Title: Fairytale Gone Bad
Author: rachelAbendstern
Characters: Ryan Wolfe, Eric Delko
Summary: Some things just don't end happily ever after, not matter how much you want them to...
Disclaimer: No, still don't belong to me... Furthermore, all lyrics you see in this ficlet belong to the song 'Fairytale Gone Bad', Sunrise Avenue
Spoilers: Season 5, especially 'Man Down'
Warnings: SLASH, M/M, please heed the warning! Also, there's an instance or two that could be counted as dubious consent, but that's really left to your imagination.
Author's Notes: This is NOT a happy little fic! But it kind of stuck in my head after hearing the song one too many times... People who know the song may notice that I swapped 'Lady' for 'Baby' in the second line, so it went better with the fic.
Beta-ed by my dear friend shadowfax27. Thanks so much girlie!

This is the end, you know.
Baby, the plans that we had went all wrong,
We ain't nothing but fight and shout and tears.
We got to a point I can't stand.
I've had it to the limit, I can't be your man.
I ain't more than a minute away from walking.

In the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind, of his whole being, Ryan knew that it was a mistake from the moment it all started. He knew that a relationship between them was doomed from the very beginning. That what they had would not, could not, last.

Not with their personalities being what they were.

Not with all the anger and fights and misunderstandings that stood between them even before Eric made his first move on him.

Not with Ryan representing something, someone Eric couldn't have anymore.

He didn't want to be a replacement. Not in the lab, certainly not in his lover's bed. And yet, that's exactly the position Ryan found himself in. A position that he didn't want, hadn't asked for. A position for which, being stuck in, he ultimately had no one but himself to blame. Because he knew what would happen once he succumbed to Eric's advances, his undeniable charms.

But he was in way too deep before it even began.

And it hurt when Eric (or the rest of the team for that matter) looked at him, and Ryan saw in his eyes that he was found lacking.

It hurt to fight. But fight they did. They always fought. That hadn't changed, hadn't diminished only because they now shared a bed most nights. Only now, the fights took place in their homes rather than the lab.

It hurt more than anything to hear his lover cry out a name that wasn't his, in bed, in his sleep...

Sometimes, Ryan wondered: How did they come to this? Where did they go so wrong?

Sometimes. When the fights, the arguments ceased and they lay on the couch in front of the TV, spooned up in each other and Eric stroked his hair as if in apology. It was those times when Ryan was reminded once again why he wanted this to work so badly.

Sometimes, he wondered if Eric, too, was sick and tired of the arguments they had so frequently. If Eric, too, longed for these peaceful, deceptively loving moments – hours, spent cuddling and laughing, that were too few and far between.

Sometimes, Ryan had to bite back angry tears when this ceasefire, these glimpses of what they could but would never have, ended all too soon. He would refuse to let himself drown in self-pity and, instead, gave as good as he got when Eric's barbs, as usual, cut too close to home.

What started out a dream come true slowly turned into a living nightmare.

Ryan always felt a deep, painful longing when he thought back to their first weeks. For a while, it seemed as if his worries, the dark foreboding in the back of his mind, was unaccounted for.

They had gone from rivals to lovers so fast, he had felt as if the ground had slipped away beneath his feet for the first few days. Back then, the time they had spent together was blissfully carefree. It was exhilarating. It was a fairytale beginning.

It was the worst possible way they could have started a relationship.

Because soon, their unresolved problems, their issues, their diversities caught up with them, and Ryan was slowly forced to realize that their fairytale wasn't going to end 'happily ever after.'

Because within a few weeks, once the rush that came with the beginning of a new relationship wore off, the troubles began. Or rather continued. The excitement of the new settled down, and once that happened, their differences came back to bite them in both of their behinds with a vengeance. Only now, they were lovers. And instead of lessening the conflict between them, their newly found intimacy put even more strain on their bond.

Jealousy reared its ugly head in both of them, and their encounters, both verbally and physically, became increasingly violent. And suddenly, Ryan found himself in a position that he swore to himself he would never allow to happen.

Unable to stay, unwilling to leave...

Unwilling to stay, unable to leave...

We can't cry the pain away.
We can't find a need to stay.
I slowly realized there's nothing on our side.

Each time he looked into the mirror and saw a new set of bruises, he knew he ought to leave. Each time he looked at Eric and found a matching set of injuries, he was determined to set an end to it all.

They were slowly but steadily bringing each other down. Destroying each other.

But then, Eric would come over, regret in his eyes and take him in his arms, kissing his hair, soothing his nerves, and Ryan knew he wasn't the only one stuck in a vicious circle of love, anger, regret...

And he wondered when one of them would finally pluck up the courage, swallow their stupid prides that kept them from admitting that they weren't going to make it, and end this nightmare.

Another night and I bleed.
They all make mistakes and so did we,
But we did something we can never turn back right.
Find a new one to fool.
Leave and don't look back. I won't follow.
We have nothing left. It's the end of our time.

At night, when he lay in his bed, curled in on himself, alone, Ryan tried to list all the mistakes they made for things to get so out of hand, so...unsatisfying. So damn difficult. So completely beyond repair. Usually, he lost count somewhere between Eric running off to Brazil and Ryan himself going through with that stupid documentary.

And while he tended to only see Eric's failures, he knew Eric wasn't the only one to blame. Aside from knowing his own temper, knowing what cutting words could come out of his own mouth, he refused to be reduced to a victim. That wouldn't be fair to either of them.

But there were times when Eric made him so angry, made him feel so...disappointed, let down, that he couldn't help but lay all the blame on him.

Other times, Ryan wondered if it was his fault that Eric kept hurting him. Wondered if it was his fault that Eric kept venting his anger on him, that Eric kept looking for other lovers; kept going to Boa Vista, even if he thought Ryan didn't notice. Couldn't help but wonder why he was never good enough...not for his lover, not for the job.

Sometimes, he wished that they could just talk about their problems, their insecurities, their feelings like any other normal couple. Talk about those things without it escalating from an argument to something that left Eric with several more bruises and scratches the morning after and that left Ryan sore all over.

Wished when he woke up in Eric's arms, he would feel warm again. Safe.

With all those sickening, fluffy butterfly feelings in his stomach.

Without the bitter taste of ashes in his mouth.

And most times...

Most times he couldn't see this thing between them going anywhere but hell anymore.

We can't cry the pain away.
We can't find a need to stay.
There's no more rabbits in my hat to make things right.

There were times when Ryan felt like curling up in a dark corner and crying his soul out.

Hoping to relieve some of the tension, some of the pain, hoping to get his head straight and maybe, find a solution for this whole mess that Eric and he had made of their lives. Other times, although not as many, he actually did just that.

It never worked the way he wanted it to. It did nothing for the pain. It just made his head hurt and his eyes itch and his nose run.

It made his anger grow. At himself and his weaknesses. At Eric...

And he once again was left wondering why they kept doing this to each other, why they didn't just up and leave.

What the hell was it that held them together if all they did was hurt one another?

He couldn't come up with anything. By rights, there was nothing that kept them together. Nothing.

Other than the stubbornness that seemed to be the only thing the two of them had in common. And of course the fact that, after all that happened, he still cared about Eric. As much as Ryan knew Eric still cared for him.

Unfortunately for them, caring didn't seem to be enough.

Out of my life, out of my mind.
Out of the tears we can't deny.
We need to swallow all our pride and leave this mess behind.
Out of my head, out of my bed.
Out of the dreams we had, they're bad.
Tell them it's me who made you sad.
Tell them the fairytale gone bad.

Eric had been shot...

For a long time, that was all he could think about.

Eric had been shot.

It took all his willpower, all his professionalism to stay focused on his case instead of grabbing his keys and speeding to the hospital as he had half a mind to do.

Eric had been shot!

Pure luck and her own distraction kept Calleigh from figuring something out that Ryan and his lover had worked hard at keeping from her.

It wasn't that they didn't want her to know, really. It wasn't even that they were ashamed of admitting to their relationship or being stuck in the closet. It was just that they had so much to deal with. It was already so hard to focus, to keep their relationship even halfway functioning that they didn't want anyone else interfering.

Not Calleigh, not Horatio, and certainly not Alexx. Although, from the concerned looks the older woman was shooting Ryan and Eric as of late, he guessed she already suspected something.

She had every right to be concerned, Ryan conceded to himself. What had been difficult before was now becoming unbearable.

Or maybe, Ryan was just getting weary.

Lately, he caught himself not fighting back as strong as he used to when another argument broke loose. He didn't want to have to defend himself against someone he cared about anymore, someone he still loved. Didn't want to have to watch his back anymore even in his home.

It left him feeling drained more than anything. He just couldn't summon up the energy anymore. And thoughts of leaving were becoming louder than ever.

Until that day.

Until that day that Eric had been shot, and Ryan was once again reminded that there was still an oh-so-thin bond that held them together. He couldn't just leave now.

Later, at the hospital, he found out that he was wrong… He could.

When Eric looked at him with empty eyes, no memory of their time together shining in them, of what they'd been through, he found out that walking away was easier than he had thought.

-tbc-

A/N: I just couldn't bring myself to leave it at that, so there's an epilogue with a somewhat more consoling ending...