A/N: I figured I'd do a crossover, so I decided that to do something different, I'd have Kimblee be a main character. I'll rarely have Ed's POV, since I don't write angst all that well and "Edward's Experiences in Hogwarts" has been written a hundred times. Also, I'm not going to copy the book, since a) it's been done to death b) I don't feel like digging out my copy and c) I'm about to break Rowling's canon into little pieces. What's the point of sticking Kimblee into a different sandbox if he doesn't blow it up?

Mangaverse for FMA (show of hands, who can see anime!Kimblee as a teacher? I didn't think so) and Order of the Phoenix for HP, since I desperately want to see how Kimblee handles Umbridge.

Enjoy.

"Rise and shine, Kimblee."

Kimblee popped the Philosopher's Stone into his mouth and swallowed it as the jailor opened the door to his cell. "Yer bein' released," the jailor said, looking none too happy about it.

Stepping out into the bright sunlight, Kimblee looked around the nearly deserted street. A car beeped and the driver waved at him to get in. As he did so, the driver, a military man with short blonde hair, turned into the grinning gender-confused palm tree he was so familiar with."Long time no see, Red Lotus."

"Envy, I assume I have you and your group to thank for my release?"

Changing back to the blonde, Envy started driving. "Yeah, Wrath wants you for a special job, since he doesn't trust the Flame Colonel with involves the Fullmetal pipsqueak, Edward Elric. You heard of him?"

"Some stories I overheard from some particularly talkative guards, not much else. He's the one who got his state certification when he was only twelve, right?"

"Exactly," Envy said, "We're sending him out of Amestris to keep away from Scar, but we need someone to watch him so he doesn't run off. Think you can handle it?"

Kimblee grinned. "Of course."

Envy held up a red stone, "A little toy for you. Consider it an upgrade. And here's the file for your assignment. Wrath will explain it more in depth later."

Kimblee skimmed over it and frowned when he saw his destination. "I'm going where now?"

"Edward Elric!"

Edward groaned and turned. It was Major Armstrong, in all his pink-sparkling glory. "Yeah, what is it Major?"

"Brother! You should be nicer!" chastised Alphonse.

"Edward Elric, I've been ordered to tell you to report to the Fuhrer's office."

"Why, what for?" Edward asked.

"I cannot say, other than that it involves a mission and that Alphonse will not be coming with."

"What! Why the hell not?"

"I believe the Fuhrer said something about Alphonse being too conspicuous." He picked Alphonse up and started walking down the hall, "Come Alphonse Elric! We shall head to Risembool!"

"What the hell are you doing with my brother you muscle-bound nutjob!"

"You shouldn't keep the Fuhrer waiting, Edward," said Armstrong, still sparkling.

"Just go, brother, I'll be fine," said Al.

Muttering profanities under his breath, Ed made his way to Fuhrer Bradley's office.

Bradley looked up as Edward stepped into the room. "Ah, Edward, take a seat, please." As Ed did so, Bradley motioned to the other man in the room. "I don't believe you've met Major Solf J. Kimblee, the Red Lotus , this is Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist."

Kimblee raised an eyebrow at that, and Ed braced himself for a comment about his height, but Kimblee simply said, "I see the stories weren't exaggerated. It's a pleasure."

Bradley pulled out a file and handed it to Ed. "A school in another country is requesting alchemy teachers, and as a gesture of good faith, I am sending you two."

"Teachers?" Ed asked incredulously, "You expect me to teach a bunch snotty brats alchemy? And besides," he shot a glare at Kimblee, "I thought he was a psycho and supposed to be locked. Didn't he kill a bunch of officers in Ishval?"

"Extenuating circumstances," said Kimblee.

Ed rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, sure," he said, perusing the file. He blinked at the location. "You;'re shitting me, right? 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?' There's no such thing as magic!"

"There obviously is, or there wouldn't be a school for it," said Kimblee thoughtfully. Or something like it. Perhaps it was amplified alchemy, he wondered.

Before Ed could snap a smartass reply, Bradley said, "Edward, you ought to go pack, and I'm sure you want to wish to say goodbye to your brother. I need to speak to Major Kimblee in private. Oh, and Edward," he said, as Ed had the door half open."I had several sets of uniforms made up in your size. I expect you to wear them. You and Kimblee will be representing Amestris while you're there." Ed left, grumbling.

When the door had closed behind Ed, Bradley interlaced his fingers and looked across his desk at Kimblee, who was wearing his ever present soft smirk. "This teaching position is not your only assignment in England, Kimblee."

Kimblee nodded, "Envy told me as much. So I'm to keep him out of trouble?"

"That's your most important task. He is too valuable of an asset to myself and the other homunculi to lose to Scar."

Kimblee closed his eyes thoughtfully. "If all you wanted was Elric's protection, then sending him out of Amestris should be enough. From what I've heard of him, he shouldn't need a bodyguard if Scar isn't around. So..." He opened his eyes, "What other assignment have I been given which I'm not supposed to tell Elric about?"

Bradley gave him an appraising look with his uncovered eye before pulling out another file. "According to their 'Ministry of Magic'" Kimblee snickered at that, "a dangerous wizard was killed fifteen years ago. Others are saying that he was never dead, and furthermore, that he's back. You are to investigate the truth of these rumours. This you may tell Fullmetal. What you may not tell tell him is this: if the rumours are true, get close to this 'Lord Voldemort' somehow and ascertain if he can be useful to us. If not, I give you full permission to use your... talents... to dispose of him."

Kimblee grinned, a maniacal look in his eyes. "It would be my pleasure."

A/N: Reviews are always loved. I'll even takes flames, since it's too damn cold by the computer. Review and I'll give you a virtual chocolate frog!