Lost and Found

When he heard a faint knock on the door and opened the door to find her standing there, he knew something was wrong just from the fact that she was on his doorstep. It had been three years since they had called their wedding off. The last time they spoke, she had told him that she hated him and never wanted to see him again. All of this made the fact that she was standing on his doorstep even more puzzling.

When he finally decided to take in her appearance, he saw that her shoulders were shaking with sobs, and based on her tear-stained face, she had been crying for quite a while. without saying a word, he moved to the side, gesturing for her to come inside. Once inside, she collapsed onto his couch. She sat, with her face in her hands, black tresses curtaining her face as she continued to rack with sobs. He had never seen her look so frail-broken. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He knew that he had to chose his words carefully, knowing that one wrong word could send her fleeting and her would never see her again.

Instead of mapping out what to say, he decided to approach her, kneeling in front of where she sat on the couch and wrapped his arms around her. As soon as he placed his arms around her, she had shrugged them off-recoiling at his touch. She then got up and began pacing the room seeming as though she had finally stopped crying. As she paced the room she mumbled incoherently under her breath. Unable to understand what she was saying, he once again approached her, this time keeping his distance, trying to make sense of what she was mumbling.

As he walked closer he could vaguely make out what she was mumbling. It was something along the lines of, "I can't believe I was so stupid. How could I let this happen to me again?". Not quite sure if he had heard her right, he asked,

"Jade, what's wrong; talk to me."

No matter how hard he pressed, she wouldn't talk. Knowing that she would talk to him when she was ready, he decided to take a seat across from her and just wait. He'd wait until she would open up, wait until he could help her.

After what seemed like forever, he couldn't take the the silence anymore. He was sick of watching her wallow in her own pain. He felt entirely helpless knowing that he couldn't comfort her; knowing that he lost that right as soon as the wedding had been called off. He decided to try again to get his ex-fiance to open up. He knew her well enough to know about the walls she built up around her heart and knew how hard it was to break them down. He had broken her walls down before, but the instant they separated, the wall were built right back up. Trying once more to get her to open up, he asked in a calm tone,

"What's wrong? Please, just tell me so I can try to help you."

"I'm so stupid, I cannot believe I let it happen again! God, I'm so stupid."

"What, what did you let happen again?" He prompted.

Instead of answering the question directly, the woman decided to reflect on their relationship.

"Do you remember when we first started dating? We were both so young. What were we, like thirteen?"

The man chuckled in response, thinking back to the beginning of their relationship.

"Anyway, we managed to stick it out through each others' awkward middle school phase. Even after all of that, we managed to make it through high school even when everyone constantly told us that we would never make it. We were two completely different people; you were the charming boy and I was the scary bitch."

"I mean, yeah, we fought all the time and broke up over stupid stuff, but we always got back together. Every time we got back together, we were closer than we were before. we even somehow managed to stay together through college. Then we bought that cramped studio apartment in New York while I worked on writing my screenplays and you worked at that disgusting diner. You worked there just so I could work on my future while you jeopardized your own. For once, we were happy, not that we weren't in high school, but the stupid arguments stopped. I had really begun to imagine a future with you, I really did."

"You dont have to go there, I know what you're getting at." He was cut off,

"No, I want to. I have to. Anyway, I had started to think about what it would be like to settle down with you. Then the day after I got home from sending my screenplay to the different directors, you told me you were going to take me out to dinner-to celebrate. Halfway through the dinner, you pulled out the ring. In that moment I thought it was all going to be real-I would marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, I really believed it was true. I was so excited; I even got all into planning the wedding. Then on the day of the wedding I started second guessing myself, thinking: 'Maybe it's a mistake, maybe we're rushing into things too quickly. What if, two years from now, he stops loving me?' It's stupid, I know, but it was all that I could think about all day. All of the 'What ifs' clouded my mind and blocked out all of the excitement I had felt about the wedding. When I saw you at the altar as I walked down the aisle, I lost it. All of the doubts I had came crashing over me and I couldn't take it. It's like something inside of me snapped, so I just ran, and I kept running until I got to the airport and I bought a ticket for the first flight leaving."

Not knowing how to react, the man said the first thing he could think of,

"So is that why you're here, to explain what happened that day?"

"No, well, not entirely. I don't know. I did the same thing again and I didn't know where to go. I got on a plane again, knowing exactly where I was going. I came to New York hoping to get closure. I knew you never got rid of this place because of the deal we made in college: this is our first place, so no matter what we will always keep it. I came here just hoping that you would be here, too," she explained. "It was the same, but completely different this time."

The man ushered the woman over to the couch where she had previously sat. Once seated, the woman began to explain,

"After I left, I moved to California. I needed a different lifestyle-I needed to start over, to get away from here. Anyway, the first year I was there I didn't do much of anything. I got a job at a coffee shop and sat in my apartment. Last year I met this guy, Ryder. At first, I only went out with him as a distraction-to help keep my mind off of you, but then I really started to like him.

When I first met Ryder I didn't even want to go on a date. I guess part of me felt I would have been betraying you. But just like you, he wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept pestering me until I finally agreed to go out with him. It was slower this time, I didn't jump right into things like I did with you. I was hoping that if I took things slow this time maybe, just maybe, things would end up differently than they did between us," The girl stopped, feeling slightly uncomfortable describing her relationship to her ex.

"I didn't want to fall for him, but dammit he was charming. I somehow let him break my walls down and make his way to my heart. The whole time all of this was going on, all I could think about was you. No matter what happened, you were always on my mind. I figured you had probably moved on, Mr. Casanova, so I felt like I should too.

Last week, we were lounging around our apartment when, out of nowhere, he got down on one knee and pulled a ring out. All that kept running through my head was the wedding and how I bolted. Sitting there staring at the ring in his hand, a wave of guilt crashed over me. I knew I couldn't say yes. I couldn't commit myself to him when all I could think about was you, so instead of just saying no, I did what I do best, I ran. I packed up everything and got on a plane. The only thing that was different this time is that I knew where I was going. I knew I had to go to New York."

"On the taxi ride over here I kept hoping that you had held up your end of the deal by not getting rid of this place. I knocked on the door and kept my fingers crossed that you would open the door. I sat there for a while and I didn't hear any noise so I started to panic. I thought maybe you forgot about the deal or you had remembered but decided to sell the place anyway. The thought of you not being here terrified me and I lost it. I realized how much i wanted, how much I needed to see you, and I guess I had been keeping it in for so long that it all came out at once. You opened the door right as I broke down and was one big sobbing mess."

The man was flabbergasted,

" When I opened the door and saw you standing there, I was so shocked. I thought I would never see you again. When I saw you standing there crying, I immediately thought the worst. I figured someone died. I couldn't come up with any reason as to why you would be here. When you left, you made it pretty clear that you didn't want to see me again."

"I didn't mean it. I just hoped that if I told you I hated you then you wouldn't run after me when I left. I hoped that if I acted like a bitch you would be able to move on and forget about me. You deserved better and I didn't want to be the one holding you back, and…"

The man cut the woman off, stopping her negative thoughts,

"You know that's not true. You weren't holding me back from anything. I should have run after you, I know I should have, but I didn't, and I haven't stopped thinking about how stupid I was for letting you go. I could never bring myself to move on entirely. I mean I tried dating other people, but it was never the same. I always found myself comparing other girls to you."

The man sat sat down on the couch next to the woman, taking her hands in his own.

"No one could ever be as gorgeous and sarcastic and as unique as you," the man paused before jokingly adding, "I mean there were times you could be bitchy."

"Hey!" the woman shouted slapping his shoulder playfully.

Chuckling the man said, "What, it's true, but I loved you for that. I loved that you weren't afraid to speak your mind-even when you probably shouldn't have. I loved the way you got possessive when other girls tried to flirt with me. I loved that you were always willing to put up a fight. It made our relationship exciting. I wouldn't change anything about our relationship. No one has ever come close to being you and no one ever will."

"You're lying; you're just trying to sweet talk me. You always were smooth," the woman quipped.

"I'm not lying, I swear. You know me better than anyone else, you know what a horrible liar I am," he countered.

"True. You always did suck at lying. But why now, why are you saying all of this stuff now-three years after we broke up?"

"Because, I should have told you those things before we broke up. I realized just how much you meant to me after you left. Stay this time. Stop running from your problems and just stay.

"I want to, I really do, but what if things get messy again? I don't know what I'd do then."

"We can worry about that then, but even if you do run, I'll come after you. I'm not letting you go again. Stay. I've missed you."

"Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it?"

Not wasting any time, he took the woman's face in his hands and kissed her passionately.

"You love me again?" the woman questioned.

"Who said I stopped?"