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Walk to Nevermore
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They don't know if it was a happy ending anymore.
And they're tired of pretending it was.
.
"Aggie. Aggie, wake up."
Dim light filtered in through the window, diminutive dust dots dancing as seen in the sun's rays, the steady breath of a friend knocking them off their slow plunge to the floor to settle. It was a painfully dank, sad morning, and the sky was just pleading everyone to get back in their houses to save itself the shame of being seen: The twilight's mood reflected the citizens' of the mundane town of Gavaldon; dreary and idle. A day like this was meant to be slept through, and it's a gift from the heavens above, for it gave laborers the time of rest and relaxation they needed to invigorate their sore muscles from a long week of hard work. Except, for some frivolous few, this was an opportunity to seize: With sun was out of the way, they wouldn't have to worry about getting uneven skin.
"I can't."
"Can't you try?"
A groan.
Awkward and uncharacteristic of the town as it was, there is the minority who enjoys days such as this.
"If you won't, I'm pulling you out of the bed."
Ah, yes. The joys of youth.
"Isn't that kind of my line?"
"Oh, it was, Honey-Pie, until Daddy 'offered' to give me something to do at five in the morning."
"That's rough." Agatha opened one eye lethargically, forcing her numb body to follow her commands rather than lay on one side of her bed. "But now you're using me as an excuse to escape from your chores…?"
Come on, you can do better to hide. It's what you've been doing all your life, isn't it?
She felt the mattress lean to the opposite side she was facing as a great weight made a deep impression on her bed. If it were anybody else, Agatha would mind, and lash out to prevent them from going any nearer like punishment for daring to close the distance she set herself from others, but it wasn't, and she wouldn't. Not to her. Not ever. Not even when she stroked her short hair, pushing away the strands that hid her face. "I just want to walk. One foot in front of the other." A pause. "Us."
She knew. She knew when she'd say it and how she'd say it, it was never quite different from any other day, in addition to that what she'd want and why she would want it.
Sophie was a closed book, but Agatha was so familiar with it that she knew its contents already, page to page, cover to cover. She wasn't meant to be read. She was meant to be understood.
Slowly, Agatha sat up and faced her friend, hair soft as echoes, eyes deep as delight. Long before, they were of deception.
Not now. Agatha could barely see a witch in those eyes that brimmed with so much life.
"Sure. Why not?"
The witch inside was dead. She's dead inside, this was Sophie. A new Sophie. A fairer, brighter, reborn Sophie. A Sophie who wanted nothing more in the world than for Agatha.
And it pained her inside, how confused she was, because looking at her friend's excited face, this wasn't what she wanted herself.
Not anymore.
…
The atmosphere was cast with a lackluster aura, and everything around the place seemed lifeless. It reminded the two lone girls of a ghost town, though after everything that took place, they'd never seen or known anywhere safer. No, this was far from heaven, however it wasn't really inaccurate to assume this was a midpoint that quadrated halfway of heaven to hell. It was warm outside, and at the same time it was cold. As Sophie walked, heeled boots grimy with mud, she wondered what else could possibly be two contradicting things at once. She stared into the distance, where a luminescent sun was rising, not very high up, but bore down on all of them still with its glaring rays. It looked forlorn where it was, amidst the sea of white billows, which were in fact millions of miles from where the sun was. It merely appeared like it was surrounded with clouds, but was actually lonelier out in space.
The same could be said for the moon.
The sun had the clouds, and the moon its stars.
Between the both of them, one must be lonelier.
Sophie pushed away the thought, walking on, beside Agatha, who, against all Sophie was used to, was taking the lead.
"Hey. Why don't you ever ask why rainbows have all the colors?"
That's it, lie. That's all you're good for.
Agatha sighed. Her shoulders were lax. She didn't walk like that before. "It's because of the light from the sun shining through raindrops, which are kind of like prisms breaking up sunlight into distinguishable colors. They separate out the colors in white light so we can percept them, as we see rainbows in order of the spectrum."
She's still the same…vaguely.
It's like she's trying to desperately hold on to who she used to be, not change.
"Mmhmm, that's interesting."
"What are you doing?"
"Checking if the dresses in the windows suit me…"
"No, I mean…"
She hesitated.
She never hesitated.
Sophie found the patience in herself to wait, which was strange, too. She never had the need to wait.
"…what's on your mind, Sophie?"
This time, she couldn't lie. She couldn't, not to her. Experience hadn't dulled the pain. "…A million things."
She and Agatha continued to walk in silence. It wasn't comfortable for either of them. Not anymore.
In her anxiousness, she attempted to hide her apprehensive face by examining herself in the store's windows as they strode along, and secretly noted to herself that she saw Agatha catch a glimpse of her own reflection, pensively turning to the other direction when she thought Sophie was looking at her. Somehow it bothered her, and not just in one way. Still she was quiet. They were always quiet when it came to this.
They reached the end of the road, where alleys were unusually lively with people of the bad kind. Neither of them wanted to pass by there, so they tucked tail and returned the way they came.
"Same time tomorrow?"
Sophie's eyes flickered to Agatha, whose hope in her voice was caught in her throat. Lips that were more given to frowning than not; lips that were presently wistful, curling at a memory, a good one. Her eyes were warm, too, and Sophie saw the creases proving that she was sincere, sure to smile, like it was the simplest, easiest thing to do in the world. It was the first genuine smile she'd ever seen on a face…including her own.
Never had she seen her so vibrant, so profoundly alive.
"Only if you want to."
She was a better actress than she thought she had been. She could almost feel the confidence she forced in her voice and would've, if doubt didn't infest her mind, telling her otherwise.
…
On the way home, they tackled a lot of things that flew in one ear and out the other, like none of everything they said mattered, like they were talking to kill time, in hopes to, maybe, just maybe, turn things the way they wanted.
Yet even they know they couldn't force themselves this far.
Laughter never felt so strained to Sophie. The flavor of joy tasted so bitter on her tongue, so foreign.
On the other hand, it was hard to keep still, stay in one place, for Agatha. She couldn't hold in her mind-shattering, heart-breaking feelings, emotions she never thought she could ever feel before.
Suddenly, everything was fleeting. Suddenly, things weren't the way they used to be. Suddenly…they changed.
Sophie didn't think Agatha would ever feel that sure of herself, not next to her at least, and she wasn't herself anymore, and neither was she…Or perhaps the Schools revealed them for who they really were, the persons inside, trapped by a façade they were so determined to keep. Lately, she didn't know anymore.
Agatha could've been imagining things, but she was certain of the fascination that caused Sophie's eyes to glimmer as they stopped at the alleyway. Like the School awakened a part of her that craved for danger…and she was intrigued by all its kinds.
They halted on top of a hill, where graves jutted from the ground like pillars of the underworld, looming over them with their shadows creeping underneath their feet. They could feel the mist coil its tendrils around them, its cool arms caressing their flesh like a stranger in the dark. A thin, smooth mantle of blue covered the sun and the stars so that nothing would peek from the sky, as if the world was set in a pause, waiting in bated breath for a secret, a whisper, for the two girls to separate.
"There aren't any stars."
Despite Sophie pointing it out, it didn't sound like she was focused on the sky.
"It looks like it."
How crude, Agatha. You wouldn't have noticed stars before, and would've relished the thought of them gone.
They continued until they reached an old, dilapidated house. The carpenters had told Agatha's mother that they'd arrive to fix up the place at a given discount and would repair the house two days from then, for it hadn't been every day to have your daughter disappear afore your eyes and come back alive in one piece. It couldn't look worse than it already did, but that's going to change tomorrow…She smelled her mother's cooking from outside, heard her hum a familiar lullaby, and wanted to feel the pain of missing home when they were in the Schools.
She didn't.
At the doorstep of Agatha's house, the friends both turned to look at each other, reluctantly. The sense of insecurity of having Sophie in Agatha's midst never left her face. Sophie could see how afraid Agatha was, feel her fear and how she crumbled inside. That wasn't there before. It had been safety, not danger, that Agatha had felt whenever she was around. Sophie hadn't known what she'd had until it was gone, and right now she knew, deep within herself, that she couldn't get whatever it was back, for the Agatha she saw now wasn't the Agatha she thought she knew.
She never was.
Sophie missed Agatha.
Agatha missed the School.
The both of them had gone through everything they couldn't endure in the past but managed to, because they had each other to fight for.
Sophie wanted more for herself.
Agatha wanted Sophie for herself.
Both wanted what both couldn't have, and now lost whatever they didn't know they needed after all.
In the end, Sophie wished for Agatha.
…and Agatha wished for something else.
Solid, warm brown eyes melted Sophie on the spot, at how those rich pools of innocence revealed too much honesty, more than she ever thought.
"…I'm sorry," Sophie murmured, the fifth time this week.
Soft, clear green eyes shot through Agatha like a laser, at how those bright jewels betrayed too much emotions, more than she ever could.
"It's not your fault," Agatha said, surprised that she sounded stronger than she felt.
Sophie never wanted to force her into anything: And if she did once, she thought it was for the better of both of them. Now she saw the wrong in the manipulating that she'd done, and wished to see appreciation across Agatha's face, as it did before, even when she had been mean to her…Now was nothing. Nothing, when Sophie was already doing her utmost to show Agatha she was ready to begin again, to start a new friendship, to grow and mature with her.
Agatha was taught by experience itself that feigning ignorance would do her no good. It led them nowhere, like their little stroll did. It was heartless of her to think so, although her conscience seemed to find a voice to make her feel guilt ever since going to the School. She thought that all she ever needed was Sophie, that she was stupid to let her go, and even chased after her. Now, she was wondering if she'd be better off with someone else…
Salty tears stung both their eyes.
Agatha wiped her tears with the back of her hand, promising to be stronger. Sophie let hers fall, weeping with dignity, not sobbing, still a lady.
"…Goodbye, Sophie."
"Bye, Aggie…"
Parting ways with not a smile on their faces, they turned away from each other as the door closed. It wasn't the only thing that divided them.
They said their farewells a long time ago.
AUTHOR'S NOTE IN MY PROFILE