Instant Regret
A Shrek Fan Fiction
Notes: I recently finished a community production of Shrek The Musical in which I played a villager, a skeleton and a moon in the Travel Song scene. As I watched The Arrival Of Farquaad scene I thought of an alternative version of the wedding scene. Shrek and Donkey do not crash the wedding but the Fairytale Creatures still do, I would like to thank my co-stars for their suggestions for this story.. they were quite useful. Please enjoy this and let me know what you think of it. I own rights to no characters from Shrek or any quoted lines from the script though I have reworked some dialouge just a little.
Fiona had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach as she departed on horseback for Farquaad's castle. She hadn't had any idea she would develop feelings for Shrek and instantly felt guilty about not being honest with him about her feelings for him and also her curse. How would Farquaad react when he saw the real reason why she wanted to get married before sunset? That was what she feared the most. Shrek would have understood.
Meanwhile at Fiona's tower the knights were celebrating the fact that the Dragon and Donkey had become a couple.. they were however not expecting King Harold and Queen Lillian to drop by.
"Hello, gentlemen.. what's gone on here? Where is the Dragon? How is Fiona?" King Harrold asked.
"The princess has been rescued your highness and the Dragon has fallen in love." One of the knights Amadeo said.
"Is that so?" Queen Lillian asked
Another knight named Giancarlo grinned. "Lord Farquaad sent an ogre named Shrek and his donkey friend to rescue her. You missed a heck of fight between Dragon and Shrek."
"Is Lord Farquaad aware of the curse?" King Harrold asked.
A third night named Gwen shook her head. "I doubt it sir. I don't think Shrek and Donkey are aware of it either. She's pretty sensitive about sharing that information."
King Harrold and Queen Lillian exchanged a worried glance. "How far is Duloc from here?" Queen Lillian asked.
"A day's walk and Fiona is getting married today before sunset... there's no way you'll make the wedding." Giancarlo said.
"Well do you know where Donkey and Dragon went off to?" Queen Lillian asked.
" They all went back to Shrek's swamp which isn't very far from here..maybe about 10 minutes." Amadeo replied.
"Would you gentleman mind going to get them for us? We'd like to talk to them." Queen Lillian asked.
Amadeo nodded. "Of course your highness. "
15 minutes later the two knights returned with the Dragon and Donkey in tow.
"Dragon, we are very worried about Fiona ." Queen Lillian said.
Dragon nodded. "Donkey noticed that Fiona looked unhappy as she was departing for the castle on the horse."
Donkey shook his head. "Not unhappy just anxious. Farquaad doesn't know about the curse which is why I think she wants to rush the wedding."
"Do you know about the curse Donkey?" King Harold asked.
Donkey nodded. "Yes, sir. She told me everything last night. I wish she had told Shrek but she didn't.. maybe if she did then she would have never left."
Queen Lillian massaged her temples. "This is a complete disaster."
"Can I help your highnesses?" Dragon asked.
"I'm not sure you can get us to the castle before the wedding." King Harrold said.
"I can go check on her for you and be back in a quick a turn around as possible."
Queen Lillian smiled "That would be wonderful. Thank you Dragon."
"It's my pleasure." With that Dragon flew off to Duloc.
Fiona quietly sat in her room at the castle thinking about all that had happened. She was anxious about the wedding and just wanted to get it over with. She was uneasy about Farquaad finding out what she looked like at night. She knew he wanted everything about the wedding to be perfect.. and when she was an ogre she was far from perfect and she knew he wouldn't be pleased.
There was a knock at her door.
"Yes?"
"Three of Lord Farquaad's guards Ansley, Gabrielle and Grace entered the room. "Princess, we've come to get you ready for the wedding. " One of the guards named Ansley said.
Fiona sighed. "Alright, let's get this over with. It's 2:00 O'Clock now The sun will set at 6."
"Why are you so anxious to get married before the sun sets anyway?" another guard named Gabrielle said.
"Something that would turn this kingdom on its head that I'd rather not talk about." Fiona whispered.
"As you wish." Gabrielle responded.
Suddenly a rather large figure came into view through the window.
"What on earth is that?" the third guard named Grace asked.
"Dragon!" Ansley shrieked/
Fiona felt herself began to relax a little bit. Perhaps the Dragon had a message for her from Shrek.
"Could you ladies excuse Fiona and I for a moment please?" the Dragon asked
The three guards nodded in fear and exited the room.
As the door closed behind the guards Fiona looked at the Dragon anxiously. "Has Shrek said anything to you Dragon? He looked very upset with me."
Dragon nodded. "Shrek has feelings for you Fiona and he was afraid to confess them to you. I spoke to your parents too."
Fiona's eyes grew wide. "My parents? I had no idea they were even in town. Are they coming to the wedding?"
Dragon shook her head. "They only just found out about it. They're very worried about you my dear."
Fiona let out a sigh and then burst into tears.
"This is such a huge mess Dragon. I shouldn't be with Farquaad. I should be with Shrek. I wish I had told him about the curse like I told Donkey but I was afraid about how he'd react."
"I would assume you're afraid for Farquaad to find out too." Dragon said.
" Yes, very afraid. What if he locks me back up in the tower when he sees what this spell does to me?"
Dragon sighed. "Do you want me to try to talk to Shrek to see if he will come?"
Fiona shook her head. "No, that's all right.I doubt he'll come. If he really loved me he would have been more open with me in the first place. He seemed to only be concerned about getting his swamp back." In the back of her mind Fiona was secretly hoping that Shrek would come and rescue her from the mess that she found herself in.
"Your parents love you Fiona and they want you to be happy."
"Can you tell them I love them too?"
Dragon smiled. "Of course. I'll let you finish getting ready for the wedding now."
With that Dragon flew away and there was a tentative knock on the door.
"Princess, is it safe to come back in? Ansley said.
"Yes. The Dragon is gone now."
And the wedding preparations continued as if nothing unusual has occurred.
When Dragon arrived back at the tower Shrek was there with Donkey.
"What did Fiona say Dragon?" Did you tell her what I told you?"
Dragon nodded. "Yes, I did. I think deep down she knows she wants to be with you."
"Does she want me at the wedding?"
"I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to go. Lord Farquaad won't be happy for guests to show up uninvited. He also doesn't seem to like you very much." Dragon replied.
"That's for darn sure." Shrek muttered.
"How is she Dragon?" Queen Lillian asked
Dragon regarded the Queen and King sadly. "She sends her love to you both and wishes you could be at the wedding. She looked absolutely horrible. She is very anxious and unhappy."
"Is it too late for you to take us there?" King Harold asked.
"The sun is setting at 6.. which means the wedding would be starting in the next hour or so." Giancarlo said.
Dragon relented. "As I just told Shrek Lord Farquaad won't appreciate uninvited guests but I know how much the two of you would like to see her."
"We could always go tomorrow so we don't interrupt the ceremony. I would like to meet Lord Farquaad." King Harrold said,
"We could go first thing in the morning." Dragon said.
Meanwhile back at Lord Farquaad's castle the wedding went on as planned. As Fiona reached the alter she looked back hoping Shrek would burst through the doors to come save her but sighed when she realized that wouldn't happen.
As soon as the vows were said there was a rusting in the background and suddenly the Fairytale Creatures burst through the door of the chapel.
Lord Farquaad let out an agitated sigh. "What could those freaks possibly want?"
Pinnochio looked Lord Farquaad straight in the eye.
"We refuse to take your abuse anymore Farquaad." He said
"We want our homes back too." Mama Bear said.
"You freaks are extremely rude to interrupt our wedding." Lord Farquaad sneered. "Fiona, darling come along."
Fiona's heart was breaking as she realized Shrek likely would not be entering the room to rescue her.
"You know it takes one to know one." Pinnochio said.
"Shut up would you! Let this ceremony go on as it should." Lord Farquaad was about to lose his temper.
Suddenly Grumpy entered with the dwarves and Snow White.
"Daddy? What are you doing here?"
"You wouldn't expect me to miss my own son's wedding would you though I guess my invitation was lost in the mail."
"Not after you abandoned me in the woods."
"You were 28 years old and living in my basement."
"Well, now as you can see I have a big castle. and lots of money. You still work in a mine."
"He's a freak just like all of us." Baby Bear piped up.
Farquaad's cheeks flamed. "Guards take these freaks to the dungeon and get them out of my sight. I refuse to believe that I am like them."
Pinnochio, Gingy, The Fairy Godmother and the 3 Little Pigs stayed right where they were.
"We're not going anywhere." Gingy said.
"Yeah, we refuse to be bullied anymore." The Three Little pigs chorused
"No, you cannot stay. I refuse to let you." Farquaad roared
"Fiona is not happy here" The Fairy Godmother said.
"What? You know nothing. Guards take them away." Farquaad demanded.
Fiona looked anxiously out the window... she just wanted this to be over.. but she knew that Fairy Godmother was right that she was unhappy.
"The sun is setting a little earlier tonight you know.. no one knows the reason.. Pinocchio said.
Do you Lord Farquaad take Princess Fiona to be your bride?" The Bishop asked
"I do."
And do you Princess Fiona take Lord Farquaad to be your groom?"
Fiona inhaled deeply and looked at the window as the sun began to set.
"I can't!" and with that she fled from the church back to her changing quaters.
Lord Farquaad was left at the alter in total shock.
When Fiona reached her room she slammed the door, threw herself on her bed and burst into tears. She knew that she could not bring herself to kiss Lord Farquaad because his kiss would not break the spell.
There was a teantive knock on the door. "Princess Fiona, are you alright?"
"Who is it?"
"It's The Fairy Godmother."
Fiona rose from her bed curiously. 'What could she possibly want?' She thought to herself.
Once Fiona let the Fairy Godmother into the room she pointed to a chair. "Have a seat." she said.
"Gladly." Once the Fairy Godmother sat down she looked at Fiona. "Are you alright? She repeated.
Fiona shook her head." No, I'm not. I just realized I can't marry Lord Farquaad."
"Your heart belongs to someone else then?"
Fiona sighed. "Yes, it's very complicated. I think I have fallen in love with the ogre named Shrek."
"Something else is bothering you too. I can tell."
"I really didn't like how he mean to the Fairytale Creatures. Wait, how did you get away from the guards? Aren't you afraid that they'll find you here."
The Fairy Godmother shook her head. "Nope. They don't scare me. They're just bullies just like Farquaad."
" A witch cast a spell on me when I was young. That's why I had to leave the wedding. I don't want Farquaad to see what I turn into."
"What would that be?"
"An ogre like Shrek."
"You know deep down that this will cause an uproar in Lord Farquaad's kingdom."
Fiona nodded." Yes, he seems to want everything to be prefect. Because of this spell and what it causes me to look like I am not perfect."
"Nobody really is. It is my belief that point of view seems to muddle people's thinking."
"Especially Lord Farquaad's" Fiona whispered.
"Are you going to be alright?" The Fairy Godmother asked.
"I think I honestly need to be left alone." Fiona whispered
The Fairy Godmother stood up. "I'll get going then."
After the Fairy Godmother left the room Fiona fell asleep. She wished she could sleep forever or go find Shrek and be with him. Either situation would work well for her at this moment.
The next morning there was tap on her door at 9:00.
"Princess Fiona, your parents have arrived with the Dragon. They want to talk to you." she heard the voice of one of the guards through the door.
"I'll be down in a minute."
"They'll be out on the terrace."
Fiona knew she had to face the music sooner or later. Now was probably a good a time as any. "Okay."
When Fiona got to the terrace. Lord Farquaad sneered at her. "Good morning darling. I take it you slept well. Your parents have arrived."
Queen Lillian hugged her daughter tightly. "Darling. we've been so worried about you. What happened at the wedding yesterday? Farquaad was telling us it seems you might have gotten cold feet."
"I guess you could say that." Fiona whispered.
"I'll have you know I paid a lot of money for that band to come play."
"Money doesn't buy love." Fiona retorted.
"What did you just say?" Farquaad's eyes had a fire in them Fiona had never seen."
"I said money doesn't buy love."
"Don't you want to be the queen of Duloc?"
Fiona sighed. "Honestly, I'm not sure I do after the way I saw you be so rude to those Fairytale Creatures."
"You're going to stick up for those freaks? I won't have it Fiona."
King Harold stood between his daughter and Lord Farquaad. "Listen, I think you two just need to take a breather for a second. Last night was a rough night for both of you."
"Lord Farquaad, I think maybe it might be good for you know why we had Fiona locked up in that tower all those years. It may help you understand why she left the wedding in such a rush yesterday."
"She could tell me herself. She should be old enough to speak for herself and not have her parents vouch for her." Farquaad sneered.
"I'm afraid it's a rather sensitive subject for her to talk about. I think she's been rather afraid to tell you. Especially after how I've heard from Shrek about how you were rude to him. He told us the story about your first meeting when you gave him the task of rescuing Fiona." King Harrold said.
"Isn't that right dear?" Queen Lillian asked her daughter.
All Fiona could do was nod.
"Does this reason for having her locked up have anything to do with why we had to make the wedding before sunset?" Farquaad asked.
King Harrold nodded solemnly. "Yes, it certainly does."
Lord Farquaad looked on with intrigue. "Go ahead then."
"Well you see when Fiona was about 2 years old an old witch cast a spell on her.
"By day one way by night another this shall be the norm when you get true love's first kiss then you'll take love's true form." King Harrold explained
"That hocus pocus means nothing to me... this marriage to Fiona makes me king.. I'll have her to be mine one way or another."
"We sent her away because the spell turns her into something absolutely horrid... we knew she would have an unhappy childhood and so forth because of all the teasing she'd endure." Queen Lillian continued the explanation.
"I would have rather put up with all the teasing then have been lonely in that tower for so long." Fiona glared at her parents angrily.
"We regret our choice now." her mother whispered.
"What exactly does the spell turn her into?" Farquaad asked.
"An ogre.. just like Shrek." King Harrold said.
Lord Farquaad's checks turned red with rage.
"I won't have a monster as my wife. That's preposterous." he hollered.
"I knew you'd have this kind of reaction. That's the reason I can't marry you. If you can't accept me for who I am then I can't stay here." Fiona looked at the ground ashamed.
"Fiona is not happy here my lord. If she becomes your queen she will be miserable the rest of her life.. she's been miserable since we locked her away in that tower and we don't want her to die unhappy." King Harrold said.
"Shrek on the other hand...loves her very much." Queen Lillian said.
Fiona looked at her mother hopefully. "He told you that Mother?"
Queen Lillian nodded. "Yes. Dragon was telling us you have the same feelings for him."
Fiona's heart beat steady and fast against her ribcage. "I do. Shrek and I have a lot in common. I don't think I would be happy at all if I stayed here."
"Fiona darling, I think we should leave. We seem to have worn our welcome out." King Harrold said.
"That certainly seems to be the case. Good Day Lord Farquaad." Queen Lillian said.
Fiona locked eyes with Farquaad and sent him a stony glance.
"I hope you're happy with yourself and your perfect kingdom. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I married someone who is so self-centered and unwilling to be accepting of other people's differences. I think this kingdom will never get a queen. Goodbye Lord Farquaad."
And with that the king queen and princess hopped on the dragon's back and flew away. Fiona leaned her head on her mother's shoulder.
"I love you and Father very much Mother." Fiona whispered.
"We love you too darling. We always will. We are so happy that you've found someone like Shrek."
Fiona smiled. "So am I."