Notes: This was a random oneshot idea that I had; the Brooklyn setting is an artifact from the 80s and early 90s when the established canon was that the Mario Bros arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom from Brooklyn. Later games like Yoshi's Island and Partners in Time retconned that, but I think I've provided a satisfactory explanation for that. If you prefer the idea of the Bros being from New Donk City and the Metro Kingdom, that could fit, as well (I based Peach's outfit here off of the one she wore in NDC in Odyssey), but NDC is NYC in all but name, so I'm just going with the real McCoy (so I can slip in shout-outs to my other NYC-based fandoms). Also, the title of this fic was lovingly borrowed from the NCIS episode of the same name.

Princess Peach Toadstool found the bustling, busy streets of Brooklyn to be an intriguing departure from the provincial towns and hamlets of her Mushroom Kingdom. She was here incognito, having swapped her royal gown for a more understated blouse and pink skirt, topped off with a wide-brimmed sunhat to protect her from the summer sun. No one gave her a second glance—and she had to admit, she reveled in the anonymity that this foreign city provided. It wasn't as though she resented being a princess and a stateswoman, but she rarely got a chance to let loose and be herself, as opposed to sticking to a formal demeanor any time she was in the public eye.

Things had worked out well… And yet, things had worked out in a way that she wished could have been different. She was here to visit two very dear friends—friends that, she had found, she had known when she was an infant, as opposed to heroic strangers from a foreign land, as she had assumed all this time.

She'd had no memories of them, of course, being so young—so when Mario and Luigi had seemingly spring from nowhere out of a warp zone to rescue her from Bowser, with no more recollection of her than she had of them, she introduced herself to them as anyone who had just been rescued would have done—following protocols that were expected of the heiress to the kingdom.

They humbly accepted her thanks, and then requested that they get some help in finding a way back. And Peach had insisted upon helping them—insisting to Toadsworth that this was something she had to do—and was more than surprised to have received little resistance from her caretaker, who normally panicked if she went for an unannounced stroll outside the castle. And she was glad to be able to travel with them; the brothers were both kind and open-hearted, the both of them treating her as a friend rather than as someone to walk eggshells around—a response that Peach was used to among her people, who were often awed by her. They didn't bother about protocols or what was expected of her—she was a friend, and that was all that mattered.

It was something she had missed without realizing.

Many misadventures later, they bid a bittersweet farewell to each other as the brothers found their way back to Brooklyn. She was still in touch with them, of course—they corresponded with letters through the warp zone regularly, but she still wished to see them again.

It was then that Toadsworth finally turned her world upside-down by informing her that, as infants, they had known each other—that the brothers had been born here in the Mushroom Kingdom, and that they had been sought by Kamek, Bowser's caretaker, after he had foreseen the trouble they would cause to the Koopas. A troupe of Yoshis had averted the disaster, but it had left the brothers' parents shaken and wishing to leave the Mushroom Kingdom, lest Kamek try again.

Peach's father, upon hearing that Kamek had foreseen the two to be heroes of the Kingdom, had extended an invitation for them to stay closer to the castle and under his protection, which was how they had come to befriend Peach after she had been born.

"They probably would have stayed had the Shroobs not invaded," Toadsworth had sighed.

The Shroobs had been the final straw; in spite of the king's pleas, the heroes-to-be had been taken away by their parents to the relative safety of Brooklyn.

The revelation left Peach not knowing what to think; on the one hand, she was furious with Toadsworth and her father for having kept this from her, and even more furious with Kamek and the Shroobs for having taken away two very dear friends. And yet… surely it was significant that, in spite of it all, the brothers had found their way back!

One thing was certain—Peach could not lose them again. But not even that had been the reason for her excursion to Brooklyn; she was here on the advice of another friend and confidante—Princess Daisy of Sarasaland. Given that they were both stateswomen, they did not get many chances to get together as they would have liked, but they, too, found ways to keep in touch.

Their latest conversation had been over the yearly invitations to the Royal Cotillion—a banquet and ball for all of the neighboring kingdoms. Protocol required that royal women who attended did so with an escort—and every year, snooty, flirtatious princes clamored to be the princesses' escorts.

"It's the same thing year after year," Daisy had frowned. "A choice between Prince Octopus-Hands or Prince Never-Went-to-Charm-School or Prince Foot-in-his-Mouth… Oh, and Prince Entitled, or Prince Masher…"

"I know," Peach had groaned. "Pretty much the only prince with any sort of grace is Prince Peasley. I owe him one for last year—remember? Prince Hal wouldn't take no for an answer when he demanded that I dance with him. …Peasley came over, flirted with him, and danced him away."

"Peasley is a legend," Daisy had agreed. "Which is why we're sunk this year, pal o' mine."

"What do you mean?"

"Peasley isn't attending the Cotillion this year; he's trying to track down some crazy Shadow Thief. And since Sarasaland is hosting this year, I can't escape."

"And I wouldn't leave you to deal with this all alone!"

"Exactly. Unless we want to fight off unwanted attention all evening, I say it's time we take a leaf out of Zelda's book."

"You mean, like how she attends each year with Link?" Peach had asked.

"Yep," Daisy had replied. "Sure, Link isn't a prince, and they both get scoffed at for it, but with Link there shooting daggers at those charmless buffoons, they know better than to try anything on Zelda. Hear me out on this, Peach—imagine the statement it would make if we refuse to go with those lame-brain princes and just go with actual gentlemen we can trust! They want to get upset that we're going with non-royals? Fine, then it's about time they learn to stop being such royal pains!"

"That would be amazing," Peach had agreed. "…Except trying to find a non-royal escort that won't be intimidated by us and other royals is going to be a challenge."

"…Yeah, that's the only flaw in this plan," Daisy had sighed. "I can't find anyone who would agree to go with me. What about you?"

"I can't think of anyone… Well, except maybe…" Peach had trailed off.

"…Except…?" Daisy had prompted.

"…Mario."

"…Isn't that the plumber who fell out of the Warp Zone, rescued you, and put the hurt on Bowser?" Daisy had asked, intrigued. "I remember reading about it in the Kingdom Courier! Oh, Peach, he's perfect!"

"Daisy, you're absolutely right; I'm going to ask him!"

"Well, be subtle about it," Daisy had advised. "He still might be a little weirded out at the thought of accompanying a princess to some fancy do."

"Right," Peach had said. "Oh, Daisy, how can I thank you?"

"Well… I seem to recall reading in the Kingdom Courier that this plumber friend of yours has a brother, right?"

"That's right—his name is Luigi."

"I'd like to have someone I can trust to keep the mashers away from me, too—if you're vouching for him, then I know this Luigi will be trustworthy, too. See if you can arrange for him to attend the cotillion with me, and we'll call it even!"

"Well, I'll ask him—that's all I can promise," Peach had replied.

"Fair enough—good luck!"

And that was why Peach was here, Toad having covered for her before Toadsworth could find out what she had been planning before she'd already gone through the warp pipe. She still had no idea whether or not Mario and Luigi would agree to go back to the Mushroom Kingdom after all the trouble they had gone through to get to Brooklyn. She hoped they would—they belonged there, even if they couldn't remember that it was their first home.

Finding their plumbing business wasn't that difficult; they had apparently done well, if word-of-mouth was any indication. Some helpful strangers had pointed out the way, and Peach quietly opened the door, pausing at the staircase as she watched the brothers drag in a hot water heater onto a nearby table.

"Tell me again," Luigi was saying. "Why did you agree to fix Mrs. Pumpkin-Klanger's water heater today? Bro, you know we've gotta keep our appointment at U.N.C.L.E. headquarters—it's not everyone who gets a plumbing contract with an international police agency!"

"It's on our way," Mario said, sounding rather chipper. "And we've dealt with this heater before; it shouldn't take too long to get under control."

"I guess you've got a point," Luigi mused. "Anyway, I wonder if those two old guys will be at U.N.C.L.E. headquarters this afternoon—Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin. They always have such interesting stories from working there so long."

"They sure do!" Mario said. "I have to admit, I didn't believe the one about the inter-dimensional transport machine at first… Not until we found the warp pipe, anyway…"

Luigi nodded.

"Mr. Kuryakin told me one last time about how he found guppies in the drinking water once."

"Mamma mia…" Mario said, shaking his head. "Glad we didn't have to fix that mess!"

"I'm sure you would have done a great job with it," Peach said, as she headed down the stairs now.

"Oh, hello, Princess!" Mario said, cheerfully.

"Hi, Princess!" Luigi said, with a quick wave. "We'll be with you in just a moment!"

"Yeah, this heater should be done in just two shakes!" Mario added.

"That's alright; there's no rush," Peach said, still utterly amazed by the fact that the brothers acted the exact same way in front of her as they did with each other—they didn't present any false appearances; they were genuine in regard to who they were, and it was something that Peach admired very much, have dealt with fake individuals who attempted to present themselves as more likeable in front of her. "I'd like to hear more about some of your clients."

"Oh, we've got tons of stories," Luigi began, sounding far less scared and worried in his element than he usually did when they were surrounded by the unknown or danger. "There's Mr. Vincenzo, who used to live in this neighborhood; he kept talking about venetian blinds and tulips before ending up as a journalist and leaving town…"

Luigi trailed off, pausing at the same time Mario did as Peach's presence finally began to register. The brothers exchanged glances, and then looked back at Peach.

"Princess!?" they exclaimed.

Peach struggled not to laugh as they excitedly questioned why and how she was here.

"Everything's fine," she assured them. "I guess you could say I'm here on a social call—just to see how you two are doing, and ask for a favor…"

"Name it, Princess!" Mario said.

"Well, maybe I should start at the beginning…" she said. "I don't know if you're aware, but the Royal Cotillion is in a couple weeks—it's a royal ball where dignitaries from several kingdoms come together to socialize and, at times, discuss foreign policy. Of course, the Mushroom Kingdom is one of these kingdoms, and I'm supposed to represent us. But royalty seems to have rules for absolutely everything! And one of those rules is that all female dignitaries need to attend with an escort."

The brothers flinched.

"That seems so… medieval," Mario said. "And it also sounds like a stuffy party—my idea of a party would be some games to pass the time… Lots of little mini-games…"

"And food—don't forget the food," Luigi added.

"That sounds lovely," Peach said. "And if you two were going to throw a party like that, I'd attend it, gladly. Unfortunately, I can't escape from this Royal Cotillion—a good friend of mine in another kingdom has to host it this year, and I can't leave her high and dry. But the real problem is that almost all of the bachelor princes try to make the moves on us princesses – it doesn't matter what we say to them; they still think they're entitled to our attention and affections."

Both brothers voiced their disapproval at this.

"That's awful!" Luigi said.

"You said it," Mario agreed. "I wish there was something we could do to help…"

"But you can help!" Peach exclaimed. "See, things wouldn't be as bad if my friend and I didn't have to go with one of those princes."

Luigi arched an eyebrow, realizing where she was going with this.

"Ohh…" he said. "Well, um…"

"That makes sense," Mario mused aloud, oblivious to Luigi's realization. "So you want us to help you look for a loophole that will let you go alone?"

Luigi gave his brother a look, and then promptly facepalmed.

"Mario… Bro…. That's not what she meant…"

"It's not?"

Peach gave him a delicate smile.

"Not quite," she agreed. "See, going alone won't solve the problem of the princes flirting with us any chance they can grab; if anything, we'll have to fend off more than just one. They need to be deterred from their rude behavior, but very few things can get through those thick skulls. That's what I need your help with."

"Oh, of course!" Mario said. "Sure, I can teach you and your friend some useful self-defense moves! Luigi could, too; isn't that right, Luigi?"

Luigi, still facepalming, mumbled something about needing to get some coffee and promptly got up and headed to the next room.

"…That isn't quite it, either," Peach said. "Though, since Bowser invaded, I have been practicing some self-defense moves that I've been teaching my friend, too…" She was especially proud of a magically-powered hip-check move that she had perfected. "But, I had something else in mind."

"…I'm not sure how else I could help…" Mario said, scratching his head. "…Unless you want Luigi and me to rig your friend's fountain to spray water any time one of those creeps tries anything… But, somehow, I don't think that's what you mean, either."

"It isn't!" Luigi called from the next room.

"Luigi's right; it isn't," Peach agreed. "See, another friend of ours, Princess Zelda, solved the problem by attending the Cotillion each year with someone named Link. He's not a royal, but his presence near Zelda keeps any of the rude princes from approaching her."

"Oh, I see now," Mario said, finally realizing it. "You want someone to go with you so that they'll stay away from you."

"Exactly," Peach said. "And that's where I need your help."

"Oh. Ohhh…" Mario gulped as it finally sunk in. "You, ah… You aren't interested in my trying to find you a blind date?"

Peach gently shook her head as a sugar cube, launched by Luigi from the next room, bounced off of Mario's head.

"I knew it that time, Luigi!" he chided him. He sighed and looked back at the princess before shyly pointing to himself. "…Me?"

"If you would grant me the honor," Peach said, her smile growing slightly.

"The honor would be mine, Princess," Mario said. "But, there's no telling what people might think or say—I wouldn't want your reputation to, er…"

"To suffer because I attended the Cotillion with a plumber instead of a prince? Mario, I don't care about that. You are someone I trust and care about, and that's all that matters…" She trailed off as odd bubbling noise was heard from the other room. "…Luigi, you're welcome to come back and listen rather than trying to hear from the doorway, but I think the coffee is percolating!"

"Yipe…!"

Luigi reappeared a minute later with three cups of coffee, looking slightly embarrassed. Mario paused as he picked up his coffee cup; it was worn and chipped in a couple places, reminding him of one inescapable fact—

"Do you really think I have the social graces to mingle with those princes? They're all about tea in fine china cups with grand banquets and croquet matches…" He sighed. "With Luigi and me, it's coffee in chipped mugs, home-cooked Italian food, and golf or tennis…"

"It sounds wonderful," Peach said, sincerely, as she took her coffee. "I'd like to tag along the next time you play golf or tennis. As for the Cotillion, just be yourself; I wouldn't want you to be anything else."

Mario smiled bashfully.

"Si, Principessa," he said. "I humbly accept to attend the Cotillion with you."

"You both have a great time!" Luigi said, a twinge of disappointment evident in his voice; he wasn't looking forward to spending time alone. "And say hello to Toad for me if you see him!"

"Oh, but I was hoping you could be there, too, Luigi!" Peach said. "My friend that I've been talking about, her name is Daisy, Princess of Sarasaland; she asked to me ask you if you could attend the Cotillion with her!"

"Wha…?" Luigi asked.

"I couldn't leave you behind here," she said, with a smile. "If you'd like to go with her, that would solve her problems, too."

"I… er…"

"I know it's out of the blue, and you don't have to say yes, but it really would be great if you could," Peach said.

"Well… I guess it would be better than sitting around here doing nothing for hours," Luigi shrugged. "I'll go, too, and make sure no one bothers Daisy."

"Thank you so much—both of you!" Peach exclaimed. "…I guess you'll want to stop by the Mushroom Kingdom sometime this week so we can get you fitted for some official uniforms—unless you'd rather wear tuxedos from here."

"I think we'll figure that one out after we're done with work today," Mario said, with a smile.

"Oh, right—well, there's no rush; the Cotillion isn't for two weeks," Peach said. "But I hope that you'll stop by before then, regardless. Things haven't been the same since you two left."

"Mario and I were discussing that the other day, too," Luigi said.

"Yeah, we actually kinda miss the Mushroom Kingdom," Mario said. "I'm sure we'll be by for a visit soon, Princess."

She smiled in response.

"Peach."

"Hmm?" both brothers asked.

"I think we've been through enough together for you two to address me by my first name," she said. "Peach."

Then we'll see you soon, Peach," Mario said, and Luigi nodded in agreement.

"I'll let you to get back to work; I should get back before Toadsworth notices I'm missing…"

They said their goodbyes—it was much easier this time, knowing that they would be together again soon enough. Though Peach debated on whether or not she should tell them about Kamek and the Shroobs being the reason for them ending up here, she decided that it was a matter for their parents to discuss, not her.

She took her leave now, unable to keep from smiling as the brothers continued to talk as the resumed working on the water heater.

"You know, Luigi, I was thinking," Mario mused. "After we finish up in Manhattan today, want to relax at the movies? There's an old theatre showing some classic movies tonight."

"What movies?" Luigi asked.

"Classic monster movies-"

"Nope."

"Aw, come on, Little Bro—those movies are more corny than scary anyway!"

They were still bantering as Peach closed the door behind her. As she headed back to the warp pipe, she took a moment to reflect on how fortunate she was to have those two back in her life.

She most definitely would not lose them again.