Disclaimer: I don't own SG-1 or any of its characters, this is just for fun.
Lieutenant Stanley
General Hammond sat in his office slowly reducing the height of the pile of folders in his inbox when he came across Colonel O'Neill's report for SG-1's most recent mission. Surprised to receive a report from Colonel O'Neill at all, he was astonished to receive one just three days after a mission. Hammond eagerly opened the folder and began reading.
Final Mission Report of Colonel Jonathan O'Neill - P3X-559
Mission Synopsis: SG-1 departed for P3X-559 on 15 June 1999 at 1700 hours. Lieutenant F. Stanley accompanied SG-1 as an observer. Upon arrival Major Carter conducted standard tests on the soil, water and air of the planet assisted by Lt. Stanley. See Major Carter's final mission report for detailed results of the tests performed. SG-1, and Lt. Stanley, made our way to the ruins seven clicks from the Stargate. Dr. Jackson examined the ruins and documented engravings on the stone with the help of Major Carter and Lt. Stanley. Dr. Jackson determined the engravings to be a dialect of Summerian. See Dr. Jackson's final mission report for detailed results of his findings and a photographic record of the ruins. Due to the twenty-hour day of P3X-559, we made camp near the ruins. We applied a standard eight hour watch with each member of SG-1 taking a two hour shift, Lt. Stanley sat watch with Teal'c. The following day Dr. Jackson completed the documentation of the ruins and we made our way back to the Stargate. To commemorate Lt. Stanley's first trip through the Stargate, Dr. Jackson set up his tripod and took a photograph of SG-1 with Lt. Stanley in front of the Stargate.
Threat Assessment: Minimal, no sign of Goa'uld or other hostile activity for a significant amount of time. As this planet appears on the Abydos cartouche authorization to return to the planet for additional archeological study should be granted provided an SG team accompanies them as backup.
General Hammond re-read the short document two more times before slowly closing the folder and placing it on his desk. As expected he found the final mission reports of Major Carter, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c not too far down the pile from where Colonel O'Neill's had lain. He quickly read through each one, completely skipping the technological portion of Major Carter's and the archeological portion of Dr. Jackson's reports. Putting the last folder down, General Hammond picked up his phone and requested Dr. Fraiser's presence in his office. A few minutes later there was a knock on his door.
"Come," General Hammond said.
"You wanted to see me sir," Dr. Fraiser said as she entered.
"Have a seat doctor," Hammond said.
Once Dr. Fraiser was seated, he asked, "Was there anything unusual in Colonel O'Neill's most recent post-mission physical?"
"No sir," Dr. Fraiser answered, "Everything came back completely normal. Is there reason to believe that something is wrong?"
"Do you remember the mission where SG-1 all thought they had a fifth member to their team?" Hammond asked.
"Of course, that's when we encountered that race with the mind-altering enzyme from the race SG-1 encountered on that planet," Dr. Fraiser said. "Do you think they have encountered another once from the same race?"
"Not all of them," Hammond said as he opened each one of the mission report folders and laid them on top of each other in front of Dr. Fraiser with Colonel O'Neill's on top. "Colonel O'Neill's report says there was a fifth person present on their mission to P3X-559. He event states that Dr. Jackson took a photo of SG-1 with this person to commemorate his first trip through the Gate. There was no fifth person. The final mission reports of Major Carter, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c do not mention this person. Not to mention that I was there when they departed and there was definitely not a fifth person with them."
"Who is this fifth person Colonel O'Neill claims accompanied them?" Dr. Fraiser asked as she reached for the top folder.
"A Lieutenant F. Stanley," Hammond answered.
Dr. Fraiser looked up from the folder with a look of confusion that quickly gave way to one of understanding before she burst out laughing. Slightly taken aback by his Chief Medical Officer's reaction, it took General Hammond several moments to respond.
"What is so funny doctor?" Hammond asked, anger becoming evident in his voice.
"Nothing … is wrong with … Colonel O'Neill," Dr. Fraiser managed to say between laughs. "You should… really ask him… he'll explain everything."
Looking skeptical, General Hammond dismissed Dr. Fraiser then called all members of SG-1 to meet him in the briefing room immediately. A few minutes later Major Carter, Dr. Jackson and Teal'c entered the briefing room. Colonel O'Neill followed a minute later carrying a yellow legal pad.
"Hey General, what's up?" O'Neill said cheerfully as he took his seat at the table.
"There seems to be a problem with the final mission reports from P3X-559, an inconsistency," General Hammond said with the four folders on the table in front of him.
"What kind of inconsistency sir?" Major Carter asked with concern.
"It seems that Colonel O'Neill's report includes that a Lieutenant F. Stanley accompanied you on this mission," General Hammond explained.
"Jack! You didn't!" Dr. Jackson exclaimed as Major Carter bowed her head to hide the look of utter embarrassment on her face.
General Hammond noticed that Teal'c's face remained as impassive as ever and a mischievous smirk spread across Colonel O'Neill's face.
"Care to explain why a lieutenant that did not depart with you, one that I've never event seen, one that doesn't even serve on this base, is mentioned several times in your report?" Hammond asked.
"You've met Lieutenant Stanley sir," Colonel O'Neill said.
"I think I would have remembered Colonel."
"You know, Lieutenant Stanley," O'Neill said as he pulled and oddly shaped piece of paper from between the sheets of the yellow legal pad and its cardboard backing and placed it on the table in front of his commanding officer, "Lieutenant Flat Stanley."