A/N Well, here you go, my first one shot. I do not own the rights to Once Upon A Time.
The Dark One is not gay. He would be the first person to tell you. He is not gay. He likes women, and had only ever been with women. There was nothing wrong with being gay, mind you, he just isn't. In fact, he found it commendable if a man (or woman) decided to come out. Kudos to you, just don't try to make him do something he doesn't want to. Nope, Rumplestiltskin was not gay. He was a perfectly normal straight man. Or about as normal as the Dark One can get.
The day had started out as just another average day. He'd gotten up, taken care of his daily hygene (the Dark One did take care of himself, regardless of what people seemed to think), dressed, eaten breakfast, and decided to go to work in the tower. He was already beginning to hear the calls of people who wanted him. It was barely daybreak outside. Gods, this was going to be a long day.
By noon the Dark One had gone to see three people about their petty problems. Dark One, I need gold for new dresses. Dark One, I need a love potion for the girl at the pub. Dark One, I want to live forever, can you help me? No, no, and no. Rumpelstiltskin rubbed his temples tiredly. He was beginning to feel a migraine coming on. He needed tea. He had just sat down and propped his feet up on the table when he felt the castle wards ripple. Now who could that be? The Dark One hardly ever got visitors, save for the few people desperate enough to come to him for a deal. The doors to the Great Hall burst open.
"Oh Rumpel!" the voice singsonged. Oh bloody hell, not this one so early in the day. Rumpelstiltskin stood up at the sound of the voice.
"Ah, the Hatter. Isn't it a bit early to deal with the likes of you today?" The Dark One sneered at his unwanted guest.
Jefferson made a face. "Just a 'good day Jefferson' would be okay too, you know." He turned and made his way to the table, coat swishing as he swaggered across the room. Rumplestiltskin just watched as Jefferson made himself comfortable in his favorite chair, mimicking him as he propped his legs up against the table.
"Oh yes, just make yourself comfortable. Would you like some tea too?" the Dark One said sarcastically. Jefferson just grinned widely.
"That would be wonderful, thank you." Rumplestiltskin glared menacingly, but still snapped his fingers and handed the tea to the Hatter. "Delicious Rumple." Said the Hatter, and made a show of licking his lips to prove how tasty the tea was.
Rumplestitskin crossed his arms. "What exactly are you doing here, Hatter?"
"Can't I just pop in to say hello to a friend?"
Rumplestiltskin lifted an eyebrow. "We are not friends, Jefferson."
Jefferson put his hand over his heart in mock offense. "Rumple, you wound me. Of course we're friends." Rumple shook his head.
"No we're not."
"But you like me."
"No I don't."
At this point Jefferson was up and steadily walking closer to Rumplestiltskin. "I bet you do." He took a step closer.
Rumplestiltskin eyed him warily. What on earth was the Hatter doing? "No Jefferson, I don't." He took a step back.
"Why not?" Step closer.
"You're loud, irritating, you have no manners, and you're clearly insane." And clearly in my personal space. He scowled as he took another step backwards.
"Well you're all of those things too, and you're also short, but I like you." Step closer.
"My shortness has nothing to do with whether or not you like me." Rumple retorted. "And just where do you get off calling me short? I am of average height, thank you very much." He crossed his arms and looked up at the tall man, made even taller with the top hat he was wearing.
Jefferson merely raised an eyebrow and placed a hand on Rumplestiltskin's upper arm. "Nice shirt. Cotton?" Rumplestiltskin sneered at the hand on his arm and plucked it off of him.
"Yes. May I ask what exactly is the purpose of this stupid conversation?" Jefferson tugged at the end of the scarf Rumplestiltskin was wearing.
"Well, Rumple, since you don't like me," Jefferson tilted his head to the side, peering at the now irritable Dark One through hooded eyes, "tell me, what exactly do you like?"
Rumple rubbed his forefinger and thumb together, uncomfortable under the Hatter's scrutiny. Why on earth was he staring at him like that? "I don't know. Hatter, why are you here? Did you want something? If not, you can just leave." Rumplestiltskin tried to step around Jefferson, but the man held him there.
"Actually, I did want something." Jefferson's eyes roamed over Rumple's leather-clad body.
"Well, out with it then!"
"Well I don't quite know how to go about asking for it."
"Gods Hatter, just take it and leave if it means you'll be out of my hair sooner."
"Well, if you insist." Murmured Jefferson, and then he bent his head and captured Rumplestiltskin's lips in a bruising kiss. Rumplestiltskin's eyes became as wide as saucers as he tried to comprehend exactly what was happening to him. He was standing in the middle of the room, kissing the closest thing he had to a friend. But that wasn't all. No, if Rumple was being honest with himself, he was liking it.
Jefferson reached up and threaded his hand in Rumple's hair while letting his other hand fall to Rumple's hips ,then nipped at the little man's lip. Rumplestiltskin gasped in surprise and Jefferson took that moment to deepen the kiss, tugging on Rumple's hair to get him to tilt his head. Jefferson tasted like darkness and magic and spice and the Dark One decided he rather liked the taste. Rumplestiltskin finally let his eyes slip shut, placing one hand up to the Hatter's nape and feeling the short hairs that lay back there. Rumple slipped his free hand into Jefferson's coat, tugging his shirt free and reaching up under the shirt to place a hand on Jefferson's bare skin, reveling in the feel of the taut muscles.
Jefferson groaned as Rumple let his nails rake lightly across the skin at his lower back and released the little imp when he decided they needed air. Rumplestiltskin made a soft noise of disapproval at the sudden loss of Jefferson's lips, but it was replaced with a moan when Jefferson bit down on the juncture where Rumple's neck met his shoulder. Jefferson sucked and nipped at the skin before releasing it and repeating the pattern up and down Rumplestiltskin's neck.
Rumplestiltskin let out a throaty moan as Jefferson gave a sharp tug on the back of his hair and Rumple's head fell back, allowing Jefferson easy access to his throat. Eventually, Jefferson relented on the Dark One's neck and pulled him back down for one, two, three more chaste kisses before finally releasing him, both of them panting.
"I'm not gay, Jefferson." Rumplestilstkin said after a moment.
Jefferson just smirked and licked his lips. "I didn't say you were, Rumple." With that, he tipped his hat at the dumbstruck imp and walked out of the room.
Rumplestiltskin shook himself out of his reverie. "I am not gay." And he said the same thing later that night as he examined the hickeys left by Jefferson's onslaught, and the next time, when Jefferson kissed him goodbye on his way out the door.