved them so much. We were much smarter than them and they had that annoying lifespan. They died before we ever reached the end of our first life.
"This is a confession dial. The TARDIS and it came to me as I'm his dearest friend alive. It's a record of all your sins and confessions. The things you would never say unless you were close to the end. It's the Doctor's Last Will and Testament" I said.
"Dearest friend? You tried to kill him. What does it say?" Clara asked.
"He's tried to kill me. It's a meeting of minds. A challenge of our mental fortitude. I don't know. I can't open it. Only his Vlamore can" I answered.
Only the true match of a Time Lord/Lady could open their confession dial. It prevented Gallifreyans from rival houses to learn all of your despicable deeds.
"Vla... Vla what?" Clara struggled to pronounce.
" Vlamore. It's Gallifreyan for partner heart. It can only be opened by the Time Lord or Lady his twin hearts truly beat for" I said.
I knew it instantly when I saw him with her on some video footage. They were vlamore. A perfect Time Lord and Lady match. The way he looked at her like she was his entire world and the way she would systematically look at every exit in an attempt to protect him in every way she possibly could. How she would kill every enemy and just as the last one dropped dead on the floor ask if he was unharmed. They were vlamore.
"That's not you? You're the person it materialised to" she said.
"No, of course not. Do you think I would be plotting to kill him if we were? No, I'm his friend. His best and oldest friend. Not everything is about kissing you know" I said.
Where on Gallifrey's two suns did she get that idea from? I was his best friend. Not his lover.
"Who do you think? Melody Pond, Mels Zucker, River Song. The Doctor's confession can only be opened by the only water in the forest and that is the River" I said.
"River's dead. I saw her ghost" she said.
"Oh I know dear. Everyone does. Their story is emblazoned across the universe. The most tragic love story in the cosmos. The Madman in a Box and the Woman Who Killed the Doctor or Married Him. It depends on who you ask. You saw her mental shade. She's still stuck like a book on a shelf. She can project herself from the library interface. Any Gallifreyan has more than enough power to mentally project themselves. I can. Our power is not in the body but in here" I said, tapping my head.
"You cannot put your silly little human limitations on us. We are smarter, cleverer and would think of things you could never dream of. I can break into your mind and ferret out every little secret and still calculate 700 billion times 12 hundred. Theta can escape from nearly every sticky situation in the universe. The Rani could make biological weapons that your most hardened war scientists would nearly dream of creating. Both because they are too dim-witted and because they were too unspeakable to even imagine. I've heard of the legends of River Song and if you came across her you'd better hope her husband was with her because if not and you opposed her. You wouldn't live to tell the tale. She has destroyed armies and slaughtered daleks. All to save herself and the people she's loves. We are Time Lords and Ladies, Clara. You can never come close to what we are. No matter what the Doctor makes you think. You are not his friend. You are his plaything, his puppy that employs his time until you die and he can get a new one. You are just the last in a long line of companions, Clara Oswald. Don't fret, you're only human" I said.
Her stricken face was heavenly. Now she wouldn't be getting any trumped up ideas of self-worth. She was only human. Human companions were fleeting. Gallifreyans stayed with him forever. Me and Theta travelled through the cosmos, fighting, occasionally helping and living. It was a friendship forged in millennia. River Song only stayed with him for a fraction of his life until she was lost to the ravages of time and inevitability but she was his entire world in the mere centuries they had together. Humans could never match that. Clara could never usurper my position as Theta's best friend.
"You're cruel. I don't know what he sees in you" she accused.
"Cruel? That wasn't cruel. That was the truth. This. This is cruel" I said and fired my remote control blaster at one of the UNIT soldiers.
She had no idea of what I was capable of. Verbal sparring was only the half of it.
"Stop, Missy. Please stop" she pleaded.
"Why should I? Come on, girlie. Give me a reason" I taunted.
Oh it was hilarious playing with the Doctor's playthings. This one though. This one was so pathetic. She made all the expected reactions. Never had a bit of spunk or surprise unless it was her clueless boasting.
"The Doctor wouldn't want you to" she said.
"The Doctor wouldn't want you to" I mocked. "I suppose it's time to go back down to business. Give me your hand" I ordered.
I'd had my fun. Getting Theta back among the land of the rational was now back to my top priority. He was the only Time Lord alive. He was the only person that was interesting. If I could annoy Clara while doing it well... That was just a perk.
"No. Do you think I'm stupid?" Clara asked indignantly.
"Well yes but that's not the point. Do you want the Doctor back or not?" I shouted.
"Yes, of course" she replied.
"Then give me your hand" I repeated.
We were touch telepaths. I could affect her mind just by thinking but I was much stronger by touch and I would need that strength. River Song ended the conference call when she left Trenzalore to return to the Library but an echo was still there. There was still a connection between her and Clara. I needed to call upon it to contact her. We were both Time Ladies but she was only a shade of what she once was. An echo of a true Time Lady. She was only half when she was alive but even that was dimmed in death. What a waste.
I'd talked to her before, Time Lady to Time Lady. We had such fascinating conversations. It was lonely being the only Time Lady alive. Theta never really understood my psychopathy. River did.
"You called?" She asked, amused.
"Give me a minute. I need to link you to my hand-held" I replied.
It had never been done before but my hand-held computer was Gallifreyan. I was Gallifreyan. We defied expectations. If River Song could materialise in a corporeal form then I could connect her mind to my hand-held computer to act as a video feed.
There. The stark whiteness of the library in its original form was in the background along with a River Song dressed in an ancient Gallifreyan styled smock.
"Rocking the new outfit, Dear" I said.
"Yes, I went all native. Now I take it this isn't just a normal chit-chat?" River asked.
Always the perceptive one. She was the emotionless passionate warrior, I was the psychopathic best friend and he was the lovable escape artist.
"Sadly Dear no. The Doctor's gone MIA again and I need your help. I have his confession dial" I told her.
"No. No, he can't be" she protested.
"Don't fret. We don't think he's dead. It's sent according to tradition on his final day. We still have time" I said.
"We?" She asked.
"Er. Hello" introduced Clara.
"Hello, Clara" said River.
"You can see why we need you" I cut in, getting back down to business.
"I'd love to help really but it's not as if I have a body. I'm not much use stuck in a mainframe. The TARDIS is too far away. I'm too weak to manage any form of projection never mind a corporeal one. There is only a hint of Clara's mind left that is me. It is only because that is your area of expertise that you managed, Missy. I'm sorry but I cannot. I am stuck here unless I can latch onto the TARDIS. I'd love to escape really but I can't" she pleaded.
"I'm sorry. He's too sentimental but you're vlamore. He has to be. I know how hard it must be to be there. Theta imprisoned me in a black hole for a couple hundred years" I said.
"Hard? She's still alive" Clara said indignantly.
"You know nothing of what it must be like in there. She's part Time Lady for Gallifrey's sake. We feel the Earth turning around on its axis. We feel the inate wrongness of fixed points. We feel alternate timelines and can see what haves and could have beens. She's not locked in a bubble like the rest of them, oblivious to the rest of reality. She feels every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every century that she's locked up in there. That is a curse" I raged.
Clara knew nothing. We were like gods. We could rise so far above humanity and crash back down to nothing. Our emotions were like a kaleidoscope. We were above petty human thoughts of procreation. In Theta you could see emotion at its finest. He never could do half-measures. He was insanely joyful and energetic with an anger to rival the fires of Vesuvius herself and could rival a universe's sadness with his guilt.
"It is but what can I do? He will never say goodbye and let me go. It's not in his nature. I could delete myself from the database but I can't bring myself to. The human in me I suppose. Clinging to life even though it's not one worth a damn" River confessed.
"I've been thinking" I said.
"The universe would shudder with your thinking" she replied.
"I may have a way to get you out here" I continued.
"The Doctor couldn't do it. What makes you think you can?" Clara interrupted with scorn.
"Oh, I'm better than the Doctor. He can get out of situations but quantum bio-molecular chemistry? That's not exactly his strong suit. Neither is it mine when you come to think of it but I'll manage. The inner workings of the mind, that's my forte. Luckily where River is concerned the two intertwine" I answered.
"I'm listening" River said, amused.
This was dangerous. It had never been attempted before. It could have me spiralling back to my skeleton half-life and her dead, permanently.
"Using the TARDIS as a conduit you can materialise outside the library, yes?" I asked.
"Correct. It was the only way I could reach Trenzalore. Mother lent me the power to break free from the mainframe and then I just hooked onto Clara" she answered.
"Good. I believe somewhere in the TARDIS is a vat of flesh left over from the Bioscene Wars. I can transfer your mind over into that vessel and if I have access to the heart of the TARDIS, I can convert artron energy to regeneration energy which should sustain you" I said.
There were a lot of what ifs. The artron energy would highly likely kill me. I'd channelled it before but that was in a botched regeneration. Who knew how badly River would turn out?
"Artron energy will kill you. The amount you're suggesting will kill you stone dead. There's no coming back from that" she shouted.
"That is a risk I have to take. I will not have my best friend die because of his own stupidity. You're the only one that can find him" I said, resigned.
I was a survivor but there were things even I would sacrifice my life for. Theta was one of them.
"Fine but I swear I'll haunt you from my grave if you damn me to an eternity of darkness" she threatened.
"I expect nothing less, dear" I replied, amused.
River
This was too dangerous. Pure artron energy was a weapon to time-sensitive beings like Time Lords and Ladies. We may house it as background energy but it was toxic in large quantities. Missy couldn't wield as much as she needed to form as many regenerations that I'd burn. This was doomed to fail but she was right. We had to try. A universe without the Doctor wasn't one worth living in.
Truth be told, I was scared. Really and probably scared. Even if this worked, which was highly unlikely, what sort of life would I be damned myself to? This had never been done before. I'd heard all the nightmarish stories of botched regenerations. That's how Madame Kovarian loved to scare me. She'd threaten to kill me and because I was only part-Time Lady I would turn into a grotesque deformed being.
This couldn't even start if I failed to make the journey. Spain was a million billion light years away from the Library. I felt so weak in here like I was wasting away, like a true ghost. I was a mere echo of when I was alive. Everything here was fiction, code and I was the only one awake.
I felt the pull of the TARDIS in my mind. Her energy was renewing me. My senses were back to their heightened state and my 360 degree mental awareness was at the back of my mind. Time to get out of this hellhole.
I cautiously probed the Library's barriers. Non-existent, good. I must be an update time. I learnt the hard way that the protections keeping people from hacking the mainframe, also kept data ghosts in. In a blink of an eye, I travelled from the biggest library in the universe to the only time capsule in this universe.
"Hey Missy, I'm home" I said, playfully.
"You're late, dear. I've already readied the flesh and the Heart of the TARDIS" she said with scorn.
"Well leaving the Library isn't exactly like breaking out of Stormcage" I replied.
"Hahaha. You wound me, River. The toughest prison in the entire universe is easier to leave than a library" she joked.
"You were in prison?" Clara asked in surprise.
I ignored her. We didn't have the time to retell old stories.
"I walked in and out like the walls weren't there" I replied.
I do so love our little chats and jokes. They were one of the few things that kept me sane in the Library. I suppose I couldn't put this off any longer. I had to save him. I would not let him die just because he had the world's biggest bout of survivor's guilt.
"Tick tock, tick tock, dear" Missy said.
"I know. Let's just get this over with" I replied.
I could feel Missy's hands on my skin. Her touch felt real. Before there was no sensations. I was a true ghost that couldn't feel. Pound. Pound. Pound. I had a god awful grating sensation in my head. No doubt courtesy of her. Ugh, my body was splitting in two. Then there was a brief period of nothingness which accompanied journeying from the mainframe to the real world. And finally, the pain.
I was screaming in agony when I was plunged into darkness except I made no sound. I didn't have a mouth or tongue with which to produce words. All I had was my sensory nerves coming back online. Then the god awful burning of regeneration started. One of the many curses of being a Time Lady. You didn't know pain unless you had been through regeneration. Every synapse in my brain burned. Every cell in my body was being created through the poisonous energy of time. Slowly my vision changed from absolute darkness to the blacks of different hues. My eyes were so tightly shut my muscles were begging me to stop. Just as I finished one regeneration, another started. I had no idea how many I'd burnt through already.
Eventually it abated. Everything was spinning and the last thing I remembered was hitting the floor before I could regain my equilibrium.