Title:To Influence a Good King

Author:Amoreblack

Warnings: MATURE because of some words, a couple of sexual innuendos, and eventual intimate lip-lock (and subtle physical groping of particular areas). Yaoi. Swearing.

Other Notes: Chappy the bunny's here somewhere (the bunny from Bleach)

Summary:Who knew that Yuuri's darkside was so...

There is no point of doubting the palpable fact that Anissina was pure trouble. She was trouble incarnate; evil incarnate; and, no doubt— the bitch incarnate. That's what he believed, and that's exactly what he was thinking when he accidentally found something disturbing in his husband's office. His husband's desk… or rather, the thing was hidden inside one of his drawers.

"What the hell?"

There he was, minding his own business, or to be more precise: Yuuri's business (whatever), since it was his husband's desk which seemed to obscure a delicious fragrance of sun and morning dew. A woman's scent no doubt. Nothing else crept in his mind after he wafted the scent like dragons would their prey, except for the possibility that his husband was indeed a flirtatious cheater behind his back that needed to be punished in the most contemptible of ways possible. For the normal mazoku standards, that undoubtedly meant hellish, fiery-flames-of-unimaginable-pain type of punishment. However, next thing he knew he was awkwardly clutching a deep, dark, and terrible… thing that his husband had amazingly managed to hide all this time. From him. Now he didn't know what he was supposed to do… punishment, or just step back slowly and silently in hopes that nobody saw him holding the thing in his hands.

Its name was shamelessly bound on it with a seductive type of curvaceous font, weight almost as heavy as one of those little books Gunter used around His Majesty. By god it was even glittery. He suspected, while eyeing it with complete revulsion painted on his features… that it was probably made of some kind of metal…

Indeed, Anissina was definitely creepy incarnate.

Of course, he never expected Yuuri to be that sort of person. Surely he'd have known the young man's secrets and fears by now— being married to him for five months, seventeen weeks, and one-hundred thirty-five days. Wolfram shook his head in utter disbelief, one of his brows lifting as he shifted it so that he was holding the thing between his thumb and forefinger as if it were covered, from top to bottom, by something that was just too disgusting or dirty to hold like he had. Of course, considering what he guessed the thing's purpose was, it probably wouldn't be too far off…

Wolfram blushed…

Maybe.

My god, it looked like a little plastic toy tractor.

He shook his head again, forcing himself to come to his senses so that he could escape before anyone comes in. He twitched, telling himself that, no, throwing it out the window wouldn't be a very good solution at all. So Wolfram settled for the next best thing: he decided to that this did not just happen, that thing did not exist, and it was most certainly not Yuuri's, nor did he find it in Yuuri's drawer. And that the aforementioned person was not behind him. Shit.

He could imagine that damned crooked, anxious smile of his, because hopefully those puffs of air teasing the nape of his neck weren't gasps of arousal. He took a rough guess that they were contained puffs of fear, forcing itself out of Yuuri's wavering smile.

There was no turning back, Wolfram thought; he was not one to back off, after all. Wolfram faced him, the thing now dangling between the little space between them, and they both equally flushed as they tried to drag their eyes away from it.

"Yuuri—"

"Yes, Wolfram?" and the damned wimp even dared interrupt one of his pre-tirades…

"What is this?"

"That? Oh, that's—"

"Triple-Orgasm…… kun?"

His smile shakily widened even further, if that was possible, "Why yes, yes it is! Did Anissina give one to you too?" Wolfram winced as Yuuri's voice went a couple of octaves higher.

"Its name is on it, Yuuri."

"Ah."

He hated this awkward silence. It reminded him of the first time they made love. The second was better when they fucked each other senseless. But this? Wolfram eyed the dangerous thing wearily. This was just plain… weird. He wondered why Yuuri willingly, yet perhaps unknowingly, let Anissina corrupt his beautifully pure soul… and, judging by the Triple-Orgasm-kun's colorful floral prints ('Beautiful Wolfram', how thoughtful), he guessed that his Mother was in on this, too. Yuuri coughed self-consciously. Well, the wimp was certainly going to regret fraternizing with shady characters like Lady Anissina and his mother.

"Ehm—I was just kinda curious? Yeah, I mean, Anissina was just trying to help. And since she was excited about it b-being tested and all…"

"Tested?"

Yuuri let out a nervous laugh (which sounded more like a series of frantic choking), "But, y'know, if you don't like— I mean, want to… "

"Triple-Orgasm-kun?"

Yuuri gulped. Wolfram's eyes narrowed dangerously. Wolfram didn't know if he was supposed to be flattered (1), or offended. His green eyes seemed to shoot out deadly laser beams; his face crackling into a display of raw Prince Consort Power, "Triple-orgasm-kun?"

Yuuri was visibly trying not to piss his pants right now. Was it his fault? He was just a growing boy, after all…

"Yuuri, are you trying to tell me that I suck in bed?"

"No! Crap no. Nonononono," Yuuri began to flail his arms, his face now contorted into a panicked, scared-shitless expression, "It's not for me it's for you!" Like that made things even better.

Wolfram's eyebrow twitched, "Don't tell me that you actually want to—"

"Well—" Yuuri's face and vocal chords struck to an obvious panic mode. He looked around, trying to look for possible escape routes in case things got even messier, "I was thinking about asking you, but since your reaction isn't, err- good at all then I'll just give it back to her. I mean it's not like I'm into these things, anyway." He shrugged desperately, a lopsided curl of lips invading his face. Yet instead of succumbing to the King's strained puppy-dog cuteness, Wolfram rolled his eyes, huffed, and opened more of his drawers. Yuuri squeaked in response, but knew that he had no power over his beloved Prince Consort, especially when Wolfram knew him so well. Especially when he was just too infuriatingly predictable to the people who knew him so well, that their wisdom of 'The Ways of the Shibuya Yuuri, a Compilation' (2) shimmered in comparison to their uncanny knowledge of the backs of their hands.

Oh well, when faced with a dilemma, Yuuri knew that he must go through it head-on; be a man and deal with it. Take responsibility. But most of his 'take charge' notes died in his throat when Wolfram pulled something else out of the proverbial hat.

"And what the hell is this?"

"Um…" a very long beat followed, "'... Massage-Me-Lovingly-Inside-kun'?"

"And this?"

"Um… 'F-Fluffy-Chai—'"

"And what the fuck is…"

Yuuri's reddening face finally gave in as he exploded in a fit of shame. He slapped a palm over his eyes and tried to look away, "Okay, I get it, I'm a damned pervert. I swear that I'll give it back." Yuuri grumped, flopping himself ungracefully on his chair, "I told you, I just didn't have the heart to say no. Lady Cheri was giving me these… big eyes…" he almost inaudibly mumbled, "I'm a damn wimp, okay?" Yuuri almost croaked, his face flushing almost to the fullest extent, refusing to look at Wolfram squarely in the eye.

Yuuri didn't even bother to gather his audacity to argue because, well, being caught in a situation where his lover had just discovered some dirty, dirty things in his desk stifled his will to be completely stubborn. Being with Wolfram after all these years had definitely turned him into a man of tact when it came to the blonde-haired, open flame of boiling defiance. When it was your fault, it was your fault— time to find the white hanky of forfeit; let the damn thing burn along with his Kingly pride.

"Ch,"

Now the King pictured something more along the lines of Wolfram stomping out of his office like a raging beast, screaming bloody murder and other atrocities which could make a pirate blush to his wooden leg, but instead the golden one plopped himself on his lap almost fondly, smirking just a bit with that amused glint in his eyes. It told him that there was no harm done (almost), and that his dearest King was just too cute to be mad at for so long.

It seemed that Murata's joke about Wolfram's hot-headedness (and pig-headedness, and other negative –nesses one could think of) being the result of not getting laid for years was right. Surprisingly. And because of His Majesty's so called 'cuteness', Yuuri raised an eyebrow as Wolfram's sinful and pearly-white teeth began to nip and tug at his bottom lip— and he knew that he was totally going to get some today. Triple orgasm or no.

At first the heated kiss caught him off-guard, since it was a definite turn; a pivotal moment after this whole day's first (and hopefully last) humiliating moment, and after that little embarrassing display which promptly revealed his dark side, Yuuri was honestly relieved to the point of feeling a drug-like elation that he had never felt before whilst kissing his beloved other. Yuuri fervently pushed aside a huge stack of papers off his desk, letting Wolfram plop on it with a dull clomp, easily keeping his lips attached to his jaw-line thanks to numerous bouts of early practice (3). They ignored the ruffling and crunching of papers on his desk, which had Wolfram's bottom as its shameless paper weight, letting their feverish sensations of mutual arousal take them somewhere else divine.

"You don't actually… need those things… to… ah…"

"No… I…"

"Mmm… just shut up and screw me already."

Squeak

They stopped. Like statues, their intimacy halted and everything just froze over and tumbled around their heated moment. Clothing no longer being administered, sweet moans and mumbles of approval no longer haunting the room and this afternoon's sunlight, both of them turned to look at the thing that made the noise. It was slightly rumpled because of the weight and coarseness of Yuuri's heavy boot, but there it was. Wolfram gave his husband a questioning gaze, and Yuuri's own face paled to a deathly anxiety which he failed to conceal. Yuuri picked it up and grinned shyly, his hand on Wolfram's waist outwardly trembling as Yuuri looked at him timidly, "Um… I was going to give this to Gwendal."

"I think that it's cute enough." Wolfram irately snorted, grabbing the bunny from Yuuri, determined to get back to where they left off before that damned bunny interrupted them,

"Erm, aheh, right." at this point Wolfram gave the pink, fluffy bunny toy in his palm an aloof, yet experimental squeeze and…

Squeak

Oh…

Oh…

Yuuri choked, blushing red to his roots, "'Happy-Chappy-Dildo-kun'"

"… Ah."

Well that certainly ruined the moment.

(1) Because, deny it as he might, Yuuri did face Anissina and his mother - which therefore proved the limitless amount of love that Yuuri held for him.

(2) Courtesy of Gunter von Kleist

(3) Which did not just stay in their bedroom, or any other room, for that matter. Conrad was still inwardly proud at his godson's unexpected creativity in this area.

Author's Notes:

I had fun writing this. I honestly, honestly love Yuuri, the poor dear... which was why I added a little bit of spice to his sugar! The dear boy was suffering from too much angst in this archive (Not that it's bad, mind you. I just hate the ones which portray him as this pathetic, insolent, piece of hole of the ass-ness kind), and I hope that I brightened it summut. This fic also shows my love for Anissina, while it is also dedicated to Wolfram's pure man hotness. There's going to be a next part- hopefully when I'm not too busy- where Yuuri tries to give 'Happy-Chappy-Dildo-kun' to Gwendal. But other than this, I am definitely going to explore His Cracktastic Majesty's sides more. That boy needs some love.

Anyway, I hope that I did the characters some justice. Flames are definitely a no-no (because it'll be a waste on your part. I won't heed them, anyway, and would probably just banish it to some random blackhole which hopefully would lead up your intestines). Constructive criticism is welcome, of course. Pelt me with reviews to egg me out of my laziness, so that I could write more shit like this. I'd appreciate it very much, thank you.

- Weezy