Old money
Lana Del Rey
…..
The morbidness of this new world brought an unforseen beauty. He laughed cynically at the thought. "Beauty" was too optimistic of a word. Even "blessing." But Daryl found himself recreating who he was as a man. The man others depended on. He lived for Rick's reliance in him.
Carol's assurance.
Hershel's wise words.
Beth's singing.
Michonne's hard eyes.
The woman he learned he had more in common with as weeks passed. Both were driven by vengeance for Andrea and Merle.
Merle. The man he hated to love. The man whose own destruction and jealousy led him to the Governor. His bitterness lead him to his own demise. And it forced him to pick up the pieces. To carry on the best way he knew how.
Merle's lifeless corpse etched in his mind.
The hard callouses in his hand from gripping the blade.
Piercing his brother' s grotesque skull.
The cobalt sky shimmered with stars as the dark thoughts clouded his mind. He lay here with Michonne on the thin blanket. It was her idea to do this. She was possessed with madness. He understood why. Andrea was the first person to show her humanity after this world turned to shit. This was the only way she could gain control of her sanity. But "sanity" was another term that was used loosely. The things they did to survive.
They could kill a walker without blinking. Looking in its' eyes. Distancing themselves from the harsh reality. This creature once had a life that was cut short. A family.
Unlike him. There was that part of him that felt relieved about losing Merle. He was no longer the drug addict's baby brother who was afraid to say 'no' to him. Doing stupid shit to people. Saying ignorant shit to people. Not that he believed in those hateful words. But he was weak.
Not anymore. Not with Rick and Carol depending on him.
Not with Michonne in his arms.
He didn't know how she ended up laying on his chest. Or how his arm wrapped around her waist. Little to no words were expressed between them, but the two mutes had this silent language. Their eyes held all the words and emotions they needed to express.
Daryl had never held a woman this beautiful. He understood why Rick could not keep his eyes off of her. His hand rested on the small of her back as she gripped his shirt. He wondered what Rick and Carol would say if he told them this. The silent warrior was clutching onto to him. Even if she didn't know it.
"Andre.'" Michonne pushed her body into him. Daryl's heart dropped. Not just because of her inner turmoil but at the unfamiliar man's name. Of course she had a man before all of this.
"Peanut." Michonne kissed his forehead. She was a mother again. And he was in her arms. "O how I missed you Andre." She rubbed her hands through his hair. This was the sweetest joy she had known.
"Andre. Mommy's sorry." Tears fell on his shirt.
"Noooooo…" She released a gut-wrenching scream. Andre was gone. No longer in her arms. The silence and loneliness swallowed her in a dark abyss.
"Michonne." He repeated her name. She was a mother. That type of pain, he would not pretend to know.
"Mommy's sorry baby. Mommy's so sorry." He began to shake her out of her nightmare.
"Daryl?" Her eyes widened with shock. She had to take a deep breath. It was the only way to stop her from shaking. And to ignore the startled expression on Daryl's face.
The stoic man was hard to break. But his concerned face was more of an insult than comfort. Michonne turned her back to him. She no longer wanted to see those deep blue eyes. Yes, she was embarrassed for unknowingly showing her weaker side to him.
The man who she shared this common bond with her. The man who convinced Rick to save her from the Governor and his own brother. That was probably why he followed her. Because he felt guilty. She had never known a man to be like this…
To do the right thing. In this world it became the norm to do wrong without thinking. Yet, there was always that piece of humanity inside of them. It was what made her save Andrea.
Andrea the most compassionate person she had met. The woman who made her believe in others. That was what got her killed by Phil. His charismatic spell manipulated her thoughts until there was nothing left of her. And just like with Andre, she had to put her broken heart back together again.
This was the best way she knew how. Daryl was the only one who understood her mindset. Even if she was chasing a ghost.
"You know. Just because I don't see you doesn't mean I can't feel your eyes on me." She spoke up.
"yer the one who ended up on my chest remember." He barely whispered at her hard tone.
Daryl turned his back to her. The night air providing a gentle breeze. Despite her words, he savored her against his body. He missed it.
Maybe because he finally had a taste of what Rick had with Lori. What Glenn had with Maggie. With all the complications of this world, they made affection seem natural. The mere touches from Beth and Carol were natural to them. Too natural.
But not him.
Until this very night.
And Michonne just took it away from him.
So easily.
Michonne turned over. His back was to her. Rightfully so. Before this shit infested world, her mouth was her deadliest weapon. She didn't care how she used it on others who didn't matter to her. Especially men with a sense of entitlement. But Daryl was far from that.
Honest.
Hardworking.
The only man she would completely trust with her life.
He'd proven that.
Now, she had to prove to him that he could do the same thing.
"Daryl." She rested her hand on his back. "I shouldn't have said that to the man who has saved my life countless times this past week."
"It's alright. Used to it anyways. Ya don't owe me nuthin no ways." Michonne frowned at his stoic tone. No one should be used to being mistreated.
"Yes I do Daryl. I owe you much more than anyone else from that prison. You're the one who actually doesn't see this as a death trap. Unlike Rick who wanted me stay."
"He wanted yah to stay because he wants yah safe." Daryl kept his back to her. At that moment he realized that these were real feelings he had for her.
"I know that. And I should have stayed for that. But you know I am not the kind of woman who fears death or runs from it. You understand that this isn't some crazy impulsion. That Andrea's life mattered." She paused. "Merle's did too."
"That's chicken shit and yah know it 'Chonne." His angry tone made her pause. Sitting up, he refused to look at her. "Yer saying all this because yah think it's what I need to hear. Not because yah mean it. I ain't some dumbass red neck who don't know mind games."
"I don't see you like that at all." She sat up. Wanting to touch his shoulder to make him believe in her, but she refused. They were not friends. Nor partners.
But she found herself wanting more than what she had with him.
"But what about Merle. What he did tah yah? How he always does things without thinking. How he hurts others for no apparent reason. How he hurt meh every time." His eyes saw red as he clenched his fists to stay sane.
"If I can forgive Rick. I could have forgiven Merle. He loved you. He did what he did to not protect the prison, but to protect you." He stared in her calm eyes.
"He had a damn good way of showing it." He lashed out.
Michonne realized she wasn't the only one dealing with the collision of their past and present. Each person had their own way of coping. Hers was suppressing her memories until they were unleashed in her dreams. His was bottling them up until his had no more room left. He was now at his wits end.
"Even as kids he claimed it was us against the world. Against our paw. But it was always about what he wanted. He hated everyone including meh. But I had his back fer every bar fight. Every night in jail. All because I thought it would make him accept meh. Why was I so…"
"Because he was all that you had. He may have been a bad brother, but that didn't mean he didn't care for you." She rubbed his shoulder. Looking in those beautiful broken blue eyes.
"Guess I just wanted more time with him." The night masked his blush. "it ain't walkers who are the only enemy, but time." Michonne nodded at his philosophical words.
"I wanted him dead fer so long. Now I got my wish." His bitterness showed.
"I wanted more time with Andre. I loved being a mother." The words slipped out before she could stop them. But he needed some explanation for her screams and embarrassment.
"I loved having my child depend on me and love me despite my shortcomings. Sorry I ended up…..waking you."
The two both knew what they wanted to say but didn't know how to form the words. She didn't latch on to him because he was just there. She did it because he made her feel safe. Teaching her to track and hunt empowered her more. And she never once saw any intimidation from his eyes.
Michonne claimed that that he saved her life, but in actuality, she did. It was her passion and endurance that inspired him to follow her. To believe there was a chance of stopping the sadistic bastard was the only thing keeping him alive. That and knowing he had Michonne to fight beside him. She was beautiful as she slashed walkers to shreds. He couldn't tell her though.
"I didn't mind." The temperature began to drop.
"You should have. I am the reason we could have been dead. Tonight we're lucky." She laid down on the blanket. "It's like my mind choses the worst time to….."
"Yah don't have to apologize fer wanting yer son back." Daryl laid beside her. "fer wanting the world back." She only nodded.
"And you don't have to apologize for hating and loving your brother at the same time." He reached in his bag for another blanket.
"Good ole reliable Carol." He placed the small blanket over Michonne's body.
"Daryl, what about you?"
"I'm alright. I was poor remember. I'm used to being cold."
"I hate when you say that. No one should be used to mistreatment." She moved towards him sharing the blanket. Her body fit naturally with his.
"Are yah gonna move away this time?" He asked.
"No." He placed his arm around her. Their intimate position made her nervous. She had more important things to worry about than these feelings Daryl stirred in her. He somehow broke the switch that was able to turn off her emotions.
"What are yah thinkin about?" He asked. All he could think about was her and whether he would have another day with her.
"You're the only one who I told about Andre." Michonne melted perfectly against his form.
She didn't know what made her do it. His eyes promised freedom. Freedom from judgment. Rick had those same eyes, but Daryl's were different.
They struck her curiosity in more ways than one.
"Why meh?" His arms rested around her waist. Anyone had to be desperate to actually have meaningful conversation with him. Looking down at her, a tinge of pain struck his heart. Part of him knew that she really wanted to tell Rick this. He was just a bystander.
"I don't know why. Something inside my head told me too." Michonne gripped his shirt. "I remember when I first saw you. You were like me. Reserved. Hesitant. Lethal."
Both enjoyed being in each other's arms. Michonne traced his inner arm tattoo. She would have never guessed a bad dream had the power to shed some peace. Looking at him, he was in a trance as his hands played in her hair.
"When I first saw yah. I ain't gone lie. I thought yah were dangerous. I was wrong. Yah were just a loner like meh. And yer right. We are lethal."
"Is that why you went after me after Merle kidnapped me?" He nodded.
"Yer is more important. It shouldn't have been traded like that. Plus, I didn't know what Merle was gonna do to yah before he handed yah that yah needed meh to watch out fer yah."
"I'm glad you did." Michonne said. "It was at that moment I realized you saw me as more than a bargaining chip. Now Rick does but you always saw me for what I was." Running her finger down his jawline, his mesmerized eyes mirrored hers.
"I haven't been held like this in a long time."
"Meh neither." He pressed her into him more.
The uncontrollable thought that she was his ran through his mind. Time had immediately stopped. They were no longer two people trying to survive a new world. Nor were they two people who lost everything. They were man and woman.
"Do you think we will find him?"
"I don't know." Daryl stated. "But I'm here." He rested his nose in the crook of her neck. Her gentle smell was too pleasing for him.
"Daryl?" He raised his head. Dead at the sight of her chocolate eyes on him. "How did this happen?" She referenced to their feelings.
"That don't matter. All that matters is that it did." The intensity in his eyes made her shiver.
"So what does that mean when you go back to the prison." Her response caught him off guard.
"I know you have to go back. You have obligations. A real family. I don't. it wouldn't be fair to send you on a witch hunt. I would have no ounce of humanity in me if I convinced you to stay." Michonne said firmly.
"But….." Daryl began as Michonne blessed his lips with a chaste kiss. She could not let him convince her otherwise.
"But nothing. In a week you go back and I stay. You've taught me how to truly survive. And nothing you can say can tell me otherwise. I know where you are. I will come back to the prison. To you."
"Don't break yer promise." He pecked her lips.
The certainty in her voice did not erase his worry. Arguing with her was not going to make her change his mind. What if something happened and he was not there to protect her. It would be worse that losing Merle, Andrea and Sophia.
His lips on hers made him believe in her might and will. She would come back to him. It was not a 'maybe' but a 'definitely.'
Michonne would enjoy the remaining days she had with her redneck. If she was to end up dead, by the Governor or walkers, at least she could hold onto her memories of Daryl. She had something besides Andre's love and Andrea's friendship to keep breath in her body.