This one shot directly relates to my other story Says the Moose.

If you haven't read it, check it out!

This is all from Draco's point of view, and I hope it answers all your questions.

Happy reading!

"It's like you're screaming and no one can hear."

I watched her hug her son, a tear threatening to fall from her cheek. It was a lovely scene, mainly because she was in it. I shot back to our fourth year in Hogwarts, and I'm watching her walk down the grand staircase in the most amazing dress I had ever seen. It fit her perfectly, like the awkwardness of teenage years had suddenly fled her for the night. She walked with a confidence I had never seen her wear outside the classroom; a first for confidence in looks and how she presented herself. That's when I knew I fell for her.

I ran to the bathroom, cursing and screaming mainly at myself, but partially at Hermione. I hated the way she made me feel, how frazzled I got around her and how frustrated I was because we would never be. I would be rude to her in turn, make her upset, which is what sent me here. I hate how I make her feel, and I hate how that in turn makes me feel. I was raised to hate who she is, what she is, and all that involves her. I looked up into the mirror above the sink and threw water at it. I couldn't stand looking at myself because Malfoy's weren't supposed to do this… That's why I hated Hermione so much.

I hated loving her, and not knowing what to do about it.

"You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important; that, without them, you feel like nothing."

Ron, Hermione, and what seemed to be a swollen-faced Harry were thrust into what used to be the dining room of my house. A flicker of dread ran through me closely followed by unequivocal happiness; they found her. She was alive, but probably not for long. Ron looked at her, fear danced in his eyes for her, too.

They called me closer, to examine the swollen faced boy and confirm it was Harry. I saw immediately it was him, but Hermione's face ran through my mind. If I told them it was Harry, The Dark Lord would surely kill them all. My heart dropped to the floor as I stood up to look at my family.

"I'm not sure." I mumbled, saving the prat's life for a girl who looked at a weasel with more appreciation than I had gained in my life.

My parents pulled me back while Auntie Bella called the boys names. I watched as Hermione held Ron for support before being pried away from them as they walked to the dungeon. I watched Bella pin Hermione to the ground, my sweet Hermione who I couldn't save. If I tried, she would die and I would follow suit; I couldn't lift a finger to protest against the oncoming cursing.

I turned my head, nearly vomiting when I heard her screams. I grabbed my mother's hand for support and felt her squeeze back; she hated the torturing as well. I heard Ron screaming somewhere below us, echoing the ones in my head. We both loved someone who couldn't be saved at this point; we were both forced to listen to the screams, something he would never know we shared a common hatred for.

This didn't count as saving in my book. Sure, she was alive, but her misery made it to the point that we both would have chosen to die instead. I watched her walk away with her friends, longing to have left with them. My wand, which I foolishly let Potter to take from me was all it took to make my mom realize why I squeezed her hand during Hermione's torture. When the opportunity arose for me to end my misery of watching the girl I love romp around with two boys, I did nothing to any of them. I knew if I did anything to her best friends she would never forgive me; I would never be presented with any grace, No second thought would be conceived if the option to kill me came up; frankly, no other option would be considered. I wouldn't and couldn't, do that to her, make her suffer, no matter how much of a threat the weasel and potty-head were. Again, I let them slip through my fingers and watched them walk away from everything seemingly unscathed, leaving me heartbroken.

The numbness I felt anytime I saw her on the cover of The Quibbler or The Daily Prophet in a dazzling sparkly dress, twirling around with the confidence I saw so long ago consumed me. I became obsessed with making sure she was alive. Everything almost ended for me when I saw the wedding dress hugging her body while she kissed the weasel. Front page news, that was. I thought their engagement was a fluke, something that would have died out as soon as it happened. But I was wrong, so very wrong. In that same year Pansy Parkinson had a ring on her finger, and I secured the Malfoy fortune.

Neither of which I ever really cared for.

I looked for her on the train platform each time I dropped off Scorpious, resisting the urge to kill Ron every time I saw them. But here I am, chasing after her while Scorpious is heading to his third year, and I trailed closer and closer behind. Without thinking, my wand made her purse rip from her shoulder. I knew it wouldn't be like me to help, but I still bent down and started shoving things nervously into her bag. My trained mouth shot out something dirty about her being a Weasley and I cursed myself to oblivion. So much for trying to get the one person who ever made me feel whole. So instead, I shot out that she owed me.

Smooth move, Draco Malfoy.

"No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you."

I laid the parchment with my three favorite words for her on her desk. She wouldn't think of me when she read it, she would never suspect a thing. But when I went home and found myself alone in bed, she was who I thought of, who I imagined next to me, she was the one I would love forever, and I wasn't even an afterthought to her. Later that week she showed up in my fireplace, begging for me back. That was probably the worst thing I could have done, take her back. Everything was great; don't get me wrong, that girl did things to me that made me realize what love really was. Soon, the letters she sent her kids never came back, and I heard her crying her eyes out every night when she thought I was asleep.

I knew I couldn't do this anymore, especially when it defeated her.

How we came back to each other was a mystery to me, but I knew I was going to lose her. I couldn't do this to her anymore, I couldn't watch the love of my life be unhappy. Doing that was like watching and letting someone cut your tongue out. In that moment, I realized I had to let her go and it pissed me off. I had to let her go back to her normal life, and everyone knows that Draco Malfoy wasn't included in that picture.

So I held onto our last kiss, I made extra care to make love to her one last time, and I savored everything. Because I knew when I looked her in the eyes and lied, that I had to fully get rid of her forever. She would never know it, but I always loved her, and Pansy was never an option when put up against Hermione Granger.

But she wasn't completely happy, and I couldn't do that to her anymore.

"And, when it's over and it's gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back so you can have the good."

Her broken heart, her broken family, it was all something that made me give up one of the best things in my life. Loving her from afar was easy; she didn't know I had feelings to hurt. But loving her and receiving it back seemed harder, mainly because it was never supposed to happen. I was never supposed to chase after her in the train station, never supposed to change her name on the doctors list to ensure she was in my column, never supposed to have a follow-up, and I was never supposed to have her in my bed. But the emptiness next to me, done by my own words based of logical decisions, made me turn the bottle and let the burning liquid glide down my throat.

I wanted to owl her; tell her I made a mistake. I never wanted Pansy… But then I remind myself that there's a reason I broke her, a reason she would no more believe me if I tried to get her back. I broke her because I love her too much to watch her suffer when I knew in the back of my mind there was always something I could do to fix it. One thing I could do that would fix it. So, I did it. That's the only thing keeping me from killing to get her back. That's the only thing truly killing me. At least she has someone else in her bed, and someone else who cares…

Dad,

You'll never guess who got Head Boy and Head Girl… Me and Rose Weasley! Isn't that crazy? A Slytherin and a Gryffindor… That hasn't happened since her mom and Mr. Zabini! Well, they want at least one parent to come to a dinner and meeting thing for the Head's, it might be a whole weekend. I didn't pay attention, but mom would never do it. So I guess I'll see you next Friday!

Scorpious

And my heart stopped right there. I get to see the love of my life one more time.

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