Lily Evans could still hear the chatter of guests as she slipped through the ornate French doors. The sun had long since set, covering the back patio in darkness – the only light radiating from inside the house.
It felt so good to escape, albeit for a few minutes. The last month had been crammed with wedding planning and for the past few days, she had played dutiful hostess to a house full of Potters. She hadn't minded the commotion but with James gone, it was starting to feel a bit overwhelming. Dorea had sent her beloved boy to Sirius' flat with orders to only return after the wedding.
"I don't see the point –"James had argued, clasping Lily's hand, early the day before.
Dorea had placed her elegant hands on her hips.
"The groom cannot see the bride before the wedding," she insisted firmly, her grey eyes shining. Lily often wondered who was the most happiest about her pending nuptials: her, James or Dorea?
Her doting fiancé hadn't wanted to go, saying he'd much rather spend his remaining hours of bachelorhood with his girl. However, once his mother explained the superstition to her son, he rapidly changed his tune. James had fought for years to win Lily's heart and refused to let even the slightest possibility jeopardize their union.
Having taken a seat in one of the chairs, Lily smiled to herself. When they had parted temporary ways, James had kissed her repeatedly (she had quickly lost count of how many times); his reasoning was that he wouldn't be allowed to kiss her for over 24 hours, so he had better get his fill before leaving.
James Potter was a hopeless romantic. Lily Evans was not.
She would never understand what James saw in her. Lily is always marveling over how lucky she was to have found him. He's always calling her his 'beautiful brave girl'; he couldn't be more wrong. Lily felt as though everything scared her these days.
James had begged Lily to marry him. Literally.
He had first asked her to marry him two weeks after they had graduated. It didn't matter how young they were – James had seen no reason to wait. To him it was simple: he loved her more than anything and she loved him in return. He knew he was going to spend the rest of his life by her side so why not get married?
James hadn't foreseen her refusal, and in a heartbroken daze, he had left her standing in the middle of Hogsmeade. Lily had been staying at her family home in Cokeworth since her parents' affairs had yet to be properly settled. She sent owls to James, pleading for him to understand, only to receive no reply.
Her best friend, Marlene, had advised Lily to give James some time to recover – and she had listened, but after nearly two weeks, she decided that enough was enough. Lily had been surprised to see both Sirius and Remus staying at the Potters'. She soon learned that James had barely spoken a word to anyone since returning from Hogsmeade. Dorea, out of concern for her boy, had sent for Sirius and later for Remus in an attempt to revive him.
The dolt had thought they were over. So in a typical melodramatic James fashion, he had stayed in his bed for 12 days. Because of this, her reception at the manor wasn't exactly the warmest.
It had taken some time, but she was finally able to make him understand how she felt.
James had been frustrated.
"I don't give a shit who your parents are, Lily. Why the hell is this even an issue?" He demanded.
"People are dying! Muggleborns and their families are targeted. If my name were to be linked any tighter to yours, it would put you in even more danger. You're a pureblood – your name has the power to protect you. I won't risk you, James. You're all I have left."
"Lily, my family are already considered blood traitors. Technically, we are both fucked. Let's be damned together. Marry me!" The Irish lilt, that James normally concealed, showed itself – a sure sign of his heartfelt desperation.
"If it were possible, my answer would be yes. I want nothing more than to be your wife. It kills me, James – knowing that I have to say no. Don't look at me like that. You'll always have me."
"Sweet Merlin, Lily! Every time I hear you say no, it's as if someone is twisting a knife in my chest. It's the worst kind of agony. Please, don't force me to live like this."
Lily threw her arms around his neck, as tears streaked down her freckled cheeks. James' arms encircled her waist, hiding his face against her neck.
Knowing he would hear her, she murmured quietly, "I'd rather have you alive and unhappy than happy and dead."
Their relationship fell back into a pattern of sorts over the next week. It was around then that Dumbledore announced his intentions to form a group of talented witches and wizards with the purpose of defeating the so-called 'Lord Voldemort'. James, Sirius, and Remus were fast to join, along with Lily, Marlene, Alice, Dorcas and Frank; it had taken the three Marauders some time to convince their fourth to join – Peter's argument that he'd only be a hindrance to them was forcefully rejected. They simply weren't the Marauders without Wormtail.
Intelligence collected by the Order had accurately predicted an attack on the Hogwarts Express – however it was effectively quashed by the eight graduates. Lily had been forced to push aside her fears for the sake of a train full of students who still saw her as their Head Girl. The Death Eaters had forced the muggleborn students to the back of the train and with help from a prefect, Lily found herself attempting to shield the group of terrified youths.
Such is a story for another time, I suppose. Dumbledore had appeared, along with several teachers, to help them. Once reunited with her friends, Lily's courage disintegrated as adrenaline melted to shuddering sobs. Finding an empty booth, James settled with Lily on his lap.
"Everything's alright. We're safe now. Dumbledore's here," James soothed, rocking her back and forth.
"I couldn't get them out… they were going to kill us," she whimpered into his chest.
"They didn't," he said forcefully as he tightened his hold. James exhaled a shaky breath before joking, "You'll live to scold me another day, I reckon."
"I was supposed to protect them and I was too scared to move."
"There were four of them and only one of you, Lily. You held your ground despite how hopeless it was. You are a force to be reckoned with, Miss Evans. Be sure to remember that," finishing, James planted a gentle kiss on her nose.
The couple sat in silence for several seconds in silence.
"Thank you," she said, her emerald eyes flashing.
"Er… for what?" Her boyfriend was ever so articulate.
"Being here," she answered simply. James smirked.
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
She wrapped her fingers around one of the larger hands circling her.
"I know I haven't said this as often as I should… but, I love you." As with every other time she spoke those three vital words, James' hazel eyes turned a melted caramel.
"I know," he responded huskily.
"I am so tired of being scared. Merlin, I have been so stupid – you have offered me such happiness I could never have believed to exist. I can't believe I let those monsters impact my life. Oh, James, I am so sorry."
It appeared as though James had stop breathing, though his wide eyes remained glued to hers.
"I don't understand…" he sputtered, dazed.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Potter! Will you marry me?"
As we've established before, Lily Evans is definitely not a romantic.
Where were we? Ah, yes… in the garden.
She was to be married in the morning. Married to James Potter none the less. Out of all the men in the world, she would never have guessed him. The arrogant toe-rag had definitely grown up.
To think she had accused him at one time of being fickle! As it turns out, James had been the one constant thing in her life.
He was her best friend. The rock she had clung to at her worst moments, and at several instances thrown aside. Lily didn't understand how he would stay with her after everything she had put him through… but you would never catch her complaining.
From the direction of the pasture, Lily could hear the faint whinnying of the horses. In only a matter of weeks, it would soon be too cold for them to sleep under the stars. She pulled the front of James' cardigan tighter around her, a slight chill running up her spine.
That was when she heard the footsteps on the walkway. From the pocket of her floral skirt, she retrieved her wand.
"James?" she called out, sincerely hoping it was him.
The footsteps continued to approach her. Lily felt as though her heart was pulsing in her ears. Her hands shook, as she considered her options.
Running would be useless, and screaming just as. As much as she loved magic, she also cursed its existence. Wand in front, and left fist clenched, she steeled herself for battle.
"Who's there?" she repeated, her voice far more shrill than confident.
"So the stag left his doe unattended," answered a low drawl. Lily had once cherished that voice and its owner, but that was years ago. The young man who stepped into the dim lighting was at both times strange and familiar. His robes were black which made his sallow pallor appear all the more ghostly. Dark hair that had once looked soft, now hung in greasy curtains framing a thin lipped face.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded, rising from her chair.
"Relax, Lily. I've come in peace," he said calmly, presenting his empty hands to her. Lily wrinkled her nose – what should have been a simple gesture on his part had been accomplished with an unneeded flourish. For someone who hated dramatics, he tried to appear more refined, or perhaps graceful is a better descriptor.
"Why?" she repeated, dumbfounded.
"I hear congratulations are in order."
"Er… thank you." Lily glanced towards the French doors, all the while wishing she was inside. This was bound to be an awkward conversation; she knew Severus wouldn't chance showing up at the Potters' again without a decent reason.
She couldn't help but recall the summer before 5th year, when she had sought refuge with the Potters after a nasty row with her parents. Petunia had overheard her expressing concern to a friend over Severus' choice of company, and had subsequently told their parents.
Lily had been given strict instructions to cease hanging around with her friend from Spinner's End. Determined not to desert Severus, Lily left her home in Cokeworth in a spontaneous act of rebellion. Thankfully, James' mother welcomed her with open arms. Upon receiving her owl, Severus had somehow made his way to the Potters', and begged her to return home with him. She stayed.
'I hadn't noticed how big this place was," he remarked in reluctant awe. Lily pursed her lips.
"Why are you here?" she demanded, noting briefly that her wand was still pointed directly at her guest. If she was making him uneasy, she couldn't bring herself to care. Severus' façade disintegrated at her harshness.
"I needed to see you," he answered simply.
Inhale. Exhale.
"Well, you've seen me," she said flippantly before adding, "I had best head inside."
Without turning her back on him, Lily took a step backwards around her vacated chair. Her visitor took a sudden step forward.
"Lily, don't go! I've –"
"Yes, Severus?"
He shut his eyes tightly for a long second, a tempest of emotions flashing across his face.
"I've missed you. There hasn't been a day I haven't thought of you."
Lily could think of a number of responses to this, all varying in levels of hurtfulness. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to utter any of them. Her compassion was as much a positive attribute as it was a curse. In the end, her rational side won out – she would speak plainly, while trying her hardest not to embellish the truth, which would prove to be a difficult task as old feelings of betrayal rose to the surface.
"You broke everything that mattered to me," she said softly. Of course, she was referring to that horrific moment when spoke the sentence that shattered their friendship. He had been her best friend, the brother she never had. Severus had been the first to tell her about the world that they both belonged to. Where other children had considered her weird, he had deemed her special. This only made his betrayal all the more devastating to her.
"You walked away from me," he accused brokenly.
"You chose him over me. Over your best friend!"
Severus shook his head fitfully, before returning loudly, "I only ever chose you!"
"No, Severus. Don't lie to me!"
"If I joined them, I could protect you. Lily, you are all I ever thought about, all that mattered to me. It was the only way I could see you safe," he explained.
"That was never your responsibility! Your only job was to be my friend. I only ever needed that."
Severus stared at her wide eyed. He was delusional, if he believed that joining ranks with a serial murderer would ensure her safety. Lily could hear James' voice in her head, "He's among the worst of them. He has pulled himself from the hands of evil, only to inflict such unthinkable violence upon others. I doubt he is capable of empathy." As much as it had hurt to hear those words, Lily had to admit that there was truth to them.
"I couldn't let you be killed," he said simply, as if it were merely a matter of fact.
Nausea caused Lily to lunge for the back of the chair, as the world began to spin before her.
"He kills people like me. Innocent people! How can you justify working with him?"
"It is out of lo-" he began only to be interrupted.
"Don't!"
"Listen, I lov-"he tried again, only to meet the same result.
"I don't want to hear that!" Lily cried, tears welling in her wide eyes.
"I love you, Lily Evans," Severus insisted, taking another step towards her.
"I don't love you, Severus Snape," she yelled. If they were discovered, so be it. At least she would be able to escape him.
Severus wheezed, his thin lips trembling.
"You're lying!"
"I love James, Severus. Not you."
"You can't love him! Not after how he treated me."
"He was a stupid kid, Severus. He grew up, and I fell in love with the man he became. James has forgiven me for all the hell I've put him through, and for some miraculous reason, he still loves me."
Severus was looking everywhere but at her face. Lily knew he was avoiding the truth he'd see in her eyes.
"He will never love you like I do," he gushed. She had to admit that she was glad this was true. James would never join ranks with a serial killer out of twisted love for her.
"Where were you when my parents were killed? Where were you when I cried myself to sleep every night only to wake up screaming from the nightmares I suffered nightly? Where were you when my only sister told me I was dead to her?" Her voice made an abrupt change in volume from a screech to an almost murmur – "James is the only constant thing in my life. He pieced what was left of me back together again, with more love and patience I could ever deserve.
"Severus, I have nothing left to give to you. I can't have you lurking in the shadows. If you truly love me, leave me be. Don't come anywhere near the Potters. The sight of you hurts me beyond words. Please let me enjoy what little happiness I have left to me."
Much to Lily's surprise, Severus simply nodded – though it was clear that he was on the verge of breaking down. His shoulders were shaking and his chest was heaving.
His last words to Lily weren't anywhere close to original, "Goodbye, Lily."
With one last shattered glance at her face, he turned and ran into the darkness. Relief surged powerfully through her, as she was alone once again.
Behind her, the French doors opened to reveal the tall silhouette of Marlene McKinnon.
"There you are! We've been looking all over the house for you. Come on, Dorea wants to play a round of Charades before we all turn in."
Lily threw one last glance towards the end of the patio, before heading towards the house.