I will not make the same mistake that you did
I will not make the same mistake that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard.
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far.
A tall blond woman looked over at the, much shorter, redhead that accompanied her and smiled while reaching a hand out to grasp the other woman's. The sun was still high in the sky. Not a cloud in sight as they strolled hand in hand into the quiet cemetery. The blonde's naturally vibrant blue eyes have recently turned grey on the account of loosing her ex husband. Their pace slowed when the foot stone they desired to reach was too close for comfort. The redhead paused the blonde, who was beginning to tear up.
"Are you sure you're ready for this Barbara Jean?" The redhead caressed the taller woman's arm. The blonde nodded and sniffled.
"I need to do this, Reba." Barbara Jean looked down before a tear slipped past her lashes. "I need closure." Her eyes flickered back up to meet the other woman's gaze. Reba squinted one eye and gave a sharp nod.
"You do realize he won't be talkin' back to ya." A smile played on her lips while the blonde laughed through her tears.
"No, but at least he has no where to go." Barbara Jean took Reba's hand again, preventing the woman from brushing away her tears. She harshly wiped at her face and gently tugged on Reba's hand. When they reached the grave site, everything became silent; even the birds seemed to be trying to give them a moment of peace.
The blonde knelt down and rested her head on the foot stone. Sobs wracked her body and tears flowed freely. Reba closed her eyes tightly then opened them while willing her tears away.
"You bastard! You left me… you left your son! You should have fixed this… fixed us. You left me…" Barbara Jean began beating her fists on the foot stone.
I loose my way and it's not to long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with.
Reba reached out for the blonde and stilled her before she hurt herself. She took a seat on the green grass beside Barbara Jean and pulled the other woman's upper body onto her lap. Cuddling and rocking the woman, she whispered words of comfort.
"Let's get out of here, Reba." Barbara Jean's voice was raw and thick with emotion. With a glance towards the sky, the older woman nodded.
"Yeah, it's getting late." She checked her watch: 8:30 pm and by the time they got home it would be 9 or 10 pm. "Let's get home and get you to bed." The blonde sat up and looked deeply into the redhead's eyes. "You… can… sleep in my bed tonight?" Reba offered quietly. Barbara Jean reached over and wrapped the woman in her arms tight.
"Thank you for all you've done for me." Reba pulled back and cupped the blonde's face.
"On one condition: it's just you, not you and your beanie babies." The redhead smirked getting a sad smile from the blonde. She caressed the other woman's cheek with her thumb. Before she knew what she was doing, she planted a kiss upon Barbara Jean's lips. When she pulled away, the look on the blondes face didn't change. She still looked devastated. "Let's go." The redhead stood and held out to stable the blonde as she got up.
The walk back to the car was silent and uncomfortable. The ride back home was worse. It was completely silent and growing dark. Barbara Jean did nothing, but stare out the car window. She never did anything like she used to, not even annoy Reba with the several radio stations available. It concerned the redhead; maybe the blonde wouldn't come out of this unscathed.
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
Staring at the ceiling isn't much of a distraction when the woman you've fallen in love with is laying next to you, Reba thought. She watched the lights from cars that passed dance across the ceiling. It was only 10pm and they still went to bed. Reba was just dozing off when she heard a sniffle and felt the bed tremble. She realized Barbara Jean was crying quietly. She tried her best to ignore it. If she needed me she would have called for me, Reba chanted to keep herself calm. It wasn't long before the feeling to console the blonde overtook. She wrapped an arm around Barbara Jean's waist and spooned her loosely.
Reba sat up in bead, sweat dripping from her face. Her breathing was erratic and her heart palpitated hard in her chest. A quick glance to her nightstand told her that her prayer had not been answered. Barbara Jean was gone; the proof was in that black ribbon sitting against the framed picture of the blonde. Blackness consumed her as her tears flowed for the first time since Brock and Barbara Jean's death.
Her beloved Barbara Jean had taken her own life out of desperation. She didn't want Reba; she never thought of the redhead as anything more than a friend. Her husband died and left her with no will to live and she left Reba with soul custody of Henry.
Sobs wracked the tiny form as she cried herself to sleep every night. Feeling unloved and unworthy, she went about her life to take care of the one thing that connected her to the blonde. Henry.
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learn to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid…