X-Men: First Class/Firefly Mode
So I somehow popped out another one before my camping trip. It's cool though cause I'm going to be working on my first multichapter xmen fic with an actual plot! YaY, me.
There's no fluff in here, sorry, I love it just not good at writing it. Anyway, the title really had nothing to do with actual content. Read after the story if you're curious.
Review! And I'll probably be way more enthused over writing many more X-Men: First Class, maybe a happy one.
Firefly Mode
It was the last day they ever met eye to eye.
No, it wasn't when Erik left Charles on a beach under blue skies and gray guns. It was before that. Not long before that, just before.
In retrospect, Erik blamed himself. He shouldn't of wanted liked that. Veering from his path led him here. To the empty place of answers. Later on, he realized he didn't want all the answers, maybe not most. Some things are better left to dreaming, and wanting, and forever not knowing.
Charles blamed himself the moment of. That wasn't surprising. And with great pain and confusion, he took the answer and stored it away into that brilliant mind keeping it somewhere well-lit and dusted regularly. It hurt, but in a rather beautiful way. Proof is like that, as is fact.
Sisterly love put Raven on Charles side-even though he never called one. "That was totally unfair of him."
But it wasn't. And Charles wandered how Raven even knew. Deeper though, he knew that everyone knew, and that it was his fault for being so transparent. So, he tried not be, cause the kids will take his side even though it's not the right one. And then he reminds himself that there isn't any sides, especially not one of his own.
"I think I love you."
Erik didn't say that exactly. It was more awkward, and slightly convoluted. Hours spent in front of a mirror trying to pronounce the words perfectly in English is rather jinxing. More along the lines of, "Don't interrupt me cause this is really weird for me and well probably for you as well- wait don't read my mind either-yeah-wait, oh yeah-and don't feel obligated to say anything either-yeah, just listen-jesus fucking christ-I just wanted to say that I have these sort of feelings-oh, god this sounds really awful-I mean, good god-" It was close poetic.
And yeah, somehow through all the grabble, Charles got it. That was probably the reason Erik wanted to say it in the first place. A man who took garbage and made it so simple and to the point, was a man he could relate to.
"No you don't," was Charles answer.
It was baffling, and Eric wanted to know how Charles could know that. He should be the master of his own emotional interruption.
It was sudden, and Charles wasn't sure how else to answer Eric. He had seen in the recesses of the other's mind, and there was no love there for anyone. Or at least love in the way Charles understood.
It was an ending to a conversation. But it wasn't.
"Yes, I do." Erik insisted. "And I told you not to get in my head."
It's a smile so sweet, so bitter, it tastes like nothing Eric has ever experienced. This will be he first out of two times he puts himself out there, both times he experiences those upturned lips. "I'm not."
What Eric feels for Charles is not love. The telepath knows what love is, what he feels for Eric is love. He had a sinking feeling that other man has never experienced this sort of love, and will never. But how does one convey that to another. Neither of them have any idea. So, thats it.
Charles shows him love. Permission is granted first of course, he is a gentleman. And then the library is left for some strange world of memory, and parallel universes, and a plane of knowledge that seems handy to dwindle in but tragically hard to control.
Scenes and faces, and words of endearment in the intimate moments that none are suppose to hear that had been witnessed by our great lord in overbearing truth or otherwise know as Charles. Overwhelming feelings, moods, that are more color than a precise image, settle over this plane, and make Erik hurt and cry.
"I'll wait forever," yes devotion, and these words are a chorus that all these unnamed faces speak less than articulately.
Love and caring, but mostly he shows him eternity. Cause thats love. That's what Charles wants to give to Erik. An eternity of waiting, and never forgetting, and maybe even never forgiving.
"I can give that." Erik said.
"No, you can't. It's all here." Charles jestered to the mind around him. "Many things are more important to you."
It's true.
That's why Charles blames himself.
He could of said nothing, let the moment progress taking them to place that he dreamt of. Regret wouldn't of been an issue. Loveless sex wasn't something he was a virgin to. Neither was Erik.
But it was different. It was the person he had given his eternity to, very unintentionally to add. Nothing could be loveless with Eric involved. Moria would of been a better choice, fuck, Alex would of been better. At least in their minds, love was before anything, even truth.
Bullshit. That's what it all is. Charles is just scared. And he knows it. Seeing others' love isn't the same as experience. And he knows it. Erik is complicated, and he can't help that he had priorities. And he knows it.
It's all just too bad. Apparently knowing isn't enough. Cause he let the moment slip.
And that ice had formed over to were Erik is soon to step.
End
The title sort of goes with the theme of misconceptions. I really like this song by Andrew Jihad Jackson, and there's this part where they say "Fight or flight mode." Well, I thought it was "Firefly mode." Which is so much prettier, and deeper right?
Review!