So Andy Sachs, what are you waiting for…Cupids?
Cupids and heart-shaped chocolate boxes and keeping florists in business with the romantic and corny hook up or pick up day of February 14, is and was a miserable day indeed for singles like Andy, who found it to be an interminable blizzard of flowers and candy and bullshit all around her office place.
Sure, the 14th of February seems happy and harmless, just another day, a day of flowers delivered with silly greeting cards sent, along with being dragged to shameless rom-coms or out to obligatory dinner dates and candy hearts with words of 'Be Mine' and red, lots and lots of red didn't interest or disturb her morning work day as she continued typing away at her desk.
Andy knew one thing this morning, nobody was sending her flowers.
Nate was long gone, in Boston. Andy was really happy without him, no more hair in the sink or leaving the toilet seat up.
Lowenstein on her left who wrote on City Life noticed along with Mazzaro in Culture and LoPietro in Features, glanced at their newest writer by five months was working this morning at her desk, with missing flowers.
''Sachs you want to save some work for the rest of us.'' Jenny LoPietro teased her, leaning her folded arms on Andy's cubicle.
Andy looked up from her screen. ''I'll try.''
''Chocolate jalapeno?''
Andy declined, shaking her paper bag of breakfast. Just a little something she picked up. Happy it didn't have hearts on it or was red.
''Stress eating Sachs. So any plans tonight with anybody special?'' Lowenstein asked, looking back at her sent flowers from her husband, Eric. He still had no clue she hated gerberas. She only mentioned it a hundred times.
Damn it, that meant she'd have to have sex with Eric tonight.
Fine. He was having her in flannel that smelled like Snuggle detergent, like it or not. There was no way she could get a leg wax appointment at lunch time.
Andy stapled a copy memo she'd printed out. ''No. Just me and my remote.''
Andy vowed on the way in to work on the subway, she was having an evening in.
No way was she was going out and being given looks of what a loser being all alone at a table for one tonight surrounded by couples at tables for two, all around her, on this Valentine's.
Lowenstein noticed Andy decline a heart shaped donut from one colleague. Declining a melt –in- your -mouth donut joy. Something was wrong with Sachs? Was she coming down with something?
'' So no flowers and no Valentine's date with a hunky dunky Mr Right?'' LoPietro smirked.
''Or is it an Ms Right for you?'' Deb, Debra Mazzaro came up, she was curious about their newest work colleague.
Andy's mouth dropped open. What did Mazzaro mean by that, an Ms Right for her?
How did Debra know that about her? Nobody knew that. Andy was not coming out to her office at The Mirror first, no first, it would be to her parents.
Playing that scenario in her head still made Andy wince. Almost hearing them now. At why the sudden about change in sexual attraction, her Mom would ask being supportive.
Was it the GI Joe at Christmas? Wonder Woman pj's or joining the Possums varsity soccer.
Andy would tell them, it was because her heart, it was in the shape of one white haired Editor. Irretrievably so.
She was bent over backwards in love with Miranda. Andy was the heels over head completely and had no chance with Miranda Priestly.
Deb gave a genuine smile at Andy. ''Andy. Relax. I'm not judging. Fluidity in dating and love life, is great! Just so you know, you stare at your last boss, The Dragon Lady, a lot when she's in the Social Page and at events. Just saying.''
Andy flushed at Deb's words. Mazzaro had seen her, watching Miranda last week at an event Andy was forced to attend with Deb by John their Editor, an evening Andy had wanted to skip.
Miranda was there that night. She didn't even look at her.
Still bothering her. Didn't Miranda see her there? For a moment, Andy thought that Miranda was watching her. Andy glanced back and saw Miranda engrossed with some well-known socialite philanthropist, wishful thinking Sachs as Andy left early.
''Tell me, what's it like?''
Andy stopped typing. ''Like?''
Wanting something you can never have. Never get to call Miranda, hers. Bleak, unrequited, it was never going to happen. Not after walking away from Paris. Miranda didn't even like her much.
If at all.
Her blue eyes of seething disdain on Andy often, okay all the time, which made Andy know, these feelings she had for her, weren't mutual.
Except the reference she gave, that wasn't like Miranda at all, doing that for her, which honestly still confused the hell out of Andy and it was not like Miranda was really super friendly across the street when Andy saw her and waved.
Andy knew she saw her, but typical Miranda, she barely acknowledged her existence.
''Working at Runway for her.''
''I wasn't at Runway long.'' Andy used this excuse many times to John to avoid talking about her last boss. Lots at The Mirror joked that Andy must have lost neutrons working in fashion.
''Not long. Figures. Nobody lasts with Priestly. You worked for her as her assistant. Right?
Andy nodded at this. That she was.
''That must be worth a memoir. Is it true her head spins around when she ices you with a look?'' Andy stiffened.
'' That, she demands coffee every hour and threw one cup out her window, on the 17th floor. It gave some pedestrian third degree burns on his head.'' Mazzaro mused out.
Lowenstein's eyes crinkled. ''I heard that La Priestly is so picky about her Starbucks that it's chauffeured to her. Half a block away. Also she's stuck up and uptight.''
LoPietro shook her head. ''Uptight. Try frigid is what I heard from Tim who covered her divorce. Tomlinson was the last hubby, some Wall Street big shot, Priestly probably faxed him instructions on how to approach her in the bedroom. Can you imagine sex with her, it would be like an air traffic controller.''
''Mix Xanax and vodka and close your eyes and think of chiffon last season, Priestly.'' LoPietro and Lowenstein snorted.
Andy heckles were up. What LoPietro just said wasn't funny about Miranda.
Miranda and Stephen were over. Andy knew that. It was made final three weeks ago. Miranda was no longer married to that douche nozzle.
Miranda was a divorcee and single again.
Terrific.
All this last week, Andy desperately hoped she wouldn't see some eligible billionaire with her on his arm, one of Town & Country's eligible bachelors. It was only a matter of time and Andy was still bracing herself to that, it would happen soon.
Than Andy would know she and Miranda were never happening.
''Did she make you alphabetize her Manolas or Choo's?'' LoPietro seriously asked Andy.
'' Did you encounter her kids, redheads. Bet her Obgyn on delivering them, said good luck with them, and twins too, probably spoiled brats. Spawns of Runway's Beelzebub.''
Andy squared her shoulders. Cassidy and Caroline weren't that bad.
Sure once, ages ago, they pranked her but Andy liked them.
They were both incredibly bright and biting like their Mom but also sweet kids.
She still kept up with them through emails, Cassidy always hinted at how their Mom was. At least Andy had an idea of how Miranda was, both girls shared with Andy a few glimpses of someone who was not in any way like Runway's Miranda.
Since leaving Miranda in October, Andy was sent lots of photos along with emoticons of what was going on in the Priestly household.
Andy still grinned, biting her lip, she honestly had no idea Miranda liked Bon Jovi.
Miranda didn't have a clue, it was her by her username, and suspected Miranda must just think she was in the twin's grade and classes.
It made it harder for Andy to get over her boss, by getting these candid photos Caroline shared.
''I wonder if it's true she took them to NY Fashion week at 8 weeks. Talk about not leaving work even during maternity.''
'' Cut it out. Miranda Priestly has an amazing business mind and yeah she's a boss that demands the best in her staff. She's brilliant at her job. She's a visionary and legend in fashion. That's not someone to put down. She loves her kids. So don't talk about her like that around me.''
Deb shook her head at Andy. ''Man, she really did a number on you, didn't she?''
LoPietro snorted out. ''Priestlyitis.''
Andy slid her glasses back up on her nose. Why did Deb, even bring Miranda up? Now her day was ruined. Tabbing out her newest draft on a youth centre that was in need of city funding, on her keyboard forcefully.
''I wonder if anybody would send her a Valentine?'' Lowenstein mused out loud. ''She can't keep 'em married to her. Like a rapping Cupid pig or a strip o' gram or one of those cute teddy bears that sing.''
LoPietro cracked up. ''They'd be crazy or have to bronze their balls.''
''No antifreeze them.'' Debra interjected.
Andy didn't have balls to be bronzed or antifreeze and was by all accounts and by her family history, certifiably sane and she had done just that, once. Given Miranda a Valentine, last Valentine's.
Like an idiot.
''Why don't you quit it about Miranda's sex life and kids ok. Go back to fawning over bouquets that mean you'll have to sleep with your hairy ass husbands or boyfriends, oh I really don't envy that, what is it five minutes or less.
Who when it comes to romance are lost, just a useless bunch of chromosomes in boxers! My batteries included love life satisfies me more, these cards should say ''Cupid, Cupid f*ck me stupid!''
Lowenstein narrowed her eyes on Andy being touchy about Miranda Priestly and panning her hubby Eric's wrong pick of daisies.
''Well, don't shit on my or Jenny's Valentine's, just because you converted to some warped brand of can't get any from the dragon, romantic atheism.''
Last year, Andy didn't hate Valentine's like she did right now, with vehemence, it was just the whole day rubbed her the wrong way, it just happened, developed all because she'd given a Valentine once to Miranda.
Her last.
Andy always did this on this day on Valentine's. Just because she was working here at a fashion magazine as a lowly second assistant didn't mean she wasn't not going to not do this on Valentine's Day.
Runway wasn't exactly decorated for cupid.
A few clackers took some dried dark chocolate cranberries in small red bags, Andy gave out happily on the way up.
Likening it to grazing gazelles or anxious giraffes.
Maybe it was because of her innate good nature or perky outlook on life, grinning as the elevator door closed on Security she brought in, a couple of donuts with heart sprinkles on them.
Nate was such a jerk, accusing her of being enslaved to Runway. She was not becoming a clacker, she was just trying to be really good at her new job.
Be indispensable to Miranda.
She was not drinking the Kool aid. Andy's brows came together. Nate was wrong. Lily was wrong and so was Doug.
Andy over a cold Bud, last night denied it adamantly at Bubby's, which led to a full out argument with Nate, walking home to their place on Broome.
She wasn't going to just quit. She was starting to like working here.
One year with Miranda was worth it.
Slipping it out, onto her desk. Her work colleague, the edgy redhead with bright green blue eyeshadow didn't look up from typing. ''What is that?''
Staring at the red wrapped things with alarm. Geez' hadn't Emily heard of Valentine's Day? Andy was pretty sure it was observed over the pond, in the UK.
''This is for you. Emily.''
Emily gaped. That was unexpected and almost nice of Andrea. Not that she'd ever admit it.
Stammering out to the brunette. ''Oh. That's quite thoughtful of you.'' Emily rarely bonded with co-workers. Andrea niceness was gnawing on her, wearing her down, pretty soon she'd start smiling at Andrea and that was never going to happen.
Poking at the little hearts wrapping paper with her metallic nail.
''Nigel's diabetic.'' Filling Andy in on that. Shame, buying one for him. She'd just have to take it for Serena.
Andy held it up. ''This. It's for Miranda.''
Emily looked like she was decompressing. Staring goggled eyed at the offensive red parcel that no did not have a heart shaped card attached, McQueen help her it was addressed to Miranda. ''Andréa we don't ever give Miranda gifts. Bin it.''
Andy scrunched up her face disappointed, but she'd chosen this gift and bought this for Miranda as a token of goodwill to her boss, it was a Sachs tradition. She always gave something on Valentine's Day to lots of people around her.
To teachers every year since kindergarten. Everybody at the Northwestern Journal when she was its Editor. Her neighbour this morning loved what she gave. The guy at her bodega, he liked it.
''Emily I'm not throwing it out. I'll just give this to Miranda, when I see her or let me just go and leave it on her desk.''
Emily opened her mouth, looking as if Andy was gifting Miranda mouse droppings. ''No! You will not give that to Miranda.''
''Give me what?''
Emily squeaked out. ''Miranda.'' Trying to push it out of view and out of Miranda's sight. Fast.
She saw it. Blue eyes flickering down on it, laying on Andrea's desk.
Miranda with a manicured nail, fingered it with her name on it. It was red. Tilting her head. Miranda had a strange expression on her face, Andy had never seen before.
''This. Miranda.''
Andy began stammering, feeling stupid all of sudden, holding it out. Maybe this was a better idea for Andy's nice elderly neighbour, Mrs Gundy not her boss. Not that Miranda was old or sweet like Mrs Gundy.
What the hell had she been thinking, she just wanted to be nice and give Miranda a valentine?
Just because. For absolutely no reason except Andy was nice.
Andy stood there. Miranda took it from her.
Andy received in reply only a ''Hmmm.'' From the inscrutable white haired Editor.
Tell her, Miss Ohio didn't bake for her. Holding it in her hands wordlessly, Miranda was never lost for words. Not till Andrea.
This was from Andréa. Who used words like scooch over in the cafeteria, Miranda had been told by Nigel. Wore polyblend for a month. She thought Proenza Schouler was a woman.
Was sent a bizarre basket of Ewoks one afternoon from her Mother. For her first NY job.
Had a Fishseddys mug, with a phrase she thought was crass.
Had a goofy grin on her face all the time. Not to her per se, it was usually an expression of wide eyes of sheer panic of what on earth would she'd ask her to do next. Miranda saw that expression often when all she asked was for things done to help her run her magazine.
Plucking at the red bow strangely.
Emily was holding her breath, sputtering nervously out. ''Miranda I'll just take that for you, let me just trash that.''
''Emily stop breathing loudly like a racehorse. Bring me that paper I was reading two weeks ago in the car.''
Unlacing the red bow. No other assistant had ever done this before. Why Miranda wondered was there a shiver of a thrill pulsing through her. Stephen's gifts never did this to her.
It was wrapped tacky. It had little hearts on it.
Unwrapping it slowly in front of Andy who was really starting to feel, probably how one felt, waiting for the guillotine or a firing squad. Clammy hands, anxious. Would Miranda fire her?
Would she do that, for valentining her. She couldn't be that mean. Could she?
Andy mentally prepared, she'd have to get a cardboard box from the mail room.
''Why are you giving me this?'' Miranda's arched brow rose elegantly on Andy.
Andy opened her mouth, rambling. '' I just thought, I'd wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. I always give something like this to everybody I'm working with and with you-you being my boss and we work together, so here you go and again Happy Valentine's Day Miranda.''
Smiling weakly at her, perspiring as Miranda looked at it then back at her.
Ivory fingers revealed a teddy bear holding a heart.
Andy saw it first. Her brown eyes grew wide in horror. No. No. No.
Then she heard it sing.
Nate!
She was going to kill Nate, with what the red bow and heart had on it. Not XOXO on the ribbon but Kiss Me. It was singing, a favourite song of Andy's.
He did this to embarrass her.
Nate was a jerk, him and his stupid comment accusing her last night that she had some crush on Miranda was crazy. She did not have a crush. Nate was wrong about that. She did not have feelings for Miranda.
No way.
Miranda was relentless and Miranda was a piece of work and was like nothing she'd ever encountered before. Miranda was also anal really anal about her coffee temperature.
Half the time to Andy, Miranda was a manicured bitch to her and everybody in her general vicinity.
No. Andy didn't want Miranda. Not ever in her bed and Nate implying Andy had a girl crush was out of line. What would Nate accuse her of next, wanting to have a threesome with the security guys downstairs because of giving them heart sprinkled jelly donuts and a smiling 'good morning.'
Swallowing loudly, Andy's mouth was dry and felt like it was stuck with cement at the singing and Kiss Me ribbon, Nate the asshole had switched her gift on her, it was not funny, she could see Nate plotting this, as Andy cringed, hearing the last chord of ''Hungry Eyes.'' Belted out.
Andy knew Miranda wasn't deaf. Nate frying burgers at Bubby's was a dead man tonight.
Miranda saw it on the ribbon and held heart. 'Kiss Me.' she couldn't miss it.
It stopped singing. Was this a joke on her? Narrowed blue eyes, studying Andrea who looked nauseous.
''Kiss me?'' Miranda repeated this.
Miranda was holding it still to her, moving closer to Andy whose collarbone contracted at her so close, that Andy could make out all the limpid shades of blue of her eyes, which were vivid and locked on hers.
Plumbing the depths of Miranda's eyes, Andy found no glint or gleam of warmth or humour in them about this gift goof up.
HR would probably be instructed to ban her from walking along 49th by Miranda's explicit orders.
Approaching Andy who was standing at her desk.
She wasn't going to kiss her. Was she? Andy wet her lips, waiting.
She wouldn't, would she?
Miranda's mouth curved and was near her ear. Andy gulped. Her heart beating out of her chest.
''This is quite a quaint…'' Miranda's ivory fingers traced the stuffed animal, staring at Andy hard.'' little saccharine Cincinnati custom of yours. This gift of yours…Miranda sneered out…''has disrupted and disturbed something I value, work and I've never had that happen at Runway before you and I expect this to never occur again. Am I understood.''
Miranda spoke coolly and waspish in a tone that told Andy she thought it was a big joke.
On her.
It wasn't.
Andy's hope of a kiss not that she wanted a kiss from Miranda, thudded, she blushed, wilting at her words.
It wasn't like Andy disrupted the office pulling a John Cusack with a boom box and Peter Gabriel blasting.
Tilting her head away, her lip curling.
''Miranda please, that isn't what I meant to give you.''
Miranda turned back to Andy, steeling herself, about to fire her. These big brown eyes were not swaying her. Miranda would not tolerate being made a joke of by an ugly sweater wearing millennial.
'' See this is mine and I have yours at home.'' Wanting to desperately blurt out please don't fire me, resisting that urge to grovel at her Louboutin heels.
''This is yours?'' Miranda spoke sharply. Inflecting a tone that told Andy she was in deep trouble.
Wade carefully Sachs, Andy's had to explain fast.
Andy saw it also in the parcel. Squaring her shoulders, her face red. ''Miranda is there also a squeezy bottle in the gift, the label says 'Licking syrup for naked scrabble.' Andy bit her cheek mortified.
Digesting Andrea's words as she found and held up the bottle.
Miranda gradually found her voice. ''Yes.''
'' This is not for me?'' Miranda held it up. For a moment her eyes were wide then in seconds, her blue eyes narrowed on the irritating brunette.
''No. It's not, I swear. Please believe me Miranda. I do have something for you. Nate did this, he's who I live with, he goes to work at 4 in the morning lately and he gave me that. Miranda, I love Dirty Dancing you know the film with Baby.''
Andy stammered out nervously under Miranda's intense blue eyes piercing into her. ''Nobody puts Baby in the corner.''
Miranda snapped. ''Andrea. Even I am aware of the scenes in that film. Do explain to me, why I have a singing teddy bear and syrup meant to be licked off?'' Icily smiling at Andrea's gall.
''I was rushing this morning and I had yours near it. I grabbed it. This is what I got for you. Here. See.''
Andy had sent a picture to Nigel. Nigel sent back his support that he hoped she liked lining up in the unemployment line. Showing Miranda on her phone, a teddy bear with a heart with XOXO. Miranda stared, this wasn't a joke. Andy missed her blush at the bottle she still held wordlessly in her manicured hand, turning away from Andy and walking to her office.
''Andrea.'' Pausing in the door, staring back at Andy for a long time.
''Yes Miranda.'' Expecting a final curt dismissal of Miranda's cold voice telling her. ''Your fired.'' Over the syrup.
''This is your.'' Holding it out curtly.
Andy took it with crimson cheeks as their fingers brushed.
Miranda tried to not stare at Andrea too long.
Puritan Midwesterners she mused. Not even with Stephen was she ever kinky like her assistant was.
Andy was still standing there, wordlessly, splaying her hand that Miranda had touched and holding the squeezy bottle in a white knuckled death grip of humiliation.
''Andrea? Is it beyond your ability as an assistant to accomplish the task of bringing me, my coffee.''
Andy scurried out to fetch coffee. Exhaling out, as she rushed to the elevator, relieved she wasn't fired. At least for the moment.
Slipping down into her modern leather chair still stunned by it. This. Was not for her but Andrea had something for her. Bought her a Valentine's.
Miranda massaged her temple, she couldn't take it back what she'd just said. Accusing Andrea of disturbing her office.
Why the hell did she say that? What was it about Andrea that made her say things like that? They just flew acerbically out of her mouth all the time with Andrea around her.
Refusing to call her Andy. Miranda stubbornly refused to do that. Forming her mouth into a reptilian smile, mocking those chirpy words of 'Everyone calls me Andy.'
Well Miranda was not everybody. Her way, she enunciated Andrea fit in Miranda's mouth.
Their eyes meeting a lot made her tense and aware. Andrea just being Andrea was the only person to bring this out in her.
Ivory fingers stroked it. It was very sweet and very unprofessional. Still, she should have said thank you, to her.
Shaking her white head at 'Start with nipples syrup'.
Stephen usually sent the obligated and expected two dozen red roses which arrived late this afternoon. Which were very lacking to her for some reason as Miranda found herself constantly stroking the bear on her desk.
It wasn't meant for her. It wasn't even Steiff. It sung. It was mass manufactured and it was cutesy. Not at all what Miranda liked. Miranda was not a woman to give cutesy to.
She hadn't had a bear given to her since she was five and its name was Eddie, she baptised it in a puddle after her Uncle who use to give her $5 pocket money, it ended up drying on a radiator for two weeks.
Valentine's Day and she did not go well together.
There was the date who stood her up, who she spent all day at a salon getting ready for. A date who tried to cop a feel under her sweater in high school. Another time, Miranda was given another girl's flowers. Another date who brought his boyfriend out with them. That was a weird night for her.
She should have realised, he knew fashion as well as she did.
Deacon, the twins' father always had his PA chose a gift. It was always predictable, a night at The Plaza or a weekend for two in The Seychelles.
When she lived in Paris, working for Runway Paris, she tried to ignore Valentine's, her roommate Mary Jess was right, romance was only in her guilty pleasure, nothing could be better or finer than cranking up the old VCR and settling down with Pride and Prejudice – box set – with Colin Firth.
The drama. The bosoms. The breeches. The sexual tension as their eyes meet across a piano forte.
Could Mr Collins be any more slimy? Singling out Lizzie as his wife, and then there's the wet shirt scene. Frankly it's almost too much to endure!
A Pemberley marathon. All six hours of it and then cheer at the end as Miss Elizabeth Bennet tells Mr Darcy that her feelings towards him are very changed indeed.
Why couldn't Stephen set off sparks like that in her with sexually charged bickering and bantering with soft eyes on hers? She liked deep brown eyes.
Stephen's were just plain hazel.
Mary Jess was right. Love like that was in movies, not likely to happen in real life. Miranda's other guilty pleasures were a great many things.
Things, Stephen didn't know or care about.
Bubble Baths by candlelight.
Reading bodice-ripping historical romances.
Brownies warm from the oven with a scoop of Häagen Dazs coffee ice cream.
Fig rolls.
Eating Smuckers Goobers from the jar. Cassidy and Caroline only knew that.
Dancing to Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen on full volume in her kitchen.
Truffle fries.
Being wrapped in a warm blanket while sitting in front of the fire and sipping hot chocolate.
Indulging in not working on The Book for one night.
Filling a trolley at a garden centre with plants with beautiful flowers for no reason or occasion. She did that a lot in Paris at the Marche aux Fleurs.
Not letting Cara or an assistant do the weekly shop.
The William Lawson great scotch commercial with the broken car and loaning kilts so chivalrously in the rain storm, always made her naughtily chuckle.
Watching that Christmas comedy classic favourite of her Bobbsey's. 'Titanic'. With Leonardo DiCaprio and his amazing acting eyebrows. Sitting there willing the ship to miss the iceberg.
Although she'd seen it at least 25 times before, Miranda was optimistic. Thinking ''This time – maybe this time it'll miss and Jack and Rose will live happily ever after.'' Unfortunately it didn't and it sank – again. Miranda knew she should know better by now really. Vowing she wouldn't watch it next year, it's all so upsetting.
Stephen came to meet Miranda tonight.
Kissing her mouth in greeting. Miranda went rigid, Andrea's was watching but turned quickly away.
''What is that?'' Stephen saw it, out of place on her desk. ''Did Cassidy or Caroline give you it?'' Indicating the small teddy bear on his wife's modern glass desk. Miranda hated things like that.
''No. It's nothing, Stephen. A silly token.'' Miranda waved it away lightly.
''Something from Nigel.'' Stephen voiced. Nigel always gave Miranda silly things during the holidays.
Miranda didn't correct Stephen that it was from her newest assistant. Not from Nigel.
Miranda didn't know what to say, about it being from Andrea. Stephen didn't need to know that.
It meant nothing.
''So Rands, as promised by you, no work tonight, I booked that little place on 72nd we use to like remember it, when we started dating, you loved it.''
Miranda inwardly sighed it was where Stephen liked not her.
Stephen's build moved into hers possessively. '' Maybe since Cassidy and Caroline are sleeping over at Mary Jess's with Odele, we can have a sleepover of our own, you can wear that silk chemise thing I like you in.''
Stephen clasped her to him. '' I like it more slipping it off you.''
Stephen's build pressed into her more, kissing her. Miranda felt it hard against her thigh.
Stephen's Viagra prescription was working. Oh Lucky her. Miranda dryly enthused, she only did it lately to make up for being late or missing dinner out with him or one of his firm's events he wanted her to attend that she couldn't make unless her assistants could split her in two.
Miranda hoped Andrea didn't hear or see this.
Saw over Stephen's shoulder, that Andrea was at her desk, her dark head bent, pretending not to be reading a paperback in her lap. She did that during Emily's lunch, manning the phones. Miranda noticed, Andrea was reading poems of Bukowski.
A week ago it was Rilke.
Andrea lately intrigued her.
''Stephen. We'll continue this later.'' Stopping Stephen from his hand running up her slit of her skirt, cupping her roughly stroking her lacy lingerie.
Unzipping his fly, Miranda saw this, No absolutely not happening, he was never going to talk her into sex in her office. Not with her new assistant whose eyes bothered her, mere feet away.
''Not here.''
Grumbling at her, brushing him away. Miranda's rules, about sex, never in the car because of Roy and now not right time. He was ready.
Only agreeable to do it, in their bed and with the lights off and only when her children, those brats were out.
Miranda schooled her face to be loving, her fingers ran along his broad shoulders.
''Just give me a minute.''
Slipping into her executive bathroom, looking in the mirror at her reflection, turning on the sink, tonight in bed, she was not closing her eyes and letting Stephen get it over with. She was not thinking of soft sensual lips trailing along her neck again to be able to come. Which she usually faked.
Imagining a more lithe not hairy build pressing into her not like Stephen's.
Miranda honestly didn't like saveloy or street hot dogs the shape of them and he always wanted his complimented about how huge it was. Grimacing Stephen's, it was like handling a Johnsonville to her.
That and his ego stroked. Constantly.
His wife was all his tonight. She better be. It was always the brats or Runway never his time with her. She put everything aside for them but not him.
Stephen picked it up, eyeing the stuffed animal with a smirk. Poking it. Nigel's taste in Valentine's was corny. It actually sung. Dropping it in the garbage, where it belonged.
Stephen was tired of doing what Miranda wanted or liked, she was his wife and he wanted her, assistant outside or not, he went to the bathroom door, trying it, and found it was locked.
Andy stretched and flexed her neck, she was waiting for the Book, which she always did, except Miranda was here. So was he. Twinkle pinstripe douche is what Andy named him.
A pompous arrogant humourless asshole. On the phone and now here in person.
Flickering her eyes back down as she saw him kiss Miranda.
Ignoring why it made her feel out of sorts. Miranda was married. Husbands kissed their wives. Andy had Nate in her life.
Nate, she was still so mad at him, he was sleeping on the couch for the next two months and even if he made her amazing grilled cheese sandwiches she wasn't forgiving him.
His stupid prank could've cost her, her job.
Nate lately was resentful of her work, of her not making time for him. Andy was flat out at work, keeping up with Miranda's calls and countless errands.
Nate also didn't have eyes that distracted her.
Nate's build was not like Miranda's figure, he was goofy unlike her sharp mind, her words and hell her hair bothered Andy, so much, when she was around her.
Flipping a page, out of the corner of her eye, Andy saw him press into Miranda. Ugh!
Looking quickly back down, annoyed Andy refocused on reading about poems of LA, hanging from trees.
Miranda rinsed her hands. She could do this, she just had to psych herself up for sex with Stephen. Deep down it shouldn't have to be like this. She'd have a cocktail and wine tonight during dinner.
Andy was still staring pretending to be engrossed in the same page for the last five minutes.
''Emily.'' Andy looked up from her book to him standing over her desk. Setting her bookmark on her page.
''I'm not Emily.'' Andy informed Stephen. ''I'm a Andy.''
''Yeah. Emily. Do you have condoms?''
No Andy living now in the big city, did not carry around condoms on her personally or in her bag. If she was hit by a bus her mother would die if she had that in her purse.
''Sorry I'm all out.''
Stephen reached into his wallet. Handing out a twenty to her.
''Emily, can you go and get some. I need them for tonight.''
Andy would have to go two block s up from the building to that all night pharmacy, she didn't know why she just wanted to punch him one for no reason whatsoever.
''Get Durex no Trojans. Sensitive brand, Miranda's allergic to latex.''
That was too personal as Andy watched Miranda elegantly stride out of her office and get her coat.
Stephen took back the twenty. ''I'll just get Roy to get that.''
Miranda paused. ''Get what Stephen? Andrea will get whatever it is that you want.'' Looking at Andrea coldly, if Stephen wanted something like sugared nuts or pretzels or the Wall Street Journal it was Andrea's job to go get it.
Andy blushed as Stephen said what he wanted.
Andy phoned down to security. Ronny and Tom maybe they had some.
Miranda was going to throttle her husband tonight. Asking Andrea to get condoms. Andrea got coffee often but she was not and never would be her husband's condom gopher. She suddenly couldn't meet Andrea's eyes.
Ronny brought it up as Andy got it from him. ''It's all I got.'' Andy stared at it as she walked back, holding the wrappers out.''Umm here.''
Stephen took them. Glow in the dark and red. How very fitting for Valentine's.
Miranda had pulled on her coat rigid and left without a glance to her with Stephen following her.
Roy hastily got her door for her. Miranda couldn't stop thinking Andrea now knew she was having sex tonight. How could Stephen ask her to get that.
Roy shut the door on them. He could tell Stephen had done something wrong. Again. Unlike at the Benefit he wasn't drunk.
Miranda suddenly scrolled through her phone. To text Andrea.
'No Book tonight.' M.'
Andy had an good idea to why No Book was to be delivered tonight. She didn't care, it didn't bother her, and so what, that it meant that Miranda and Mr. Douche Nozzle were going to have sex.
Married people had sex. Single people had sex. Andy and Nate had sex, well not in a month and a half.
He hadn't really surprised her with anything this morning. No flowers or chocolates or breakfast in bed like his fluffy waffles.
That bear that almost cost her job, that singing bear Nate was going to get an earful about.
Andy glanced at her last email, her sister Jill. Jill thought Andy was working for a boss from hell.
So did their Dad and Mom. Jill lightly suggested a link, showing Andy, the local paper in Shaker Heights was hiring. Andy was firm in her reply. She wasn't leaving the city.
Shaker Heights Ohio didn't have Miranda.
Tonight, all Andy really wanted was a long warm shower, pull on an old t-shirt and sweats and just sink into bed and try not to think about Miranda's eyes or him kissing her and touching her like that.
Or him needing condoms.
He was all wrong for her. Why did Miranda even marry him?
Closing her bag with a snap. Twinkle douche nozzle.
Shutting down her computer. If Andy met Miranda for a date she'd be more spontaneous, send her flowers and clues. Romance her. Bring a little corny in her life.
A date with Miranda and her! Andy shook that off instantly. Where in hell did that thought come from?
A date with Miranda, why would she think of it. She was delirious from skipping lunch today. Yeah that was it. She needed carbs. Evil carbs that Emily shuddered at.
Andy got her coat, going into Miranda's office to turn the lights off, Andy stopped and saw it sticking out of the Miranda's trash can, it had been discarded in the bin. Emily was right. Miranda didn't like gifts given or was it just because it was hers.
Mistaken Valentine's or not.
Chewing her sausage apple cheese on an English muffin at her NY Mirror desk, scanning her emails out the corner of her eye.
One pinged in. Seeing new mail for her. Out of the corner of her eye, Andy almost began choking on her bite of late breakfast, at who it was from.
Clicking on Miranda's message.
Lingering on it. What did Miranda want? Especially today of all days. Enough Sachs, Andy scolded herself, she did not care, she stopped herself clicking the mouse.
Miranda use to be the first thing on her mind, every morning.
She'd get to it later. She was not on Priestly's leash.
It was probably some pseudo mind game about what happened in Paris. She had better things to do. Proofing a short piece for Saturday's edition that John assigned her.
Eating this delicious bite. Making important, horror film choices for tonight. Something with gore. John Carpenter would be perfect and anti-romantic.
Andy ignored it.
She was not opening it. Miranda was not at the top of her list. Not anymore.
Rummaging in her backpack busily, fingers curled around it, there was her lacrosse ball for her shoulder.
Holding her MTA pass between her teeth. She needed to top it up.
Clicking on one email from her Mom, Andy's brows came together. She was too old for Snoopy Valentine's from Hallmark
There was a video of guide dogs with tiny harnesses that her Mom sent her since she trained them back in Ohio and another from Jill her sister, Andy opened it, laughing at Amy Schumacher's dark humour which was like fine sand in a salad.
Andy had lots to do at her desk, like organize her paperclips and color code her Post It notes and she being super busy, had to ask Siri weird questions. Look up kayaking in the Hudson, she'd like to try that. Maybe begin learning Sindarin on the Learning Annex.
Yup, Andy's time was pretty busy this morning. Miranda was not monopolizing it. Later she'd see what it was Miranda wanted from her.
She kept looking at it in her inbox. Andy tried not to, but with a big sigh of defeat, she gave in.
Andy clicked on it from her, she lasted exactly five minutes, resisting Miranda.
She was Priestly's Pavlov. She was still so not over her.
It simply said.
Andrea,
I regret the things I left unsaid to you. Let's meet. Tonight? Miranda.
P.S. Have a Happy Valentine's Day.
Brown eyes widened at those three words. Let's meet. Tonight. Swallowing hard. Miranda wanted to meet her. See her again.
Typing back with trembling long fingers. Miranda. Sure. I would love to see you again. Tonight, what time is good for you? Where? Andy stopped her typing suddenly. Tapping at backspace key and deleting words on her screen quickly.
Running her fingers through her thick hair, what was wrong with her, lay down and roll over and jump through hoops why don't you Andy, a smile playing on her lips as she typed back a few sentences just to make Miranda stew.
Maybe I'm unavailable. Miranda. It's a busy day for me, spreading in the words of iconic Wet, Wet, Wet's hit, Love is all around.
Happy Valentine's Day also.
Pressing send. Holding her breath.
Drumming her long digits on her desk. Waiting for a reply.
LoPietro was right she had Priestlyitis. She had it bad.
Andy waited, her eyes kept flickering to her inbox, slumping at no response, an hour passed by. Nothing.
Andy went to go get a coffee, rushing back as it pinged.
My Dearest Andrea, I didn't see cupid's job advertised in the NY Times Jobs Section. How busy you must be. Destabilizing people's lives with arrows. I shall warn people to duck on Six and 49th.
Andy gulped it was a live chat IM. Her computer at work didn't have a camera. Fixing her hair even though Miranda couldn't see her. Wanting to look nice for her.
It is busy. I had to get the toga shortened and take archery lessons, it's been a nightmare. Grow wings. Plan flight paths over NY. All part of the job description.
Andy hit send.
Andrea, Grecian attire and wings for spring! Without my say so. When you've finished your duties of aiming flying arrows citywide. I want to see you. Is 8 good for you?
Andy's name was called. Leaving her desk to go to the reception desk, she signed for it.
It was beautiful as Andy's eyes took it in. Tracing the ivory card she'd opened next.
For you Andy, my heart is yours.
XO
M
Fingering it. The small modern glass blown heart necklace, cut as if halved. If Andy was not mistaken it was featured in Runway's last issue. It came as a pair.
Miranda couldn't be in as much love with her as she was? Could she?
Did Miranda have the other half?
Was she wearing it now?
Miranda held her breath, looking out at the skyline. No response back instantly from Andrea. Mary Jess was mistaken.
She was a reading into this too much, like an old fool.
Andrea was not harbouring anything remotely like attraction for her, why would she be, Miranda had been nothing but belittling and often demanding and unfair to her.
She should never have even told her oldest friend, about Andrea or about her Valentine she snubbed, or about Paris, how the way Andrea looked at her in her suite the night before, which made her lash out and why despite feeling upset by Andrea just walking out on her and Runway, she needed to make it right and give a reference for her.
Miranda realised too late, she didn't just like Andrea around her because she was a great assistant. It wasn't only admiring her, her grace and intelligence daily. Andrea didn't just hold her interest by being so unlike any assistant she'd ever hired.
It ran deeper. Little things that made up Andrea, grew on her. Slowly happened around her.
Mary Jess had said it out loud first, she asked her over a bottle of wine and Miranda on a sofa with red rimmed eyes holding scrunched tissues caused by Stephen faxing her divorce papers. ''Mir. Do you have feelings for Andrea?''
Miranda swallowed down her wine slowly, setting it down, running her finger along the rim.
She did, her blue eyes glistening on her oldest friend. ''Yes.'' Beginning to tell her all about Andrea and the Valentine's she gave her and what happened between them in Paris.
MJ made Miranda blush at proclaiming out with a dry snort. ''So she gave you, nipple syrup in a way. So what happened to the gift?''
Miranda honestly didn't know, she had left it on her desk, that evening with Stephen went horribly, the girls got sick at MJ's and Miranda had Roy drive them to MJ's and promised Stephen a make-up night, they argued about her priorities and how involved she was with work, all the way to MJ's and she endured a seething silent Stephen with Cassy and Car sipping ginger ale with straws as she took care of both her babies as Stephen went to the spend the night in the guest room.
Flouncing away, angry with her.
By the time she slipped off her heels, it was midnight, Patricia snuffled over and joined her in bed, sharing Valentine's cuddle with her big St. Bernard, who breathed heavy and licked her face sloppily as Miranda recalled the gift, Andrea's gift, no sort of gift, she'd even called the cleaners herself, to see if they could find it, told, early the next morning, that it could not be found.
Mary Jess listened and encouraged her to call Andrea now. Told 'just call her. Tell her you like her by line, you think it's sexy.
Miranda gulped her wine down. Suggested to call her and do what? Andrea would think she's gone 730.
They'd never even talked to each other outside of Runway. Wincing how she'd belittled Andrea over a shade of blue.
Miranda knew next to nothing about Andrea.
Miranda sighed last week she saw Andrea and she didn't know what to do? How to be just herself to Andrea. Not hide behind the dragon mask. Stop self-protecting, show her, her.
Blue eyes flickered down to her Galaxy screen. Nothing.
Calling Mary Jess.
Andy took out her phone, calling Miranda's number which Andy knew was a private number, never given out not even to Irv Ravitz only to her twins and a MJ Mahoney, Andy often wondered who MJ was?
His secretary was really nice on the line.
Was he like Stephen? Andy furrowed her dark brows. Tall, salt and pepper hair, master of the universe type of guy. Often Andy heard them, they talked almost every day about anything and everything and Andy got glimpses of Miranda, the real Miranda from those conversations.
Andy was jealous as hell of Mr MJ Mahoney.
The line was busy. Disconnecting it, Andy turned back to her screen and looked it up, dialling them.
''I'd like to send a dozen roses to Miranda Priestly at Runway magazine. I liked this to go to Elias Clarke Building by noon. Please write on a card, Priestly, in my family, we send camellias for luck, roses for love. I went for the roses. Happy Valentine's Day. Andy. XO. Would you please read that back.'' Andy listened as the florist did that.
''Can you include a gift.'' Andy smiled, holding, on the line, it was their last one, and she was reminded, she had left it at the last minute, as she read off her card number, paying for it. Hung up.
Andy couldn't believe she was doing this again. Putting her heart out there.
Mary Jess had a court case in two hours. ''Miranda. I'm here. You know, I may be a senior partner able to do whatever I want but occasionally I do have a law firm to run.''
Mary Jess had got her text and rushed to come over. Trip would cover for her absence, her new assistant was reliable. He was her Labrador retriever in a suit.
Stepping inside and seeing Miranda like this. ''What did Andrea do?''
Mary Jess crossed her arms. First discovering about Andrea meaning a lot to Miranda made Mary thrilled, Miranda might finally have found somebody who actually was worth her love but being called at 11:45 on speed dial, meant one thing, what in hell did Andy Sachs say or do wrong?
The gift she'd sent as Miranda was supposed to help things along.
Trip promised he'd deliver it right about now. Miranda had no idea. Which was a good thing. She'd talk herself out of doing something like that. So MJ did it for her.
''That's it. I'm going to The Mirror and threatening Miss Twentysomething brunette who looks good in jeans with the butt of a twelve year old boy with jury duty and that guaranteed will make her to take you out.''
Miranda blinked. ''Jess, she didn't do anything. Wait. How do you know Andrea has brown hair? Have you…Jess have you been spying on Andrea?''
Miranda's blue eyes went wide on her friend.
''No.'' Mary Jess caved at Miranda's glare. ''Fine. Yes. I checked her out, I had Trip observe her, one lunch hour. I said she was a case study. ''
Miranda was going to throttle Mary Jess.
''I didn't want her, to turn out to be a female Stephen and hurt you.'' Jess held up her hand in defence. She asked Trip, her newest assistant to follow the reporter around, Trip was young and eager to prove himself. Cute but off limits. He was only twenty-five.
Jess confessed. ''Trip followed her around just for a few days. Miranda.''
Blue eyes narrowed on her best friend. Trip? What kind of a name was that? Miranda pinched her nose bridge, she couldn't believe Jess some days.
''Trip is?''
Mary Jess smiled more at her friend. ''Trip is short for Theo William Whitford III. Triple name so Trip he likes being called. My newest assistant.'' Miranda saw it, flicker across her friend's face. Mary Jess liked him.
''I can't believe you had someone spy on Andrea? Just an hour right? Jess?''
''Fine. Andy was watched by Trip for almost a week.''
Miranda shook her head at Jess doing that for her.
'' It was for you Miranda. Do you know Andy's renting practices at her local video store? That she drinks beer from a bottle. There's more, Trip saw some dark stuff.''
''Jess. I can't believe you.'' Miranda hissed out, pausing her curiosity winning out. ''Like what?''
''Lots. She can curse in Brooklynese when she jaywalks, eats bialy, volunteers, looks dynamite in a tank top at yoga, Trip's words, she likes dogs, goes up and can't keep her hands to herself, on dating it seems your Andy's bed is quite... ''
Miranda attention was rapt.
Andrea was not her Andy, Andréa was very much single and she was very attractive and probably dated lots, with her smile and looks and being younger and single it was likely she partook in one night stands often, every night for all she knew.
Andrea had a great smile.
So her bed, it was in all probability filled as Miranda almost slumped.
She deep down hoped she didn't have sex that often and was as lonely in this city as she was.
''Quite empty. Trip assures she's not a Netflix and chill singleton or a post boned type. What that is I still have no clue. So no worries on her joining a sex addiction meeting.'' Mary Jess informed brightly.
''Good.''
''Did she say no when you asked her out?'' Mary Jess asked quietly, Miranda held it out and showed it to Mary Jess.
Taking it from her.
If this Andrea hurt Miranda, laughed at her when Miranda was putting herself out there, Mary Jess was going to march over to little Miss Illy iced expresso coffee delivered by her local deli on a Friday at 11pm and kick her not good enough for Mira, Ohioan…
Andrea just said nothing back.
Oh.
Mary Jess's excuses were not helping. On the subway, no signal with junkies and mole men around her, Miranda didn't like that suggestion, that was why Miranda strictly forbid the subway to nannies with her Bobbsey's and she herself had never had been on one.
Only Roy and a Mercedes were safe transportation.
''Stuck at a story.'' Miranda gave a pointed look at her.
Miranda knew Jess, didn't want to say it to her, that maybe Andrea just wasn't interested.
''Here's the plan, you forget about Andrea, I'll have Trip babysit, he loves spa nights and karaoke Grease with Odele, we're going out tonight. Wearing red. We'll only have lawyers buy us drinks and only the ones I've beat in court.''
Mary Jess warned. ''No brunettes with pretty brown eyes, phooey on them.''
Miranda groaned at saying that to Jess about Andrea's eyes.
'' Only blondes and redheads are permitted to flirt with us.''
Miranda gave a look at Jess. She'd just forget about the possibility of Andrea. Bury herself in work and the girls but not ever settle again for a Stephen.
MJ leaned closer.
'' Or not out, we stay in at yours and I order dinner through Caviar, get those truffle fries you say you never eat and we get in pj's with Odele, Cass and Car and we watch hours of rom coms plying lies to generations and criticise the actors in all love scenes. Warn them to never date.
I suspect, Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, he probably gained fifty pounds on Meg. Imagine Lucy after the honeymoon to Florence in 'While You Were Sleeping ', I bet Jack farted in his sleep.''
Mary Jess made Miranda quirk a smile.
''I say, this weekend, we sign up for Soul Cycle and you can work out, while I give myself a heart attack doing that and admiring Akin's abs and buns fresh from the bakery.''
Miranda shook her head at her oldest friend. How exactly did they become friends years ago, with so very little in common?
Mary Jess was pushier and said anything whereas Miranda was reserved and chose her words carefully.
Somehow they managed to start out as roommates, become best friends, to being pregnant at the same time to juggling Dalton's PTA that was navigating Momsters with unset Jello for a bake sale brought by MJ and a pie rushed to Miranda by an assistant in heels.
Both of them were now divorced from cheaters who left them and Miranda's Greg and MJ's Ira were living out perpetual midlife crisis and now with kids on the cusp of adolescent, MJ and her were successful and wealthy and giving up on looking for partners in this city that were not anything like their ex's.
All were the same, trying to impress with their big…portfolios.
Miranda had hoped Andrea was something different and new for her.
Guessing she was just like all the others. Goofy smiling nipple syrup owning brown eyed ninny she almost wanted to let herself fall in love with.
Tonight she was staying in at the townhouse, she was making MJ tell her about this Trip who made her blush like that. MJ could deny it, but Miranda saw it.
Looking down to a blank screen, Andy Sachs was not texting her back. She pretended that she didn't care.
Emily couldn't believe what arrived for her Editor. Miranda was going to have her head on platter receiving this, no her head would be mounted on Runway's walls for allowing it inside Runway.
It couldn't possibly be for Miranda?
It was.
The delivery guy confirmed the recipient as Miranda Priestly.
The redhead just stared at it. Speechless. Gobsmacked. It was an abomination for her eyeballs.
Times like this she missed Andrea.
Emily had a feeling Miranda did also, she realised this, literally right after Miranda came back from Paris without Andrea beside her, that their surly icy Editor was pining for Ms Chubby.
It wasn't very obvious but there were a few signs Miranda was out of sorts for the last few months without Andrea near her, which Emily picked up on. Nigel even noticed.
Emily knew this holiday was full of cupids and over-priced roses, but this must be from Irv Ravitz to bring a stroke on Miranda.
It was a plot to destabilise Miranda's sanity with this gesture.
Glancing at a new message sent to her on her screen, smiling more to herself, reading it, Serena had been hinting at something special planned for her. Hopefully nothing like this sent.
They just were starting to date.
Taking a fortifying breath, Emily took it in to Miranda's office. It belonged in a rubbish bin no a skip. Who would send this to Miranda?
Emily knocked.
At least it wasn't a beaver singing 'Bieber's Baby song.