Summary: Revisit the events of Origins as told through Isla Cousland's journal entries. She discusses her feelings about losing her family yet gaining a new one along the way – including that irritating and yet annoyingly handsome Grey Warden in her company.

Author note: This is just a project of mine that I had inspiration for after finishing Dragon Age Inquisition and not writing fanfiction for a few years. If you like it, please review! It will keep me inspired to write more, and may mean that I write more stories in the future. Starts from the beginning, will end after the defeat of the Archdemon. It's mainly to just explore my Hero of Ferelden and figure out how she thinks, but I thought I'd publish it in case anyone would like to read it. Thanks for checking this out.

Journal,

I suppose it's all real now. It seemed like some far-off thing when father said that he and Fergus were to be leading troops into battle against the darkspawn, but Arl Howe visited today to apologise for the delay of his troops. It was lovely to see him again, of course, but it was a little bit of a reminder that this is all really... real. It's all happening. Lives will be lost fighting in that battle. It's the first battle that's affected my family in my lifetime, and I don't like the feeling I'm getting from it.

I almost wish that I could join them, though I'm not sure how much help I would be. I can wield swords, yes, but in battle? ... I haven't yet had the chance to prove myself. I'm not even sure that I want it, but I suppose that's a selfish thought. The country needs everyone it can get to fight this battle – if it even is a battle. Fergus thinks that it's just a large raid of darkspawn and not a blight, but that doesn't stop me from fretting. And goodness, do I sound like mother right now...

I feel a little odd, actually. It's like I'm torn. A grey warden visited the castle today – Duncan. He said he was looking for recruits, wanting to see if Ser Gilmore would work out as one. And then he mentioned that I would be a good recruit, and father instantly said that it would ever happen. I did too, mainly because the idea of the Calling terrifies me, but... I wonder if I were to join the grey wardens if I would even last long enough to see it.

It's strange. My thoughts are clouded and I'm not really sure what I want. Arl Howe offered to bring his son Thomas next time he visits, after all this is over, and I'd like that. As much as mother thinks I'm deliberately sabotaging the meetings with the nobles she finds as potential suitors, none of them... I suppose this is childish, but none of them seem like the one. Perhaps Nan read me too many fairytale stories when I was young (my favourites, ironically, were the ones about the wardens), but if I am to be matched into a marriage which has been arranged, I want to be able to say that I love the man – or at least like him enough to perhaps eventually love him. I know it's not impossible, because it's happened before. That was always one of my biggest fears when I was young – not loving the man I'm married to. Him being with other women.

It's selfish, isn't it? To put all thought of joining the wardens aside simply because I'm focussed on finding a husband and perhaps starting a family one day? I could be doing... better things. I'm sure that's what Duncan thought when I refused. I never do know when being selfish is good or not.

Nonetheless, that's... enough rambling. Father has left me in charge of the castle while he and Fergus are away, and I only hope that I can run it efficiently and make him happy when he returns. Fergus says that I should take care of mother, too. Ha! As if she can't take care of herself. She's scarier than some of the men I've fought in the courtyard.

I must write a quick overview of the day. Fergus has gone ahead of father to lead his troops into battle, and father will follow shortly. Rhindon also got into the kitchens today – Nan said that he should be put down, which vexed me just a little. My tongue was sharper than it should have been when I spoke to her, but she shouldn't have said that about such a faithful companion. He's smarter than any dog should be, too. He's licking me right now as if he knows I'm writing this. And Lady Landra visited mother again today; the last time we met she spent the whole evening trying to convince me to marry her son, but I didn't know he was so... handsome. Can't say as much for his wits, though. His name is Dairren and we both share the same love of books (Dragons of Tevinter, as a matter of fact) but when I asked him about himself he... wasn't too responsive. I think he just likes me because of my looks. I suppose I'm asking too much, these days, but I'd like to speak to him properly at a later date. Perhaps then he'll be more responsive, otherwise I'll be beating him in a duel. Like most of the other suitors I've been unimpressed with, it seems. That's my last test to see if they're worth my time.

I must sleep, however. I must say that I'm quite vexed with the way that father kept calling me 'pup' in front of that grey warden and Arl Howe as if I'm still a child – he ordered me to retire to my bedchambers, of all things – but I suppose old habits do die hard. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, though, so this is the end of this entry for now.

Yours truly,
Isla Cousland