Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not Libba Bray, and I have only borrowed her characters, so that I might play with them in the Realms of Fan Fiction to my heart's content.
A/N: I've never tried to write for AGATB, so I'm going to need lots and lots of constructive criticism. This story starts off at the moment where Kartik is being swallowed up by the tree.
Things in italics do not belong to me, they are again the property of the glorious Libba Bray.
PS: Thanks to my beautiful, brilliant, bighearted beta Bevin Bright-Eyes (isn't alliteration fun?)
Take Me Away
"Kartik" I cry, kissing his cheeks. "It's let me go."
"That is good," he says, He makes a small cry. His back arches, and every muscle in his body tightens.
I stare at him in pained horror. This beautiful man, this man that had first been my clandestine enemy, then my tentative friend, and finally my passionate love, is willing to die for me. He endures a pain that burns my heart as I watch, transfixed. I wish more than anything to die with him, or to turn back the clock and prevent his sacrifice. I am not worth it. He gives another cry. This one is different. It's a cry of release, not of pain.
And suddenly, as suddenly as he was overtaken, Kartik is banished from the Tree. He crouches on all fours, at my feet. He pants, and cries, all the while whispering my name, a beloved prayer. I drop to my knees, still encompassed by terror but, bit by bit, a sense of calm begins to eat away at my automatic defenses. I would gladly forget any god and instead worship this man.
"Kartik," I breathe. I cannot believe that he truly exists, that he is not another illusion I have concocted to appease my distressed mind.
He looks into my eyes. For a moment, his eyes look empty. As if the tree took his soul and only left me with his body. But the realization of who I am dawns on him slowly. He drinks in my appearance, and I fear he will find me lacking. I quake at the thought that he was miraculously brought back to me, only for me to discover that he harbors no feelings for me. That all our time together has simply been of convenience, and he will once again disappear from my life. I realize that if this happens, if I am left alone, it will not be temporary.
"Gemma," his voice sounds as mine did, disbelieving. I note the joy that slowly transforms his features. I fear his cheeks will split from his grin, and I notice his child-like dimples. He leans towards me, and takes my face in his strong hands, and I feel as though I might melt from his forceful yet gentle grip. I drink in his intoxicating scent, in case this will be my last opportunity to enjoy him.
My tears, determined to run down my face, go unchecked as he pulls me closer to him. He pauses for an inexpressible moment. It is the pause of a lover, I understand finally. I see his eyes involuntarily shut, as he breaths me in. I am his willing perfume, destined to spend the rest of eternity in close proximity, pleasing and encompassing him.
Kartik kisses me. I remember how he kissed me in the Cave of Sighs, and I wish that we could go once again. I wish to show him how he has haunted my dreams of late. How every time I see him, a piercing longing for his touch fills me. I have dreamed of being his wife, bearing him sons and daughters. And with this desperate kiss, I realize that I do not need the aid of magic to understand him. He gives me everything. Explains everything, without saying a word. The ghost of my name escapes his lips, but I cannot be sure.
Our passion does not go unnoticed by the others. I distantly hear Ann gasp in shock. She has never suspected me to be so forward. I pay them no heed. My tongue ventures into the mysterious depths of Kartik's mouth, our tongues intertwine, sweet honey. He draws me in, my own laudanum, how well I now understand my father.
Finally we draw away, and notice the shocked faces that surround us. Only Felicity seems unperturbed, with a smug look on her face. As if it is because of her that I love Kartik. And in a way it is. When I saw her with Ithal, I was shocked, but likewise motivated to realize that despite how scandalous, it is not inherently wrong to follow my feelings.
And even though I am there with Kartik, there with all our friends, I cannot help but think about everything that has transpired. Why this man is mine to keep. To carry not only in my heart, but mine to enjoy for the rest of conceivable eternity. Why my chest expands, filling me with contentment I never imagined, instead of shrinking into the deep recesses of past memory, a life that could never return. What penance will we pay for his safe return? How will the debt of blood be returned?
And the war that was only just raging on. I distantly wonder why the Winterlands creatures do not overtake us. There are too many of them, evil of many generations, bargains made, and sins committed that could never be repaid. These creatures were banished here because of their evil, and they wished to kill me, to kill us all, to possess the magic to overtake the world.
I unwillingly and unwittingly look away from Kartik for just a moment. I realize that the once eerily majestic Tree of All Souls has changed. It appears smaller, no longer powerful, though I know that no changes could occur so quickly. I glance at Gorgon, for I know that if someone would know the reasons, she would. She has survived for generations, she has seen, and even committed, evil. I know that she will tell me.
Noticing my glance, she begins to speak, "Most High, it appears the most ancient magic, magic that existed long before there was evil, has taken control. The very creation of the Realms was a working of love. The love between all creatures, but the understanding that not everything can coexist. The love you and the boy—"
"Man" I correct automatically, "Kartik is a man, not a boy. No boy would make such a sacrifice."
She bows her head to me in concession. "It appears that your love is so great, and pure, that the Tree of All Souls could not accept him. The Tree feeds on uncertainties, and unaddressed weaknesses. You both know your strengths and failings, and find perfection together. Eugenia Spence was accepted because she refused to admit her pride, her desire for power. But the purity of your souls could not enter something so dirty, and defiling. Without evil, good cannot survive. And the two separate entities, the ultimate juxtaposition, exist together, but they can never be united, mixed. Thus, the Tree has not been destroyed. It's sense of self preservation expelled, the man, because slowly, his presence would have killed it. The Winterlands creatures are being taken as the unwilling sacrifice, for they are the only connection to the half-life the Tree shall live. His willing sacrifice has changed the Tree irrevocably, and although it is impossible to know the outcome, I would venture a guess that the tree shall now be weaker, no longer with its power over others."
And the Gorgon's explanation, although not one I completely understand, is one I am willing to accept. Because its presence means that it is over. That now, Kartik, and Ann, and Felicity, and even myself, we are all free of this curse. Because of me, we have all been left to protect the Realms, but because of Kartik, our protection might never be needed again.
"Thank you, Gorgon," I whisper. I know what I must do. For a moment I press my palms into the ground. I feel the frozen land melt and warm to my will. I seize the ground in my fingers and find the magic within me. I slowly bring it up, through my arms, controlled. I lift my head to speak. "The Tree of All Souls has been changed. Forever, it shall be different, and so forever the Winterlands, and all of the Realms shall be changed. The magic was meant to be shared. None of you will hold it! I give the magic back to the land! I give this magic back to the Realms and the Winterlands, too, that it may be shared equally among the tribes!"
I allow the magic to pump out of me. My veins, so long overfilled with the magic they were forced to hold, suddenly feel stretched and empty. My body feels too great, as if I had grown to allow the power that did not rightfully belong to me reside there. I am relieved. The sudden emptiness rejuvenates me, and I know that tomorrow shall be brighter. Tomorrow, my life will be my own, and I no longer have to worry that my emotions will set free the magic I could only just barely contain. And although I am free of the magic, I know a residue remains. I can sense the burning, hot, golden coals that lie dormant in my belly. If there is ever a need, I shall always have the capacity to draw on my magic and change the course of the world. I do not know whether to fear my power or to rejoice in it.
I fall back, abruptly weakened. Kartik catches me in his powerful arms, and gives me a sweet kiss that I shall enjoy for the rest of eternity. "Yes" emerges from my mouth. I do not know if it is an answer to an unasked question, or a question in and of itself. Perhaps, it just is. Perhaps, my mind does not explain everything to me, and there are things that must remain hidden for the sake of my sanity.
Kartik and I clasp hands. On my other side, Ann's pale hand wraps around mine while her other keeps a tight grip on Felicity. We are many, and we are one, and I realize that this is a power the Order and the Rakshana could never possess. We have the power to control our destinies together, without losing what makes us individuals.
"Grow," I whisper, "grow and prosper". And I see, even before our eyes, the Winterlands are changing. The souls of those that did not pass on, but instead chose to remain, have filled the Tree. And in their greed, they do just as I ask of them.
The Winterlands will always be the darkest, most barren place in the realms, but there is a ray of sunshine, of hope. Even as the Trackers retreat without their armies of faceless, restless souls, they shall remain. But no longer are they the rulers, small shoots have sprouted at the foot of the tree, and in time, the warmth may spread.
And so, together, we leave this place. And I know it will be long before I shall ever be ready to return there, to return to what had almost taken place. This place holds a power over me, because it will always be the place where all my dreams almost came crashing down. Gorgon rows us away, and I almost feel nostalgia. Before, I knew what I had to do. I had to defeat the Tree of All Souls and I had to save the Realms.
But now, my new life has so many possibilities; so many doors are open to me. In many ways I wish that I no longer had such a choice. I wish that I could have one clear cut way to live my life. Now, I can go before the Queen and become a woman, I can live through my season and marry well. I can follow my dreams to America and accomplish something in my own world. I can follow my love to India. We can marry and have children. Children we shall love. But as I consider my options, I wonder if this is everything that Kartik wants.
I know this is not goodbye, that no matter what that vindictive Eugenia Spence said, my magic, my capability to draw on everything the Realms are made of, shall never wane. No matter how long a time passes, I shall always carry the magic, ready to unfurl like a proud flag, if ever there is a dire enough need.
In a procession, Ann, Felicity, Fowlson, Kartik and I pass through the garden that I had first passed through on my first trip into the Realms, when we were ladies of the night, and Kartik was my enemy. We built so much in this place. Here began our strength, our dependence on one another, everything. And here we were almost divided. The magic almost destroyed me and drove the others mad with jealousy. Here Pippa made the decision that cost her life and unblemished soul. Here the Realms, which had always been a place of light, showed their true nature.
And as we file out, through the door of light I conjured with the power of my mind, we finally find ourselves returned to just outside of the door we entered through. We return to the chapel, to recount our losses and to find safety.