Chapter one
The horrific memory played in her mind. Over and over again. She needed an escape of what she wanted in her life, or at least that had been her intention. She then realized she had to figure out her new found freedom before she could deal with him. And she'd done just that. Packing her things behind the closed confounds of her room, she left nothing but a note on a blank mattress. The conversation replayed in her head, over and over as the vast landscaped zoomed past.
"Ah'm not an asset anymore Ororo, Ah'm a casualty…Ah…Ah just need time to think 'bout what Ah want. Now that Ah can touch…" the word had been so sweet on her lips, "Ah just…with all we've been through Ah dunno what Ah want t'be raght. Ah love 'im but Ah don't want 'im to toss me aside when he can finally do what he's wanted.."
"So leaving now would prove what, child?" the white haired goddess asked her blue eyes bearing into the green emeralds of her own eyes.
"That Ah need my space, Ah'm sorry… ah have to do this… Ah'll come back when Ah'm ready."
Rogue snapped out of her thoughts and memory back into the future. Eight months later and there she stood once again on the large porch. Huge wooden French doors stood before her as she blinked. Gripping her leather bag in her pale hand, she stared back at the winding driveway. A few strands of burgundy curls flew into her face. She felt herself crumple somewhat at the thought of losing her signature look. Months ago she'd dyed her hair to be normal. A concept she still hadn't wrapped her head around. Now the white wispy bangs framed her face as the swept across her forehead. Her heart pounded as she lifted her free hand to the door. Swallowing her fear she pounded her pale knuckle on the door.
Bag dropping with a thud, Rogue gripped the cool doorknob in her hand. Who would know? Logan probably knew but would he be waiting? The door screeched open and her heart beat quickened. Emerald eyes squeezed tightly together she entered the mansion. The humming in her ears grew as Rogue forced the massive doors open. Her bare fingers tingled. Her powers acting in defense. She expelled a breath and opened her eyes only seeing unfamiliar faces. Her heart sank.
"Good to see you've come back." The calm voice of her professor chimed in front of her. Her eyes filled with tears at the sound. Her smile replaced the frown that had taken over and she dropped her bag rushing toward the man. Kneeling she hugged the wheelchair imprisoned man.
"Ah…Ah should have called," she mumbled wiping her eyes.
"Nonsense, Rogue/. You're home; they're all on a mission minus Beast, Logan and Bobby, until tonight," Charles Xavier answered her unasked question.
She nodded and smiled, "Ah hope…Ah'm not intrudin' Ah just… Ah figured out all Ah needed…" she paused struggling to get the right words, "Ah'm sorry Prof' for just leavin' all of you."
He patted her hand gently, "You will always be welcomed here. I can't say everyone won't be anger with your choice, but they'll be glad. I knew you'd come back eventually."
Rogue nodded with a smile, "Ah want to surprise Logan… and Remy, could we keep this a secret just between us? At least until later?"
The professor smiled and nodded, "Of course."
"Professa, one more thing? Need any teachers?" she smiled
The brown eyes of the professor twinkled. "Why, yes I believe there's an opening in English, home-EC, and Autoshop."
Rogue blushed, "How's 'bout home-EC and Mechanics. Ah'm sure my accent ill just give the poor little ones a hard time in English."
They smiled at that comment and Rogue shifted her weight as she stood. She hadn't expected a warm welcomed from him of all people. She'd denied him helping her and left. Left the family. Home. She'd left it all behind to sort things out. She smiled and picked her bag back up and moved toward the stairs. Pausing she turned to face the professor, "Ah…Ah don' know where to go…"
A warm chuckle came from the Professor, "Your room is still yours, Rogue, we were unable to let it be anything other than that… Report to the garage for your mechanics class after lunch tomorrow. Ororo should have dinner ready at eight. I'll tell her to make it a special one." He paused and smiled, "Welcome home."
With that she smiled and dashed up the stairs. Tossing the door open, the barren room blinded her. Nothing had changed. White walls stared back at her. A barren mattress adorned with a lone letter bored welcomed her with a pang in the chest. The only photo of her beside Remy sat on the night stand. Green gaze drifted around the room. A dirty gym bag lay near the bathroom. Remy's she realized. Did he spend his time here? Her heart dropped at the sight. She hadn't written, hadn't called. She lost all ties to him and the x-men for 8 months.
Gently she sat on the bed, closing her eyes. In. Out. In. Out. She breathed feeling the tears gather behind her eyes. What if he moved on? What would she do if he had moved on?
She shook the thoughts away. Trying to find something to distract her from her thoughts her gaze drifted around the room. Shuffling around, she searched the room for some extra sheets, pillows and other homey odds and ends. Her fingers cracked open the closet door. There before her eyes sat an old crumpled sheet, pillowcases, fancy pillows, scented candles all of her past life in this room eight months ago. Making the bed with the fresh linen, Rogue ran her bare finger over the crisp mattress. Setting up the candles and a few old photos Rogue smiled. Home once again. She took another glance around the room and blew the strands of hair from her face.
Slipping on a pair of wrist length gloves, Rogue turned toward the door. She'd find Logan doing what Logan did best. Working his body to the max with rigorous exercise, Logan's favorite way to past the time. That would be her next stop. The danger room. Tossing her signature mid-waist jacket on she left the room closing the door with a click. Within moments she entered the danger room and smiled. So many things that led to the Rogue going rogue on the people she called family. Her gaze wondered around until it landed on two panting men. Two huge sentinels collapsed before the stout and gruff looking one, sparks flying from sliced wires every now and then. A smile lit her face up as she watched her friend and brother-like figure push his body.
"Logan, we're supposed to get information...Not slice them to bits," came the light and airy chuckle of the one and only Bobby Drake. Rogue felt a twinge of pain and guilt. Would they welcome her or be mad?
Inching closer, Rogue slowly snuck up on the men, holding her breathe hoping Logan hadn't smelt her yet. Her gaze landed on Bobby's a moment later. Wide eyed and mouth gaping open he stared back with shock.
"Bobby, did you wanna die bub?" Logan challenged, "What's wrong? Looks like you've seen a ghost?" The rugged laugh of Canadian rang through Rogue's ears plucking at her heart. How had she managed to stay away from all of them so long? The shocked expression on Bobby's face shifted immediately into one of rage. Frozen mid step, Rogue glanced at him. She deserved that anger, but still the shift in mood shocked her.
"What are you doing back?" He hissed venom dripping from his voice. The unmistakable ring of claws being exposed rang in the room and Rogue stood paralyzed.
"Watch your tone, Drake," Logan snapped inching closer to the boy.
"Not you," Bobby snapped rolling his eyes. Rogue swallowed her tears and stood forward, like stone.
"Ah see Ah'm not welcomed...Hi t'ya too, Bobby." She hissed crossing her arms over her chest somewhat offended that even her best friend didn't want her here. In a matter of seconds, Logan's rugged body whirled around and anger flashed across his features before softening into a glow of happiness.
"Been a long time, kid," he smiled letting his claws glide into his hands.
Rogue winced at the comment and let her gaze hit the floor. "Ah know...Ah'm...Ah'm sorry." She muttered twisting her gloved hands together, "Bobby, Ah'm sorry."
A grunt left Bobby's lips as if he was displeased by the apology, "Don't be. I wasn't the only one you just left...A phone call or a letter to let us know you were safe, would have been nice. You just... just left without telling your best friend." he snapped crossing his own arms over his own chest.
"Bobby! I swear t'Gawd, ya got the thickest skull of anybody! Didn't ya read my note?" Rogue snapped, "Ah did what Ah needed ta at the time! Ah thought ya'll of all people would understand! Don' ya go gettin' mad at meh 'cause Ah did go n' write befor Ah left!"
Logan by now had inched between the two as a way to stop if the two got into a fight.
"Rogue," Bobby began, "I'm sorry. You had every right to leave...And I read the letter... I understood, doesn't mean I don't wish you'd told me where you were going. I'm sorry... We were all so worried about you, I'm sorry."
Rogue nodded and smiled weakly. He did have a point, but she knew if she told Bobby or Kurt, he would have found out and tried to bring her back. A fact that she would have resented for the rest of her life. She had had so much to figure out, she wasn't sure if having him there would have helped or hindered her. She knew the real reason was she wasn't sure if she could handle touching him in the way she longed for. What if he'd just wanted to use her and leave her like all the rest? Slowly Rogue snapped from her thoughts, "It's alraght, Ah know what Ah did was rash but Ah had ta."
Bobby nodded and stood closer to her. Logan grasped her shoulder bringing her attention to him. "Next time, kid, don't steal my thunder."
With that said, Rogue cracked a smile. His rugged arm was thrown around her and Bobby bringing them all closer in a semi-hug.
"Welcome back," Bobby finally muttered, "You tell Gambit?"
Shaking her head allowing her burgundy hair to fly around her she dropped her gaze. She was excited to finally see him after so long, to finally prove how much she honestly loved him, but would he accept her now? She had run off. She had left him in the dark with only a note and a few smashed and broken memories. After everything that had been through, after knowing she loved him more than her life, she'd left. She needed time to discover who she was without her powers. Who she could be by herself, and yet she always found he was with her. The woman she had founded was a new confident Rogue- the new and improved Anna. A woman who knew she loved that man more than anything else, and now she was here to make it right. She was here back at home to begin a new life doing what she wanted.
Rogue shrugged, "Haven't seen 'im. Just got here, He's on a mission, raght? He…He been doin' good?"
Logan's brow furrowed and Bobby gave a slight shrug, "For the most part…He started acting funny last month. Been up in your old room…Emma tried to…" He paused, "nothing."
Her emerald green eyes met Logan's and it clicked as to what Bobby meant. "He…He's with Emma? Thought, Scott was?" she thought aloud and tried hard to mask the disappointment, "Ah shoulda known he'd move on."
Somehow, the pod had made their way into the dining room. Alone and yet very busy woman pushed in the chairs. Rogue stared confused. All her thoughts of Remy with Emma mostly forgotten, she stared at the girl. A new member apparently.
"Rogue, this is Neena Thurman," Bobby introduced. The women glanced up and smiled to Rogue somewhat strained. Her face was smooth and clear of all the usually teenager stress Rogue was used to. Her left eye held a deep blue spot around it and Rogue wondered if that was natural or makeup.
"Well, hi there shugah." She smiled and extended her gloved hand with ease toward the girl who'd come closer.
"I thought you said she had some white hair? Please, call me Domino. You must be Rogue." Neena smiled toward Bobby. Dropping her hand Rogue flushed.
"That's a long story…Somethin' everybody is gonna ask at dinner, Ah'll save that for then. Logan, can Ah talk t'ya?" she stressed the words, "It was a pleasua t'meet ya, Domino."
Without waiting for Logan's reply, Rogue took his hand and walked into the hallway. Her gaze darted down the short hall that led toward the rec-room.
"Logan," she began and swallowed the tears that filled her eyes. She couldn't face everyone tonight...
"Kid, stop for a moment…" Logan paused and brought them into the now empty dining room. Slowly they both took two seats and then he continued, "Let me ask you some questions…" his voice dropped to a hush whisper. A gentle tone few ever got to hear, "Where did you go?"
Taking a deep breathe, Rogue knew she'd have to explain it to everyone later. Staring over the room where the massive table fit perfectly, Rogue let her gaze hit Logan's. Trying to act nonchalant she began, "Ah went all over the place. Ah didn't stay somewhere to long…"
A smile of relief pulled at his mouth, "you figure out all you needed to?"
Nodding she tried to match his smirk but failed, "Ah did… Ah got the control Ah needed. The answas to what Ah always wanted t'know." She slowly pulled the glove from her hand feeling her fingers tingle once again. Smiling she felt that sensation disappear and she placed that bare hand upon Logan's giving it a squeeze. "Ah'm normal… mostly. Ah can turn it back on, o'course. But Ah won't."
A smile lit the gruff man's face, "That's great darlin'! Does Chuck know?"
She nodded eagerly to have someone know her secret, "He's the one who helped meh do it. Ah thought losin' 'em would make me an obstacle for ya'll but Ah'm not… Ah'm still an X-men…This is still my home."
"So, Rogue…"Bobby's cheerful voice boomed from the door. Rogue's beaming face turned to her best friend, "Why did you really leave? That letter didn't explain much.. I'm just curious I know-"
Her gaze glued her her bare hand touching Logan's. Tears misted her eyes and she felt guilt and maybe a little joy in there too. She'd lied to everyone before she left, saying the pressure was getting to her. That had been the worst mistake that haunted her every moment of every day just like Remy's face.
"you… He's not… Whoa…This is huge!" He chimed rushing toward them.
Nodding her head, Rogue slide her hand from Logan's and slipped the glove back on. "Ah think so, but Ah'm still deadly…just don' sneak up on a gal."
Bobby nodded taking a seat beside her. "Gottcha…So you're hair went normal on you too?"
A flush crept back into her cheeks. She'd answer that one question a million times before people stopped asking, she already knew it would happen. "No, Ah gotta wash the dye out…Ah tried to be normal, but Ah'm not. Ah never will be." She beamed a proud smile, "Plus Ah miss my signature look."
The three of them laughed together. Slowly but surely Rogue filled both Logan and Bobby in on what she had done and where she'd seemed. Purposely leaving out the parts of feeling incomplete and lost along the way. Knowing only one reason and that was the most difficult part for her to tell. She didn't want to give into hope, hope that maybe Remy and she could be something, though every time they'd tried they hadn't lasted. That doubt, that not knowing had eaten her alive because she wanted more than anything to be his forever and always.
The hours ticked by when Rogue concluded her tale. After that, Bobby and Logan filled her in on what had happened since her departure. The new members, the new relationships all had become better. She'd missed so much in such a short span of time.
"And…Remy?" she croaked unable to stand him honestly moving on with Emma.
"The Cajun won't talk to anyone. At least to me," Logan commented.
"He seems to spend all his time with Emma or in the danger room until he nearly passes out. Then he's up in your room…Not really sure what he's been up too."
Her body sagged. Had he moved on? Were there no more places for her in his life? Why did that thought tear her in pieces? She had asked him to move on, told him that this was a hopeless battle. She'd written him, told him that she was leaving. That he shouldn't follow her because she didn't want him too…And the man had listened. That hurt her more than she thought.
Night after night, she'd awake screaming his name. Had he moved on after all his persistence?
"I don't think he and Emma became a thing, though. He's been spending a lot more time in your room these past weeks.. And less time with Emma.."
"Oh…"
A defeated Rogue avoided the gazes of her friends and took a deep breathe. She felt as though her heart was being crushed. How was it this one man, a man who annoyed yet intrigued her had gotten all the way to her core? He was a master thief to have stolen her safely guard heart.
Her green gaze flew to the new presence in the room. Rogue's best of friends. The one woman who'd tried with all her might to keep Rogue from leaving and yet Rogue had shoved her away without a thought.
"Boys, I need help setting the table for dinner. The professor said we have an important guest."
The black goddess's eyes scanned over Rogue but quickly snapped back. Widening with a smile of surprise, Ororo stepped further in. "My heavens, child! You've changed so much my dear friend."
Without a hesitation the two girls rushed into an embrace. Slowly Storm peeled Rogue back and glanced at her body up and down.
"My word, Rogue, are you just visiting? Or staying for dinner?" Storm smiled still taking Rogue's new image in.
The laugh that came from Rogue's lips sounded so foreign to her. She hadn't laughed in eight months and now within the presence of her friend Rogue felt almost complete.
"Permanently, shugah. Ah'm here for gewd."
The smile that appeared and the goddess's face made Rogue's heart warm with love and admiration for such a friend.
"Wonderful news!" Ororo smiled, "Remy might start acting like his old self."
Her beaming smile fell and she felt the weight of the world land in her chest. She didn't press any further, unable to handle anymore. How could she put the man through that much? Trying to muster another smile, the four began to set the table in silence.